“I hope you won’t be beating yourself up about that forever.” Billie frowned. “Maybe you could just buy me a present and move on?”
I grinned. “What do you want?” I started thinking of cars or maybe a trip to one of those luxury resorts? I needed to make this up to her.
“A dog.”
“A what?” I was surprised. Maybe I hadn’t heard her right?
“I want a big dog. I’ve always wanted one, but I worked too much, and then... you know. After, I was barely able to take care of myself. It seems like now’s a good time.” She nodded once and looked so proud of herself.
I laughed. “Sweetheart, I was ready to buy you a car or charter a jet, and you ask for a dog?”
She tilted her head to the left like she did when she was puzzled. “I already have a car that I barely use, and I’d have to ask Forde for time off.”
“I’ll get you a dog,” I promised my responsible woman. Christ, like Forde would say no to her request.
“A big dog, from a shelter,” she clarified.
I turned to Natasha and gave her a huge smile. I felt lucky, like I’d just won the lottery.
“Looks like you worked through that,” Natasha said. “Tye, I understand you know about the events that have affected Billie’s life, and if my memory serves, you’ve seen her through a serious episode and a few minor ones. Do you have any questions or concerns that you’d like to talk about?”
“I’d like to know more about P.T.S.D.—specifically, what I can do to help her. I did some research online, but if you have any books or journal articles that you could recommend, I’d appreciate it.”
“I’d like to caution you about reading everything that’s out there. It’s been my experience that each person is affected differently. I believe that if we only look for the known symptoms and contributors, then we can miss other things that might be key.” Natasha made a note on her yellow legal pad.
“I know about her aversion to parking lots. If she gets to the point where she thinks she can handle it, I’ll be proud of her, but if not, we can work around it easily.” I stretched my legs in front of me, feeling some of my anxiety lessen.
“What about sex?”
I glanced at Billie because she had gone statue still. She seemed to be hunched over as if trying to make herself less of a target.
I softened my tone. “It’s no secret I like sex. I think it’s an important part of a serious, committed relationship.”
Billie nodded and looked down at her hands in her lap. They were linked tightly.
I rose and moved closer, squatting down in front of her. “I’ve got no problem including Natasha in this. I want you, babe, but I don’t want you to feel rushed or pressured.” I put my hands on either side of her face. “I love you. We’ve got time, Billie. We’ll go at your speed.”
Her eyes were shining. “Do you really mean that?”
“I do, I promise.” I stood and leaned over her. “Trust me.”
“I don’t know what to say. You’re amazing,” she whispered.
I smiled as I returned to my chair.
Natasha watched us, her eyes sparkling behind her glasses. “Billie, do you have any concerns about what Tye said? Are you worried he won’t be patient?”
“I’m nervous, sure. I mean he’s like a local sex god, and I’m not that experienced. Even if what happened hadn’t, I’d be concerned.” Billie shifted again in her seat, uncurling one leg and dropping it to the floor. “But I trust him.”
“Those are valid concerns, and I’m sure Tye is aware of them.” Natasha looked at me for confirmation.
I nodded. “I’m concerned you’ll push yourself to please me. Or I’ll push you and not realize it—you know, in the heat of a moment.” Remembering every time I’d grown hard when I’d held her at night that was a real possibility.
“I might suggest using a safe word,” Natasha said.
Billie lifted her legs so that she was clutching her knees to her chest in a defensive move. “Uhm, I don’t, I mean I’ve never done that kind of stuff.”
She was adorable. I shouldn’t have smiled, but sometimes when she gave such honest answers, I was charmed. “B, I don’t think she’s talking about BDSM or sex play.”
“Oh.” She looked at me with huge eyes, and then turned to Natasha. “Sorry, I guess I jumped the gun.”
The therapist continued, “You’re right about the use of the safe word to stop or slow things down.” She nodded encouragingly at Billie. “You two decide on a word that’s not easy to confuse, maybe something that has no association with love, sex, the bedroom, or your relationship. Perhaps a city name or an animal.”
“Maybe you should choose one right now,” I suggested.
“Me?” Billie kicked her leg out in front of her. “Okay, uhm, how about Vermont?”
“You comfortable with that? You’ll remember it?” I pressed.
“Yeah, it’s got great syrup,” she answered as if that would make perfect sense.
Natasha didn’t raise an eyebrow at her choice. “So when the word ‘Vermont’ is used, everything stops.”
“Or pauses, right? I mean, I might just need a minute to think. You know like to take stock?” Billie looked from me to Natasha.
Natasha looked to me to make that call.
“If that’s how you want it to go,” I said, “then it’s a pause that can either turn into a stop or a resume, but slower. How’s that?”
“Okay.” Billie looked relieved, and her body was relaxed once again.
“You’ve made this pretty easy for me,” Natasha told us. “I’d like to hear about the episode you experienced this morning. I understand it was severe.”
I felt my muscles tense.
“Like I said on the phone, I didn’t get a lot of sleep on Friday night. I was upset Saturday evening by the whole neighbor/wine thing. Again, little sleep and a lot of tears. Sunday, I tried to keep busy. I figured that would tire me enough to sleep.”
