by C. J. Anaya
I felt tears silently sweep a path down my face as he brought my hands to his lips and gently kissed them.
“What…” I hardly dared to finish my sentence. I firmly believed in the power of hope and the way that power is capable of turning obstacles we face into challenges we overcome, where life’s miracles can be found waiting on the other side. Just a hope away, really. I wanted and needed to hope that these obstacles we faced together were now being overcome. I wanted my miracle, yet I was afraid to ask for it and never see its fulfillment. “What are you saying, Musubi? What is it you want?”
“I want you.” He choked on a sob. “I can give up anything, all of my hatred and anger, every wrong I feel that should have been righted. It doesn’t need to be righted by me. I can forgive anyone anything if it means keeping you with me always.”
Trembling, I lifted my hand to his cheek and rested it there. “You and I forever. Is that what you really want?”
“You and I forever is all I will ever want.”
His eyes pleaded with me to believe him while tears continued to stream a steady path toward his strong jaw.
“Do you have any idea how long I’ve waited to hear you say those words?”
He enfolded me in his arms after that. Pulling me into a kiss that joined us together in ways that had never been possible simply because Musubi had never had reason to believe or hope for anything more. As our connection grew, those warm vibrant colors of gold and orange began to chip away at the darkness that held such a vise-like grip around his heart. The darkness weakened, but still remained. Though its presence was difficult to ignore, it did little to vanquish the belief I held deep within. I knew it was only a matter of time before that mass of darkness completely disappeared, giving me full access to Musubi’s heart.
The sound of snapping twigs within the foliage to our right signified the existence of another person in our midst. Musubi pulled back and took a step toward the noise.
“Who’s there?” he asked, moving into a defensive position in front of me.
I assumed Saigo had somehow managed to witness this romantic encounter and readied myself to impart a lecture on the evils of eavesdropping and the need for a little privacy every now and then.
“Saigo, you might as well come out now that you’ve announced your presence.” I nearly laughed at the ribbing I imagined he would give me for kissing Musubi.
We waited a few moments in silence, but nothing happened. Then the silence stretched into an uneasy tension. Where exactly was Saigo? Was he safe?
I maneuvered myself next to Musubi, getting ready to investigate the cause of the noise myself when a loud rushing sound came from the right, and three imperial guards emerged from the depths of the darkened forest with their swords drawn. Musubi sprang into action, taking all three of them on at the same time. I didn’t doubt his abilities, but he couldn’t keep all of them from reaching me if they rushed us at the same time, which was exactly what they did. I took in a sharp breath and reached for the sword at my side, but came up empty-handed. I cursed myself when I remembered I’d dropped my sword when Musubi had dragged me to Akane’s tent.
While Musubi was distracted fending off two of the guards, the third reached me within seconds and thrust his sword forward, aiming for my chest. A blinding rage overwhelmed me in that instant. This man wished to do me harm just as my father had over and over again, but it was no longer necessary for me to cower in fear or submit to the abuse inflicted upon me. I had the knowledge necessary to fight back, and by the gods, I had every intention of doing so.
I pivoted on my left foot and grabbed his sword arm, using his own momentum to carry him forward as I bent his sword arm back at an unnatural angle and twisted his wrist while ordering his ki to interrupt the electrical impulses within his brain. He released his sword into my keeping and fell upon the terrain, spasming with seizures and then losing consciousness immediately thereafter.
I couldn’t believe how quickly I had diffused such an imposing threat to myself, and then a foreign thrill of power coursed through my veins. With a simple touch and a voiced command to his ki, I had managed to subdue the soldier and bend him to my will. This rush of newfound independence felt heady. An addicting ability I shouldn’t have craved to experience again, yet I did so anyway.
I watched as Musubi dispensed with the last soldier and then rushed over to me, grabbing me by the shoulders and checking me for injuries. His fear for me made it difficult to breathe.
“Musubi, I defended myself well. I haven’t a scratch upon my person.” I motioned to the unconscious guard in a heap upon the ground.
He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me to his chest. “I can’t believe you were able to win against a trained imperial guard.”
“Are you forgetting the memory transfer I just told you about? For all intents and purposes, I fight just as skillfully as Akane.”
He kept his arms wound tightly around me. His unsteady breathing and racing heart worried me.
I placed my hands upon his chest and connected to him, instructing his body to relax and release the fear and panic that my brush with death had caused him.
“Musubi, I am well. I—”
He caught my lips with his and delivered the most passionate kiss yet, as if he feared I would disappear or cease to exist if his arms weren’t crushing me to him and his lips weren’t bound to mine. Lost in his affections, I answered in kind and relished this exchange that held no limitations or reservations. His kisses softened and soon he rested his forehead against mine as we took a moment to catch our breaths.
“I don’t want you anywhere near this battle,” he stated.
