by Jean Carroll
“I feel pretty good today. I’m just very tired. I’m better now that you’re here. You’re all I need.” He smiled a little sad smile and hugged her again.
Then Keary, Jill and Katie walked in and hugged her. Blackie got up and moved out of the way, still wiping his eyes.
“Hey, sweetie, how are you?” Keary asked.
“I feel a lot better today. I’m glad to see you guys.”
“That’s good. We were worried about you yesterday and last night. It’ll be good to get you home,” Jill told her.
“Meg, I’m going out to the nurses’ station a minute. I’ll be right back,” Blackie said. “Here are your clothes. Maybe Keary can come with me and the girls can help you if you need it.”
“Okay, hurry back.”
* * *
Blackie and Keary left and she got her clothes out of the bag. He had brought jeans, a sweatshirt, socks and panties but no bra or shoes. She didn’t really need either at this point.
“How was he last night?” She asked.
“He didn’t do too well last night, Meg. He was up at six-thirty though, got coffee and went to get dressed.” Jill said.
“You mean he slept up at the house last night?”
“He did, yes. We were talking and he fell asleep on the sofa, so I let him sleep.”
“Oh, good. He looks good today. His eyes look funny though; they’re all dilated or something,” she said, pulling her clothes on. She was still hurting but nothing like last night. The cramps were almost gone.
“I hadn’t noticed his eyes. I thought he looked hot in that suit.” Jill said.
* * *
Blackie and Keary walked to the nurses’ station. Keary noticed that all the nurses turned and gawked as they walked by. He chuckled to himself. Charismatic is the word, he thought. At the nurses’ station the nurses stopped what they were doing and stared at Blackie.
“Can you tell me where I can pay the bill for Miss Connors?” Blackie asked.
They kept staring and finally one nurse came to her senses and said,
“Uh ... you have to go to the ‘Cashier’s Office’ on the first floor. They should have it ready for you. Are you her husband?” she asked.
“Not yet.” Blackie said and went with Keary to the first floor. Keary again noticed how the nurses and aids were staring open mouthed at Blackie, smiling and giggling to one another.
Hmm, Keary thought, superstar is probably a better word.
They found the Cashier’s Office and Blackie asked them for Meg’s bill.
“Are you Miss Connor’ husband?” the cashier asked.
“No, I’m her fiancée,” Blackie said.
“Does she have insurance?”
“I don’t know. It was an emergency when I brought her in.”
“Well, you need to bring the insurance card in before we can release her,” she said.
“Look, just give me the bill and I’ll pay cash,” Blackie said.
“But we need to bill the insurance company before any co-pay is needed, sir,” the cashier said, acting like Blackie was stupid.
“Listen, I’m taking her out of here whether the bill is paid or not. So if you want any of it
paid, you need to give me the bill right now!” Blackie said through his teeth.
“What is your name, sir?” The woman asked.
“Mr. O’Brien.”
“Well, Mr. O’Brien, I’m going to have to call a supervisor about this. I don’t know if we can release her without the bill being paid.”
“Are you going to give me the fucking bill or not? I don’t want to wait for your supervisor.”
“Blackie, calm down,” Keary said.
“I’ll have to call security, sir,” the lady said, her nose in the air.
“Why can’t you just tell me how much it is?” Blackie said.
“The bill is $1,565.00, sir.” Blackie pulled two thousand dollars out of his wallet and slapped it on the counter.
“Here, keep the change and give me a receipt,” Blackie said, barely controlled.
“Very well, sir,” she said and wrote him a receipt.
He took the receipt saying “Thank you,” dripping with sarcasm to the cashier. He walked away toward the elevator, fuming.
“Blackie, you just gave her a big damn tip for being stupid,” Keary said.
“I don’t care. It’s worth it to get the fuck out of here. God! Do you believe how incompetent people are?” They rode up in the elevator to the fourth floor.
