by Amy Brent
There was a faint scent of her still in the room and he rolled to that side to inhale deeply as he pushed away the voice telling him to wash the damn sheets. He didn’t want to. It was all that he had of her in his life and Declan wrapped his arms around Mallory’s old pillow and started to cry. God, he missed her.
The next day was rough and Rory eyed him as he took a seat in their shared English class. “Late night?”
“Yeah, I had a few drinks at the bar.” Declan replied while he grabbed the coffee cup he’d brought with him. He took a long sip and appreciated the liquid heat down his throat. Coffee had become a necessity more than ever now along with a new energy drink that he’d found that was lower calorie and full of healthy vitamins. “How about you?”
“I was studying with Deb,” Rory replied as Declan frowned slowly at the tone in his voice. “Are you ready for the test today?”
“Yeah, mostly. It should be easy enough.” Declan shot a look at his best friend with a small smile. “School and rugby are two things that I am serious about.” That was it now. He just kept up with Mallory through updates from Mary and Rayna and lived with that, relieved that she was finally seeing a therapist and dealing with her grief.
He was noticing how the girls were looking at him more and more at school and his willpower was fading. He’d been on his own for several months now with no contact and Declan was used to regular sex before he’d gotten in a relationship. There were no signs of Mallory coming back so would it be so wrong? Maybe she was doing the same though the idea of her with another man after all that they had shared killed him. No. She was just getting better for herself and they’d be together again soon.
Until then, he knew that he was getting weaker.
Declan decided to hang out with Rory and Deb one weekend and they met at the restaurant where he’d taken Mallory on their first date. Brittany took them to the table and offered him a seductive look when she realized that he was alone and it only reminded him of Mallory. He made it through the meal since this was Deb’s favorite place and it happened to be close to the bar they were going to afterward. There was a band playing and Declan thought that might be a nice change of pace from whiskey filled nights at his own personal haunt. He ordered a beer with dinner and leaned back as he forced the memories of Mallory out of his mind as they ordered appetizers.
The conversation was upbeat over dinner since Rory’s girlfriend was such a happy girl. She brightened any room. Declan knew that she was insanely worried about him but he always made sure to assure her that he was doing fine. He just needed time.
Rory noticed Brittany lingering around the table at the end of the meal as she chatted with them and Declan felt his eyes on him as she stared at him with heavy eyes. They both realized that she knew their plans for the night and Declan finished his beer before he stood up to leave. He told Brittany goodbye and his eyes slipped down her body as she turned with the money as pain flooded him.
“Are you moving on?” Rory asked him in a low voice as they followed Deb through the noisy restaurant.
“I don’t know. It’s been four months, Rory. I need to do…something.” That was forever to a guy like Declan and Rory whistled as he shook his head.
“You’ve held out and done the right thing. I can see that.” Rory agreed as the guys shared a look. “It’s not replacing her, Deck. Nothing ever will.” His eyes moved to his own girlfriend as he spoke and De clan felt envy spike through his heart. He’d had that at one time with so much promise.
The bar was filling up when they walked in and Declan took a look around as they went to get some drinks. There was a good mix of men and women and some of the girls were pretty hot. He’d heard enough gushing about his hair lately to know that it attracted women all of the time and he slid his hands through it tonight painfully as he tried to keep his hands from shaking. He could do this.
They drank a few beers before the band came on and Declan slipped in a few shots of his favorite whiskey to numb his pain when he could. He wasn’t driving home since Deb was their driver and wanted the guys to have some fun. She was happily sipping a soda as she talked to a few friends around the bar while Rory and Declan looked on with wide grins. The crowd screamed as the popular local band took the stage and Declan sipped a fresh beer as he took in the heavy beat of the drums and the guitar that kicked in after. He was feeling no pain and he moved a little with the crowd around him while Rory joined Deb and wrapped his arms around her.
He didn’t pay too much attention to the bodies pressed against him at first but soon a familiar scent was flooding his nostrils as Declan blinked. “Hey, stranger.” Brittany was beside him with her hair loose around her shoulders and a sleek camisole covering what Declan knew were pert little breasts.
“Hi.” She was sipping a drink as she glanced from the band to him and he felt heat flood his groin at the look she was giving him. “I heard you were going to be here. I was meeting friends anyway, so…here we are.” She smiled and he moved his hand down to adjust himself.
They stayed near each other through the second set and drank some more and he didn’t resist her kiss at the end of the night in his state of mind. Brittany had pulled him to a dark corner just as the set was ending and made her move and he allowed her tongue to slide inside of his mouth as he pulled her closer. It wasn’t the taste that he craved so badly but Brittany knew what he liked and she used those skills to draw him in.
She was slipping her hands all over his body as they kissed hard and fast and Declan slid his hands down to cup her curvy ass as emotions flooded him heavily. Lust overruled all them as his body pulsed and Declan moaned as Brittany gripped his hair and sucked on his lower lip. “Your place.” He rasped as he looked around for a door. She lived within walking distance and he knew that he could be inside of her within twenty minutes if they hurried.
