by Otter Lieffe
“Maybe we should just wait for the technology to die by itself? It can't have much time left.”
“It's now or never, hon. Almost the entire resistance is back in the City and the last shoals are arriving tonight. The prisons are bursting and the State isn't keeping up. It's the perfect time.”
“Yes, yes. I know all that. But I'm worried.”
“I'll be fine, Ash. It'll work.
Kit joined in the conversation.
“And do you know where we're all meeting, Pinar—after the actions, I mean?”
“After we shut down the Life Accounts system, we'll hit the tunnels and come meet the second shoal—and the prisoners—at the halfway point, which will be the Mall.”
“Cool. That's what I figured.”
“And then?” asked Ash.
“We'll head back here, pick up the shoals who stayed in the park—which I guess will include you, Ash—and head out the tunnels back to the forest.”
“Just like that…” said Ash cynically.
“Just like that. I know it sounds too simple, but each working group is taking responsibility for their part. I'm confident that if we can coordinate well, it'll work.”
'If' being the operative word.
Ash gave her a doubtful look. Pinar ignored it.
“We need to try,” she continued. “Even if the best we can do is give the State a kick in the ass, it'll give us something to work with. So, as for your role Ash…”
Kit’s face ached from smiling so much. She was in an action meeting with two of her greatest heroines and she couldn’t stop grinning.
I'll be telling this story for years! she thought to herself. Ash and Pinar! It doesn't get any better than th—
Her heart dropped as she saw Nathalie marching towards her from the other side of the park.
* * *
Arriving at the fire with a determined look on her face, Nathalie walked straight over to Kit.
“Hi,” she said to her, ignoring the others completely. “Can we talk?”
Kit's face made it clear that leaving the intimate coffee meeting was the last thing she wanted to do.
“Erm. OK. I guess. Sorry ladies,” she said to Ash and Pinar. “I'll be back soon.”
“Let's go somewhere private,” said Nathalie and they walked together to a bench close to the edge of the park, where the cliffs dropped dramatically down to the sea. Kit realised it was the very same bench they'd sat on after their long evening together in the bushes. It felt like months ago.
“So wha—” Kit began.
“Let me start, please, Kit,” Nathalie’s voice was forceful. “I want you to know that I'm really sorry. I apologise for the argument yesterday. I don't know what happened and I'm sorry.”
“OK, bu—”
“I'm sure it wasn't completely my fault, but I don't want it to come between us. I still have feelings for you, and I want things to be like they were before we fought.”
Kit was confused.
We didn't fight. You freaked out, threw all your toys out of the pram and stormed off. I was barely involved at all.
“OK. But I want to know what happened. Of course you can leave the room any time you want to when we're…being intimate, but I really didn't understand. Didn't you like the sex? Was I too emotional?”
“I don't want to talk about it. Let's just let it go, OK?”
“I guess…”
“Good. I only have an hour or so before my evening shift, but—” Nathalie glanced coyly over to the bushes where they had first met. There was no-one around, everyone was either in a meeting or working on the camp.
“—Maybe we could go and have a make-up fuck first? I'm in the mood for some violence.”
Kit looked at the ground. She almost whispered her reply. “Okay.”
Deep down, Kit knew that she was being manipulated.
She only wants the pro-Domme version of me, not the real me. She's objectifying me for my work, forcing me into a position I don't want to be in. Why don't I just walk away? Why don't I just say no?
But as they kissed and stripped under the sun, hidden among toxic rhododendrons and the sharp thorns of brambles, Kit knew she had no choice.
How did this even happen?
* * *
Nathalie couldn't stop smiling. She lay, hidden amongst the bushes, her head resting on Kit's chest while Kit gently stroked her hair. Nathalie's ass and face still stung from the slaps she'd been given.
It's better again, she thought to herself. Kit loves me. I know that.
She closed her eyes and enjoyed the sensation of Kit's gentle fingers on her hair.
We were stupid to fight. She makes me feel complete and that’s enough.
Kit stared up at the bright sky. She watched gulls flying above calling to each other.
I wish I could join them, she thought. I wish I could escape this.
Absently her hand stroked Nathalie's hair, but she was far away; her body, a distant sensation.
This is domination from the bottom up. I know that. And I hate it. And I hate myself for letting it happen. I'm strong; I'm fierce. I can leave any time I want. What the hell is wrong with me?
She wanted to cry again but she knew she wasn't allowed.
“That was great, hon,” said Nathalie after a few minutes, sitting up and tidying her hair.
“Yeah.” Kit’s voice was cold.
“I need to get to work soon. I can't be late.”
“Shall I bring you some lunch before you go?”
“Good idea,” said Nathalie. “And Kit?”
“Yes?”
“Be quick.”
* * *
Ash sat in a meeting suffering. She figured she should probably go to at least one that day, but as she watched the young people gathered in circles, rehashing the same arguments she had heard over five decades ago, it only confirmed for her that she no longer belonged in these spaces.
