Pedal Me: MC (Manly Cyclist) Parody Erotica

by Roxanne Sweet

  A sadistic laugh sounds from behind me. “Sophie,” Gordon says as I turn to face him. “You came just in time.”

  He looks manic, his eyes wilder than I’ve ever seen them as he sits behind the wheel of a steamroller. He’s rolled the window down so that he can leer out at me with his evil smile. The engine is already turned on, and the massive roller at the front seems to be vibrating in anticipation.

  I barely look at Gordon or the machine, though. My eyes are on my Pink Lady, sitting helplessly in front of the steamroller. My poor girl! Don’t worry, I want to yell out to her. I’m coming for you!

  My hot pink bike is posed in the middle of the road, kickstand out to keep her up. She’s so innocent she doesn’t even know what’s coming for her. If she did, she would run. She would hide. But she can’t. It’s up to me to save her now.

  “I’ve been waiting,” Gordon goes on. “I wanted you to see me crush this useless piece of pink metal. I was getting impatient, though. I almost went ahead and did it without you.”

  “Don’t do it, Gordon,” I yell. “This is between you and me. The bike didn’t do anything to you.”

  My ex-boyfriend sneers. “You did, though. You hurt me. So I’m going to hurt you.”

  The steamroller moves an inch forward. Gasping for air, I gesticulate wildly as if that could stop Gordon from what he’s about to do.

  “Say bye-bye to the bikie, Sophie,” Gordon yells.

  My heart pounds under my huge, heaving breasts. I can’t watch the Pink Lady get crushed. Not like this.

  Rushing forward on pure instinct, I throw myself in front of my bike. This is the only way I can protect her. “I won’t let you do it!”

  Unfazed, Gordon rolls another inch forward. “Get out of the way, Sophie.”

  Four

  “Never!” I yell. I won’t get out of the way, not when he’s about to hurt my precious Pink Lady. Despite my attempted bravery, I know that I’m shaking uncontrollably and tears are beginning to run down my face.

  Just as the steamroller begins to crawl forward once more, a voice from behind it makes both me and Gordon freeze.

  “Stop right there, bike vandal!”

  It’s Nick! A vision in sunglasses and bike helmet, he’s come to save the day. After biking rapidly from behind the steamroller, he dismounts and leaps into the open window. Grabbing Gordon by the neck, he turns off the engine in a matter of seconds.

  I don’t know how he got here so fast, or how he got into the scrap yard when I only saw the one driveway that I came up. It doesn’t matter right now. I’m so happy to see his face again, I could cry!

  “Get your hands off me, cycle freak!” Gordon yells.

  Nick is yanking Gordon past the steamroller’s wheel, throwing him out onto the ground. “You’ll never harm another bicycle, you bastard.”

  Without the steamroller, all of Gordon’s strength is gone. He’s just a little whining boy when he doesn’t have a big piece of machinery to back him up.

  And his tune changes pretty fast. “What the fuck, man,” he says in a defensive voice. “I was just joking around. Why you gotta take this so seriously? I wasn’t going to do anything, not really.”

  For a moment I’m afraid that Nick is going to forgive him, to say it’s all right and even pat him on the back. Although I barely know Nick, he seems that gentle and forgiving.

  Then the moment passes, and I see the man in front of me isn’t Nick at all. It’s Axle, the rough and tough biker from the Manly Cyclists. “Get the fuck out of here,” Nick says. “You get yourself out of my sight before I count to three, or there’s going to be hell to pay.”

  “Dude,” Gordon protests.

  Nick turns his head away. He’s completely serious now, and it’s terrifying to see. “One…”

  “Hey, man…” Gordon has his hands up, trying to look innocent.

  “Two…”

  “I’m going, man, I’m going!” Gordon sprints away in a flash, peeking back over his shoulder every few seconds to check that Nick isn’t coming after him.

  I’d be scared, too, if I were him. As it stands, I bolt towards my bike. “Pink Lady!” I hold her in my arms and caress her all over, examining her to make sure that she doesn’t have a single scratch. Luckily, her veneer is just as flawlessly shiny and her chain as perfectly oiled as before.

  Nick got here just in the nick of time. If he had been a moment later, I would have been cradling a squashed slab of metal in my hands.

  After a few minutes of tearful reunion with the Pink Lady, I feel a hand on my back. “I can’t thank you enough,” I say, looking up at Nick. “How did you do it? How did you get here at the perfect moment like that?”

  Pushing up his sunglasses to reveal his piercing blue eyes, he grins. “I can’t take all the credit,” he says. “My Manly brothers suspected I might need back-up. When we left on my bike, Chains was following us. I let you take my bike, and even though he was a bit behind us, when he reached me he let me take his.”

  “You’ll have to thank him for me,” I say, trying to hold back tears.

  “You can thank him yourself when you stop by the bike repair shop.” Nick pauses, and there’s a hint of hesitation in those sharp blue eyes. “You are going to stop by, aren’t you?”

  “I’ll go anywhere you go,” I promise.

