Tenure Track

by Victoria Bradley

  “So, did you like the movie?” he asked after a block or so.

  “Yeah,” she answered, sounding somewhat distracted. “The melodramatic style is kind of dated, but the storyline is still powerful.”

  “You sound like Gus,” he noted with a laugh.

  “Yeah, I guess he’s rubbin’ off on me,” she agreed. “I can never just watch movies anymore without analyzin’ ‘em.”

  “So, Ebert, do you think it holds up to its reputation as one of the all time classic romances?” He stopped and turned to face her, taking each of her hands in his.

  They looked into each other’s eyes, both thinking of the similarities to their own situation. As if to vocalize their common thoughts, Mandy dramatically repeated the famous last line of the film. Lewis gazed at the full moon above, then leaned in for a kiss. For a moment, they were Bette Davis and Paul Henreid, standing beneath an evening sky of moon and stars. The magic was broken when Lewis looked across the street and caught sight of a familiar face staring at them. They had stopped near one of the best-known gay bars in town. At just the moment that Lewis and Mandy were kissing on the sidewalk, Perry Waters was emerging from the bar.

  “Oh shit,” Lewis muttered, frozen in his tracks. Perry was looking straight at them, but didn’t acknowledge their presence. Lewis quickly saw why. Right behind Perry, with one hand affectionately around the tipsy professor’s waist, was a younger man who was not Justin. Realizing that the department gossip had been caught in his own indiscretion, Lewis nodded towards him. Perry hesitantly waved back, as his companion cajoled him down the street in the opposite direction.

  “I think it’s okay,” Lewis whispered to Mandy, taking her hand as they made their way back to his car, still parked at the capitol. He drove her around to the other side of the building, where her vehicle was parked.

  “The roomies are out tonight. You wanna come over?” she asked.

  He was tempted, but the encounter with Perry had shaken him out of his romantic bubble. Lewis refused to do to Mandy what Laura had done to him. He loved her too much for that. “Uhm, not tonight. You still have to work tomorrow and I have a bunch of stuff to do. Okay?”

  The answer surprised her, knowing that they wouldn’t be able to be together again before school started. “We could just sleep,” she noted with a slightly pleading tone.

  He sighed, gently rubbing her left hand with his fingers. He wanted her so much, but he knew if they stayed together, he would lose his resolve to do what needed to be done. In contrast, if the end was to come soon, she wanted at least one more night together.

  Lewis looked down at the steering wheel glumly. “I have some things I need to think about.”

  Mandy took a deep breath, trying not to well up. “Okay,” she whispered, her voice breaking slightly.

  Lewis couldn’t take it. Placing her face in his hands, he kissed her deeply, wishing that with one kiss he could show her all of the love he felt inside. Mandy started to respond with more, but he pulled away, leaning their heads together as she had done that night during Spring Break when he still wore his wedding ring. “You’d better go,” he told her. That night, both of them drove home with heavy hearts, resisting the urge to call or text one another.

  The next day, Mandy decided to take a chance that they could still have one more night together. She called and texted telling him that she would forego the interns’ night out if he wanted to get together. He didn’t respond.

  Over the next several days, she tried repeatedly to get in touch with him, but he would not return the messages. It was better this way, he thought. A clean break. No contact. Just like during the divorce. Besides, he didn’t think he could actually end it if he had to face her. Finally, after knowing she was probably out of town, he sent a text message: I tnk we nd 2 QL it.

  By this time, Mandy was getting angry. She was not about to accept a text message breakup. She continued to leave messages for him, now more hostile than pleading. She confided in Blanca and Julie, who both advised her to tell him off, then dump him herself. By the time she got back to town, she was furious over his lack of communication. Three days before fall classes were to start, she confronted him at his house. Figuring he might not answer the door if he saw her, she waited until he came out in his bathrobe to pick up the newspaper, then ambushed him.

