How to Ditch Your Fairy

by Justine Larbalestier

  I sat. Freedom forced his way past four other contenders to grab the seat next to me. Along with Statistics, Accounting is a Rochelle- and- Sandra-free class, so who sits next to me varies.

  “Go away!” I hissed as a shower of notes landed on my desk.

  “A demerit for Charlotte Steele,” Mr. Vandenhill said, chalking the last string of numbers on the board.

  “But, sir—”

  “And another one for dissent.” He consulted his tablet. “A second game suspension for you. Fencing.” He walked to my desk and brushed the notes to the ground. “Care to go for the hat trick?”

  I looked down at my desk. “No, sir.” Eight demerits. I’d just gotten my second game suspension. I couldn’t get to public service soon enough. I’d get through the game suspension. I’d work away all my demerits. Getting rid of the parking fairy meant everything was going to be okay.

  “Can you explain to the class what absorption costing is?”

  My mind went blank. Well, not blank—it was full of thoughts: about my new fairy, and what it felt like to have all the boys following me around, sort of tingly and cheek warming but also strange and wobbly making, about Steffi, about the horrors of accounting and Vandenhill, but there wasn’t a glimmer of an inkling of a notion of what absorption costing was. “Um . . .”

  “Um?” Vandenhill raised his eyebrow. “Did you not do your assigned reading, Charlotte Steele?”

  I had done the reading. Last night in Danders Anders’s car. Why couldn’t I remember it? “Yes, sir.”

  “Then what is absorption costing?”

  “I don’t remember, sir. I did so much reading last night that it’s fallen out of my head.” I was so tired it was hard to remember my own name.

  “Another demerit. And you will transmit your assignment on absorption costing by first bell tomorrow.”

  I watched the assignment appear on my tablet. It looked long. Less than five minutes into class and I’d earned three demerits, a game suspension, and an epically long extra assignment. Even for me it was impressive. My grand total was now nine. All I had to do was get through the rest of the day.

  Freedom put his hand on my knee. I shoved it off. “You’re so pulchritudinous, Charlie.”

  Vandenhill saw the whole thing. “And that would be three demerits and a visit to the principal’s office for you, Freedom Hazal.”

  “Sir?” Freedom asked.

  “Now,” Vandenhill said. “To return to absorption costing,” he continued as Freedom picked up his bag and slunk out the door, casting a longing look back at me. “What are you doing, Bluey Salazar?”

  Bluey was halfway out of his seat. “Um. I thought I should sit down next to Charlie.”

  “One demerit and stay where you are. I would like to remind everyone this is an accounting class, not an ogling-Charlotte- Steele class.”

  There was a murmur around the room. I could feel everyone looking at me; not all of them were looking with admiration. My cheeks burned.

  They were still burning when the bell for end of class sounded. I shoved my tablet into my bag and made my way out of class with Bluey chattering away beside me. Freedom Hazal was waiting for me in the corridor. He looked all dewy. Like he might cry if I didn’t talk to him. I nodded briefly.

  “Hey, Charlie, whatcha doing after school?” Freedom asked.

  “Public service. Weren’t you supposed to go to the principal’s office? I can’t be talking to you. Heather won’t like it.” I smiled, trying not to be too mean about it, but I didn’t need more hassling from Freedom or Heather.

  “That’s right,” Mazza said. His arms were wrapped around the biggest bunch of roses I’d ever seen. “You need to leave Charlie alone.” He turned to thrust the roses at me. “These are for you. I bought them for my mom—it’s her birthday—but you should have them.”

  “Thanks, Mazza,” I said, almost falling under their weight. They were bigger than me. “They’re gorgeous. But shouldn’t you give them to your mom?” I asked, though I couldn’t actually see him.

  “I’ll get something else for her. I want you to have them.”

  “Okay,” I said. I didn’t have time to argue. Which locker was I going to stash them in? My main locker was already full and my tennis, fencing, and cricket lockers were too crammed with gear. Then I had a brain wave.

