by Jean Carroll
“Meg and I have news too.” Blackie said quietly and everyone was silent and looked at them expectantly. He looked at her, uncertain.
“It’s okay, honey,” she said softly.
“Meg and I are expecting a baby.”
There was complete silence and then Jill screamed, “Oh, my God. Meg, Blackie, that’s wonderful. Meg, we’ll be pregnant together.” Keary went over and punched Blackie on the arm. “You dog, congratulations, man, that’s really cool.”
Again, more celebrating.
In the middle of it, Blackie raised his hands for silence. “And if anyone’s wondering, Meg and I are getting married as soon as possible,” he said smiling.
Keary and Sean high-fived him. They finally settled down and flopped on the sofa with their drinks. Sean poured more champagne and the party was going strong.
“When are you guys getting married?” Keary asked Sean.
“We’re going to start putting it together and then do it in a few months in Ireland. So we’ll all go over and party.”
“I can’t wait. This is going to be so much fun,” Jill said excitedly. “Wedding stuff, baby stuff! I love it!”
“Oh, Jesus, here comes all the girly crap,” Sean said, holding his head in jest.
“Get out! It’s not girly stuff. I hate when you say that,” Katie said, smacking him on the arm.
“See, they’re already acting like a married couple,” Keary said laughing. “Sean, Blackie, the best two words you guys can learn and start practicing now are ‘Yes, Dear!’” Jill smacked him on the back of his head and they roared with laughter.
This reverie lasted another couple hours and by that time Meg was so tired she was feeling dizzy again.
Jill looked at Meg and said, “Are you okay, Meg, you look a little pale?”
Blackie turned to her. “Honey? Jill, she’s been passing out. She did a couple times at Mom and Dad’s. I’m worried about it. I think we should get her to a baby doctor. Do you like yours?”
“Yes, I do very much. I’ll call in the morning and make an appointment, if that’s alright with you.”
“Sure, I want to get checked and make sure everything’s good,” Meg said.
“I’m three and half months and I was horribly tired at first. I’m starting to feel better though,” Jill said.
“Maybe we should crash and get some rest. We can continue talking in the morning. If you guys want to stay, go ahead, I just need to get this little mama in bed,” Blackie said. He got up and went to use the bathroom and Jill leaned over and asked her quietly,
“How’s he been with this?”
“He was shocked at first. Now, however, he’s getting into it and being the over-protective Daddy. He won’t let me ride. He’s been hammering himself though for not asking me to marry him sooner. I keep telling him it’s fine, but you know how he gets.”
“Oh boy, he’s going to be a cute dad, but strict. I can see him being over-protective,” Jill said. Just then Blackie came back in, leaned over and kissed her.
“Do you feel okay to walk down to the apartment?” he asked.
“Yes, honey, I’m fine.”
“I mean we could sleep up here tonight or I could carry you,” he said helping her up. She rolled her eyes at Jill who bit her lip to keep from laughing.
“Good night all, we’ll see you tomorrow,” Blackie said and they walked slowly to the apartment holding hands.
THIRTY-ONE
It was several weeks later, early, around six. Blackie was breathing softly next to
Meg. She didn’t want to disturb him but had to use the bathroom and had stomach cramps. She didn’t feel good at all. She wondered what she had eaten that was disagreeing with her. She pushed the covers back and eased out of bed. She tiptoed into the bathroom and sat down.
Ahhh ... that felt good.
Suddenly she got a sharp cramp. She used the tissue and there was blood on it!
Oh God! What’s wrong?
She stood up and there was blood in the toilet.
No, no! What’s happening?
Instant fear clutched her heart. She looked down and blood was running down her legs. She screamed for Blackie and in two seconds he came through the bathroom door.
He stopped and stared at her, wide-eyed. “Meg, what happened?”
“I don’t know,” she said bursting into tears. She suddenly felt faint. He grabbed her quickly and put her back in bed. He left and came back with towels, stuffing them under her and between her legs. He picked up the phone and dialed 911.