  “Lewis!” she called. He nervously looked around to see if any neighbors were watching. It was too late to run back in the house and hide behind the door.

  “Mandy, I can’t talk right now,” he said in a quiet voice, but she would not be deterred.

  “You can’t talk, but you can text me to break up? What is that?”

  He really did not want to be having this conversation on his front lawn, but he feared that his resolve would weaken if they went inside.

  “I think you owe me a better explanation than ‘we need to cool it.’”

  He stood with his head hanging down.

  She quickly tired of his silence. “Would you please say something?”

  “I have to think about my career. I’m up for tenure this year. You just seemed to be getting really serious,” he whispered. “Too serious.”

  “I was getting too serious? You know that’s BS. You’re the one who used the “L” word first, and don’t you deny it! I think you were getting too serious. You thought you’d just have a little undergrad fling and it was too much for you!” she shouted.

  He glanced in her direction, but had to look away quickly so as not to reveal his true feelings. She knew him too well.

  “I’m sorry,” he whispered, suddenly having a flashback to several months earlier when he had stood beside an ice rink having a similar argument with Laura. It didn’t feel any better to be the one initiating the break up.

  Because he still refused to look in Mandy’s direction, he couldn’t see her steely glare, nor see the flying fist that came at him, striking him right in the middle of his chest. It was a blow meant to release her anger, rather than cause serious physical pain. If she had been serious, she would have hit in him the gut or groin. Gus and Darryl had taught her that much about self-defense. “Damn you, Lewis!” she cried, letting the tears flow. “I at least thought we were friends! You said you loved me!”

  He couldn’t take it anymore. If he stayed one more second, his willpower would fail. As he turned and started to walk back towards the door, Mandy ran after and grabbed him by the sleeve. Turning and shaking her free, he imagined that this was not the person he was hurting, but rather the person who had hurt him. Summoning the memory of that icy day, he responded instinctively, “Leave me alone, Laura!”

  The two glared at one another. Before he could escape back inside his domicile, Mandy let him have it one more time. “I am not your wife, Lewis! I am not the one who hurt you.” She shook her head. “I guess Momma was right. Divorced guys are always screwed up!”

  Admitting defeat, she started walking back towards her car. “Enjoy your lonely tenured life, Dr. Burns.”

  Lewis sprinted inside without looking back. Closing the door behind him, he let the tears fall from his eyes. He hated this, but believed it was the right thing for both of them.

  Back on campus later that morning, he passed Perry in the hallway. The diminutive professor asked in an insincerely friendly tone, “So, Lewis, how was your summer?”

  Dr. Burns was in no mood for games, today of all days. He stood ramrod straight and faced Perry like a gunslinger. “It was good, Perry. How’s Justin?”

  Lewis could tell from Perry’s face that the shot had hit its intended target. “He’s fine, thank you,” Dr. Waters replied.

  “Good. Give him my best,” Lewis remarked, nodding towards his colleague just as he had done on the street a few days before. In his mind, he and Perry had come to their own understanding about remaining silent. Ironically, Perry had not been able to get a good view of Lewis’s companion that night and therefore never realized until after Mandy posted her photo that evening that Lewis had been
with his former assistant.

  Part Three:

  Present and Future

  Chapter 25

  A Seminal Decision

  The evening before his Spring Break reprieve was to begin, a still-downcast Lewis slumped onto his couch, comforted only by Clint’s attempts to build a cozy pillow out of his master’s stomach. Gently rubbing his companion’s fur, Lewis stared at the stained-glass window for a moment, then closed his eyes and took a deep breath, hoping whatever cosmic spirit existed would offer some guidance.

  He opened his eyes with a start as the words came back to him. He could hear a voice, clear as a bell, telling him what he had to do. He obediently picked up the phone and dialed.

  Gus arrived early at the Chug-a-Lug to set up his cameras. He had no problem convincing the young bartender to let him set up three cameras on a shelf behind the bar. He may not have needed so many, but he wanted to make sure he was able to shoot from several angles. Between the three, he should be able to edit one clean take.

