Shutout (The Core Four Book 4)

by Stacy Borel

  “Honestly, after all of that I think it’s best that I don’t. But you can go say hi to them if you want.”

  “Are you really going to let them scare you away?”

  Yes. “No. I just don’t see the point in hanging around where I’m not welcome, nor am I interested in keep up false pretenses with someone I was never great friends with.”

  She took a few steps, then stopped. “Okay. I think I’m going to go get the name of the blonde we saw the other day. Are you sure you don’t want to come?”

  “Mhmm. Go, have fun. Let me know how it goes.”

  I could feel her frustration with me rolling off of her but I wasn’t budging. I think she was picking up on the fact that there was a deeper story to me and what I’d gone through, but I was hoping like hell she wouldn’t ever ask me about it. I was done with that life—one that beat me down and made me feel like I wasn’t worthy of anyone’s time.

  “I won’t be gone long,” Aurora said as her gaze searched my face, clearly concerned about me.

  “Okay,” I said as breezily as I could muster

  She nodded before heading off in the direction of the tall blond. Aurora had a spring in her step the closer she drew to the crowd and it made me smile. I hadn’t meant to dampen her happy, I really hadn’t. I was glad she was the type that didn’t need me glued to her side to do the things she wanted. I, on the other hand, wouldn’t have been comfortable marching off to a group of males and being the center of attention. I envied people who had confidence and knew who they were.

  Turning, I started off toward my dorm. The walk was probably about a quarter of a mile. And with the sun shining high still, my clothing was sticking to my skin. I couldn’t wait to get into the air conditioning, kick off my shoes, and change into my ratty boxer shorts. This long hair of mine was going straight up into a messy bun and I was crossing my fingers and toes that my Ben and Jerry’s was still in our freezer.

  “Hey!”

  I vaguely heard someone behind me, but I thought it was someone driving in their car yelling out of their window. When I heard it again, I looked behind me. Wrigley was jogging up the sidewalk, trying to catch up. I stopped walking. His feet hitting the pavement at the same pace my heart was beating. His dark hair was glistening with sweat. Why was he coming this way instead of hanging out with his friends? Better yet, with that girl Livi.

  When he got to me, he was panting. “Geez, I thought they were keeping you in shape.” I tried with a halfhearted laugh.

  He rolled his eyes. “It’s hotter than balls out here. You try running and see if you’re not winded in this humidity.” He had a point. “How come you just left?”

  Ack, not really the greatest question to ask. Let me rephrase, not one I wanted to respond to. I lied. “Yeah, about that. Sorry, I didn’t mean to just ditch you and stuff, but I have a load of reading already from my psychology class and I think there’s going to be a pop quiz or something.”

  He turned his head to the side, and his chest was still moving up and down at a rapid pace. “Your friend Aurora said you’d left and I didn’t get why you didn’t say bye.”

  “I didn’t want to bother you.”

  “If I told you I’d catch up with you after practice, that’s kind of your sign that you’re not bothering me.”

  Touché. There was a pebble by my toe and I kicked it. “You just seemed busy was all. I figured you’d want to hang out with the guys and that Livi girl when you were done.”

  He gave me a small grin. “I’ve been hanging around those guys since the day I stepped on campus. A break with a familiar face would’ve been nice. And Livi is cool and all, but she’s a bit narcissistic.”

  That cracked my nervous frown, and I laughed. “That’s funny.”

  He smiled broadly. “What is?”

  “That’s a pretty big, in-depth word.”

  He raised his brow, his tongue came out and swept across his lips. “Are you insinuating I don’t know what it means?”

  “No, I’m just impressed you do.”

  He shook his head. “Well, what are you doing right now?”

  “Right now?” I repeated. “I’m standing here talking to you.”

  “No, I know that. I mean what are you doing in the next half hour? That burger place is still open and we can grab a bite to eat, or I can walk you the rest of the way to your dorm if you want.”

