Kill Me Once, Kill Me Twice

by Clara Kensie

  Chapter Fifty

  Lily ~ Eighteen Years Ago

  Dad left with his

  stupid

  boxes to go live in a

  stupid

  apartment across

  stupid

  town. I stayed home to be with my mom, but she was at a meeting with a

  stupid

  divorce lawyer. It was just me, alone in the house.

  I drummed my fingers on the phone in my bedroom. I wanted to call Will. I wanted to call Diana. But all of the Warriors and the Batgirls were at a party at Jonah Caplan’s house. I wasn’t going to CFGU, so there was no reason why I needed to stay home and behave for my parents anymore, but I didn’t feel like partying tonight. I had nothing to celebrate.

  The doorbell rang, the singsong melody echoing through the empty house. I jogged downstairs and peeked through the peephole. Diana, grinning. I almost

  melted

  with relief. I needed my best friend tonight. I opened the door and let her in.

  “Here you are, Lily!” She wore heels, tight jeans, a silk top, and a Warriors cap on her head, backward. “I’ve been looking all over for you. Why aren’t you at the party?”

  I shrugged. “Not in the mood. Did you walk here alone?”

  “It’s just a couple blocks. I need to talk to you. Here, I brought a present for you. Because I love you, Lily, so much. You’re my best friend, my very best friend in the whole world, and I don’t want you to be upset.” She thrust a pink gift bag at me. Whatever was inside of it was heavy.

  “You’re drunk,” I say. Jonah’s party must have been fun. Good thing my mother wasn’t home.

  “Just a little,” she whispered loudly, then giggled. “Open your present.”

  I brought her inside to the living room and sat her down. I reached into the pink bag, moved the tissue paper out of the way, and withdrew a huge, pink paperweight shaped like a diamond. Engraved on the flat part on top were the words Gems are precious, friends are priceless.

  “This is so sweet, Diana, thanks,” I said. I tossed it in my hand a few times before placing it on the coffee table. Heavy.

  “It’s true, what it says. You’re priceless to me,” she said. “We’re going to be friends forever, right? No matter what. You could tell me anything and I wouldn’t get mad at you. And you won’t get mad at me, no matter what I’m about to tell you right now, right?”

  “Of course not. What is it?”

  She shook her head, her cheeks flushed by alcohol. “No, I can’t do it. You’re going to be so mad at me. You’re going to hate me.”

  “Diana, stop. I could never be mad at you. I will never hate you. Tell me.”

  “Promise you won’t be mad? Promise you won’t hate me?”

  “I promise.” I pointed to the paperweight. “Friends are priceless. And we’re best friends.”

  “Okay.” She exhaled. “Well, you know how Brandon and I have been fighting a lot lately?”

  “Did you break up again?” I didn’t remember when or if they’d gotten back together. It was impossible to keep track.

  She shook her head. “He was fielding offers from the pros, and I was staying here in Indiana to go to Griffin. We didn’t want a long-distance relationship, and we didn’t want to break up. So we were fighting because we didn’t know what to do. But a few days ago…” She took another breath. “The Yankees made him an official offer. He can’t announce it until the press conference, but he told me.”

  “That’s great,” I said. Great, but not unexpected. The Yankees and the Astros had been scouting him for months. The Yankees got him, apparently.

  “The way it works is,” Diana continued, “all new players have to start on their Triple-A team in Florida for a year or two, and then they move up to the majors.”

  “Okay…”

  “But the thing is,” Diana said, squeezing her eyes shut. “The thing is, he asked me to go to Florida with him and I said yes.” It came out like one word.

  “Diana, that’s fantastic! Congratulations! Why would I be upset about that?”

  She groaned and covered her face with her hands. “Because we were supposed to be roommates at Griffin! We were going to buy matching comforters and get one of those mini refrigerators and string twinkle lights on the ceiling. And now we can’t, and you have to go to Griffin all alone, and you’ll probably end up with some mean, weird girl as your roommate, and I would be so upset with you if you did that to me.” She cried into her hands. “I’m sorry, Lily! You must hate me so much. Please don’t hate me!”