“Hello, this is Blackie O’Brien from Killarney Farms out on Route 10. My fiancée, who is three or four months pregnant, is bleeding. She’s under the care of Dr. Edward Brown. I’m going to call him next. Please hurry. Yes, thank you.” Then he called Jill.
“Jill, get down here right away. Meg’s bleeding. I just called 911. Call Dr. Brown and see if he can meet us at the emergency room.” He hung up and got in bed next to her.
“Meg, how do you feel? What happened?”
“I got up to pee and had cramps. I thought it was something I ate. Blackie, I’m scared. What’s going to happen to the baby?”
“I don’t know, honey, calm down. Dr. Brown will help us. Try and lay still,” Blackie said holding her. She was hysterical now, terrified that the baby was in trouble. Jill and Keary burst in.
“Here you guys sit down and let me look at her,” Jill told them. Blackie and Keary went and sat at the table. Jill came over, removed the towels and checked her.
“What do you think?” Meg asked her. Just then she was gripped by a terrible cramp in her lower belly and cried out in pain. Blackie jumped up and came over.
“Meg, what happened?” He knelt beside the bed, stroking her hair.
“I had a terrible pain.”
“Jill, what is it?” Blackie asked her.
“Honey, I think she’s in labor,” she told him, “but they can stop it with medicine.”
“God, I hope so.”
They heard sirens and the paramedics came into the apartment. Meg was shaking with fear
Blackie sat next to her on the bed, holding her hand. They checked her vitals and how much she was bleeding. They told Blackie that they talked to Dr. Brown and they’d take her to Labor and Delivery emergency and he would meet them there. They wheeled her out and put her in the ambulance.
“Keary, can you guys drive separately so one of you can drive my car. I’ll probably be at the hospital all night,” Blackie asked Keary and Jill.
Then he got in with her and they took off. She had stronger pains on the way to the hospital and by that time she was beyond hysterical.
Dr. Brown was there and checked her. He told them to take her to Labor and Delivery and he and Blackie would be there in a minute. He took Blackie and got a nurse to help him change into scrubs.
Dr. Brown and Blackie came into the OR. The pains were coming close together now. Blackie sat by her head and held her hand.
“Honey, what’s happening? Am I having the baby now? I can’t! It’s too early.” She cried out in pain again. Blackie was holding her hand tight with his head up against hers. After maybe fifteen minutes, Dr. Brown asked him to go out of the room with him.
“Meg, I need to talk to the doctor. I’ll be right back.”
“What’s happened? Don’t leave me! I’m so scared, honey!” She cried. A nurse came over and took her hand.
“It’s okay, sweetie. He’ll be right back. You’re okay. We’re going to put some medicine in your IV. It’ll help with the pain, honey. Just relax,” she told Meg.
* * *
Dr. Brown took Blackie into the hall.
“Blackie, she’s given birth to the fetus. It has been dead for at least a week. The hormones in the patch kept it from developing normally. It would never have survived to full term. Right now we need to put her under so we can do a D and C which will clean out her uterus. If any debris is still left in there, she’ll get an infection. You can go in and
talk to her before we put her under. Then you should go out and wait with your family.”
“Okay, thanks, doc,” Blackie said, his head down and his stomach in knots.
“I’m sorry, Blackie.” Dr. Brown told him, putting a consoling hand on his shoulder. Blackie went back into the delivery room to her and kissed her. His eyes were teary.
“What happened? What’s going on?” She asked him.
“Meg, sweetheart, it’s going to be okay. The baby ... she didn’t hear the rest, they had put her under.
* * *
Jill, Keary, Sean and Katie were sitting in the waiting room drinking coffee. They looked up and saw Blackie walking toward them, still in scrubs.
“Oh God, here comes Blackie, he looks terrible,” Keary said.
Blackie slumped down in one of the chairs. They were all staring at him expectantly.
“Meg lost the baby,” Blackie told them.
“Oh no, honey, I’m so sorry,” Jill said and started crying.