“I need to walk around a few minutes to calm down before I go in and get Meg. She’ll know I had an argument,” Blackie said, walking the opposite way from the room.
“Oh, the nurses are going to love that,” Keary said.
“Why? What’s walking against hospital rules, too?” Blackie said, still irritated.
“No, the nurses will fall all over each other to get a good look at you,” Keary said laughing.
“What? Don’t be ridiculous. That’s silly,” Blackie said. Keary stopped dead and stared at Blackie.
“Don’t you realize the affect you have on women?”
“No, I never thought about it. Most of them make me nervous. I only know the affect I have on them after I get them into bed.” Keary looked at him with his mouth open.
“You mean all the women you had before, you think they were just attracted to you because of your fame and money?”
“Duh, yeah,” Blackie said sardonically.
“Why do you think Meg was attracted to you when you first met her?”
“Okay, Meg is different. She got to know me and liked me, not my celebrity or money, just me,” Blackie said emphatically.
“That’s after she got to know you. What attracted her in the first place?” Keary asked.
“I don’t know. What does it matter?”
“Don’t you ever look in the mirror at your face, your body?”
“Yeah, sure, to comb my hair, put deodorant on. It’s just me in the mirror. What the hell?” Blackie said.
“I give up! If you don’t know by now, you never will. At least you’re not arrogant about your looks.”
“You mean the way I look is the problem?”
“I wouldn’t call it a problem,” Keary said.
“This is a stupid conversation. Let’s go get Meg.” Blackie said, turning and going back to the room.
On the way several nurses stopped and stared. Outside Meg’s room was a whole gaggle of young nurses. They started giggling and whispering to each other, staring at Blackie as he and Keary approached. He stopped several rooms down.
“Is this what you mean? They’re all standing around acting stupid because of the way I look?” Blackie asked Keary.
“You bet kid, give them a big smile and walk into Meg’s room.”
“Now I’m nervous,” Blackie said.
“You’re kidding me, right.”
“No, I’m not! I told you they make me nervous. They didn’t when I was younger but now it’s different.” Blackie said, starting to fidget.
“How did you manage to sleep with all those women then?”
“Mostly I was high or drunk and horny as hell. That’s how. Don’t forget, I paid most of
them to sleep with me.” Blackie replied.
“Why hookers, Blackie?”
“Simple, no entanglements, no responsibilities, no hassles, no complications, easy sex.”
“Oh.” Keary said.
“It’s a moot point now, isn’t it since the woman I’m in love with just lost our child?”
“Yeah, I’m sorry I …
“Okay, let’s go.”
“Smile,” Keary said poking him in the ribs. Blackie flashed the nurses a big smile and said, “Ladies.” to a lot of sighs and excited giggles. When they got inside Meg’s room, Blackie shut the door.
“That’s fucking crazy,” he said.
“What’s going on?” Jill asked.
“Nothing much. I just found out that he doesn’t realize
the affect he has on women,” Keary said laughing.
“Shut up,” Blackie punched him on the arm.
“Oh, is that what all the fuss is out there? They’re waiting to get another glimpse at my prize stud, huh?” Meg said, smiling herself.
Blackie blushed red and said gruffly, “Could we please get the hell out of this nut house and go home?” He grabbed her wheelchair and pushed her toward the door.
“That wasn’t funny, Meg.”
“I know honey but you’re fun to tease too, don’t forget.”
“Great, let’s go,” he said.
They all piled into the SUV; Meg sat next to Blackie in the back with Katie next to her and Jill and Keary in the front. She leaned her head on his shoulder and he put his arm around her.
“You’re not angry with me about teasing you, are you?” She asked him.
“No, sweetie, I’m not. How are you doing?”
“I’m still sore and crampy, but the worse thing is this empty feeling I have. I miss the baby,” she said.
“Let’s go home and get some rest. I just want to be alone with you.”
Jill looked back at them and smiled. “Do you two want something to eat when we get home?”
