Nobody's Fantasy

by Louise Hall

  “What do you want, Sam?”

  “I’m filming a TV show nearby and thought I’d stop by and see how you’re doing?”

  “I’m peachy,” I snap.

  She slips her small hands under the hem of my t-shirt and it makes me jump because her fingers are freezing cold.

  “I missed you, baby,” she purrs, rubbing her fake boobs against my chest.

  “I’ve got to go.”

  “I know you were mad about the coke but I’ve stopped doing all of that. I went to rehab.” I scoff because I know full well that the only rehab she ever went to was with a group of other z-list celebrities, filmed for TV and she only agreed to do it because she got paid a lot of money and she needed the attention. “I’m a good girl now.”

  Good is the very last word I (and most movie reviewers – I never read them but Emmy likes to pin them up on the noticeboard at the Ink if they’re really scathing. If you think she’s snarky towards Lola, you should have seen what she was like with Sam towards the end of our relationship) would ever use to describe my manipulative ex-girlfriend.

  “We were good together, Zev.” I put my hands on her hips ready to move her to one side so I can get in my car but I’m shocked by how bony she is now. It feels like I’m holding a bag of rocks rather than the sensual curves of a woman.

  She brushes her lips against mine; they’re cold and hard (probably on intimate terms with a whole host of L.A. plastic surgeons just like the rest of her). In the millisecond before I push her away, I hear a click and a gasp and when I turn around, I see Vada looking at me open-mouthed. She sometimes stops by the Ink to bring breakfast for all of us.

  Sam, like the classy girl she is, rummages in her tight vest and pulls out a hotel key card. It’s gross and sweaty but before I can refuse, she’s shoving it in the front pocket of my jeans and sashaying away like she can’t fathom any possible outcome other than me trailing after her like a darn lapdog.

  I yank open my car door, annoyed with myself for losing those crucial seconds in my quest to get to Lola and I’m just about to haul ass out of the parking lot when Vada stops me. “She’s gone already,” she yells.

  “What?” The squeal of the brakes makes us both wince.

  “Mats dropped them off at the airport a couple of hours ago.”

  “No!” I punch the steering wheel as hard as I can.

  Vada still looks anxious. “What is it, smurf?”

  “I, uh… wasn’t the only one who saw whatever that was with Sam just now.”

  My head jerks around so fast I could have sworn I was the Exorcist, “you said she’s gone?”

  “She is but her brother isn’t. Mats saw you. He left before I could explain the full history between you and Sam.”

  “Let me get this straight? Her brother came back from dropping his sister off at the airport to find me already kissing another girl?”

  “I’m sure if you just explain to him about your history with Sam. That’s all it was, right? History? It was just her playing another one of her games with you because she can’t get decent acting roles anymore and so she’s had to resort to reality TV.”

  “You really think that I’d ditch Lola to be with somebody like Sam?”

  It takes me a while to rearrange my appointments because as much as I need to be with Lola, I still want to have a job to come back to here in Oahu but I book my flight to Seattle for Sunday morning.

  That need becomes even more urgent when I look down at one of the newsstands in the airport and see a blurry photo of me and Sam on the front cover of one of the trashy magazines. I’m grateful that they don’t print my name. If you didn’t know me, you probably wouldn’t be able to tell that it’s me but if you’re Lola, you’re definitely going to know especially since her brother’s probably already given her the heads up that he caught me making out with another woman.

  I’m waiting to board when I see Mateo. I jump up, hoping to try and talk to him before he gets on the plane but he’s in first-class so he’s swept straight through while I’m penned back with the rest of the cattle class passengers. I make my way up to the gate. I’ve probably got enough on my credit card for an upgrade but unfortunately the lady says that they’re fully-booked.

  When we land in Seattle, I grab a taxi and give the driver the address details I stole from Rusty’s employee files. If Lola hadn’t wanted me to find her, she shouldn’t have given her parents’ address when she applied to work at the Ink.

