“That is true. Please continue,” Lady Catherine said rigidly. Matthew could see she was not about to let him off too easily.
“Would you ask her if I could speak to her? It would only be for a short time. I need to speak to her, to hear and to see for myself that she is all right and not in need.”
“My niece is staying here with me, but she has not been well, and with the baby due in less than a month, I do not want her upset. I will ask her if she will see you, but I will not force her. Do we understand each other?”
Matthew nodded in agreement. He let out an audible sigh and glanced out the window. Julie. And she was approaching the house. Without taking his gaze off of her, he stood up. Lady Catherine also rose from her seat and put a hand on his arm.
“Lord Bonnleigh, it would not do to surprise or frighten her. Please be seated and wait for her here,” Lady Catherine said sternly.
Matthew sat back down, but not without exercising all the control he could muster. He wanted to run to her and beg her forgiveness. He wanted to take her in his arms and feel her skin touching his, to taste her lips soft and insistent on his, and most of all he wanted to hear her say she loved him.
The door to the sitting room opened and Julie staggered in. Her face was white, and her breaths were measured gasps. “Aunt Catherine, I am not feeling well…”
If possible her face paled even more when Matthew stood up from his chair and took a step toward her. She backed up a step and held out her hand in front of her for him to stop.
“Matthew, what are you doing here? I don’t…” Julie fell to her knees where she stood.
“What’s wrong?” Matthew demanded in alarm. He picked her up and looked around for directions.
“Has your labor started?” Lady Catherine asked urgently.
Weakly, Julie nodded.
“Lord Bonnleigh, follow me to her room,” she ordered.
Matthew followed Julie’s aunt, taking the stairs two steps at a time. Tenderly, he deposited Julie on her bed. Lady Catherine placed pillows behind her to keep her propped up. She began loosening Julie’s clothes and telling her to breathe in quick breaths when the pains returned. Suddenly, Lady Catherine looked up.
“My lord, you’ve no business here. Go back downstairs and have Maggie send for the doctor. Wait in the sitting room or walk around, but keep out of my way. Looks like the baby is going to be born, and when it is I will tell you.”
She all but threw Matthew out of the room.
Waves of weakness and dizziness tormented Julie, and then it seemed to her a pain within a pain racked her body. The tremors mounted up and up and then subsided. Her dizziness would then clear, and she could feel the cold beads of sweat as they ran down her face.
Her pains continued into the evening and still the doctor had not arrived.
She lay weakly in her sweat-soaked gown when she felt a strange feeling like something had burst within her. Despite all her efforts to master her body and the pain, she let out a low, mournful wail while the next pain consumed her body. Lady Catherine and Maggie rushed to her side. She heard them talking in what seemed like a fog; she could not understand what they were saying.
Another swelling motion violently rolled over her body and seemed to move every bone she possessed. She felt like she was being turned inside out. To stop from screaming out, she raised her arms and grabbed the headboard of her bed. She felt an uncontrollable urge to push until the tormenting agony left her body. She prayed the baby would be born and end her interminable agony. The pain and pressure eased a bit, and she gasped in the cool night air.
Suddenly, Dr. Mudd appeared over her and said, “When your contractions start again, do not push. The baby is turned wrong. I am going to turn the baby inside you, and then it will be born. Everything will be all right, Julie. You must trust me.”
Tears ran down her face, but she refused to cry out. She squeezed the rails of her brass bed until her fingers were numb when another contraction took its toll on her. She raised her head when she heard the cry of a baby—her baby—resonate throughout the quiet house. Maggie raised her to a sitting position in bed and then placed a tender bundle wrapped in pastel blue cotton in her arms.
She looked down and smiled softly at her baby boy. Instinctively, she placed its small mouth against her tender nipple. The baby’s suckling made her feel another kind of pain. This time she did not mind. She felt fulfilled, her earlier pain pushed into forgetfulness.
When the baby finished nursing, Lady Catherine put him in a cradle she’d once bought for her own hoped-for children. Julie was helped into a clean gown, and when the sheets had been changed eased down in the bed and drifted off to sleep.
* * *
Matthew was at his wits end when Lady Catherine knocked on his chamber door. He quickly swung it open. “Is everything all right?”
“Yes, everything is fine. Mother and baby are sleeping contentedly. I just wanted to make sure the doctor told you about the baby. It’s smaller than the doctor would have liked. However, he is a few weeks premature but with the trials Julie went through on the mountain, this is understandable.”
“Yes, he told me. He said we have a healthy baby boy. When may I see them?”
“Tomorrow morning, but not too early, mind you. Julie’s asleep. She had a rough time, and she needs time and rest to get her strength back.”
“The doctor said I should be proud of the mother and son. Oddly enough, he seemed out of sorts. He didn’t appear to approve of sea captains who come back from the grave,” Matthew said with a smile.
“I think the doctor may have had more than patient-doctor interest in Julie. He thinks you have spoiled his chances. Have you spoiled his chances?” Lady Catherine asked with penetrating directness.
“That depends on Julie, but I intend to claim what is mine,” he said, with determination forcing its way through his words.