  All of that required him spending time with him. Time that would be spent talking. Talking about stuff I probably had no interest in but would do it just to pacify him and make myself not feel so much like a loser. There was something seriously wrong with this situation. Wrigley Brooks had never gone out of his way to hang out with me. Was he home sick? I swallowed hard. If I said yes, I’d be spending time alone with him. I felt so conflicted because of my own frazzled nerves. I can count on one hand the amount of times it had been just Wrigley and myself. Being alone was simply not something he sought to be with me.

  Instead of going with my gut, I did what I sought out to do by living here. I chose to be me. “Let’s grab a bite to eat then.”

  Smiling, he held his hand out in front of him. “Lead the way.”

  Lord, don’t let this be something I added to my long list of regrets.

  I WAS FAMISHED. Being in college, I now understood how people easily gained that freshman fifteen. I’d been eating whatever was fast and convenient, and this afternoon was no different. I’d have gone anywhere Wrigley would have wanted to eat. I was genuinely curious about him, and why he was choosing to hang out with me. Why he felt the need to invite me to his practice and now grab a burger. Someone who has lived down the street from you for eighteen years, and has never asked if you wanted a coffee, or ice cream, doesn’t just start doing it. People were creatures of habit. He had other friends and company to hang out with, even here. There was a reason he was doing this now.

  “So how are your classes going?” he asked.

  The walk wasn’t super far, and I was wondering why he didn’t ask if he could shower first. Not that I minded. He didn’t smell or anything. “They’re good. My psychology class may be the hardest this semester.”

  “Really? I would think psychology would be one of the easiest.”

  “I hated it in high school.”

  “Why?”

  I slowed my pace. “Because I don’t really understand people. And the experiments and stuff they do on animals just seem cruel.”

  A handful of cars had driven by. It was getting late enough that crickets were coming out and starting their nightly chirping. Summer evenings were something to bask in. The heat may be a killer, but fire flies, lemonade, and sitting on a porch with a fan blowing on your neck was a feeling that couldn’t be beat. Well, maybe not till now. Wrigley had every ounce of my attention.

  “People are easy, Hadley. You just have to pay attention.”

  I did pay attention. It was him that never noticed anything. “I think you’re giving yourself too much credit.”

  He gave me a sideways glance. “You think so, huh?” His cocky personality took a front seat. “Why’s that?”

  “You’re full of questions.”

  “I’ve asked two.”

  “Three.”

  I saw his cheeks rise in a small grin. “Three means I’m full of questions?”

  “It does if they are ones I don’t know the answers to.”

  “Well, I can say with complete confidence that I know people.” I almost made a sound of mocking. That’s a joke right? “Like right now, you’re nervous. But the one thing I don’t know is why.”

  The rubber of my shoe caught on the pavement and I nearly tripped. I coughed loudly to play off my stumble. “I’m not nervous.”

  “Yes, you are. You fidget when you’re in your head.”

  He looked at me like he wanted know what I felt about that. I was walking so slowly now we might as well be stopped. “I’ve not fidgeted even once.”

  “Hadley, nearly this entire walk you’ve
been clicking your finger nails. You’ve done that since we were kids.”

  I looked down at my hands and, sure enough, my thumb was flicking the nail of my ring finger. He shouldn’t know that I do that. I didn’t want him to know that. Wrigley should never pay that close attention.

  “Clicking my fingers is just something I do. It doesn’t mean that I’m nervous.”

  “Sure it does. I first saw you do it when we were in second grade and we had a Christmas party. Each of us opened a present from that exchange we had to do. You didn’t like it when the attention was on you and as it got closer to your turn, you clicked your fingers faster. You do it anytime you’re not comfortable. You did it in class the other day.”

  He shrugged like it wasn’t a huge deal. Wrigley Brooks, this was a huge fucking deal. You don’t get to notice things about me and not tell me you’ve noticed. You don’t get to see things like you’ve actually paid attention. Not even my own parents have ever noticed I do this.

  “That’s one thing. You don’t know people from observing one bad habit they have.”