I started cataloging the signs of her fatigue: dark circles, her eyes were bloodshot, and she wasn’t dressed in her usual office-style clothes. She looked nice, but she never wore jeans to the office.
“I went to bed around ten and when I woke up, my legs were cramping, and I was anxious. I tried to count and do the other exercises, but it got worse.”
“Worse” was an understatement according to Tony. Her attack had been horrible. I hated that I wasn’t there. I owed Tony a lot for coming to her rescue and sharing his wisdom with me.
“I feel a little brain dead now, and my leg muscles are sore,” Billie finished.
“Should we schedule a massage?” I felt both women’s eyes on me. “What? Her muscles ache.”
“You’re really sweet.” Billie smiled at me.
“I think you’re in good hands,” Natasha said, pursing her lips in an attempt to hide a grin.
There was a bing-bong sound like a doorbell. Natasha looked at her wrist. “Looks like we have five minutes. Do we need to go over anything that we’ve discussed?”
I deferred to Billie.
“No, I feel good,” she said.
Natasha stood, and we followed suit. “Tye, it was wonderful to meet you. If you need anything, call. I’ll put together a list of reference material.”
“Thank you for everything,” I said, holding out my hand to shake hers.
“Billie, will I see you at group on Thursday?” Natasha paused at the door. “Or do you think you’ll need to come back tomorrow?”
“I’m planning on group, and I think we can skip tomorrow.” Billie smiled confidently as she walked out.
As we headed to my SUV in the parking lot, I asked, “So where to?”
“I’m starving,” Billie said. “I haven’t eaten very much all weekend.”
“Thank God, I am too.” I loved that my woman had no issues with eating.
I hit the unlock button and opened the passenger door for her.
“Thank you,” she climbed in.
I walked around and got behind the wheel. “What are you hungry for?”
“Pasta or pizza sounds good. I need carbs.”
“Can we do this? I know a place on the way to my house; we could get something to go.”
She held up her hand to stop my flow of words. “I need to tell you something.”
I felt my heart miss a beat. “Okay, go ahead.” I pulled out of the lot and headed east.
“It’s about your house... I can’t sleep there.” She looked resolute as she waited for my reaction.
“Okay, I wasn’t planning on staying the night. I was going there to pack up some things to take to your place. But what about my house disturbs you?”
“I think it’s all the windows. They make me nervous.” She looked from me to the side window.
“Do you feel like someone can look in?” I was happy that she’d told me, but the only way somebody could see inside would be from the water.
“It might not make sense,” she said softly.
“That isn’t the point. If you feel like that, then I’ll hang at your place—if that’s okay with you.”
“That’s it?” she sounded genuinely surprised.
“Billie, I want to be with you. It’s that simple.”
“Well, okay, then. I mean thanks.” She relaxed into the seat.
“Honey, you don’t have to thank me.” I ran my hand over her thigh until I captured her hand in mine.
She flashed me a smile. “Well, maybe I’ll come up with a better way to show my gratitude.”
I nodded. “Looking forward to that.”
We’d torn into our containers like we hadn’t seen food in days. She was now curled up on her side at the top of my bed, watching me pack.
“You have a lot of nice things here,” she said, looking around the room.
“I hired a design team. They’re responsible for most of it.” I dropped an armful of T-shirts into the large wheeled duffle bag.
“What about all of the stuff in your office or den, or whatever you call the room where you have that huge desk?”
“The desk, Forde gave me when I passed the bar and moved into my first house.” I grabbed a stack of shorts from the closet and moved to the other side of the bed, intending to sort through them. How had I accumulated so many clothes? “I didn’t have a bed frame, but I had that huge ass desk.” I shook my head at the memory.
“Do you want to move it into the apartment? You could use the guestroom as your space.” She bit her lip. “I mean if you wanted to have your things around.”
I dropped the shorts and crawled onto the bed to get closer to her. She watched me move toward her and, I swear, I saw heat in her eyes. “You asking me to move in with you?” I lowered my body to the mattress, facing her but not touching her body. “Not just stay over, but to bring furniture and books?”
“You’re already there. I mean, you’ve got clothes in the closet and shoes all over the place,” she teased lifting her hand to my chest.
“Hey, I need different shoes for different workouts,” I said and wrapped one arm over her shoulders.
“You have more shoes than I do.” She wrinkled her nose, which I found adorable.
That was true. “I need to think about what to do about this house.” I sighed, lying down felt good.
“Maybe I could get used to it,” she said in a small voice as she lifted her head to look around.
I could tell the thought made her uncomfortable. “Absolutely not.” I ran my hand up and down her arm, trying to give her reassurance. “With you feeling exposed and vulnerable with all of the windows, I would never ask you to move here.”
“It’s a great house. I know you like the location.”
“All that’s true, but there’s no contest between this house and you. Billie, you’d win every time.” I ran my fingertip along her jaw line.
“Maybe you could live with me, but not do anything with this place? I mean your dad needs a house, right?”