  He smiles. The arm that’s patting my back settles familiarly around my shoulder, and he draws closer to me. Our faces are so close they could touch.

  Then they do touch. Oh! His lips are as soft and smooth as the spandex he wears, even if his manly stubble is as rough and coarse as the wicker basket on the front of his bike. I stroke the strap of his helmet, finally doing what I wanted so badly to do last night.

  “You kept your promise,” he murmurs.

  “I couldn’t break a promise to you,” I reply seductively, kissing him again. “Besides, I needed a faster way to get around.”

  He eases my shirt off of me, telling me, “It’s good for the environment, too. Much better than driving.”

  “I never even got my license,” I smile as I start to peel the clingy fabric of his T-shirt over his own head.

  “That makes you about a million times hotter.”

  He stares at my chest, taking in my curves. It’s odd, but I could almost think he’s turned on by my massive tits.

  Taking a deep breath, I find the clasp to his helmet with my fingers. He smiles and allows me to undo it, then to push it off his head. After setting it carefully on the ground beside us, he looks at me. His hair is completely flattened with helmet head, and it’s poking out oddly at the sides. I’ve never been so turned on in my life.

  “I want to go on bike rides with you,” I tell him. “Just take a whole day and bike around for hours.”

  A dreamy light comes into his eyes. “I want to fuck you right on top of this bike,” he whispers romantically.

  They’re just the words I’ve been longing to hear. The outline of Nick’s bulge in his spandex shorts shows me just how much he wants me.

  “I’m ready,” I whisper back. Whipping off the rest of our clothes faster than a Tour de France cyclist whips down a racecourse, I back my curvy ass onto my Pink Lady’s seat.

  Nick’s dick is even bigger than it looked in his shorts. It’s as long as a bike pump and twice as thick. “Oh yeah, Sophie,” he growls, standing back and watching me. “Grind against that bike seat for me.”

  I do it for him, my hands between my legs as I yank the Pink Lady’s soft saddle back and forth against my clit. My pussy is as wet as a cyclist in the rain, and I want to get it pumped by that long dick of Nick’s.

  “Come here,” I whisper to him. Kicking up the kickstand, I let the bike clatter to the floor and lie down on top of its sensual metal frame. Nick gets on top of me, holding his skinny body over mine, and I whisper into his ear, “Let’s race.”

  “Ready… set… go!” he says, entering me with a bang. His slight weight pushes me down onto the frame, and I’m crying out in
pleasure as his cock bikes to the far end of my pussy and back again.

  “Yes, Nick…” I moan. “Oh, yes, Axle…”

  Nick slips my hands down, pushing them between the gears so that they’re trapped inside the bike chain. Bound like this, I’m completely at his mercy. I can’t move my hands at all now, but that only excites me more.

  “Sweat for me,” I pant, wriggling wildly with my hands trapped by the bike chain.

  “You’re going to make me rust this chain with sweat,” he growls. Embracing me in another passionate kiss, he shifts his flexible body so that one of his clean-shaved legs is right beside my face. I kiss and nip at it, too, wanting to pleasure every inch of his skinny figure that I can reach.

  I’m his precious treasure, his bike. He runs his hands all over my body as if he’s rubbing oil all over me, and I respond by arching my back in the sensual curve of a bike’s wheel. He pumps inside me, pumping me up.

  “Yes, ride me,” I moan loudly. “Pedal me!”

  “I’m about to reach the finish line,” Nick grunts.

  “Wait for me,” I protest. “I want to get there first!”

  Nick squeezes my huge tits, his eyes closed in obvious pleasure. “An experienced cyclist can’t stay back waiting for a novice,” he says. “You’ve got to learn how to do this faster.”

  “But I’m so close behind you…”

  He shakes his head. “You’re on a commuter bike, and I’m finishing on my mountain bike!”

  It’s too late, though. In the time it’s taken him to get the words out, I’ve already sprinted ahead of him. The finish line is a sea of fireworks, all exploding behind my eyes as I grab his skinny body and clutch it hard against my own. He, I, and the Pink Lady come together, all of us trembling and shaking until we dissolve into a heap of flesh and metal.

  Epilogue

  It’s been six months since those two days. Six months since I met Nick, and six months since I told Gordon to ride on out of my life forever.

  I live with Nick now, although I usually call him Axle. Every day we help out together at the bike repair shop, restoring old bikes and pimping out new ones. The Manly Cyclists weren’t too keen on me coming around at first, but eventually they relented. Chains stuck up for me, saying that I was not just Axle’s bike bitch, but also just as much of a cyclist as any of them. Wheel still doesn’t like me, but I just let his annoying comments roll off my spandex-clad back.

  Gordon came around one day looking for me. He had heard I was spending a lot of time there, and he wanted to see what was going on. The Cyclists got rid of him pretty quick. All they had to do was look at him and shift some screwdrivers menacingly in their hands, and he ran out of there with his tail between his legs. I watched every second of it, laughing from Nick’s arms.

  And every day now, Nick greases my chains. He patches my tires. And he pumps my pussy like it’s the most amazing bike in the world.

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