Never Gonna Be Wifey

by Racquel Williams

  When she got to the hotel, I was sitting there with my baby. I tried to put the best out, but I was dying slowly inside. She decided that she was not going to move back to New York. I think after she lost her son, her love for America was buried along with him.

  “Sierra, I really appreciate you doing this. I want you to know I’m going to love and care for your son, my grandson, as if he were mine. You can come visit him anytime you want, and whenever you’re ready to get him, I will bring him to you. I know this is the hardest thing you’ll ever have to do, and it takes courage. I love you for this and will always be here for you.”

  She reached over and hugged me. Without any words spoken, we just hugged until Azir realized what was going on and pushed his way in the middle. We both busted out laughing. His little ass was already showing signs of jealousy.

  Later that afternoon, Jeanette and I were at Norman Manley International Airport getting ready to board American Airlines back to the United States.

  Jeanette kept looking at me crazy. I could tell she wasn’t pleased that I was leaving him, but this woman hadn’t raised her seed, so her opinion didn’t carry much weight with me. I did what was best for my son. I knew he would have the best life with his grandma until I got myself situated; then I’d go back for him. I mean, I wasn’t doing this for approval . . . simply for survival.

  I held on to Azir as tightly as I could manage. I hugged and kissed him, then handed him to his grandma. The tears rolled down my face, and I didn’t want him to see this.

  “Say bye-bye to yo’ mama.”

  I couldn’t face him, so I didn’t turn around and say bye. I didn’t want him to see that I was breaking down inside. I pulled my shades out of my purse, put them on, and walked heartbroken to the American Airlines terminal. Once I got on the plane, I put my head in my lap and let it all out. The plane took off, and I was an empty shell sitting down. I was lost and hurt.

  “Baby, it’s goin’ be all right. I don’t agree wit’ yo’ decision, but I respect it. Let’s go home.” Jeanette rubbed my back and held me the entire flight.

  Chapter One

  Shayna Jackson

  “Fuck you, bitch. You set me up,” I spat at the federal bitch. I wasn’t in the mood to be cordial to this bitch that thought she was the shit. This bitch was no different than other bitches. I was tired of the feds; they put me in this motherfucking situation, then turned around and fucked me raw!

  “Jackson, you better sit your ass down and shut the fuck up. Your ass is in some serious shit. Either you too dumb to understand it, or you just plain stupid.”

  I had no idea who this lower-class federal bitch was talking to. She must not have seen what happened to the bitch that tried me. I swear these hoes be sleeping on me; they had no idea how deadly I could become.

  “Listen, what the fuck am I here for?”

  “We’re trying to offer you a deal. Your lawyer is on his way up.”

  “Deal? Bitch, the last time you offered me a deal, I ended up in this hellhole,” I yelled.

  “I’m not going to be too many more bitches. And, no, honey, you are in here because you were too stupid to stay away from the woman your husband was fucking. So, in reality, you’re in jail and on your way to prison for life over a dick that you won’t ever see again. Now, sit the fuck down before I let them drag yo’ ass back to yo’ little cell.”

  I shot that ho a look that could’ve killed her instantly. This bitch has all the power ’cause she wearing that fucking badge. I know in the real world, this ho wasn’t about shit without that damn gun.

  “Ha-ha! You think you know me. I never cared about no damn dick, bitch! Matter of fact, I enjoy fucking myself more than any nigga can. No, I’m in here because I require respect at all times and will get it by any means necessary. Bitch, you better watch your back fucking with me.” I stared that federal ho down.

  “Did you hear that, Counselor? Your client just threatened a federal officer.”

  “Miss Jackson, please don’t say another word. Let me handle this.”

  “Sure.” I smiled at the young, handsome man standing in front of me. I knew it wasn’t the right time or place to be thinking about his cock, but I wish I could fuck him. Oh, well. Soon enough, I thought.

  “Miss Rozzario, what’s the purpose of this meeting?”

  “The U.S. Attorney’s office is offering your client a deal in exchange for her testimony against her husband’s codefendants.”