  When the manager came in and saw Gus behind the counter, he chastised the young man with a reminder that it was against state regulations to have an uncertified person behind the bar. He quoted how many years the establishment had gone without being cited for an alcohol violation.

  “Chill, Dude! Just doin’a favor for Mandy. Ya know tomorrow’s her birthday.” At the mention of his most dependable waitress, the manager backed off, but ordered Gus to make it quick and not to even think about touching any of the alcohol.

  Once the cameras were situated, Gus positioned himself on a barstool, ready to shoot the scene. His lead actor entered a few moments later, motioned over by the director. “Dude!” Gus shouted, as he slapped Lewis on the shoulder and indicated where he should sit, perfectly aligned with all three cameras.

  It was after 9 p.m. when Lewis entered the Chug-a-Lug to the sounds of an alternative band beginning its first set. He could see the posse seated at a table in the back of the bar. Gus had one arm around Julie and was filming Blanca and Mandy with the other hand. The birthday girl seemed to be enjoying herself, laughing, smiling, and swaying joyfully to the beat of the music. She had promised herself to have a blast on her 21st.

  She looked beautiful, but more mature than he recalled. Twenty-one suited her. He stood in a dark corner of the bar where it would be hard for her to see him. Watching her laugh, he began to have second thoughts about his plan. Would it be fair to do this to her, especially now, on this special day? He asked the bartender for a shot of top shelf tequila. As the liquid warmed the back of his throat, he screwed up his courage. Feeling in his pocket for the item he had brought, he finally moved to take action. One way or another, he was going to get closure.

  Mandy closed her eyes and bounced to the beat of the music. Her friends were taking turns offering well wishes into the camera. Blanca was already trying to get Mandy to order another martini, even though she was still nursing one. Despite her best efforts not to think about Lewis, at one point Mandy thought she saw him out of the corner of her eye. Convincing herself that it was just a mirage, she shook it off and went back to focusing on the music.

  Blanca threw her arms around Mandy and mugged for the camera. “I just want to say ‘Happy Birthday’ to my cher. My BFF. Amanda Panda Rosey Toesy!”

  Just then, Gus received a text and excused himself, telling the girls that he needed to return a business call. The women could not see the sly smile on his face as he sauntered away.

  As soon as he was gone, the other two pounced upon Julie. “He’s all lovey dovey tonight,” Blanca noted. “What’s up with you two?”

  Julie said that her relationship with Gus was too complicated to explain, but that they were still good friends.

  “With benefits,” Mandy added.

  Blanca slapped her hand on the table. “That’s what we need, ‘Manda. Just a couple of fuck buddies. Just call ‘em up, jump on it, then get off, and get on with your business.” She began simulating a thrusting motion with her body, egged on by the laughter of her friends. “Gus know any horny actors he could hook us up with?”

  “I don’t know, Blanc’, let’s ask him when he comes back,” Julie offered.

  Blanca grew impatient after waiting a few moments longer. “Where is that dude?” She jumped up from the table, insistent on finding their friend. Mandy and Julie decided to stay put and keep listening to the band. Assuming that Gus had stepped outside to talk and catch a smoke, Blanca looked out the front door and was shocked to see him standing with none other than Lewis Burns. “What the—?” she muttered under her breath.

  Blanca interrupted the men’s conversation, but not before Gus discreetly stuck something in his pocket. She didn’t even notice, as her eyes were focused solely on Lewis. Gus stepped back and adjusted his position to get a better shot with his camera. “What do you think you’re doing here? I told you to leave my girl alone!”

  Lewis feigned ignorance. “I’m so sorry, Blanca. I had no idea you guys would be here. I spotted Gus and he explained.”

  “You better not try to talk to her, you understand? She don’t wanna talk to you.” Blanca was now in his face, pointing a finger at him.