  “I don’t hate you.” I was disappointed, but I couldn’t hate her. I couldn’t be angry at her. Up until last night, I’d planned on abandoning her so I could travel the world with CFGU. If my father hadn’t left my mother, Diana and I would be on opposite sides of this conversation.

  “Do you promise? You’re not mad at me?”

  “Diana, the only way I’d be upset is if you stayed here because of me. And now, it actually frees me up to live at home instead of in the dorms.”

  “Why? Because I can’t be your roommate?”

  “No, because of my mom. My dad left—” And then I noticed something. “Di, that Warriors hat you’re wearing. Is it new?”

  Chapter Fifty-One

  Ever ~ Present Day

  Ash keeps a tight hold of my hand as we rush to the school’s back exit, burst through the doors, and dash to the parking lot. Principal Duston is probably watching us. Maybe even Paladino is watching us. But I don’t care. I’m back with Ash, my hand in his. Safe. Strong. Right. But he still won’t look me in the eye. His lips are turned down.

  I stop. “Ash.”

  He tries to pull his hand away, but I hold tight.

  “Ash,” I say again. “I’m sorry.” I explain everything that happened since he was arrested three days ago. Running after him to the police station, turning down Paladino’s offer, Cheeks dying, Joey and me getting sick, the carbon monoxide poisoning. Accepting Paladino’s second offer. “I didn’t want to do it, but it was the only way to get you out of jail. The only way to keep Joey safe.”

  “I figured it was something like that,” he says gently, and finally, when he raises his eyes, they are warm, earnest, kind. “You did the right thing. They’re watching you, you know. Paladino mostly, but Duston drives by your place at least once a night.”

  I nod. Then it occurs to me that Ash can only know this because he’s been watching me too.

  I want to wrap my arms around him and kiss him, crush my lips to his, but he says, “We need to go.” He glances at the building. The door could open any second, and Principal Duston could come running after us.

  Ash zips me away on his motorcycle to my house, where I hurriedly pack overnight bags for myself and for Joey, then run next door to get him. He’s playing happily with Hayden and the other daycare kids, and I quietly, hurriedly, explain to Mrs. Yost what’s happening. She offers to keep Joey for the weekend. They’re leaving tonight to go camping over in Forest Grove, and Hayden would love to have a friend along. At first I say no, then change my mind. Pulling Joey out of daycare unexpectedly and driving for hours, only to sit in a hospital for who-knows-how-long to wait for his only remaining parent to wake up—if he wakes up, oh God—will be traumatic for him. Ash and I can’t take him on the bike anyway, so we’d have to take a Greyhound.

  And most importantly, I broke the deal that I made with the chief. Once Keith finds out that I left Ryland with Ash, he’ll tell Paladino. Paladino will assume Joey is with Ash and me, but Joey will really be camping with Hayden, happy and safe.

  I take Mrs. Yost up on her offer and thank her profusely, then go talk to Joey. I tell him that Daddy got stuck a few hours away and I need to go get him, and he’s going to stay with Hayden and go camping for the weekend. He’s so excited that he dances through the big hug and million kisses I give him, then he squirms out of my arms and runs off to join his friend.

  Finally, Ash and I are back on his bike, whippi
ng down Van Buren Road. It’s not long before I realize we’re not headed west toward Illinois. We’re going east, toward—

  “The airfield?” I shout into his ear.

  “Flying is the quickest way to get to Quincy,” Ash shouts over his shoulder. “It would take almost five hours to get there on my bike. If we fly, we can be there in sixty minutes.”

  “What about a commercial plane? It’s safer.”

  “It will take an hour just to drive to the airport in Indianapolis, another hour to get through security, at least one layover, and about $500 that neither of us have. Ever, trust me. I can fly you to your father quickly and safely.”

  He sounds so confident. I squeeze my arms tighter around him, not because I’m afraid of falling off the bike—I’m not—but to show him that I do trust him. I trust him completely.