“Yes,” Brittany moaned as she kissed him one more time before she pulled him to the door. Declan clutched her hand as they left but he did manage to catch Rory’s frown before they left the bar. It was too unsettling to think about and he dragged her down the road towards her apartment as she struggled to keep up. “In a hurry?” Her voice was seductive and he pinched his nose for a long second before he answered.
“I need to fuck you.” His voice sounded raw and he swallowed dryly as he heard her giggle. They made their way down the street and reached her door as he slammed her against it and kissed her hard. Brittany wrapped her arms around him and returned his aggression with a deep thrust of her tongue. Somehow, De clan managed to get hold of her keys and open the door before they fell inside the living room. He didn’t need to look around as he’d seen it before. He was familiar with this place but not sure about the way that he flipped her onto her back to push her shirt off. She was bare as usual and Brittany tossed the shirt to the couch as he kicked her door closed.
Declan covered her with his body as he kissed her lips and neck. His hands wandered all over, cupping here and squeezing there as Brittany urged him on. He moved down to suck her nipple deep into his mouth as she cried out loudly and pulled on his hair. Her hands were tugging at the button of his jeans and Brittany managed to slip her hand down to cup his hard cock with her hand as he jerked with a groan.
He looked down to see her short skirt pushed up past her thighs and spread them harder as he thrust into her grip. De clan ran his hands up her thighs before he stroked her with one firm move of his hand. Brittany moaned and jerked against him as he found her slick entrance with his fingers and thrust deeply. She rocked against him as she gripped him harder and he waited until she was crying out his name before he withdrew his hand. Declan managed to strip clumsily as she stood to guide him to her bedroom and he followed her blindly as he felt his need rising even higher. “Do you have a condom?” He hadn’t even thought about carrying them for a while and ice flooded his veins as he remembered why in his drunken haze.
“We’re all set,” Brittany assured him as he pushed open her bedroom door an
d watched her walk over to the mattress. She crawled over to her nightstand as he stared at her in the light from the hallway and stepped forward as she tossed something his way. Declan grabbed the packet and ripped it open as he moved onto the bed and slid it over himself. He didn’t know how he wanted her but he just needed to be inside of her and forget his pain.
“Stay on your knees.” Declan told Brittany as he spread her legs and positioned himself behind her. He drove into her with one hard thrust and his ears rang as she wrapped tightly around him, unable to hear her screaming his name as he took her harder and harder. Nothing seemed enough and suddenly he was coming inside of the condom and she was shaking before him as she released for the second time. “Fuck.” Declan groaned as he shot forward with his orgasm before his body collapsed to the side.
“You’ve never been like that. It felt so good, Deck.” Brittany murmured as he pinched his eyes closed tightly. He was too drunk and the voice wasn’t the one that he needed as he ran his hands through his hair.
CHAPTER 5
They dozed off after the sex and he woke up with a jolt as he felt skin against his. “Mal?” Declan whispered as he looked around the room. It wasn’t his house and it wasn’t her scent. He sat up slowly as he saw the dark hair against the pink sheets and frowned. Brittany. She looked spent and he could feel that he’d gone at her pretty hard. He stood up weakly as he glanced down to see the condom half on him and pulled it off as he walked quietly to the bathroom.
Declan didn’t want to wake her up. He needed time to process all of this. He tied off the latex and dropped it into the trash like he had in the old days before Mallory with a pained look in his eyes. Deep down, he knew that he had done nothing wrong but he felt torn inside. He made his way to the living room so he could make sense of his clothes and pull them back on. Declan looked around slowly before he made sure he had everything and left the apartment alone. He locked the door from the inside and made sure that it was secure before he walked down to the street and pulled up his Uber app for a ride home.
Declan slept for a few hours before he went to practice tired and a bit hungover. Rory met him on the field and looked his best friend over closely. “So how was it?”
“I banged her so hard and it scratched the itch, but it wasn’t Mallory. I don’t know.” Declan spoke low, not proud of what he did and willing to brag about it. He never was that type but rumors go around and he felt like some guys looked up to him in some odd way. He glanced around to see if anyone had heard as he pulled his hair back with a sigh.
“What if she wants a repeat performance?” Rory asked as Declan frowned.
“I can’t wait forever…can I? Maybe it will help me move on once I adjust again. I didn’t want to be single like this, Rory.” Declan told him as his best friend nodded. They heard the coach call out to start and headed over with the team.
Declan went home and took a nap before he just settled in to watch TV for the night. He wasn’t in the best of moods and when his phone chimed with a text, he glanced over to see Brittany’s name. Declan sighed. She’d stopped calling when they ended before but now he had really piqued her interest all over again. Would it be so wrong to see her again? He would always want Mallory and miss her but he couldn’t force her to be back with him. He decided to text Brittany back and see what happened with it.
There was a game the next day and Declan felt really amped up from the emotions running through his body. He took full advantage of his size and position to tackle as much as he could and Rory shot him a look when they took a break together. “Settle down. What’s with you?” Rory asked as Declan took a swig of water and watched the game continue.