  “Bitch, fuck you! I will not help yo’ ass anymore. Don’t forget, I’m an attorney also. Don’t insult my intelligence. Take that deal and shove it up yo’ ass. You so big and mighty, take that shit to trial.” I got up and looked at her.

  “Miss Jackson, sit down! Let’s hear them out.”

  This fool that I was paying had the nerve to fucking yell at me. I looked at him sideways, then back at the federal bitch and the U.S. Attorney. I had a feeling that all these motherfuckers were working against me. I know how the fucking system worked. All these motherfuckers moved around in the same circle. That’s why I don’t trust them.

  I knew that he saw the look on my face that read “Nigga, fuck you.” I paid him good money to defend me, not to play pussy and suck up to the fucking enemy. I know I should’ve defended my damn self.

  “So here’s what the U.S. Attorney’s office is offering. You give us your full cooperation and testify against the two defendants. If, and when, they decide to go to trial, we will recommend thirty years. We’ll also let the judge know you cooperated with the court. We will ask for leniency on your part.”

  “Listen up, Rozzario! I will tell you what you need to know, and I will testify, if needed. But the only way I will do that is if the U.S. Attorney agrees to set me free. If I can’t get that, then we have no deal. I’ll take my chances with the jurors.”

  “Counsel, please advise your client her chances of beating the feds are slim to none. We have a 99 percent conviction rate. She better take what we’re offering, or her behind will never see these streets again,” Rozzario said before she shot me a dirty look with a smile plastered all over her face.

  This bitch was really trying me. I wanted to leap across the table and grab that bitch’s throat and rip her head off her body. I saw that she was enjoying my misfortune a little bit too much.

  “Give us a week to consider your deal. I’m pretty sure she will be more than happy to take you up on your offer,” Giovanni smiled.

  “Okay, Counselor, don’t wait too long. One week, then the deal is off the table.”

  “Bitch, fuck you! You can shove that shit up yo’ ass.”

  “You will be hearing from us,” Giovanni said.

  I didn’t say another word ’cause this clown was making a fool out of both of us. I stood there with my hands folded. I couldn’t wait until I talked to him; I was going to let him know how displeased I was with his incompetent ass. I was ready to go back to the jail, not that I liked it there, but anywhere was better than hearing these idiots discuss my fucking life like I wasn’t there.

  The guard came and took me back to the holding cell. I welcomed the few minutes of silence. After everything that just went down, I was happy to be alone. I needed to regroup and gather my thoughts. I need to do something fast.

  Thirty fucking years. Did I hear this bitch right? I’ve been in this hellhole for a fucking month, and I was ready to go. I needed to get my damn hair and nails done; I needed to take a few showers. I knew Daddy was turning over in his grave, looking at the treatment his baby girl was getting. The pain of losing him was too much and still hurt everything in me. I really missed him, especially now. Oh, how I wish I could hear his voice telling me it’s going to be okay.

  “Damn you, Alijah! Why did you have to take my daddy away from me? He’s the only man that ever loved me. He loved me through all my flaws,” I yelled out.

  “Jackson, time to go,” the butch-looking bitch yelled and interrupted my thoughts.

  Sierra Rogers

 
By the time, I went through immigration and claimed my bags my phone started to ring. It was my lawyer sounding like he was out of breath.

  “Miss Rogers, where are you?”

  “I’m just getting back into the country. What’s going on?” I stopped and dropped the bags.

  “I got a call from a Richmond detective. He wants me to bring you in for questioning.”

  “Questioning about what?”

  “The disappearance of a young lady. I don’t have all the details, but I’m on my way there to get more details on what this is all about. I’ll call you soon as I get more details.”

  “A’ight.”

  I shook my head in disbelief and grabbed the bags. Something is always going on. I’m sick of this fucking shit. I got my mom and me a room and settled in. My mind was all over the place as I nervously waited for the lawyer to call me.

  “Sierra, is everything okay? Ever since you got that call at the airport, you seem upset.”

  “Yes, I’m okay. The police want to question me. Don’t ask me about what because I have no idea.”

