by ERIN BEDFORD
“But I’m not a little girl anymore. I can take care of myself.” I tried to reason with her, no longer wanting to play the game I started.
“That remains to be seen.” She sniffed and looked down at me with disapproval in her eyes. “Anyways, I’m tired of standing in this drafty library, come through and we can discuss this like civilized adults.”
She was being nice. Too nice. There had to be something she wanted, or something she was planning.
My lips twisted in an unpleasant grimace before I reached up to touch the frame. Alice’s hand stopped me before I could activate it.
“What is it?” I lowered my hand and turned to her.
“What if it’s a trap?” she whispered, her eyes darting to the glass and back. “I’m still a fugitive, remember? What if it’s just a trap to throw me back in that cell? I won’t want to go back there, I won’t!”
I hadn’t thought of Alice’s position in the Underground, or what making her come with me would mean. I grabbed her hand in mine and gave my attention back to my mother, who wasn’t even pretending not to be eavesdropping on us.
“Before I come through, I need to make a deal.”
“Oh?” her eyes lit up in a way that I knew nothing good would come from. “A deal? That’s new. I’m assuming this has to do with the little faker?”
I winced at the title Alice had earned from her wish. While Alice might be Fae now, she wasn’t always, and being magically endowed by a tree wasn’t something that the born Fae were very fond of. Being Fae wasn’t something you could just buy, and that was pretty much exactly what she had done. It didn’t win her any fans, not that her tricking Dorian helped her cause any.
“I need you to promise not to hurt Alice or put her back in that Hall of Mirrors. It wasn’t her fault she was tricked.”
“But it is her fault that my darling girl got her heart broken.” Her eyes shot an icy laser at Alice, who cringed and cowered beside me. “She had to be punished.”
“Fine. She was punished. Now it’s done.”
“But what do I get in return? Pardoning a criminal is a high price, and I require equal payment.”
“And what would be suitable payment for the life of one of your citizens?” Regret instantly formed in my throat at my question. I had opened myself up to whatever she wanted in return. I could only hope whatever she wanted was something I was willing to give.
She didn’t even think about it. The moment I asked the question she was talking again, “I want your word that you will not try to take the Seelie throne until the time that I step down.”
Of course she would want something worth more than what we were trading for, though it was only worth more to her than to me. She had made it clear where her thoughts were, and she found me a threat to her power. Well, she could keep her stinking throne and all that went with it. I didn’t want it. Not that I was going to tell her that.
“I have a condition to add to that trade.” I cleared my throat and tried to sound as superior as possible. “If you are to stay on the throne, I believe it is only fair that a council of your peers — not selected by you, but by the people,” I continued before she could say anything, “To have final say in all major decision concerning the court and its citizens.” Her mouth opened to protest, but I held a hand up. “It’s a reasonable request seeing as how you caused this whole mess with the Shadows in the first place by making such decisions on your own.”
Her eyebrows furrowed and a gnashing frown distorted her face. She wasn’t happy with my condition, but the fact that she was thinking about it said that she knew I was right. But the question was would she do what was right, or would her pride get in the way?
After what seemed like hours, she finally threw up her hands in defeat. “Fine. I agree to your conditions. We will hold elections after this whole Shadows ordeal is dealt with. Agreed?”
I thought about it for a moment. Was there a way she could get around this? Had I messed up in some way? If the council was elected and not appointed by her then it would be less likely that she would be able to sway them to her way of thinking by bribery or threats. There really wasn’t much else I could do to keep her in line without taking the throne myself. And I so did not want to do that.
“Well, what are you waiting for? Do you not wish to save your beau?” A twinge of irritation pinched her face, and she showed the first signs of being nervous by fussing with her skirt.
“No, I’m coming.” My eyes met Alice’s anxious face one last time before I reached my hand back up to touch the edge of the mirror.
The moment my hand touched the frame the familiar ripple coasted across the surface, activating the magic that Pat had no doubt put there. I took Alice’s hand in mine giving it a tight squeeze, though I wasn’t sure if it was more to reassure me or her. I think we both needed a little bit of comfort at this point.
When Alice and I stepped through the mirror and landed on the other side, I knew instantly something was wrong. The smile on my mother’s face was just too happy for shit not to be hitting the fan. My question was answered when the guards circled Alice and me, their swords at the ready.
“What’s going on?” I kept my eyes on the guards, my body tense and ready for whatever they might throw at us. I wasn’t too worried, last time she had thrown more guards than this at me, and I took them all out without a sweat. But I had also been high on rage at the time, right now all I felt was uncertainty.
“I’m not doing anything, dear.” The laugh that came out of her was wicked and full of self-satisfaction.
I glanced from the guards to her pale white face. “Then call your goons off.”
“Goons?”
This time when she laughed it was like tinkling bells with an edge. It shivered along my arms and down my spine. It wasn’t a pleasant feeling.
“You heard her boys, back off.”
At her orders, the guards lowered their weapons but didn’t move. They stayed circled around Alice and me, their eyes locked on us like we were going to attack them at any moment. If I had time for it I probably would have.