  “Could you mind them for me, Mazza? Till after school? I’ll get a demerit if I bring them to class.”

  He slapped his forehead. I had never seen anyone do that before. “I’m so sorry! I can’t believe I didn’t think of that!”

  One of his friends started to talk to me, and then Freedom and Bluey tried to get me to meet them after school since they were now convinced I was meeting Mazza. I had to bite my lip to keep from giggling.

  “I gotta get to class. Demerits, don’t you know? Remember them? See you all later!” I took off at a run, laughing.

  I was a natural for the every- boy- will- like- you fairy: I knew how to deal with Freedom and the rest, and if that didn’t work I could always outrun them.

  CHAPTER 32

  Possibilities

  Demerits: 9

  Conversations with Steffi: 11

  Game suspensions: 2

  Public service hours: 19

  Number of Steffi kisses: 4

  Boys who like me: all of them

  Girls who hate me: Heather Sandol

  Danders Anders was the first one to meet me after school.

  “Park,” he called, opening the door and gesturing for me to get in. “Emergency.”

  I leaned in through the door. “The parking fairy’s gone,” I told him. “I can’t help you.”

  Danders shook his head.

  “Truly, Andrew, it’s gone this time.”

  “Lies.”

  I shrugged. I was relieved I’d gotten through the day without earning a school suspension, plus Danders would believe me soon enough. I climbed in, tossing my bag onto the backseat, and reached out to close the door.

  “Wait!” Mazza came running up, yelling and breathless. “Charlie! Your flowers! I thought! We! Could! Hang! Out!”

  A billion roses pressed into my face.

  “Can’t, Mazza,” I said, my eyes watering from the rose fumes. “I’ve got public service. Andrew here is kindly giving me a lift.” Danders didn’t say anything. “Could you put the flowers in back?”

  Danders made the door click open and Mazza laid them reverently on the seat. He closed the door and the car filled with the smell of roses. I coughed. It was like being in a florist. I wound down the window.

  Danders didn’t say anything as he drove into town. He remained silent as he circled one block four times.

  “This where you’re hoping for a parking spot?” I asked at last.

  “Parking fairy gone?” Danders asked.

  “Parking fairy gone,” I confirmed.

  He sighed. It was probably the saddest sound I’d ever heard.

  “Will you drop me off at public service?” I asked. “I’m at Hillside cemetery.”

  Danders sighed again.

  “What’s your emergency, Andrew? You really do have an emergency, don’t you?”

  “Money,” he said, and he made the word even sadder than his sighs.

  “But you’ll have lots of money next year. When you’re an Our.”

  “Next year,” Danders said as if that was too far away too imagine.

  He let me off at the cemetery.

  “Good luck,” I told him. “Hope your money worries are over soon.”

  He said nothing.

  Fiorenze dashed over to hug me. She was covered in dirt and I hadn’t put my vest on yet. “You’re making me dirty!” I shouted though I didn’t really care. It felt wonderful to be at public service again, making my demerits go away.

  “Sorry,” she said, sounding not even slightly sorry and steering me toward where she was working.“Guess what? I walked part of the way here! Can you believe that?”

  “Um, yes?�
�� I brushed off the dirt she’d gotten all over me, pulled my vest and gloves on, then bent down to pick up a chewing gum wrapper, which I dropped in the non-recyclable sack.

  “Waverly dropped me off,” Fiorenze said, adding a handful of weeds to the compost sack, “and on my own I walked past a bunch of boys and they didn’t even look at me! All they cared about were their boards. I’m so happy! I love your fairy! I mean my fairy.”

  I grinned. “I love your fairy too! My fairy! Our fairies! Poor Danders couldn’t find a parking spot! I’m free!”

  “That’s stellar! We’re both free!”

  “And the boys at school are being so sweet,” I continued, grinning at the thought of Steffi’s kisses. “You should see the flowers they gave me!” Then I remembered that the roses were still on the backseat of Danders Anders’s car. Oh well, it was the thought that counted, right? “Me and Steffi are boyfriend and girlfriend now. I really like him.”