“Ok, so can we move on to food now…?” asked the facilitator, already exhausted after ‘security,’ the first agenda item had overstretched by twenty minutes.
In theory, this kind of meeting should have been perfect for Ash. The logistics group were discussing how to keep the camp supplied with food for the next two days, how to maintain twenty-four-hour security at the park and how to set up an emergency area to receive people injured or traumatised in the actions. This 'background' work—which she preferred to think of as 'maintenance''—was what Ash knew best.
“Look,” said a young activist. “I don’t think we can even start talking about food until we know the camp is secure.”
“But how will it be secure,” asked another. “If we don’t decide if it’s a vegan space or not? Not all of us feel safe being around animal products, remember?”
“Not all of us are able to live without them, remember?”
Ash sighed. Even here away from the heroics, these young people just don't think the same way as me or understand the connections of the world. There are bigger things at stake here. Of course we need to feel safe and heard and included. But there’s more to it than that. We’re more than individuals looking out for ourselves while ignoring the needs of our friends. We’re more than consumers making decisions about which awful thing we should buy next from Capitalism. Resistance was never meant to be an aesthetic, or a way to feel better than other people.
Ash looked up.
We should be like the starlings. Something bigger.
“People are arriving every hour,” said the facilitator. “I think all of these points are important, but we really need to make some decisions about—”
“This whole meeting is a joke! I won’t stand by while you turn this space into an animal slaughterhouse.”
“We just discussed having non-vegan options on the side for those who need them. I think you might be overstat—”
“This is speciesism!”
“And a vegan space is ableist!�
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Ash could feel herself descending into a bad mood.
We have no grounding in history. No connection to our environment. And we spend all our time fighting each other instead of the real enemy.
She sat for a while, watching the group, observing their manipulations, superiority complexes, and insecurities.
Some things just never change.
She stood up and walked away.
Ten minutes later, clambering up a rocky outcrop and overlooking the park and the cliffs, Ash was still angry. Angry at this political scene with all its squabbles and power plays and angry at herself.
What good am I here? Tomorrow we're going to face all kinds of danger and here I am, a grumpy old woman who can't even be in a meeting for more than ten minutes.
I should be miles away in my comfortable little boat. I should be working in the garden or helping the forest. I should be anywhere on Earth but in this toxic city.
She kicked a stone over the edge of the cliff and allowed the tears to come again.
As she sat, gusts of wind washed over her and brought salty, fresh air and the sounds of waves and seabirds. She took a deep lungful and took in the world around her.
Every nook and niche of the steep cliffs was filled with the nests of guillemots, fulmers, and puffins. The granite resonated with their calls and flocks filled the skies, casting great, moving shadows.
She looked over the park and watched the starlings roaming in gangs across the open grass, whistling and squeaking to each other, their iridescent plumage shining violet and green in the sunlight. At the far end of the park, a young deer appeared and disappeared between the trees.
Everywhere there was a pulse moving through this place. Ash felt calmer now. She was grateful again to be in the presence of so much life.
She had hardly ever come to Dignity Park—Independence Park as it was back then—in all her long years of living, and fighting, in the City. She had always been too busy, too consumed by her work, by the mobilisations, the in-fighting and the endless, endless meetings.
Besides, she reminded herself, it hadn't looked like this back then.
This park, like all green urban spaces, had been barren and polluted, virtually cleared of all life except grass and manicured flower beds. Every weekend it had swarmed with humans with their phones and cameras trying to capture every last special, precious moment before it was gone.
The Crash had been terrible, the change to human life, total and devastating. But as Ash watched the young deer and another dense cloud of starlings passing overhead, she remembered that for the rest of life here it had been the best thing that possibly could have happened.
Chapter sixty-three
Barely centimetres from the edge of the cliff lay Ash's body. Her eyes were open. Her skin was cold. Despite her best efforts to stop it, she was journeying again.
She stood on a balcony looking down over a park. Sweat prickling her bald head, she felt sick looking far below her.
Dignity Park, I guess. The trees, the beach all seem the same—
—But what had been their encampment had been replaced by total chaos. Tear gas filled the air and she could hear screams and bullets and the terrifying sounds of horses and dogs.
She blinked away tears and gripped the rail of the balcony. It was covered in soot.
The hotel, she realised. And I must be near the top floor, but how did I get up here? And this must be the future, I'd certainly remember all this happening. But how far in the future? It's almost dark. Is this tonight? Tomorrow?
Another tear gas canister was launched with a loud bang.
God…What can I do?
I need to find out what happened here. Maybe I can find my future self and—
Wait! Down there—
At the centre of the park, staying just ahead of a wall of gas, Ash saw herself running towards the hotel. Hundreds of people were following her and behind them, gaining fast, were lines of troopers on horseback.