Deciding to ignore the little show she was putting on, I turned to her, my face deadly serious. “I’m here. Now can we please discuss Chess?”
“You are just no fun.” My mother gave an overdramatic sigh, her hands holding up her dress as she approached me, circling me like the vulture she was. “Unlike, the half-breed. He used to be a lot of fun. Though, he still is in a different kind of way.” A secretive smile covered her face and it made me sick to my stomach.
Had she and Chess? Had they? I couldn’t even imagine it. My stomach rolled and I felt like I was going to be sick.
“Are you all right? You are looking a bit pale.” She smoothed a hand along my back, patting it like the doting mother she wasn’t. The feel of it along my spine made my skin crawl, and I did everything in my power not to jerk away from her.
“You.” She pointed a finger at the guard who’d had fear in his eyes when I looked at him. “Go get us something to drink and a cool cloth and bring it to my room. My daughter is feeling ill and we must make sure she is well taken care of.”
Turning back to me, she placed a hand on my face and I let her. “Come, let us retire to my boudoir and we can discuss this unhealthy obsession with that ridiculous cat.”
She looped her arm through mine and led me toward the library door. I walked with her until I noticed that Alice was not following. She was still by the mirror with guards all around her.
“Wait.” I planted my feet on the floor causing her to stop in her tracks. “What about Alice? She needs to come too.”
“But whatever for?” she cocked her head to the side, a questioning frown on her face. “She can’t help you save the cat. There is no reason why she needs to be present at all. She’ll be fine, my guards will be sure she is taken care of. Besides,” She hugged me close to her and whispered gently, “We haven’t had mother-daughter time in a long time
. I think we are passed due, don’t you?” she smiled at me ending her words with a high-pitched lilt.
Did I really want to have mother-daughter time with the Seelie Queen? No. Did I believe for one minute that Alice would be safe with the guards? Hell, no. But did I really have a choice?
Alice in a moment of courage I would never have expected from her spoke out, “Go ahead, Lady. I’ll be fine.” She placed her hands on her hips, giving the guards a haughty glare. “These bullies don’t frighten me.” I half expected her to stick her tongue out at them, but she didn’t, and just did her best to seem as intimidating as possible for a girl in a powder blue tea dress. Good for her. She was more mature than me.
“See, all is well.” she placed a hand on my lower back, driving me back toward the library door and leaving poor Alice lost in a wonder of men.
* * *
I HADN’T BEEN to my parent’s room in like, well, ever. We weren’t that close of a family, and besides meals and the occasional visit from my father in the library, I didn’t really see them that often. My mother, as most could tell, was not exactly the maternal type, and I sure as hell didn’t come running to her when I was scared or hurt. I had a nanny for that.
It was funny how my human life had been painted in almost the exact same way as my Fae one. Except for the arranged marriage and the dying. Those I was happy to not have written into my second life.
A servant opened large doubled doors, decorated with golden vines and leaves. The servant kept its eyes down when the queen passed but snuck a look at me when my mother wasn’t looking. Unable to help myself, I gave the servant a wink, causing them to startle and blush.
I kept our encounter quiet and made my face stay neutral as I entered the room. I wouldn’t want her to think I was having too much fun, or she might do something really atrocious. Not that the threats to mine and my friends’ lives weren’t already bad enough.
The room we entered had to be the sitting room, because there was only a sofa, colored in a deep red with matching armchairs and a coffee table in between. The red was the color of dried blood, making the room less welcoming and more like a crime scene. Apparently, the white and gold décor wasn’t something she cared for either.
The walls were just as bad, colored in a bright red that seemed to drip down the surface as if it was a living being and bleeding. I kept away from the furniture and walls and let out a breath of relief when she didn’t linger in the room. She went straight for a door on the right side of the room.
There was another door on the left side that was either a bathroom or something else altogether. It might have been my father’s room. I wasn’t sure if they were still sleeping in the same room or not. If I were him, I wouldn’t want to breathe, let alone sleep in the same room as her. She might get into my dreams, or worse, my nightmares.
“Here we are.” She twirled around, her arms and skirt spinning around with her. “This is more like it.” She finished her rotation and let herself fall onto the bed with as much grace as a falling angel. Her skirts spread around her on the black duvet, making her dress stand out like a beacon on a dark night.
I searched around the room for somewhere to sit but there was only the bed, a couple nightstands, and one of those wooden standing closets. I sure as hell wasn’t going to sit on the bed with her, so I stood.
“Now, daughter.” She leaned back on her arms and threw one leg over the other as if posing for a camera. “Tell me. Why would you risk coming here for a half-breed? A half-breed, who not only doesn’t return your feelings, but threw them back in your face.”
“I need him.” I didn’t ask how she knew what happened between Chess and me. There were plenty of ways she could have found out. I wouldn’t put it past her to have spies watching me all the time. I could only hope it was spies and not that she tortured it out of Chess.