“Jill, please don’t do that, I can’t handle it right now,” Blackie told her. “They’re doing a D&C, so we won’t be able to see her for awhile. I guess we’ll see her in the recovery room. The doc told me the baby had been dead for a week. It wouldn’t have lived anyway.”
“We’re so sorry, buddy,” Keary said, putting an arm around Blackie.
“Yeah, man, if there’s anything we can do,” Sean said. “This really sucks.”
“I don’t know if I can help her with her grief. I’m not sure what to do,” Blackie said sadly. “She loved that baby and so did I.”
“I think if you follow your feelings, you’ll be able to help her,” Jill said.
“That’s just it, Jill. I’m trying to block out my feelings so I can take care of her. I’m good at burying my feelings.”
“But that’s not good for you. That’s when you get into trouble.” Keary told him.
“I know but my first priority is to take care of Meg.” Just then Dr. Brown walked toward them and squatted in front of Blackie.
“Blackie, I’m sorry for your loss. You know about thirty percent of pregnancies end in miscarriage. You two are young. You have plenty of time to have children. Meg is going to be fine and she’s healthy. There’s no reason why she can’t carry another child.”
“Thanks, doc.”
“Listen, no intercourse for at least three weeks or longer if she’s not ready. Also, you have to wait at least six months before you can try again.”
“Six months!” Blackie said looking up at him. “I can tell you she’s going to want to get pregnant again right away.”
“You can’t let her. She’s lost too much blood.” Blackie’s eyes welled with tears. Dr. Brown said more gently. “Blackie, if she gets pregnant right away, her body isn’t strong enough to carry it. So it’s going to end up the same way. You can’t let that happen.” Blackie nodded in agreement.
“I understand and I’ll take care of it.”
“Blackie, look at me. I know you’re trying to be strong for Meg. But you have to grieve too. It was your baby too. Losing a baby now is just as hard as it would be at eight months or at birth. Don’t fool yourself that this is trivial because she was only three months.” He said patting Blackie on his shoulder. “Okay, she’s in recovery. The nurse will come and get you when she’s awake. Take care,” he said and Blackie stood and shook his hand.
“Thank you, Dr. Brown.” Blackie paced back and forth for a while, silent. No one else said much of anything, waiting for him to talk. He finally sat down, putting his head in his hands and sat like that for some time.
“Sean, when are you guys getting married?” Blackie asked.
“In four weeks, everything’s pretty well set in Ireland. We’ll stay at Mom and Dad’s and fly over in the Lear, so there’s not much in the way of arrangements. Are you two still getting married next Saturday?” Sean asked him.
“I don’t know, maybe. I’ll have to see how she feels about it. Your wedding should distract her.”
“Honey, why don’t you just go through with it anyway,” Jill said.
“I said I don’t know; don’t bug me about it for chrissake,” Blackie said. He got up and walked down the hall.
“I need some coffee.” He said.
Jill started to go after him and Keary grabbed her arm.
“Jill, leave him alone. I don’t think he can handle much of anything right now. He needs time alone and with Meg and they’ll figure things out.”
“I guess you’re right. I just hate this happening to them,” Jill said.
“Hey, maybe he’ll get a fire lit under him and they’ll get married in Ireland while we’re there,” Sean said hopefully.
“We’ll see, but there’s something bugging him. He needs to talk to Dr. Wahlman,” Keary said.
In about twenty minutes, Blackie came back with a cup of coffee and sat down. He stared at the floor and sipped the coffee. He sighed and sat back.
“Listen, I don’t want Meg punished any more for my sins; so I don’t know about marriage. She’ll be better off if she leaves me. Maybe I’ll leave so she doesn’t have a choice,” Blackie said. Everyone started protesting at once.
“Blackie, what are you thinking? She’s not being punished for anything you did,” Keary said, alarmed.
“Honey, you love each other. You heard the doctor; this happens a lot. It’s normal,” Jill said.
“Hey, man, don’t do that, it’ll kill you guys to be apart. Blackie, this isn’t your fault. Come on,” Sean said.