“Good, good, now maybe I can get some sleep. You get some too. Tomorrow will be busy, and it is after midnight now,” she said to Matthew.
To Matthew’s surprise, she reached up and kissed him good night on his cheek before disappearing down the hall. He stood at the door not knowing what to do next.
Sleep was just as elusive tonight as it had been in the previous nights since he started on his journey to find Julie. He lay flat on his back and stared at the ceiling for hours, but sleep would not come. Some hours before daybreak he decided to get up. He dressed and went up the stairs to Julie’s room.
He found her still asleep. Ribble sat in a rocking chair by the windows holding the baby, with Maggie hovering nearby. The baby slumbered peacefully in his valet’s arms. Maggie silently admonished him to be quiet by frowning and putting a finger to her lips. He nodded and walked over to where Ribble sat holding the child. Stunned, he saw an exact likeness of Ian before him. If he still had any doubts about who fathered Julie’s child, they were forever laid to rest. Ribble stood and offered to let him hold the baby. He shook his head.
He resisted the urge to hold the baby in his arms. If the baby woke up and cried, Julie would also wake up, and he could not face her just now. He had so much to say to her, and so much depended on what he said.
Feeling inadequate for the task and at a loss as to what to do next, Matthew abruptly left the room and went for a walk on the beach. He walked until he was too tired to continue. Later, he returned to the house, bathed, and had breakfast. After dining, he waited in the sitting room, going over what he would say to Julie. Lady Catherine came for him at last and sent him in to her.
* * *
Julie had felt Matthew’s presence almost immediately when he entered her room earlier. She’d pretended to be asleep and watched him from under her lashes while he looked at their baby. She wanted him to pick up their child and show he accepted him as his son, but she could see no sign of acceptance. A frown darkened his handsome features as he looked at their son, and then he left abruptly. Tears flooded her eyes as his echoing footsteps faded.
Why did he bother to find me? It’s obvious he hates the sight of me and his child.
* * *
Matthew hesitantly walked through the open door and into Julie’s room. She was nursing the baby and did not immediately look up to see who entered. He found the scene before him strangely upsetting, as he intruded on something incredibly personal between Julie and the baby.
Julie never looked more beautiful or more womanly than she did at this moment. He felt the same old familiar need to hold her, feel her caress, to look into the eyes of love once more. None of the speeches he had prepared came to mind. He could do nothing but watch her and wait for the baby to finish. When the time came, Maggie took the baby away. He watched her place him in the cradle and leave before he turned back around to face Julie.
Still no words would come. The room filled with a painful tension and a silence bereft of inspiration.
“My baby is beautiful, don’t you think?”
The word my cut Matthew like a knife being thrust into his side. She was not going to make this easy for him, and in all truth, he knew he did not deserve her forgiveness.
“Yes, he is very beautiful. He looks like Ian when he was a baby. We have some things to discuss. I—”
Julie held up her hand. “Before you continue, Matthew, I want you to know I will not stand for any more of your assaults on my character. I do not understand why you are here. I think we said everything there was to be said back at Angus’s camp.”
Momentarily stunned, Matthew could think of nothing to say. She spoke to him calmly, without malice. He heard resignation in her voice. The fire in her eyes had gone out, no smile of tenderness when she looked at him, and he found he missed those things like he would miss his right hand if it were cut off. All she had experienced had taken a toll on her, and he felt a sickening in the pit of his stomach.
“Why are you here, Matthew? Surely nothing can be gained from coming here.”
“Julie, I had to see you to make sure you were all right before I left for France.”
“As you can see, I’m fine. My aunt has graciously agreed to take me in and also to provide a home for my son.”
“When I get to France, I can set up an annuity for you and our son. I could—”
“Matthew, please stop. I don’t want your money. I will find another position as governess, or maybe in a school so my son will receive a good education. I am well able to take care of both of us. I don’t need your help. I certainly do not need your guilt money,” Julie said.
“I know you can take care of yourself. Do you not see that I want to take care of you? It is the least I can do. I want to take care of you and my son.”
“Don’t you mean me and my unwanted child? Go away. Don’t insult me any more.”
“Julie, please don’t use my own words against me. I know you have the right, and I don’t blame you, but please hear me out. I do not expect your forgiveness, but please listen to what I have to say. I promise the only character I plan to assault is my own. I have never been more wrong in my whole life than I was about you.
“The realization is painfully clear to me now. Down deep in my heart I knew everything I said to you had no truth in it. I was jealous of Hamilton for knowing you first, and when he implied there was more than friendship between you, I lost my head. He said you betrayed me. I could see what happened between Ian’s mother and me happening all over again. It took my losing you to make me see you are not like her in any way. It was my own demons. Can you find it in your heart to forgive me? Is the place I once held in your heart not still there?”
“Matthew, you have put me through an earthly hell. You come in here and expect me to forgive you and forget all I have been through? You ask too much. Love is only a balm for some wounds. There is a gulf between us that is going to be hard to span,” Julie said dispassionately.
Losing hope and clutching at straws, Matthew asked, “What about our son?”