  He raised his eye brow in a challenge. “I know that every morning you would open every curtain in your house because you like the light. And you like to try something at least once. You dress in a way so that people don’t notice you. Oh and you have one foot that’s bigger than the other.”

  I bit my lip to keep from laughing. We were a block away from the Burger Shack and I could smell the fried food. Attempting to be smooth, I asked, “Were you stalking my house? And how in the hell do you know about my feet?”

  He chuckled. “Nah. I went jogging every morning, and when I’d pass by your house you must’ve just been getting up, but I’d see you flinging open every curtain that faced the street. I just figured you liked the light. Your feet, well, isn’t that common knowledge?”

  “No.”

  He shrugged. “Hadley, don’t you remember talking about it in health class when we were like, ten or something?”

  I did, but I was shocked he remembered. “That’s weird.”

  “Eh, that’s not something most would forget.” He nudged my shoulder with his in a teasing manner. It made me blush.

  We were at the Burger Shack and I couldn’t be more relieved. I wasn’t so sure I wanted to know what else Wrigley knew about me. They may have been small things he’d observed or overheard, but I was getting the impression he may have paid closer attention than what I would have guessed. Plus, my poor brain was still comprehending that he’d jogged by my house every morning and would see me in the windows. What was even more, I had never noticed him. I’d been pretty sure that I’d always noticed things about Wrigley.

  “Go ahead and order,” he said when we got inside.

  As hungry as I was, I didn’t want to seem like a ravenous pig, so I ordered small. “I’ll have a hot dog, and a small Coke.”

  “Do you want fries with that?” the kid asked.

  “No, thank you.”

  Wrigley lifted a brow. “Not hungry?”

  “Nah.” I’d grab something later. I was feeling unnerved at the moment. It would look great if I lifted my hand with a French fry in it and my hand was shaking.

  He placed his order after I did and paid for both of us. I said thank you and he nodded. Neither of us spoke in the few minutes it took for them to put our food together in a bag. It was awkward but not in a way that made me squirm. It was more that I felt like I wanted to talk to him but didn’t really know what to say. He simply stood leaning against the counter looking sweaty and delicious. I nearly growled under my breath for even having the errant thought.

  When they called our number, Wrigley grabbed our food and snagged a few packets of ketchup and mustard. He held the door as we walked out. I hesitated as I wondered if he was just going to give me my food when we got to my dorm, or if we would find a spot to sit down. There were picnic tables outside of the building that was a great place to sit and eat. He paused slightly, unsure of the direction.

  I motioned with my head. “This way.”

  He started forward and I followed. Again silence ensued and I clenched my fists to keep from clicking my nails. I guess I did it more than I realized. I wanted him to think I was walking in companionable silence, and not a complete ball of nerves. It didn’t take long to get to our destination. When I slowed, he sat down at a table, which made me feel good that he planned on staying.

  “So tell me something good, Hadley.”

  I blinked at him. “Uh, I’m not sure I’m following.”

  He opened the bag and handed me my food. I carefully unwrapped my hot dog and he passed me a couple packets of mustard. “I’m mean, tell me something fun, exciting, something great going on in your life.”

  I wanted to choke on my food. The bitterness of the mustard nearly going down the wrong pipe. “I don’t have anything exciting.”

  His mouth opened and I watched with rapt attention at how he took that first bite. His eyes closed briefly as if it were the best burger he’d ever tasted. A drop of ketchup fell out from the bottom of his patty. He chewed then licked his lips. His hazel eyes glanced up because I’d not answered him yet. He caught me staring at his mouth. My cheeks felt hot and my eyes shot down to my food.

  I heard the amusement in his voice. “Life always has something exciting or worth talking about. Classes are good. What about friends, guys, future plans?”

  He didn’t realize that his question gave me butterflies and I wanted to word vomit that I’d never had friends, and guys were a joke.

  “School is my focus.” I answered.

  “Nah, there’s gotta be something else you’re in to. Hasn’t someone caught your eye?”

  He was poking at my exterior wall but I wasn’t budging. “Nope.”