“I talked to Britt last night. We’re going out tonight.” Declan told him as Rory raised his eyebrows. “I can’t wait forever so I am going to date around a bit. Nothing serious for a really long time, though.”
He glanced up into the seats to see the pretty brunette watching the game as she waved at him. Declan smiled back at her before he ducked into the locker room to shower and change to head back home. They were going to dinner in a few hours and he figured that he’d put some effort in.
The guys parted at their cars as Declan took a quick look around to see if Brittany was waiting for him anywhere. She must have gone home to spend what he figured was a few hours getting ready based on what he knew about her, as well as how good she looked at work. Declan said goodbye to the guys after they talked to some fans. He got into his car and drove home slowly to park in the driveway. He hadn’t replaced the SUV and the check was sitting in the bank until he was ready to face things. Declan got out and walked up to his door lost in thought as he started to unlock his door. Someone cleared their throat and he jumped as he glanced over to the left to see someone sitting in the chairs that surrounded his fire pit. “Deck?” Her voice broke through his thoughts as he dropped his bag to the ground and stepped forward.
“Mallory?” Her hair was longer and in loose curls as he peered through the shadows to see her face. “What are you doing here?”
“I…I needed some time. Everything hit me so hard and I felt like I lost our baby and I felt so guilty. I couldn’t face that.” He moved to sit down in front of her and stared into her beautiful face. “I didn’t want to be reminded of what happened and I didn’t want to be a burden to you.”
“A burden? You are my fiancée and you were having my baby.” Declan said in a broken voice as he moved his hands forward to touch her face. He stroked her cheek and felt the dampness on her skin as he blinked. “I wanted nothing more than to take care of you. I’ve been so fucking lost without you.”
“I was lost without you. I wanted to be with Mary and Rayna and just find myself again. It’s a habit since they’ve been there for a while now and I couldn’t imagine that you would still want me. I knew they’d push me into getting help and wouldn’t let me slip away…somewhere deep down. You know how scared I was about us and after the accident and losing Lindsay, I thought we’d lost everything that we had.” Tears were sliding down her cheeks in rapid succession now and he scooted closer to pull her into his arms. “I went to therapy. I talked to this great woman about all of these feelings and I cried so much. I got so much out dating way back to my parents and all of that. It was so painful but it felt good to just let it go.” She slipped her arms around his neck and her hand found the band that was holding his hair up as she tugged it down. “You feel so good. I missed your arms, your lips. I missed all of you.”
“Are you here to…be with me again?” Any thoughts about his date faded from his mind as he pulled away to look at her in the light of the front porch as it turned on automatically. “Mallory?”
“I need you. I don’t know where we’re going to start or even finish but I need you so much.” Mallory told him tearfully as she leaned closer. “I want to try again.”
“Yes. I do as well.” Declan saw the night with Brittany flash through his mind as he moved closer to her and the guilt washed over him in waves. “I love you, Mal.”
Their lips met eagerly and he parted her lips as he enjoyed the sweet taste of her mouth. “Oh, Deck. I missed you.” Mallory murmured between kisses and she moved closer to him and gripped his body. “I love you so much.”
He pulled her over him securely as she wrapped her body around his eagerly and Declan asked silently why this was happening now. He would have never gone home with Brittany and the date passed through his mind as he told himself to be decent enough to cancel it. “I want you so bad…can you be with me?” Declan asked as she took a deep breath and stared at him. “I know that you were supposed to take a break. I don’t have to but I have thought about you constantly.”
“It’s fine physically. I am still scared that I’m not good enough for you…that I failed you. I know that’s wrong but I can’t hide from that anymore.” Mallory replied as she pressed her forehead against his. “Yes. I want it all.”
They kissed for several moments before they made their way to
wards the door. Declan unlocked it and brought all of his things in as she watched with a nervous smile inside the living room. Declan closed the door and moved over to kiss her again hard as she moaned. “I need to tell you something before we do this. I have to handle something.” Declan pulled away and then kissed her again before he slipped his phone from his pocket. “I actually had a date tonight but I didn’t want it. I was forcing myself to move on and I can’t be an asshole and just stand her up.”
“A date.” Mallory paled and he dialed Brittany’s number slowly as he watched the pain cross her face. She answered in a cheerful voice and he took a deep breath before he told her that he had to cancel tonight. Declan was honest enough to tell her that there was no chance of anything happening again between them and he hung up as he stared at Mallory. “Who was that?”
“The waitress from the restaurant that night.” Declan told her as she thought for a moment and frowned. “It was nothing other than my trying to forget you. I know that I never could but I had been waiting for months and it was looking so hopeless. I didn’t know what else to do.”
“You slept with her?” Mallory asked as he moved forward to kiss her gently.
“Very recently but it wasn’t anything close to what we have. I was just lonely and drunk, to be honest.” Declan told her as tears filled her eyes. “I love you. I am here with you and there’s nowhere that I’d rather be. Please forgive me…I felt terrible afterward.”