“What about my son?” she countered.
“He is my son and you are my wife! Nothing can change that fact. I have gone through purgatory to find you, and I will have what is mine to claim,” Matthew ground out angrily. He stood up quickly and covered the distance between his chair and Julie’s bed.
Julie moved close to the edge. “You stay away from me. I know what you’re trying to do, and it will not work this time. You think I will melt into your arms and forgive everything. That ploy might have worked once, when I was innocent and extremely foolish, but it will not work anymore. I am wiser and—”
Before Julie could finish, Matthew had her in his arms. She began to struggle, but when his lips touched hers and his tongue parted them, he heard a soft, sweet moan escape her throat. He pulled her closer. In as long as it takes two people to share a kiss, they were wrapped in the same heated passion that always seemed to flare between them.
Stunned by the passion his kiss ignited, Matthew broke away from their embrace, stood up, and tried to catch his breath while running his fingers through his hair. A smoldering fire remained in those beautiful emerald eyes. The knot in his throat threatened to choke him.
Julie stared back at him with the sharp points of passion staining her cheeks a becoming pink. She trembled when he took her hand. “Julie, I need you, and I see that same need in your eyes when you look at me. We were meant to be together.”
“No, no, no! You see only what you want to see. They are just two eyes like anyone else’s, nothing more. Animal lust is not enough. There has to be more.”
“You cannot tell me you feel nothing when we kiss or your skin does not go hot and cold. I have seen the cloud of passion cover your eyes when you look at me. Don’t send me to perdition, Julie, I love you. I have loved you since the first moment I saw you. Do not deny my happiness or your own, for I can make you happy. I will spend the rest of my life making you happier than anyone else ever could, if you will only let me. I beg of you to open your heart and let me in,” Matthew pleaded.
“What about our marriage? You tricked me. Is that an example of a loving heart?”
“If you mean did I trick you into loving me, I do not believe that kind of trickery is possible. If you mean did I trick you into marriage, I believe you agreed willingly,” Matthew countered.
“Do not try to step around it. I am talking about the ceremony and your so-called vicar. I know about the sham. I know it was not legal,” Julie ground out angrily.
“I have the papers to prove it is legal, and the special license. Our marriage is real! I could not take a chance on having the marriage recorded in Gairloch. It is duly recorded at my friend’s church. I have discussed this with your aunt. As it so happens, she knows the vicar in question. You can describe him to her yourself,” he said with a grin.
“Oh, Matthew, if this is true, then ’tis I who owe you an apology. But what about us? After all that has happened…”
Matthew took her in his arms again and gently kissed her petal-soft lips. “I have to leave Scotland. Every day I stay puts me in harm’s way. I cannot live here and keep looking over my shoulder every minute of my life. I want you and our son to come with me. I own a vineyard in France. I will make a new home for us there. I do not know when or if we will be able to come back. Will you come, my darling?”
She kissed him tenderly and lingeringly, drawing on the feeling they shared. “As Ruth said to Naomi, ‘Whither thou goest, I will go, and where thou lodgest, I will lodge. Thy people shall be my people…’”
* * *
The next evening they were packed and ready to leave. Ribble had obtained a small sloop for the crossing. It would be faster and more maneuverable than the larger ships of the king’s navy if they were spotted. It was more dan
gerous to travel at night, but it would be safer for them.
Julie said a tearful good-bye to her aunt with the promise that Lady Catherine and Maggie would come for a visit as soon as they could safely leave the country.
Matthew came back to collect the last of the baggage. He found Julie standing by a window with Matthew Ian MacDonald snuggled against her breast. When she turned around, he could tell she had been crying.
“Matthew, I’m worried about Ian. What will happen to him?”
“I spoke with a lawyer in Aberdeen. It is all arranged, if it is agreeable with Mr. Rankin. I have given up my guardianship to Mr. Rankin. Mrs. Highet will engage to find him a new governess. When everything is settled, and I am sure there is no danger of Lark Mead being confiscated, Ian will come and live with us. If that is your wish.”
“Oh, yes, that is my wish. Thank you, husband,” she said, smiling again.
“Are you ready, my dear? We will miss the tide if we do not hurry.” He walked over to where she stood and put his arm around her. “We will come back someday, but for now we must leave. Your aunt and Maggie will come to visit us often. We will have a good life. I promise.”
Julie nodded her head and looked at her husband. She expected him to be changed by the war and all the trouble he had been through, but instead he looked younger and more alive, with perhaps just a little of the adventurer shining through. She also saw his love for her and the baby in those azure-blue eyes. She found she loved him more with each passing day. This move would be good for him and for her.
She dried her tears and said, “I am ready, ready to go home.”
He looked deep into her eyes and kissed her once again. Together they walked down to the beach where Ribble waited to take them out to the sloop. They continued to wave good-bye to Lady Catherine and Maggie long after the two women disappeared from view.
Quickly, their sail filled with a stiff breeze, pushing them over the horizon on the gentle winds of promise of a new life, new hope, and fresh beginnings.
Acknowledgments
Rumors Among the Heather Page 22