“Are you hungry?” Blackie asked Meg.
“No, I still feel queasy from the anesthetic. I’m just super tired.”
“Jill, I think I’ll get her to rest for now. We can eat later,” Blackie told her.
When they got home, he helped her out of the car and up to the apartment. After he closed the door and set the alarm, he hugged her tight.
“Meg, I wish I could take away your pain and sadness somehow, but I can’t. I feel really helpless.”
“You’re not helpless at all. You help me get through everything. What about your sadness? How are you dealing with it?”
He walked away from her, stuffing his hands in his pockets.
Uh, oh. Why’s he being defensive?
“I’m not handling it well, Meg. Actually I’m not handling it at all. I’m pushing the thoughts and feelings away,” he said, head down.
“What? What is it? You have to grieve or you can’t get past it.” She told him.
“You’re going to get mad at me, Meg,” he said, fidgeting.
“Why, honey, what happened?” She said, moving over to him but he backed away. This wasn’t going to be good, she thought.
“Blackie, just tell me and we can talk about it,” she said gently.
“I took drugs last night!” he blurted out and looked away. She was stunned.
“What did you take?” She asked, trying to maintain control.
“I did some pills. I didn’t want to think about the baby and you going through that. I didn’t want to feel the loss. I just wanted to be numb. So I did it and I’m sorry, Meg. You don’t need me going off now. I just thought I could help you better if I wasn’t an emotional wreck. Please forgive me?” he said, looking pitiful.
“Is that what’s wrong with your eyes?”
“Yes.”
“Do Keary and Jill know?”
“Everyone knows. They were watching TV when I got home last night. I got yelled at by Keary,” he said still rigid and stand-offish.
“So you’re still high?”
“Yes.”
“Blackie, you have to stop coping with things that way. If you let yourself feel things, you can get past them. Doesn’t Dr. Wahlman tell you that?”
“Yes, I know.” She went over and sat on the bed.
“So when are you going to let yourself feel the death of our little baby?”
“I don’t know. Maybe when you feel better.”
“Honey, this is why you have all these problems with alcohol and drugs. You keep burying anything that hurts. It doesn’t make it go away, it just damages you.”
“I know,” he said, still fidgeting.
“Come here and sit next to me.” He hesitated and then finally sat down.
“Blackie, you’re a very strong man. You have a lot of strength of character. Why do you think you can’t ever handle emotional pain?”
“It hurts too much. I can’t take it.”
“I think it’s become a habit. You’ve avoided it in the past by substance abuse, so you think that’s the only way to handle pain. It isn’t. You need to let yourself feel it. Blackie look at me. Did you love our baby?”
“I did, yes. I really wanted it.”
“Were you starting to think about it as a child and looking forward to watching it grow up?”
“Yes,” he answered, his eyes welling up with tears.
“But now the poor little thing has died and we won’t see it grow up.”
“I know,” the tears were starting to trickle down his face.
“Please stop, Meg. I can’t take it.”
“Yes you can. You’re strong.”
“I was so happy. It was something that our love made and we’d have it forever. It was a
symbol of how much we love each other. I wanted it so bad,” he said and put his head in her lap and sobbed. She just held him, stroking his hair and let him get it all out. He finally stopped crying and just held on to her.
THIRTY-FOUR
The next morning, Jill and Katie cancelled the alarm and tiptoed into the apartment. They had containers they sat on the counter. Jill went over close to the bed and Blackie’s eyes flew open but he relaxed when he saw it was Jill. The tension in his body awakened Meg. She stirred against him, groaned quietly and started to sit up but he put his hand on her.
“Shhh, go back to sleep, honey. It’s Jill and Katie, they brought some food down.”
“I have to pee,” she said groggily.
“Okay. Here I’ll help you get up,” he said rolling to her side of the bed. “Sit up for a few minutes to make sure you’re not dizzy.” Her stomach muscles were still sore, so he helped her stand up.