  “That’s even more stellar, then,” Fiorenze said. “Though he liked you before the fairy.”

  “I hoped so, but it was hard to tell. You know, what with you having the fairy and all.”

  “Which means the fairy’s only strengthening his feelings about you.”

  He had said all those lovely things about me. Stuff he’d never said before. “Can life get any better than this?”

  “Doubt it,” Fiorenze said, picking up a used condom and depositing it in the nonrecyclables. “Ewww. Just as well these gloves are so thick.”

  “Isn’t it? I’m doing eight hours tonight and I’ll be quiet as a mouse tomorrow. I am not going to get a school suspension!”

  “Eight hours? The cemetery closes at eleven.”

  “Oh right, five hours, then,” I said, dropping a candle stub in the nonrecyclables bag. “I’ve been meaning to ask, but what did you do to get demerits? You’re always so quiet in class. I’ve never seen you in trouble.”

  Fiorenze laughed. “I broke a vase over Freedom Hazal’s head.”

  “How come I never heard that?”

  Fiorenze shrugged. “Freedom wasn’t exactly boasting about it. He told everyone it was a boarding accident.”

  “Yay you! I think the fairy works extra-strong on Freedom.”

  “It does,” Fiorenze said firmly.

  “He’s creepy.”

  “Not as creepy as Irwin Daniels.”

  “Irwin Daniels is a creep?” I asked.

  Fiorenze nodded. “Him, I punched. Every demerit I’ve earned has been because of the boy fairy.”

  “But I thought the rule protected you?”

  “Mostly. But sometimes the boys get out of line. I’m supposed to tell the teachers and not take matters into my own hands.”

  “Not break stuff over their heads or punch them?” I asked.

  “You got it.”

  “You know, the boy fairy is a great way to figure out who the creeps are. Most of the boys have been gentlemanly. I haven’t had to use violence.”

  Fiorenze didn’t say anything. I wondered if she was embarrassed that I was handling the fairy so much better than she had.

  “I’m really glad we swapped,” I said.

  “Me too.”

  I managed five hours. Fiorenze left after three, her demerits all scrubbed away.

  CHAPTER 33

  Less Than Doos

  Demerits: 9 -5 = 4

  Conversations with Steffi: 11

  Game suspensions: 2

  Public service hours: 24

  Number of Steffi kisses: 4

  Boys who like me: all of them

  Girls who hate me: Heather Sandol

  The next morning as my dad dropped me off, a mob of boys congregated around the car. They surged forward as I opened the door.

  “You haven’t done anything to annoy anyone, have you?” Dad asked, reaching across to close the door. “Looks like they have pitchforks hidden behind their backs.”

  “Dad!” I grinned. “Don’t be torpid. They’re just pleased to see me.” I couldn’t see Steffi anywhere amongst them.

  “All of them? I didn’t know you were friends with that many boys. You’re sure?” he asked, looking out the window at Bluey, Mazza, Freedom, and the rest, who, while they didn’t actually have their faces pressed up against it, were pretty close.

  “A hundred and ten percent sure.” Though I had to admit the boys didn’t look quite as smiley as they had yesterday. Probably they missed me. I kissed Dad on the cheek and slid out of the car.

  The boys started talking to me all at once. It was like the sound a crowd makes when it’s the finals and you’re out in the middle of the field with the red ball in your hand and your team only needs to bag a few more for the win.

  A roar.

  You can’t distinguish your name from your team’s from your city’s. The boos from the yays. All you can do is narrow your focus to the batter and the wicket they’re guarding. To making those stumps explode.

  Or, in this case, to finding a path past the school gates and into Biology. Even though Mr. Kurimoto was probably the only teacher in school who didn’t issue demerits. All he cared about were red blood cells and fast-twitch muscles. But his was the only compulsory class I enjoyed.

  “Hi,” I said, smiling all around me, wondering where Steffi was. I thought about pulling out my lucky ball, but there wasn’t exactly much room for spinning it. “Coming through. Hope you’re happy. I’m happy. We’re all happy. Happiness everywhere. Ow!” This last because my hair was being yanked. I turned. A boy I didn’t know had his hand in my hair. “Let go!”

