As for my father, it’ll be his decision, too. I can’t force a relationship, especially since I don’t know if I want one or not. I may meet him and determine that he’s an asshole and we’d never get along, except my heart is set on liking him, and I hate that it already seems to have made up its mind. Being here is such a risk, and any more rejection will likely send me into a tailspin.
I text Stella, letting her know that I’m at the restaurant and waiting for Wes. She begged me to let her come, but this is something I have to do by myself. My hand rests on my stomach, feeling the butterfly kicks that are currently going on inside. Finding out I was pregnant was a shock, but the real heartache came when I found out how far along I was. I had been neglecting my body and feared that I had hurt the baby, but all my tests have come back with glowing results, and the baby is thriving. I just wish my mother was here for all of this or that she at least knew before she passed that she was going to be a grandmother.
The hostess escorts Wes down the aisle toward my table. I know it’s him because he looks just like me and I him. He’s dressed similarly to the way Cooper dressed when I saw him away from the ballpark, with a red polo, khaki shorts, and a baseball hat.
“Mr. Wilson, I’m Ainsley from Naples Zoo. I was up in the area so I thought we’d meet and discuss next year’s plan.”
We shake hands, and he offers me the same smile that I’ve given him. “It’s nice to meet you.”
We sit down and give our drink order to the waitress: water for me, and a diet soda for him.
“I know that Cal Diamond used to do this event.”
“Actually, this year was the first. The turnout was amazing, and the children really enjoyed getting to know the players.”
“That’s great.” He lets out a chuckle mixed with a huff.
“Mr. Wilson, I’m going to cut to the chase.” I pull out a picture of my mother and him from the time they knew each other and slide it over to him. It’s a small snapshot that has faded over the years. “Do you remember her?”
He picks it up and rubs the scruff on his face. It reminds me of Cooper and the five o’clock shadow he always had.
“That’s Janice Burke,” I blurt out, not giving him a chance to answer me. “You are the Wesley Wilson that played for the Minnesota Twins?”
He nods. “I am,” he says, without taking his eyes off the picture of him and my mom.
“And that’s you in the picture?”
“It is.” He pauses, and I shake my head, growing frustrated. Why can’t he say something about the picture? About knowing my mom? I really wanted this to go smoothly and have a fairy-tale reunion, but it doesn’t look like that is going to happen.
He sets the photo down and readjusts his hat. I’m trying not to cry but so desperately want him to remember my mom. “Please look again,” I beg, my voice breaking. “You would’ve met her in Florida when you were playing.”
He picks up the small photo again and studies it. I don’t know if it’s to appease me or if he’s really trying.
“She had the prettiest hair I had ever seen. I remember it was red.”
“Yes! Like mine, only darker.”
Wes nods, rubbing his chin again. “I called her Janie. I always wondered what happened to her.”
“What do you mean?”
He hands the photo back to me. “She disappeared on me. We were supposed to meet up one night, and she never showed. I was going to ask her to marry me.”
“You were?” My voice cracks. I’m trying to remain composed, but my emotions are getting the best of me. “Then how come you didn’t remember her when I showed you the picture?”
“I haven’t seen her face in a long time. It just took a minute to jog my memory. How is Janie?”
I lean back in my chair and wipe away my tears. “Janice, or Janie, she’s my mom.”
“She is?”
I nod and continue. “And she died a couple of months ago, and that’s why I’m here.”
His face turns to stone; his charisma is now gone. “You came to Boston to tell me that some girl I was in love with twenty-some years ago is dead? Why would you do that?”
“Because you’re my father.”
I let those words sink in before I risk looking at him. His eyes are wide and his head tilts from side to side. He looks at the picture again, then back at me. I feel insecure and start to question whether or not he’s truly my father. But deep down in my heart, I know he is because I can see him when I look in the mirror.
“Well, ain’t that something,” he says, leaning forward and taking my hand. “I have a daughter.”
* * *
My meeting with Wes ended up going better than I had anticipated. He didn’t question anything and didn’t accuse me of having ulterior motives. We talked about life, what I was like growing up, and how his baseball career never took off as a player, but he’s found his niche as a coach and manager. He apologized for not being there and added that I would’ve never been fatherless had he known.
I asked about his girlfriend, the one my mom spoke of, and he said he had fallen in love with my mom almost instantly and had broken things off with this girlfriend days after meeting my mom. He regrets not being able to say goodbye.
Deep down, I know my mother would’ve wanted this reunion, and part of me is angry that she never tried to make it happen. If she had made the effort, her life could have been filled with happiness, and I would have had a dad. But there isn’t anything that can be done to change the past. It is what it is, and now we can only move forward.
When Wes asked about my husband, I wanted to cry. I never thought I’d find myself in this position, yet here I am, in a similar situation to the one my mother went through. I’m not sure if I should call that irony or not, but it seems like the past is repeating itself. The one difference is that Cooper will know about the baby; what he does with that information will be up to him.