Her future self was shouting as she ran and high above, wearing identical clothes and leaning over the balcony to hear, Ash could just make out the words.
“To the Hotel! To the tunnels!”
They made eye contact for the briefest of moments and then they were separated by the cloud of gas and black smoke. Turning back towards the hotel, Ash began to run towards the stairs.
I need to get down there. I need to find out what happened.
Just then the world took a fast spin. The charred room in front of her was moving, bleaching of its colour. She reached out to steady herself, taking one last look at her hands, totally covered in soot—
—And she was back on the cliff side. One arm was sticking out into space and she looked down at the waves crashing below her. She yelled and pulled herself quickly back from the edge. Her heart was racing and she could hardly breathe.
I have to get back there. I need more information.
But she knew it was out of her control. She stood up and brushed herself off. Her hands were clean again.
I have to tell Pinar. We have to warn the others.
Chapter sixty-four
Nathalie arrived at work for the afternoon shift. As usual, she was five minutes late. She ran up the stairs and into the office. She was sweating and her hair was a tangled mess, but her sleep-deprived colleagues paid no attention to her as she sat down at her desk and looked through the pile of handwritten notes she had already accumulated. She looked around her at the other cubicles. No-one had even looked up.
As she always did at the beginning of a shift, Nathalie walked over to the coffee pot in the corner of the room. She was always glad for this little office privilege. Who cares where it comes from?
She poured herself a generous mug full.
“Does anyone want a cup?” she asked, turning to face her colleagues. No-one stirred. In fact, no-one reacted at all.
That's odd.
Although people usually ignored her late, flustered arrivals and rarely spoke amongst themselves during a shift, coffee—and the weather—were the two easy subjects that always broke the ice.
She tried again.
“Is it me or is it just getting hotter every day?”
Nothing. Silence. It's like everyone in the room is avoiding making eye contact with me.
The guy who worked in the next cubicle got up and nervously shuffled some papers in the other corner of the room.
Confused, Nathalie sat back down at her untidy cubicle and nursed her coffee.
This is so weird. What's going on with everyone today?
* * *
“Pin, I need to talk to you.”
Pinar took in Ash's panicked expression and strained voice.
“Is everything ok? Come, let's talk in private.”
Pinar got up from the fireside where she'd been eating dinner with Kit and went over with Ash to their little tent. They sat on the ground together and Pinar held Ash's hands as she described her vision.
“It was horrible. The screams. I can't get them out of my head.”
“It's ok, it's ok. You're back now.”
“They're coming every day now, more and more often. I can't control it, Pin. I can't stop them.”
Ash was talking manically, tears pouring down her wrinkled cheeks. “It could be any minute now, what I saw. I didn't have time to find my…future self. I was just there—” Ash pointed up to the abandoned hotel that loomed over the park. “I couldn't do anything. I felt so helpless—”
She collapsed into tears and Pinar held her close until she could speak again.
“We should tell the others—”
“Tell them what? That your friend, the time-travelling trans woman just had a vision of an uncertain future in which we all get our asses handed to us by the State and the park gets burned to the ground? Who's going to listen to that?”
“But we should do something. We have to prepare somehow.”
“I agre
e, but what?
“There's a general meeting soon, I'll present what you saw on your behalf if you like? It would mean outing you though, about your journeying.”
“I'm too old to care about that anymore,” said Ash sadly, staring off into space. “Go ahead, if you want to.”
“—Okay—”
“But I doubt they'll listen.”
Twenty minutes later, Pinar stood surrounded by the concentric meeting circles. She had to shout to be heard over the gulls and waves.
“Hi everyone, thanks for letting me speak. I have something important to let you know and it affects the whole camp. As you know, I'm here with my friend Ash and, well, this isn't easy to explain, but she had—let's call it a vision of our future here in the park. And it was bad.”
“A vision?” said a young white guy with a ponytail, jumping the queue of people waiting to speak. “What kind of vision?”
“My friend has the ability to erm…move through time. I know that sounds a little hard to believe, but—”
“Sounds like fucking science fiction to me,” said the guy. “Seriously, don't we have better things to talk about?”
“I can assure you that it's quite real. There have many cases in which—”
“Bullshit,” said the guy and signed the word simultaneously. “Let's move on.”
“But her vision was very serious. We could all be in dange—”
“Next!”
Pinar realised it was hopeless. She threw an angry glance at the facilitator, who was chatting to someone next to him and paying no attention at all to the proceedings and stormed over to where Ash sat on the very edge of the outer circle.
“Told you,” said Ash as her friend sat down next to her. “We're old and poor and women, dear. Really what did you expect?”
“I was never that disrespectful! Even when I was this guy's age.”
“Well, even if someone listened to us, there's nowhere to move all these people to tonight. We're leaving Dignity tomorrow anyway. Let's get some sleep and see how things are in the morning.”