I narrowed my eyes. “What? We’ve already decided this. I’m the only one most familiar with the dungeons’ location and layout. I need to be there assisting in the release of Hachiman and whomever else the emperor has imprisoned within the palace’s dungeons.”
Musubi shook his head, and to my astonishment a single tear traced a damp path down his cheek.
“I can’t lose you,” he choked. He paused for a moment to regain his composure, but his desperate need to keep me safe fueled his fear and anxiety.
“I’m half kami. I can’t be killed with normal weapons.”
“We have no proof that you are immune to weapons of this world. There are some who are half kami who must ascend before their bodies remain impervious to man-made weapons. Either way, we will be dealing with some of the demon god’s assassins when we enter the palace, and their weapons can most certainly kill you. I can’t risk it. I can’t…”
His breathing became erratic as his body responded to the idea that I had already been lost. Thousands of years’ worth of yearning for something that could never be, losing Edana and then finally allowing himself to love me only to face the possibility of losing me in battle had taken him over the edge.
“Breathe, Musubi.” I bore the brunt of his weight as his body began to shake. Lowering him to the ground, I sat facing him and pulled his head just under my chin where he could listen to my heartbeat and my steady breaths. I pulled the fear, the panic, and the anxiety from him and made it my own, though the emotions he battled against were almost more than I could bear and still keep my own breathing steady. He assumed that though he had found what he wanted most, it was still somehow doomed to failure. I didn’t officially belong to him, and I wasn’t a full kami. He had considered all of the possible variables that might keep him from me when those soldiers attacked us.
His breathing regulated and the peace I sent to him slowly lowered his heart rate. We sat there for several minutes as I held him close to me, running my fingers through his soft hair and whispering words of comfort and promise, trying to convince him that he would never lose me. I would never allow that to happen.
His body finally began to relax into my embrace. I tilted his chin toward my face and planted soft kisses on his forehead, nose, and jawline before kissing him full on the lips and sealing all of my promises with my k
isses. He responded in kind, pulling me onto his lap and kissing me as if he might never get the chance to do so again.
I thought about the danger I presented if Musubi was constantly worried about my welfare within the palace. He wasn’t invincible in there. Restored kami with weapons from the underworld would kill him just as surely as a man-made arrow would kill Kenji. If he were to panic at the slightest hint of danger to my person it would incapacitate him and prevent him from rescuing his friends and defending himself, Akane, and the other rebels in the process.
I wanted to take part in this coup, but not at the expense of Musubi’s safety, his peace of mind. My fighting skills would be a help, but my presence more of a hindrance for him. I wouldn’t risk his life, no matter how much I longed to be within the palace defending him.
I broke from his kisses and met his curious gaze with a tender smile. “I’ll stay behind.”
“What?”
“I’ll stay behind while you and the others enter the palace. I can transfer my memories of the interior of the palace and the location of the dungeons to you and Akane so that you won’t need me there. I’ll stay and wait for you.”
“Mikomi, I can rarely get you to back down when danger is involved. Why would you adhere to my panic driven request?” He gave a self-deprecating smile, feeling slightly embarrassed by his earlier loss of emotional control.
“I want you safe, and I want you focused. You will be more centered if you know with a surety that I am far away from the danger.” I ruffled my fingers through his hair. “I’ll stay behind and wait with Saigo.”
He grunted in amusement. “Your brother will be difficult to convince. He is desperate to prove himself in battle.”
“He is also desperate to keep me safe. He will stay behind, if you task him with my welfare.”
Musubi let out a relieved sigh and touched his forehead to mine. “Thank you.” He gave me another sweet kiss. “We attack tomorrow night. Let’’s go inform Akane of our change in plans. We need to deal with this guard you knocked unconscious and warn the others that sentries have already managed to find our encampment. We’ll need to up the watch tonight in case more sentries discover our location.”
I swallowed the unease forming within my stomach. Though I had agreed to stay behind, I worried about Musubi’s welfare. I hoped my decision to stay behind didn’t adversely affect the outcome of this rescue mission.
He stood and pulled me with him, embracing me one more time and softly kissing my lips before heading us in the direction of Akane’s tent.
Akane started up her usual nervous pacing when we informed her of the sentries we discovered and my decision to remain behind. Saigo and Kenji had been brought in to discuss the change in plans and possible logistics of the situation.
“I must admit, I will fight with less preoccupation knowing you are safely ensconced within the forest, but we will be certain to leave a few soldiers with you and Saigo as a safety precaution. I suggest we also leave Aiko behind. She will be a help to you in case something goes terribly awry. Not that I think it will.” She stopped her pacing and turned herself to face us.
“I have no problems staying with my sister to make certain she remains safe. Should anything go wrong, what are your directives?” Saigo asked Akane.
“If we do not come out of the palace within an hour of entering, you must assume something has gone terribly awry and travel back to the rendezvous point within the cave behind the waterfall. Do you remember how to get there, Mikomi?”