  When I get there, I’m surprised that her folks live in a gated community. I mean she’d mentioned that her dad used to be a professional soccer player and had even represented England at the World Cup but they hadn’t seemed hoity-toity like most of the rich people I knew back home. When we’d had dinner together the night before Lola’s birthday, they’d seemed nice and normal.

  The guard at the station says he’ll call up to the Warner’s house because I’m not on the approved list and my heart sinks. There’s no way I’m getting through.

  There’s no answer so I ask if I can leave a message for Lola, telling her I’m here in Seattle and I really need to talk to her.

  I come back every morning and each time the guard tries to call the house but there’s never any answer. “They do still live here, right?” I ask after the third failed attempt.

  Jose shakes his head, “I can’t tell you that, Mr Montgomery.”

  I’ve hired a car so in the afternoon, I park a little further down the tree-lined street and wait until it gets dark to see if any of her family come back to the house.

  I amuse myself by trying to decide, apart from Lola, which one of them I’d have the most luck getting information out of. I quickly rule out her dad because she’s mentioned a couple of times that he’s extremely protective of his family. Mats is another definite no because he witnessed first-hand me “kissing” Sam and even though I know that technically I didn’t do anything wrong, it must have looked really bad. I’m fifty-fifty on her mum, Cate because she was really kind to me at dinner but then again she is Lola’s mum. That just leaves her younger sister, Sierra. I don’t want to be judgemental but from everything Lola’s told me about her, she seems quite shallow and so I might be able to use my halfway decent looks to persuade her to give me information on her older sister.

  I’ve almost fallen asleep when there’s a loud thumping on the car window next to my head. When I rub the sleep out of my eyes, I realise it’s Mateo and he looks really angry.

  “What are you doing here?” he yells.

  “I need to talk to Lola.”

  An expression I don’t recognise shutters his dark eyes for a second before he quickly recovers, “no, you don’t.”

  I yank open the car door so we can stand face-to-face on the sidewalk, “that’s not for you to decide, Mateo. I know what you think you saw…”

  “Don’t you dare patronise me.” He shoves the trashy magazine in my face. “Are you actually going to deny that’s you?”

  “No but…” Before I can say anything else, Mats punches me in the jaw. I’m not expecting it and slump back against the car, wincing as the metal edges dig into my back.

  “Leave,” Mats fumes, “and don’t come back, Zev. Lola knows what you did and she never wants to see you again.”

  “I’m not going anywhere.”

  “Fine,” he pulls his phone out of his jacket pocket, “I’ll call the cops and have you arrested for harassing my family.” He gestures behind him, “you’ve seen how wealthy my parents are, right?”

  “I’ll go,” I concede although it’s the very last thing I want to do.

  “You being here,” Mats scuffs his trainer into the ground, “it’s just making things worse for her.”

  “Please tell her I’m sorry,” I get back in the car and start up the engine.

  When I get back to Oahu, Shanks picks me up from the airport. “Where’s Lola?” he asks after I’ve dumped my bags in the trunk of his car. He looks around as if he actually expects to see her.

/>   “I don’t want to talk about it,” I grunt as I slide into the passenger seat.

  I can’t deal with Danny’s smug I told you so so I ask Shanks to drop me off at the Ink; I’m going to sleep off my jet-lag in Rusty’s old apartment.

  When I let myself in through the back door, Rusty’s in his cramped office. “Darla’s at bingo tonight,” he explains. I can tell from his sombre expression that’s not the only reason he’s here working late. “How are you doing, son?” he gestures for me to take a seat on the battered leather couch.

  “You haven’t asked where she is?”

  Rusty runs a hand down his long, grey beard. “Don’t need to. I got an e-mail from her brother to say that she’s going to be extending her stay in Seattle indefinitely.”

  It actually physically hurts to hear that Lola isn’t coming back to Oahu any time soon.

  How did things get so messed up?

  After a fitful night’s sleep, I figure I might as well go back to work because there’s nothing else in my life and I’m going to drive myself crazy thinking about inevitably doomed ways to win Lola back.