“Blackie, Meg loves you too much. She won’t give you up. This isn’t a punishment. God wouldn’t do that. He brought you two together,” Katie said crying.
“I don’t know. It feels like punishment,” Blackie said.
“Blackie you have to move forward and forget your past. Katie’s right. If God hadn’t forgiven you, he wouldn’t have brought you Meg,” Keary said.
“You guys think so?” he asked. They all agreed. He sighed and said, “Maybe. I have to think about it some more.” Just then a nurse came out and asked for Mr. O’Brien.
“Yes,” Blackie said.
“Your wife is awake; you can see her in the recovery room.”
“Thank you. God, I wish she was my wife,” Blackie said. “I’ll go in and see what’s up and then I’ll come get you guys.”
“Okay,” Keary said.
THIRTY-TWO
Meg was settled in her room, trying to think about something else when everyone filed in, hugged her and murmured words of consolation. She knew how much they cared, but she just wanted to crawl under their blanket at home with Blackie holding her. She wanted to stay that way until the pain went away. The pain in her heart.
She looked over at Blackie and he gave her a sad little smile. He looked awful. She could tell he was exhausted and totally drained emotionally. She wanted him to stay, but she knew he wouldn’t sleep. She motioned for him to come to her. He walked over, leaned into the bed.
“You look so little and helpless lying there. I want to protect you from any hurt,” he whispered in her ear.
“Here get in bed with me.” She said.
“They’re going to get pissed if I do that. They’ll throw me out,” he said.
“I don’t care if they like it or not, I want you close to me.” She said. With a very determined, stuck out chin.
“Who’s she starting to sound like?” he said smiling.
“You!” everyone said. He took his shoes off and climbed over the rail, snuggling up close to her.
“There, is that better, then?”
“Yes, definitely,” she sighed and put her head on his shoulder.
“I guess we should go and leave you two alone?” Keary said.
“No, you don’t have to go. I just needed him near me. We can still visit.”
“No, you’re both tired. We need to get home and let you guys rest,” Jill said. “We’ll see you tomorrow, then. Just call if you need anything.” She came over and k
issed Meg and then Blackie.
“I love you guys. It’ll be okay,” Jill said tearfully.
Everyone hugged Meg and they left. She was sorry to see them go but she didn’t think she could hold it together much longer. She buried her face in Blackie’s chest and just let it all go. He held her tight while she sobbed and didn’t say anything. She didn’t need or want him to say anything; just being there was enough. The tears finally slowed and she looked in his eyes that were filled with sorrow and concern for her.
“It’s okay, sweetheart, I know.” She snuggled up against him and fell asleep. She woke up about ten o’clock, raised her head and he smiled at her.
“Hi, honey, did you get some rest?”
“Yes, thank you, but you need to get some too.”
“I’m fine. I just want to be with you.”
“No, I want you to go home and get in bed. They’ll give me another shot, so I’ll sleep the rest of the night.”
“That’s okay, I need to stay here and make sure you’re okay.”
“Blackie, I’m fine. I want you to go home and get a goodnight’s sleep in our bed where you’re comfortable,” she said firmly.
“Please, Meg. I want to stay with you.”
“Don’t be silly, I’ll be fine. Just please do what I want you to do.” He stared at her for a minute and she thought he was going to get his back up over it, but he didn’t.
“Okay, Meg,” he said climbing out of the bed and putting his shoes on. He came over and kissed her good night.
“I love you. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“I love you too, honey. Be careful driving home.”
He looked back so downcast her heart lurched at the look on his face. She should have let him stay but she was in so much pain. She rang the bell for the nurse to come and give her a shot, hoping she’d get there soon.
* * *
It was one o’clock and Sean, Katie, Jill and Keary were watching TV. They decided that none of them could sleep, so they watched a movie.
“I heard a car pull up,” Jill said getting up and looking down to the driveway.
“It’s Blackie. I thought he was staying overnight?”
“I don’t know. I thought so too. I’m anxious to hear how Meg is. She didn’t look good earlier, really pale,” Keary said.