  Seeing as how his life had already self-destructed, Lewis looked her square in the eyes and blurted out something he had always wanted to ask. “Blanca, why do you insist on goin’ ghetto on me? Do you just like playing a stereotype?”

  “What!? Ghetto!?” she reared back in anger.

  “You know you’re better than that,” he advised. “Dr. Stevens would agree.”

  “Don’t you dare tell me what Dr. Stevens thinksa me, coullion!”

  “Chill out, Blanc’,” Gus advised, camera still rolling. “He’s leavin’.”

  Lewis was beyond worrying about what anyone thought of his actions, but since he was speaking his mind, he might as well note the good as well as the bad. “Mandy’s lucky to have you, Blanca, all of you, watching her back.”

  For once, Blanca was speechless. Lewis and Gus exchanged secret hand gestures as the professor walked away. Blanca looked into Gus’s constantly running camera. “Okay, what was that?”

  Gus managed to convince her that Lewis’s explanation was sincere and they both agreed not to spoil Mandy’s evening by mentioning his presence. The quartet spent the rest of the evening laughing, dancing, and drinking. Occasionally Gus would reach into his pocket and feel the contraband that Lewis had handed to him, but he had his orders. He would wait until the appointed time to deliver the item.

  The group retreated back home and zoned out in front of the television set as Mandy’s favorite chick flick played. All three of the girls fell asleep, allowing Gus to complete Part One of his mission before slipping out to complete Part Two. At some point during the night each girl found her way back to her own bed. Mandy didn’t even turn on the light as she flopped down, thus she didn’t notice anything amiss with the duffle bag she had packed for her Spring Break beach trip.

  The girls set off in Mandy’s hybrid around noon the next day, taking their time and stopping whenever the mood struck, then waiting patiently with thousands of other college students headed to the sand for a week of Spring Break debauchery. They arrived at their condo after dinner, leaving just enough time to change into their bathing suits and hit the beach before the sun set completely.

  That’s when she found it, twisted up into her bathing suit. Gus knew instinctively which clothing item she would want first. It was a simple box, sealed with a ribbon attached to a folded up note. She thought perhaps it was a belated birthday gift from the girlfriends. As soon as she saw Lewis’s distinctive handwriting on the note, she knew better.

  “’Manda, get a move on. I wanna see the sunset!” Blanca called out. Mandy stuck the gift back in her bag for later inspection.

  The girls had a good time at the beach, but Mandy kept thinking about the gift. What could it be? And why? At first she had been a bit creeped out by its just turning up in her bag like that, until she figu
red out that Gus must have put it there. Blanca and Julie would have told if they had been asked to make such a delivery, but Gus liked Lewis well enough to help him.

  Later that evening, after everyone had turned in for the night, Mandy locked herself in the bathroom to examine the package. First, she detached the note and slowly unfolded it to reveal Lewis’s familiar longhand:

  My Dearest Mandy:

  Happy 21st. I hope the day was all you wanted it to be. You may not want to hear from me, but for your special day I wanted to give you the truth, and something else. You deserve that much.

  First of all, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for breaking up with you the way I did, and for hurting you. The truth is, I was a coward. I broke up with you because the depth of my feelings for you scared me to death. My head told me it was too soon, you were too young, it was bad for my career. It said that you were just supposed to be my rebound romance before moving on to a “real” relationship. But no relationship could have been more real than what we had.

  I never thought I would meet the love of my life while divorcing the woman I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. That confused me and I did a stupid thing. The only reason I broke up via text was because I could never look you in the eyes and do it. That was really dumb, I know. I knew we could never go back to being friends because that would never be enough for me.

  The truth is, you weren’t just a summer romance. I loved you with all my heart and I still do—so much it scares me—but I’m miserable without you. All these months later I’m still miserable. I think about you all the time. I would do anything. ANYTHING to get you back. Just tell me what I need to do.