“I think he’s going to go back to put his old house on the market. Then he wants to find something out near Forde’s country property. I offered him my other place, again. But dad wants to buy his own.” I shrugged, “His master plan is to oversee Forde and Lay’s construction.” I shook my head. “God help those workers.”
“So, he’s moving out?”
“After the first of the year. Everybody’s looking for an excuse to get out of town in January and February.” That gave me an idea. I should plan something for us.
“You can’t let this place sit empty.” She shifted so she could look at the wall of windows. “Maybe you could modify them? Install a half wall and cut back on all of that glass?”
I loved that she was trying to compromise, but I would never risk her health for the sake of a view. “Brian mentioned something about wanting to live around here. Maybe he’d be interested in renting.”
She chuckled. “You’d have to Scotch guard everything. The word is that he might challenge you for player of the year.”
I wasn’t going to touch that statement. “We should walk through and figure out what I could bring to your place, and I’ll talk to Brian.”
“Let’s go through my place first. We might want to trade out some stuff, and then come back another time to look at yours.” She yawned.
“That’s a good idea. I just need to pack a few more things, and we can go.”
“Can I have another kiss before you do that?”
God, she was cute. “Sure baby.” I pulled her into my arms and did as she asked.
I pulled into the second space assigned to Billie’s apartment. “I’ll talk to Forde about where I can park my car. I’ll work out storage for everything else.”
“Rich people problems,” she muttered and opened her door.
As I walked to the back of my SUV, lights beamed from another vehicle pulling into the garage. Forde’s SUV came into view. We started unloading my luggage.
“Hey, boss,” Billie called after Forde got out and neared.
“Are you kicking him out or moving him in?” Forde walked to Billie and gave her a hug.
“I’m reconsidering. Have you ever seen so much luggage?” She pulled back giggling.
“You’ve got plenty of space, so stop your bitching,” I teased her.
“Give me some of those.” Forde grabbed a duffle.
We headed to the elevator, towing suitcases and the duffels. Christ, I did have a lot of stuff.
Forde gave me a steady look as we slowed approaching the elevator.
“She asked me to move in,” I explained to Forde, which I knew meant that everybody would be told as soon as he passed the info onto his wife. “So it’s our place,” I spoke slower. “We’ve got a lot of closet space, or maybe we did.” I smiled sheepishly.
Billie pressed the call button and rolled her eyes at me. She knew what I was doing, spreading the word that we were officially together, and we were good.
“Congratulations,” Forde told me, then turned to Billie. “I’ll only say, it’s about time.”
That earned him an eye roll also from both of us.
Chapter Thirty-One
Billie
I’d fallen asleep while Tye was still unpacking like we’d been together forever. I shifted and felt his arm tighten over my waist.
“Honey?” he murmured against my hair.
“Go back to sleep. I’m okay.” I liked that he cared.
He didn’t say anymore, but his hand lightly stroked over my hip.
When I’d come out of the bathroom earlier wearing the thigh-length, silky lavender gown, Tye had taken a long look, and then smiled appreciatively. “Nice.”
His hand continued to move, and I held my breath. The skirt was bunched up in places. If he moved much lower, he’d be touching my skin.
“I like the upgrade,” his voice rasped.
Before, I’d slept in a long shirt, usually one of his, but now I wanted to be pretty. I felt his fingers against the top of my thig
h, and then it moved north over my panties and upward, under the silk, to my naked tummy. “Thought you deserved a treat,” I said, knowing I sounded like I was fighting for air, but I did like the feel of his hand on my body.
“So…” he said a few minutes later.
I rolled over to face him. I slept with a nightlight on in my bedroom, and I kept the door to the bathroom open, and there was another in there. I could see the outline of his face. “So,” I whispered. I wanted something to happen.
He was looking at my lips. I knew he wanted to make a move but seemed uncertain on how to start.
I wanted to laugh at the dumbass. The guy had had a multitude of women, but he didn’t know what to do with me. “Have you ever wondered why I never did this? You know rolled over to face you?”
He eyed me warily. “I thought that it was another sign to remind me we were in the friends zone.”
My chuckle was throaty. “I was afraid that if I was like this...” I shifted closer to him so that we were touching from belly to thigh, “I’d do this...” I kissed him.
Me—making the first move!
“Yeah, that would have sucked.” His arms tightened around me as he took over the kiss.
I wanted more. “And I most definitely would have done this.” I propped myself up on one arm and leaned into his upper chest. I ran my tongue over the skin. I’d wanted to trace his intricate tribal ink forever. I felt my body ignite.
Tye made a noise deep in his chest as I moved lower over his pec. The hand palming my ass squeezed.
I raised my head and looked at him. “I’ve always wanted to do that.”
“Anything else?” he said, his voice sounded like he was being strangled.
I paused. I wanted to move lower, but I felt unsure, shy.
“Good, now it’s my turn.” Raising his head, he kissed me again. Then he tugged on the back of my gown. “Can we take this off? I’ve been dreaming about being skin-to-skin, babe.”
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