“Do you feel okay?”
“Yes, I’m fine.”
Blackie walked behind her to the bathroom “Do you have everything you need in here?”
“Yes, honey, and thanks.”
He walked back to the kitchen and looked at Jill. “Hey, look at your belly. Your baby’s really growing.” He put his mouth on her belly and said, “Hey in there, it’s Uncle Blackie. I’m going to tickle you till you puke like your Mom used to do to me.” He and Jill both laughed.
“I’m very ticklish and she used to hold me down and tickle me until I threw up,” he told Katie.
“I never did that,” Jill said.
“Like hell you didn’t.”
“Anyway, that’s a terrible thing to tell a baby.”
“I’m just teasing. She won’t remember I said it anyhow,” he said, laughing and hugging Jill. “What’d you bring to eat? I’m starving.”
“We brought turkey, ham, lettuce, tomatoes and bread right from the oven,” Jill answered.
“Yum, I can smell it. Can I fix you a sandwich?”
“No, no. We’ll go back up to the house and leave you two alone.”
“Did you eat?” he asked.
“No, we’ll get something when we go back.”
“Stay, I’ll fix everyone a sandwich.”
He opened the fridge, brought out mustard, mayo, pickles and mac and cheese from the freezer. He proceeded to fix everyone a sandwich including Meg.
“Hi, sweetheart, what would you like to drink? Milk? It’s healthy.”
“Okay, if I must,” she said, wrinkling her nose. He went back to the fridge to get milk and was rummaging around in it. She let her eyes linger on his butt and the muscles in his back. He looked scrumptious.
“Jill, I don’t know if I’m going to make it for three weeks,” she said dreamily.
He brought milk and a bag of cookies to the table. He poured her a glass and sat down. He looked even yummier from the front. She couldn’t believe how horny she was getting just looking at him. He was happily munching on his sandwiches, mac and cheese, cola and chips.
�
�God, I was starving. This is so good. Thanks, guys.” He looked over at her and saw she was just picking at her food.
“You better eat little girl. You need to get your strength back.” She opened her mouth to protest, then thought better of it and took a bite of her sandwich.
He gave her a look and said, “Were you going to say something?”
“No, you’re right,” she said grudgingly.
“That’s my girl.” He said, leaned over and kissed her.
“Honey, would you mind putting some clothes on?”
“Oh, am I embarrassing Katie?” he said laughing over at Katie.
“You’re not embarrassing me. I love looking at half naked men,” Katie said laughing back at him.
“It’s not Katie, it’s me. You’re turning me on,” she said. He looked at her and laughed.
“Hey baby, this is off limits for three weeks, don’t forget.”
“I haven’t forgotten. It would be easier on me if you got dressed and didn’t look so damn good, half naked.”
He stared at Meg. “You’re serious?”
“Yes. I am.”
“Okay,” he said and got up slowly and got close to her, so her face was right at his bare belly.
“Oh, you’re sooo bad! Go get some clothes on, brat!” He laughed, kissed her and walked into the bathroom. He came back out in a few minutes in jeans and a t-shirt. He went into the fridge to get another Coke.
“Oh God, Jill, that isn’t much better. What’s wrong with me?”
“Hormones,” Jill said. Blackie sat down next to Meg and picked up his sandwich.
“Can I continue eating now that I’m decently covered?”
“Yes, you can. Just behave yourself.”
“Who me, not behave, please,” he said in mock indignation.
“Hmm, we’ll see,” she said.
“Are your wedding plans all set?” He asked Katie.
“Actually we’re changing ours a little. We’re getting married with you guys on Saturday,” she said, biting her bottom lip.
“You are, why?” Jill asked.
“Well, we just found out that I’m pregnant,” she said.
“Oh, that’s wonderful,” Jill and Blackie said. Meg was happy for them but a little jealous and sad.
“I wasn’t going to say anything yet because of your loss,” Katie said to Meg.