“Yes, but I know we will have no need of it. I am confident you will all exit the palace with your rescued friends. I’m assuming you still have kami blood that will enable you to enter the palace without sounding any alarms.”
Akane pulled out the vial of kami blood attached to a leather thong about her neck. “We have prepared for every detail. I’m only concerned about our inability to plan for circumstances that may surprise us. None of this is foolproof.”
Not the most reassuring thing she could have said, but I appreciated her honesty rather than an attempt to coddle me from the truth.
“I need to go make my rounds and scan the various deaths our soldiers are facing,” Akane said.
“You don’t wish to do that with any of us?” Saigo asked.
“No need, young Prince. You will all be far away from the battle, and I’d rather not know the date of your natural death if I don’t have to. It’s difficult to have that knowledge concerning those you care for.”
For the first time I wondered at the burden Akane’s gift forced her to carry. She was much stronger than I had ever before surmised.
“Before you go, I must ask what you wish us to do if no one arrives at the rendezvous point,” Kenji stated.
Musubi’s grave expression led me to believe I wouldn’t like the answer.
“You must take Saigo and Mikomi and leave Kagami. The most you will be able to wait is one day, but no more. Kenji, do you know how to leave the empire of Kagami and enter the human world?”
Kenji nodded. “Few have that ability, but I have studied the folklore around the hidden empire for years. I promise you, if it comes to that, we will leave Kagami as you have stated.”
“No,” I said.
“Mikomi, you will follow these instructions—”
“I’m not leaving you to be imprisoned or worse.”
He rubbed his hands along the length of my arms. “The emperor will not be able to hold me forever. I promise I will leave Kagami and find you no matter where in the world you may be.”
I didn’t argue the point, but I wasn’t about to agree to anything. If Akane and Musubi failed to come out in the time allotted them, then I was going in, no matter what anyone said.
“Can you make the memory transfer now for Musubi and myself? Though we don’t plan on attacking until tomorrow night we need to be prepared in case we are discovered and must up our timetable,” Akane said.
“Of course,” I replied.
I stepped forward and placed my hands on either side of her head, conscious of Musubi’s curious gaze upon my form. I had to remind myself that he believed this to be an extension of my empathic abilities and not a direct link to powers The Healer might possess. I focused my thoughts when fresh frustration at my inability to tell Musubi the truth coursed through me, momentarily distracting me from my purpose.
Zeroing in on my own memories of the twists and turns throughout the palace, my father’s study, and the secret door to the dungeons that lay beneath, I shared that information with Akane by embedding them into her memories. After finishing, I waited to see if it worked.
“Do you see the path clearly now?” I asked.
She rapidly blinked a few times before fully opening her eyes, and then tilted her head as if she were scanning her memories for the information she sought. With a dazzling smile she confirmed the success of our experiment.
“It is your turn, Musubi.” She gestured for him to stand in her place and then moved to the side.
As he stood before me, I had to tilt my chin up to meet his eyes, blushing at the hungry look they held within their depths and noticing that their once frosty appearance had been replaced by a fiery heat that caused pleasant tingles to ripple through my body.
“Be gentle,” he teased and then gave me a wink.
I failed to suppress the wide grin his flirting caused as I reached my hands up to cup either side of his head.
I closed my eyes and followed the same procedure, allowing my own memories to become embedded within his. I pulled away after a few moments and nodded. “Everything should be there for you to easily access.”
“Good,” he said. His arms surrounded me, and I relaxed into his embrace.
“None of that now,” Saigo said in disgust. “After all, it isn’t as if you’re really married.”
I laughed, grateful for the distraction, my thoughts teeming with the disturbing vision of Musubi at the mercy of nekomata. I turned from Musubi to swat at my brother, wh
o deftly ducked away, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips.
“Perhaps we should be,” Musubi said.
I peered up at him. His look of uncertainty as to my response filled me with an aching desire to dispel any lingering doubts as to the outcome of our future.
“I’m fairly amenable to that idea.”
The slow smile that spread across his lips and lit his eyes with a happy fire nearly took my breath away. To see him uninhibited by the demons that had plagued him for so long was such a delight.
“You are the god of love and marriage, Musubi,” Akane said. “Aren’t you able to bond the two of you together?”
Musubi’s expression dampened for a moment.
“Unfortunately, I only wield the power to unite other couples together. I can’t perform a bonding upon myself, though I can help her with her ascension. Hachiman is the only one who can perform a marriage ceremony that would legally bind our souls for eternity.”
“Then our quest to rescue Hachiman is two-fold,” Kenji said. “I pray that this endeavor goes on without a hitch.”
As I reached for Musubi and relished the feel of his arms surrounding me, I promised myself with grim determination that nothing would keep me from being united with the man I loved, no matter what obstacles might loom in the distance.