Wes stayed at the restaurant until I told him I had another meeting and prayed that he wouldn’t run into Cooper. I have no doubt he’d ask Cooper what he’s doing here. He’d be able to put two and two together easily, and I need to be able to tell Cooper without any outside interference.
Before Wes left, he told me that tickets will be available at the will call window if I want to catch a game while I am in town, and I was under strict orders, per my newly found father, not to leave without saying goodbye. That was something I could easily promise him.
My cheerful mood turned sour when I stood to meet Cooper as he came down the carpeted walkway toward my table. He was smiling until his eyes landed on my bulging stomach, and his steps faltered. Maybe I should’ve told him on the phone that I was pregnant, but the words weren’t there.
“It’s good to see you,” I say as he comes forward to kiss me on the cheek, always a gentleman in my presence. I sit back down, thankful that the table can cover my belly, and he won’t be inclined to stare at it.
“I only have an hour or so,” he tells me. “It’s game day, and I have to be on the field early.” His words are matter-of-fact. Cooper doesn’t want to be here. That much is evident by the way he looks at me.
I was a fool to think he’d be able to spare longer than an hour, leaving me no choice but to put us both out of our misery.
“As you can see, I’m pregnant.”
“Yeah, that was pretty noticeable. I hope you’re happy with him.” He appears to seethe as he leans back in his chair. There’s something different about him from the last time I saw him. He seems almost cocky, too self-assured. The man I knew questioned everything, and this one in front of me seems to have all the answers.
“The baby is yours,” I blurt out, never taking my eyes off of his. For my own peace of mind, I need to see his reaction, even though I have no doubt that it’ll break my heart. Of course I want the fairy tale. I want him to swoop me in his arms and profess his undying love, promising me a grand future, but that scenario is only a dream of mine. It’s not my reality.
“Exactly how is that possible?” The tone in his voice scares me. The foolish girl in me thought this would be easy, and I’m unprepared for his anger.
“I’m sure you know how it happens, Cooper.”
“I know how babies are made, Ainsley. I’m asking how exactly this is my baby, since the one time we had unprotected sex you assured me you were on the pill?”
I swallow the fear that’s building in my chest and bite down on my quivering lip in hopes of warding off my impending tears. The last thing I want is for him to see me cry, especially over him.
“We had sex multiple times without a condom, and I was on the pill, but I was also under a lot of stress with my mother, and I don’t know…accidents happen.”
Cooper doesn’t say anything; he just glares at me, so I continue. “Look, I’m not here asking for money or anything like that. I’m here to let you know that I’m pregnant and you’re the father. I don’t want my child growing up the way I did, not knowing who his or her father is, and I can at least say you knew.”
He looks out the window at the passing cars. There are people on the sidewalks dressed in Renegades clothes and a few of them are wearing his number. He has a fan base now. It’s easy to remember the day that I wore his shirt and the night that transpired after it, but that was another time in our lives.
“Please say something.”
He shrugs. “I don’t know what you want me to say, Ainsley. The last time I saw you, you were telling me to get the hell out of your life, so I did, and now you’re telling me you’re pregnant? It’s a little hard to process right now.”
“I understand.”
“What do you want from me?”
I shake my head. “I just wanted you to know.”
“Why now? Why today, and not months ago?”
Sighing heavily, I lean forward with my elbows on the table. “That last night we had sex, I was looking at myself in the mirror, questioning my actions. I had never had unprotected sex before, so I couldn’t fathom why I would with you, especially after only knowing you for a week or two, and as I’m standing there running through my emotions, I heard a thud. My mom had fallen down the stairs, and I blamed myself because I was so preoccupied thinking about you, that I didn’t know she was trying to get downstairs. We ended up in the emergency room. She had a broken ankle, but her CAT scan showed that the cancer was taking over. They gave her a month to live, and she lasted almost three. It took me a month to clean out her room, and by chance, Stella asked for a tampon because it was her time of the month, and that’s how I found out I was pregnant,” I ramble on.
“How could you not know you were pregnant? Aren’t there signs women are supposed to know?”
“Yes, there are, but I was under a lot of stress. My mother, the only parent I’ve ever known, was dying, and I thought her being in the hospital was karma coming back to kick me in the ass because I started dating you against her wishes.” I roughly wipe away my tears with the back of my hands.
Cooper runs his hands over his hat and face while groaning.
“I’m sorry.”
“Sorry for what, exactly? Are you sorry that you ever agreed to go out with me, or the fact that you’re pregnant?”
I don’t like the way he phrases his questions because I’m not sorry for either situation. “I’m sorry that this is happening.”
“Right,” he says softly. “I gotta go. I’ll call you later. When do you leave town?”
“Next week.”
He nods and gets up without saying anything else. And for the second time in my life, I’m watching Cooper Bailey’s backside as he leaves my life.