  Ash’s boss, Javier, is surprised to see us in his hangar in the middle of a school day, but my tears must be enough to convince him that we don’t need a plane to go on a little joy ride. He turns pale and tells Ash to take the Piper. Frowning and arms crossed, he watches from the hangar as Ash does a safety check and we climb aboard. Ash radios in his flight plan to the airfield in Quincy while I strap the seatbelt as tightly as it will go. I can’t believe I’m about to fly in this thing. I remind myself that riding a motorcycle is the most dangerous mode of transportation, and I don’t have a problem doing that anymore. I even enjoy it. I can easily fly in a plane.

  Still, I can’t help gripping the armrests as Ash steers us to the runway. The plane goes faster and faster, the engine roaring, and the plane inclines. The back wheels leave the ground. We’re in the air. We’re flying.

  “Open your eyes,” Ash says.

  I didn’t even realize they were closed.

  I don’t look out the windows; I don’t want to see how high up we are. Instead, I watch Ash, sure and confident as he pulls the levers, even smiling a little. It’s all so easy to him. He’s at home up here in the air. I can easily imagine him flying a rocket ship into the stars.

  I relax enough to release my fingers from the armrest and sneak a peek to the ground below. From up here, the world looks green and small and peaceful. The roads look like ribbons and the fields look like a patchwork quilt. This is why Ash loves flying. It’s so easy to forget all the problems down there on the ground. It’s just us and the sky.

  The plane lurches. Ash chuckles, extinguishing my panic before it can fully ignite. “Just an air pocket,” he says. “Nothing to worry about.”

  The engine sputters, and this time Ash’s eyebrows knit. He speaks into his radio. “Javier? Acknowledge, Soto Airfield.”

  Now the panic flares full force. “What is it?” I ask, my chest tight, my throat closing up. “What’s wrong?”

  “It feels like we’re running out of fuel, but it says the tank is full.” He flicks the fuel gauge with his finger and it doesn’t budge. “I’m sure everything’s fine, but I’m turning around and going back. Sorry. Just a quick check on the ground and then we’ll take off again.”

  Ash turns the plane, making a smooth U-turn. I release a shaky breath. Ash knows what he’s doing. We’re going to be o—

  The plane dips, lurches, drops, and I scream. “Damn it,” Ash mutters, his knuckles white as he grips the wheel. He takes to the radio again. “Mayday, mayday. Minimum fuel. Losing altitude. Soto Airfield, please acknowledge. Javier, acknowledge. Javier? Javier!”

  Javier.

  The engine sputters yet again, and in a burst of clarity I understand why the plane is going down. “Ash,” I whisper, “does Javier have a tattoo on his wrist?”

  He gives me a quick sideways glance, his jaw tight. “Yeah. Two crossed hatchets.”

  Chapter Fifty-Two

  Lily ~ Eighteen Years Ago

  The maroon and gold colors on Diana’s Warriors baseball hat were bright, not faded. It was clean, not dusted with dirt. “That’s a brand new hat, isn’t it?” I asked.

  Diana took it off her head. “Yeah, Brandon lost his, so he’s been wearing his old ratty one from last year. I bought him a new one today at school.” She giggled again. “He gave it right back to me. Isn’t he the sweetest?”

  I blinked at her. “Brandon lost his hat.”

  “Yeah.”

  “Brandon lost his hat.”

  “Yeah, that’s what I said.” She cocked her head at me. “What’s the big deal?”

  The room

  narrowed. I felt the

  blood

  drain from my cheeks. “When did he lose it? When was the last time he wore it?”

  She pursed her lips and looked up at the ceiling, thinking. “I don’t know. Four weeks ago, I guess? He’s been going crazy looking for it.”

  “Four weeks ago was the night I hung out at your house and on the way home I drove my car into the mailbox. What was Brandon doing that night?”

  “He had a meeting with the recruiter for the Yankees,” Diana said.

  “He lost his hat that night,” I confirmed. “You’re sure?”

  “Yeah. He called me the next day and asked if I’d seen it.”

  “Because he lost it the night before.”

  “Yes,” Diana said. “Lily, why are you being so weird?”

  “Did he say anything to you about a car? A blue Viper?”