  “Can’t!” he said. “It’s my school ring. In your hair.”

  Desperately he tried to untangle his ring, while at least a dozen other boys yelled at him.

  “Stop it!” I yelled back. “Be quiet! I can’t hear my own thoughts.”

  The boy’s hand came free, but there was still something in my hair.

  “My ring,” he said.

  “I’ll get it to you later,” I told him. “But if we don’t get to class soon we’ll all get demerits.”

  This got through to some of them and my way into the science block became clearer. Eyes on the stumps, I told myself. Bluey, Mazza, and Freedom buzzed along beside me as I tried to get the ring out of my hair.

  “Sit with me at first recess, yeah?” Freedom was asking. Mazza and Bluey were saying pretty much the same thing, though Mazza was also asking where in my bedroom I’d put the roses and if I’d thought of him as I looked at them. I didn’t have the heart to say they were probably still in Danders’s car and that the only person I’d been thinking of when I passed out last night was Steffi.

  “My stop,” I said, pushing past them into Biology. All the male faces in the room turned to me as if they were flowers and I the sun. I smiled and slid into my regular seat next to Rochelle. She smiled too, but I could tell she was still unhappy with me.

  “What are you doing?” she asked.

  “There’s a ring in my hair.”

  “Let me. No, don’t pull away from me. Here,” Rochelle said as it came free.

  I took the ring from her. The side of the crest was dented. I pushed at it to no effect and then gave up and put it into my pocket. “Fiorenze likes my parking fairy.”

  “I’m sure she does.”

  “This swap is working out.” A note landed on my desk. And then another. Then three more.

  “Mmm.”

  “What?” I asked.

  “There are rumors flying around, Charlie. They’re not kind.”

  “About me?”

  “About you.”

  “The immune system,” Mr. Kurimoto said, stalking into class, late as usual. “What can you tell me about the effects of extreme fitness on the immune system, Rochelle?”

  Someone put their hand on my shoulder. I startled and turned around. Irwin Daniels was licking his lips.

  “Desist!” I hissed.

  “Why?” he whispered. “You want me to touch you, don’t you?”

 
“No!” Fiorenze was so right about Irwin.

  “You’re the one with the fairy that makes me feel this way,” he whispered, leaning forward and stroking my hair and then my back. I shook him off again. “Quit it!”

  “Shouldn’t have stolen Fiorenze’s fairy, then, should you?”

  “Did not,” I said, leaning as far forward in my seat as I could. Why would he say such a torpid thing? It was just as well most boys weren’t like Irwin or Freedom.

  “Rumors like that,” Rochelle said under her breath.

  “Irwin,” Mr. Kurimoto said. “Keep your hands to yourself. Do you agree with Rochelle’s and Meike’s answers?

  Why?”

  Fencing was next. I sprinted the whole way, ducking and weaving, with Rochelle running interference and setting awesome picks. It was fun but exhausting, and I couldn’t help missing when we played ball together all the time. She said good- bye, heading off to basketball ( just to make my pang of envy bigger), and I collapsed onto the nearest bench. If I made it into the basketball stream then everything would be perfect.

  “How much did you pay Fiorenze to get her fairy?”

  I looked up. Heather Sandol and her best friends, Alicia and Tracy, were staring at me with their hands on their hips. I’d heard the expression “lips curled with contempt,” but now I was seeing actual lips actually curling.

  “I didn’t. We swapped.”

  The withering-glare triplets said nothing.

  “I just wanted to get rid of my parking fairy.”

  “Yes,” Tracy said. “Because they’re such a trial.”

  “No boyfriend of your own,” Heather said. “So you had to steal Fiorenze’s fairy.”

  “I didn’t steal it!”

  “That’s injured,” Alicia said. “You’re injured.” She spat. The globule landed just in front of my feet. “None of the boys like you, Charlie. You’re forcing them to. Against their wills. You’re turning the boys into zombies.”