  We were at the only table that was shaded by a very large, I would assume, oak tree. A bird was chirping right above me and it was beginning to grate my nerves. Little bird, do you not realize that this is a very important moment in my life? Shoo! Besides it’s not freaking morning when you’re supposed to be all happy and chirpy. The shade was doing nothing to cool down the heat I felt emanating from my body. And the way Wrigley was skeptically looking at me made me feel like I was in a damn pressure cooker.

  “Can I ask you something?” The seriousness of his features had me swallowing hard.

  “I guess.”

  He seemed to stop and think about what it was he wanted to say before he said it. “Why have you always been so standoffish and quiet with me? Like growing up, you always seem to be this wallflower who never socialized with anyone, which made some people even more curious about you.”

  Jesus, he just let it all out there didn’t he? “Why would I hang out with people that have never been nice to me?”

  He jerked his head back like I’d struck him. “I’ve been nice to you.”

  “Sure, now you are.”

  “No.” He stated firmly. “I’ve never been a dick to you.”

  I sighed. Someone like him didn’t get it because he was always the popular guy who had someone to turn to no matter what he was going through. He wanted to hang out, he could ask one of his dozen friends. If he was angry, he could turn to any of his fellow teammates. If he wanted to go on a date, he just has to close his eyes and point to a random number in his phone and say, ‘meet me’. Life was easy for Wrigley.

  I tried to laugh but it came out forced and awkward. “Ignoring me makes you not a dick?”

  “Wow... wow,” he said, astonished. “I really don’t think I ever ignored you?”

  I shot back, almost too quickly, “How often do you think you spoke to me?”

  He set his burger down and genuinely seemed to be thinking. “Well, I guess not all that often. But that doesn’t mean I was shitty to you either.”

  Frustration was building. His blatant blindness to his own actions was enough to about make me snap. “Then let me ask YOU a question.” I leaned forward, not caring if I looked awkward and aggressive. “How often
did you ever say something to your friends when they had something not very nice to say about me? How often did you say something to one of your girlfriends when she passed me in the halls and laughed at my expense?” His hazel eyes were nearly drowning me in their intensity. It was as thought they were daring me to keep saying what was really on my mind. “Sometimes the lack of voicing something that isn’t okay, is almost worse than the person who is running their mouth.”

  Wrigley frowned. He was stoic and it felt like he remained that way for an hour, even if it was only a minute. I could see questions flitting across his beautiful face, but he seemed to be sorting out whatever he was pondering himself. Why did it feel so impossible to talk with him? We were adults, living in an adult world. When there was confrontation, people spoke to each other about it. Except for me, my every emotion was involved and it made it extremely difficult to express anything to him. He was the one person I had growing up where I would have given anything for his attention.

  Wrigley didn’t know it but today wasn’t the first time I’d watched him practice. I used to sneak out of my house when I knew he’d be playing ball with his family on their baseball field. I’d run the entire perimeter, hidden in the trees, so I could find the perfect spot to sit and watch. He didn’t know that I purposefully sat behind him in every class I could, just so I wouldn’t get caught staring. And one day, when school was out, I’d been leaving the band room, and I saw him leaning against a wall with Natalie Harmon resting between his legs. She had been pressed against him and they were laughing and smiling at each other. Their closeness made me envious. I’d wanted to know what it felt like to be leaning on all that hard muscle. What it would mean to have that smile and desire focused on me—to breath him in so freely. And when he kissed her...how his lips must’ve felt soft and welcoming.

  “I’ve talked to you every time I could.”

  “What does that mean when you could?”

  He leaned forward, his burger now sitting on the wrapper. His face was quite close to mine and I could smell the sweat and his deodorant when the wind would blow my way. I wanted to close my eyes and catalog it in my memory, but he was holding me there without even touching me. “You’ve never been that open to conversation, Hadley. I’ve approached you many times. You’ve been invited to things and you wouldn’t show. You’re like this closed off person who wears a chip on their shoulder.”