Chapter 29
Cooper
I have been in some tough spots in my life, but none of them could ever compare to this. Give me an ace pitcher with my team down by three runs and the bases loaded with a full count, put the game on my shoulders, but don’t make me face the stark reality that the woman I thought I could love is pregnant with my child, because I don’t know how to handle it.
I guess the saying “it only takes once” is true. I was so stupid to trust the situation, but I wanted her, and when she offered herself to me like that I couldn’t resist. And now I’m going to be a father. I don’t even question that the child is mine. I know in my heart that this is one thing Ainsley wouldn’t lie about.
“What has your schlong jockey in a bunch?” Kidd pushes my shoulder, and I fall into my locker. I shake my head, clearing away my thoughts. They should be focused on the game and not the news I was just given, but I can’t get the image of Ainsley and her bulging belly out of my mind.
“Just thinking.”
“Well, it better be thoughts of the White Sox.”
“Yeah.” I sigh. I’m not in the right frame of mind to play. I have no choice in the matter, either. I’ve started every game since Wilson took over, and I’m not about to take myself out of the lineup.
“Why are you so blue?” Davenport asks.
“I think someone kicked him in the trash hole,” Kidd says, making me chuckle. I shake my head and start to get ready.
“You know, I’m going to start writing down all your one-liners and make a book out of them,” I tell Kidd, who laughs.
“As long as I can be on the cover, I don’t care what you do.” He rubs his hands over his chest and winks at me. Davenport and Singleton start to laugh, which only pisses Kidd off, by the disgruntled look on his face.
I try to focus on getting ready, but it’s hard. I want to call Ainsley, maybe go see her so we can talk, except I can’t think of anything to say. The only question that comes to mind is, “Why?” and she doesn’t even have an answer to that. Truth is, we fucked up, and now we have a child on the way.
“Fuck,” I say, reaching for my phone. It dawns on me that I never told her how sorry I was that her mother passed away. I was too consumed with the fact that she told me I’m going to be a dad to consider her feelings.
I’m sorry about your mother. I meant to tell you earlier, but…well my mind is elsewhere.
I power it off and stash it in the corner of my locker. The last thing I want to do is reach for it continuously until I have to go out on the field.
I’m the last one out of the clubhouse, missing my ritual warm-up with Bainbridge. He gives me a funny look when I finally hit the field.
“Sorry, man,” I say, offering him a weak excuse.
“You good?”
“Yep.” I take off toward the field to start the stretches. Clearly I need to stop wearing my emotions on my sleeve and find a way to bottle them up. I know the guys know me better than anyone else, but this touchy-feely shit with them asking if I’m okay is really going to get on my nerves. I slip on my sunglasses in hopes that I can hide the agony I’m in. Maybe it’ll be enough to ward off the questions so I can deal with the inner turmoil without an audience.
Everything is automatic for me, from warm-ups to taking the field and standing in the batter’s box. My swing is slow and off the mark, and my throws to the infield are without precision. Each time I come in from the outfield, my father is yelling, telling me to pull my head out of my ass. I wish it were that easy.
No, what I wish is that she hadn’t told me on a game day. Why she couldn’t wait one more week, or have told me two weeks ago when we had a day off? I get that maybe she doesn’t how our schedules work, but she could’ve asked.
But who am I kidding? It wouldn’t have mattered. She called, and I went right to her because she still has a hold on my heart. We only dated for few weeks, and yet I let her in more than anyone else, and now I’m paying the price. It’s showing in my game, and there isn’t shit I can do to get out of the funk.
We end up losing, and that drops us to second place in the standings with back-to-back losses against the White Sox. And if that isn’t bad enough, my father is waiting for me when I come out of the clubhouse. The look on his face is pure anger and completely unwarranted. I’m allowed to have a bad game. It’s not a w
ritten rule but a known fact. Sometimes the other team gets the best of you. Or you get the best of yourself.
“Another performance like that and you’re going to lose your starting spot.”
I smirk and shake my head. “I won’t. It was one bad night.”
“You’ve had many,” he says as he falls in step next to me.
“I’ll be fine.”
He grabs my arm and stops me from walking anywhere. He’s lucky no one is around or people would start saying shit. Security doesn’t take to kindly to the players being manhandled, even by their overbearing fathers.
“You need to be the best when you’re out there every single time.”
“I had a shitty night. It happens. I have a lot on my mind right now.” As soon as the words are out of my mouth, I immediately regret them. I don’t want him to know about Ainsley and the baby.
“Like what?”
“It’s nothing.”
Just then my phone rings and I make the mistake of looking at the screen to see who’s calling. It’s her, and unfortunately he sees it as well.
“Is that the woman from Florida?”
I nod, unwilling to give him a verbal answer.
“Why’s she calling?”
I should tell him, right? He should know he’s going to be a grandfather, even though I can guarantee I’ll never let him be alone with my kid if he can’t change his tune about Ainsley.
“She’s in town.”
“You need to stay away from her.”
I shake my head adamantly. “Not gonna happen, Dad. She’s pregnant and—”
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