  I’m doing a decent job of replicating a functioning human being until I hear my ex’s godawful voice and I’m not talking about Lola.

  “What do you want, Sam?” I rub my forehead where I’ve got a doozy of a headache brewing.

  “Zevvie?” She skips across to me. “You didn’t come to my hotel room last week.”

  I haven’t got the patience to deal with her right now. “You’re right, I didn’t.” I don’t want to make a scene at the Ink so I try and guide her back towards the front door. “You need to go.”

  “I stopped by your place last night but Danny said that you were in Seattle?” She wrinkles her nose.

  “I was. Look, I’ve got to get back to work.”

  “I want a tattoo. I know you always wanted to give me one.”

  I roll my eyes because it feels like a million years ago now that Sam and I were ever a couple. I can’t believe that I ever liked her enough to move thousands of miles away from my family.

  “I’ll see if Shanks has got any free time.”

  Sam pouts, “I don’t want Shanks, I want you.”

  I succeed in nudging her out of the front door and fortunately the parking lot is quiet. “What’s this really about, Sam? You don’t want a tattoo. You hate them.”

  “Yeah but you love them and I want you so…”

  “Yeah, right,” I laugh for the first time since I lost Lola but it’s dripping with sarcasm. “Try again, sweetheart. This time you might want to make it sound more convincing, put some of those acting skills of yours to good use.”

  “I kind of got kicked off that TV show I was filming. My agent’s threatening to drop me as a client unless I can think of a way to redeem my image. You were good for me.”

  “Sure until I lost my leg and you fake-sobbed to anybody who’d listen about my alcohol addiction.”

  Sam stamps her stiletto heel, “I had to think about my career, Zev. You never supported my dream to make it big in Hollywood.”

  I scoff, “I moved to L.A. with you because that’s what you wanted. I would have been quite happy to stay here in Oahu.”

  “Ugh, you’re impossible.”

  “You’re going to have to find some other dumbass to save your career, Sam. I’m not interested. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to get back to work. Have a good life.”

  LOLA

  I thought it would be a good idea to put some distance between me and Zev after our fight. I don’t know how to feel about the fact that he lost his leg because he was driving drunk. On paper, he’s just like the scumbag who crashed into me and took away my dreams of being a footballer but… I know Zev and I can’t reconcile the sweet, funny guy who’s done a thousand times more for my recovery than any shrink ever did being the same person who would get behind the wheel of a car while he’s drunk.

  Mum, Dad and Sierra were flying back to Seattle the next morning anyway and so I decided on the spur of the moment to go with them. I needed space to get some perspective but with the vast Pacific Ocean between us, I’m more confused now than ever because he’s the devil but I miss him with my whole being.

  I think Mum can tell I’m feeling extra-mopey because she suggests that the three of us – Mum, Sierra and me – go to the spa. It’s not exactly my thing but I can tell that Mum doesn’t like it when she knows I’m sad and there’s nothing she can do to make it better. I think she feels guilty because she was the one who told me Zev was driving drunk when he had the accident that caused him to lose his leg.

  I get changed into my favourite red bikini and walk out of the changing rooms to meet up with Mum and Sierra at the Jacuzzi. Before I moved to Hawaii, I always wore functional, one-piece swimsuits but I guess the island lifestyle eventually rubs off on you because I like showing off my body a little more now.

  “Oh my God,” Sierra yelps as I get nearer the Jacuzzi. Mum isn’t there yet, she must still be getting changed. I give Sierra my best death-glare as a couple of the attendants turn and stare at us.

  “What’s your problem?”

  “I don’t even know where to start,” she waves her hands up and down.

  I look down and realise that this is the first time my family are going to see my ink and piercings. I’d told Mum about my first one but I hadn’t exactly been forthcoming about all the others.

  “Mum, have you seen what Lola’s done?” Sierra sounds really gleeful as if she thinks she’s about to get me into heaps of trouble. She doesn’t realise that not having toes is kind of like a get out of jail free card.

  Mum rolls her eyes at me; she’s well used to my sister’s over-dramatics.