  She let out an impatient huff. “I don’t know if it’s a Viper, but yeah, he’s getting a car as part of his signing bonus with the Yankees. He said he drove one around that night, but he didn't like it so he gave it back. He hasn’t had time to choose a new one.”

  “So he came back from his meeting with the Yankees, without his hat, and without a car?”

  “He was more upset about losing his hat than not getting the car,” she said. “He said he would just pick out a car when he gets to Florida.”

  “The night he had that meeting was the night Neal was killed,” I said. “I found the car that hit him. A blue Viper. There was a Warriors hat inside it. I’ve been trying to find the owner of that hat.”

  Diana laughed again, but this time it had a shaky tone to it. “Neal wasn’t hit by a car. He slipped off the bridge and drowned.”

  “No. Neal would never have been on that bridge, especially not alone and at night. I knew he was killed,” I said, victorious. “I found tire skid marks and pieces of a broken headlight near the movie theater. And Hot Tamales, Neal’s favorite candy.”

  “That doesn’t prove—”

  “Diana. Listen to me. I found the car with the broken headlight in that old barn at Sutton Farm, near the creek. It was a blue Viper, brand new. Inside that car were more Hot Tamales and Brandon’s baseball hat.”

  I waited for Diana to understand, but she just shook her head. “What are you saying?”

  “I’m saying Brandon hit Neal with that car, Diana. He killed him.”

  She went pale, deathly so. “No.”

  “It was an accident, I’m sure, but Brandon killed Neal. And then he dumped his body in the creek and hid the car in the barn until he could get rid of it.” I sent Neal a silent message. I figured it out, Neal. It was Brandon Lennox. I’ll make sure he pays.

  “No,” Diana said again. “You’re wrong. Brandon would never do something like that.”

  “I’m not wrong, Di.” She looked so distraught that I pulled her in for a hug. “I’m so sorry.” I’d help her get through this final breakup. My heart ached for her, but hope bloomed there as well. I needed to tell Will. He’d know then that I wasn’t lying to him. He’d have to believe me, at least about Neal. Maybe we’d get back together.

  Everything was going to be okay. For me, anyway. But not for Neal, and not for Brandon.

  And not for Diana either. She wasn’t crying or hugging me back, and when I pulled away, she was frozen, clutching the hat with white knuckles, completely sober now. “You’re just jealous.”

  “What?”

  “You’re jealous because you’ve never had a boyfriend and you’re stuck here in this stupid boring
town that you hate.” She was calm, slow, deliberate. “And I’m leaving, going to Florida with my boyfriend, a future baseball star. That’s what this is. You’re making this up because you’re jealous. You’re so jealous of me that you’re trying to ruin Brandon’s career before it even starts.”

  “Diana, no. Just think about it. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, but you know I’m right.”

  Slowly, her white face turned as red as the hat she clutched in her hands. “No. Shut up! You’re lying! You have to be lying!”

  I needed to show her the hat I had hidden in my room. Brandon’s hat. She’d recognize it and know I was telling the truth. “Wait here, okay? I’ll show you.” I stood and took a step toward the staircase.

  “No!” Diana howled as she grabbed my arm and yanked me back, swinging me around. I tumbled, fell, landed hard as my head slammed into the fireplace hearth. An immediate shot of pain burst in my skull, then it seeped through the rest of my body. Blood,

  warm

  sticky

  thick

  dribbled down my face, stinging my eyes,

  it hurts it hurts

  my head

  hurts so much

  Through a veil of red, I saw Diana kneeling next to me, wavy, fading, crying, screaming. “OhmyGodohmyGodohmyGod, Lily! I didn’t mean… Lily? Lily, answer me. Lily?”

  “Di…” I said, but my mouth was filled with

  blood

  like copper,

  I was drowning in it, and everything went

  gray

  and

  far

  away.

  Chapter Fifty-Three

  Ever ~ Present Day

  Ash and I are falling, dropping, plummeting from the sky. The ground gets closer and closer. “Soto Airfield, acknowledge,” he repeats into the radio. “Mayday. Minimum fuel. Losing altitude.”