“Yes, you said that already. But why? Why do you need him?” Her fingers tapped out a tune unknown to me on the bed, her face intently focused on mine.
“Like how you need father.”
The way her face scrunched up at the thought of needing my father answered the question I had been wondering for a while. She didn’t need him. She probably didn’t even love him. He was probably just the right guy for the job, like how she thought Dorian was the right guy for me.
“I love him,” I tried again.
“So? He doesn’t love you.”
I sighed, suddenly feeling tired. How do you explain love to someone who has probably never felt it in their life? It occurred to me then that I felt bad for her. I didn’t know how old she was, but considering we could pretty much live forever, she had to be close to a thousand. A thousand years and never knowing love? Unimaginable.
“It doesn’t matter if he loves me or not. I can’t let him rot for not loving me.”
“Well, that is just ridiculous. Of course you can. You are a princess and the savior. You can do whatever you want.” She sat up on the bed, placing her hands delicately on her knees as she watched me. “For instance, if you wanted a hundred lovers you could have them like that.” She snapped her fingers together, the sound of it reverberated through the room and three men popped into existence, each shirtless and attractive enough to make even a nun drool.
My mother gestured toward me, and the men turned their heated eyes my way. Each of them stalked upon me like I was prey ready to be devoured. I put my hands up in front of me and shook my head.
“No, I’m good.” I gave them a weak smile, hoping it would deter them. It didn’t. They circled around me, their hands going to my waist, my hair, and my hands. I tried to brush their hands off, but they were persistent in their caresses. “Not that you guys aren’t hot as hell, but I’m really a one man kind of girl and — would you stop it!” I shouted out sending a shot of magic out along my skin when one of their hands got too close to my nethers for comfort. The shock of my magic made their hands drop away and I could breathe again.
“Get rid of them,” I demanded, a crackling green energy hovered over my skin, the only thing keeping the men from trying to paw at me again.
“Very well.” my mother sighed, disappointment in her voice. She snapped her fingers again, and I was blessedly alone again. “If you don’t want a lover, I don’t understand how you could risk your life for the half-breed. He isn’t that great in bed.”
“Let me put it into words that you will understand then.” I held my hands up letting her see the magic that still hadn’t been called back. “I need Chess. I want him and I want him now. If not for my own feelings but for the sake of the Shadows.”
“The Shadows?”
I rolled my eyes. “What are you going to do if I fail? Who is going to take them on then?” When her lips pursed into a tight frown, I knew I was getting to her. “If something happens to me, he is your best bet to beat them, and he can’t do that from inside the Bandersnatch.”
“Fine. You may have your cat.” She waved her arm, and the doors of her wardrobe opened. The moment it did the room felt colder. Darker.
I inched toward the closet. On one of the doors hung a mirror. The mirror was the length of the door and didn’t have a frame. The surface of it was black and did not reflect anything back. It was like a void sucking in all the light and happiness in the world. I could feel it trying to get its claws into me as I stood near it.
I kept my eyes on the surface of the mirror as I held my hand up. This wasn’t the first time I had encountered a mirror so dark, so full of evil. I doubted it would be the last.
When my hand touched the surface it wasn’t solid, but it wasn’t like the other mirrors. This one didn’t ripple along the surface, and when I pulled my hand back it let go with a suctioned pop!
“A warning, daughter.” My mother’s voice called out behind me, and I didn’t turn away from the mirror to answer her. “Those who enter the Bandersnatch don’t come out. Ever.”
“I’ll get out,” I said with more confidence
than I had. “I have to.”
Chapter 10
Bandersnatch
IT WAS LIKE trying to fight my way through one of those goopy toys kids play with, the kind that was wet and left a smelly rubber residue on your hands afterward. It filled every orifice until I felt like I was suffocating in black ooze. It seemed to last forever until suddenly it stopped. I popped out the other side as if it had finally had enough of me.
The other side wasn’t any better. The air was thick, making it hard to breathe. Since there was no light it made the overpowering feeling worse.
I stood there for a moment, getting used to the pressure on my lungs. There was a sudden urge to run and an overwhelming need to panic that crept its way into my heart. It wasn’t the darkness that was getting to me but the silence.
There was nothing. No wind. No background noise. All I could hear was the pounding of my own heart, and that wasn’t a sound I would want to spend eternity listening to.
“Hello!” I called out, not moving from my spot in the darkness. “Chess?”
There was no answer.
Not getting anywhere standing here, I took a cautious step forward. Then another. The floor didn’t give out on me, and nothing grabbed at me, so I kept going. I walked through the darkness, not knowing where I was going, or what was out there. It terrified me.
After what felt like hours of walking, I finally heard something. Voices. Or more specifically, yelling.
“You are nothing!”
“A leech.”
“Worthless. Pathetic excuse for a Fae.”
The insults just got worse and came from different voices. As I got closer I could hear something else, something underneath the nasty words that was muffled and strained.
It sounded like…crying?
I was almost on top of the voices now and the darkness had peeled back like worn paint to reveal a dim corner. In the corner surrounded by floating heads was a small child.