  “She’s got piercings.”

  “OK,” Mum climbs into the Jacuzzi and sits down opposite me. She shrugs like it’s no big deal.

  “No,” Sierra tugs on her arm, “I’m not talking about her ears. I’m talking about her hips and her boobs.”

  Mum looks across at me and I sit up straighter. I’m proud of my ink and piercings and I’m not going to hide them underneath the frothy water.

  It’s weird but she doesn’t seem that shocked by my nipple piercings, it’s the hip dermals that really draw her attention. “Oh my goodness, they look painful.”

  “They’re not,” I try to reassure her. I give them a little flick with the edge of my nail.

  “OK,” her eyes drift upwards and she scrutinises the line of script that runs between my boobs, only partially hidden by my bikini top.

  “You should totally ground her,” Sierra goads.

  Mum busts out laughing, “Your sister’s a grown woman, Sierra, I can’t ground her. Even if I wanted to, which I don’t, it would be incredibly hypocritical of me since your dad and I have both got tattoos and before your brother was born, I had my you know what’s pierced.” That right there is why I love my mum to bits, she was badass enough to have her nipples pierced and yet she can’t actually say the word “nipples.”

  “Ew,” Sierra looks as if she’s about to throw up in her mouth.

  I give her a little splash, “don’t be such a baby. I get that it might not be your personal preference but I like my ink and my tattoos. When the accident happened, my skin was modified and it wasn’t my choice but these are.”

  When Dad arrives to pick us up, Sierra is still grumbling about my piercings.

  “What happened?” he asks as she throws herself dramatically into the back seat. “I thought you were supposed to be blissed-out after a day at the spa.”

  Mum looks across at me and I rapidly shake my head – I might not be ashamed about my piercings but the last thing I want to talk to my dad about is my boobs.

  “We were talking about piercings,” Mum smiles, giving him a kiss on the cheek.

  “Did Mum really used to have her nipples pierced?” Sierra asks because she didn’t get the memo about not talking about boobs in the vicinity of my dad.

  Dad shares a loo
k with Mum, “yeah, they were beautiful.”

  “Ugh, I think I’m actually going to be sick.”

  Dad laughs as he gets into the driver’s seat. “I’ve got a coaching session tomorrow; did you want to come with me, Lo?” He coaches an under-10s team over at the Hartley Complex.

  “Has it still got that artificial pitch?” I ask, wincing because if you fall over on that thing it’s like dipping yourself in honey and then rolling around in a field of fire ants, it’s a whole world of pain.

  “Unfortunately, yes.”

  Since we got back from Hawaii, Dad’s been busy catching up with work so I haven’t had chance to spend any time with him one on one. It would be good to get his take on the whole Zev situation.

  When we get back home, Sierra is in such a bad mood that she throws her bag down on the floor by the front door and it lands on my gammy foot. My parents are there and even though my dad swears like a sailor, I know they wouldn’t like it if I dropped an f-bomb so instead I hop up and down on my good leg. “She’s such a beeyotch…” I’m hoping I’ll get away with a disguised swear word. “She should have been drowned at birth.” Of course I don’t mean that but there’s an audible gasp from my mum and I cringe, knowing that I’ve just said the only thing worse than the f-bomb. My mum had prenatal depression when she was pregnant with Sierra and one night it got so bad that she thought about drowning herself in Puget Sound.

  “I’m sorry,” I say as quickly as possible but Mum’s gone really pale. “I didn’t mean it, I swear.”

  “You still shouldn’t say things like that about your sister, Lola,” Dad admonishes. I might be a grown woman but I still don’t like disappointing them.

  “I know.”

  Feeling like the world’s worst daughter, I drag myself upstairs. Mum knocks on my door a little while later, she’s got a tube of arnica as a peace offering. “How’s Tony?”

  “Ugh,” I throw myself back on my bed, “I can’t believe he’s got you calling it that too.” I’m going to kill… force feed my brother bacon sandwiches when I get back to Hawaii.