  Around 8:00 p.m., my lawyer called. He didn’t have anything new. They wanted to talk to me about a friend of mine. After I hung up, I lay under my covers, going over everything in my mind. I know these police were slick, so I needed to make sure my thoughts were well put together. There was no way I was going to let them trip me up into admitting some bullshit.

  I was up early. My lawyer told me to meet him at the police station at 11:00 a.m. On my way there, all kinds of thoughts were floating around in my mind. I tried my best to remain calm. I’ve watched too many crime shows, and I know nervousness is not a good sign. Breathe, bitch, I thought as I pulled into the parking lot.

  “Hello, my name is Sierra Rogers. My lawyer told me I need to come here for questioning.”

  Before the woman behind the glass could respond, a dude walked up to me. “Hello, Miss Rogers. I’m Detective Donahue. I believe your lawyer briefed you on why we are meeting here. Please come with me.”

  I didn’t say a damn word. I just looked at him from head to toe. I hated the fucking law, and my hatred for them had gotten even deeper since they killed my man. I knew that I had to watch their slick asses. They’re good at switching up people’s statements. I also knew that because I was Alijah’s woman, they would be trying to tie me up in all his shit. I came prepared for whatever they decided to throw at me.

  My lawyer was already seated. Two other pigs were in the room. I took a seat beside my lawyer.

  “Miss Rogers, you are one lucky woman. You’ve survived two attempts on your life,” the white pig said.

  “I don’t think it’s luck. I also don’t see your concern, because if I’m correct, it was the woman that was working for y’all that tried to kill me while y’all was outside listening,” I spat.

  “No, ma’am, that’s not correct. The feds were the ones that were handling that case, not our office. And to be honest with you, after reading the report, you are not that innocent yourself,” he said.

  “What the fuck you mean by that?” I looked at him.

  “Your dead, drug-dealing boyfriend dragged you into all this chaos. Not us. I’m sure you were well aware of all his illegal activities.”

  “Listen, Detective whatever the fuck your name is. You know nothing ’bout my man, so watch yo’ fucking mouth before you start throwing false accusations out there. Y’all killed him and took him away from his only child. To make matters worse, y’all dragged me in here with some more bullshit. What the fuck y’all really want from me?” At this point, my blood was boiling, and I didn’t give a fuck about what might happen.

  “Detective, please proceed with this interview. I have other cases to tend to this afternoon, and my client also has things to do.”

  I love my fucking lawyer. He didn’t waste time making small talk.

  “Sure. Let’s get down to business. Miss Rogers, I’m investigating the disappearance of Neisha Taylor. She’s been missing for quite a few months. After doing a thorough investigation, I learned that you two used to be close friends but fell out right before she vanished.”

  I looked up at this cracker. “So, what are you saying? That’s how it is. Sometimes females go through drama, but what does her disappearance have to do with me?”

  “It has a lot to do with you. We pulled phone records, and you are one of the last people that she talked to. The victim also told her mother she was meeting up with you.”

  “I have no idea what you’re talking ’bout. So what she called me? We talked for a quick second; then I hung up.” I stared him directly in the eyes.

  “It doesn’t bother you that your friend of over fifteen years just disappeared into thin air?”

  “Since you did yo’ homework, Detective, you already know that Neisha and I were no longer friends. Before that phone call, I hadn’t seen her in months.” I didn’t flinch one bit.

  “Miss Rogers, we are fresh into the investigation, and I owe an explanation to her poor mother, who just wants to know what happened to her daughter. May I ask, what was it you and she discussed in that brief phone conversation?”

  “I can’t recall. But it wasn’t nothing important. I was busy, so I hung up.”

  “If I’m correct, y’all are childhood friends, right?” he looked at me.

  “We used to be friends, Detective, and as I said, we were no longer friends. Well, I hope you find your answer, but as you can see, you’re barking up the wrong tree. I have nothing to do with Neisha or her disappearance. So it seems like you should be out there searching for her.”

  “Maybe, but I have a good feeling about this. Your boyfriend is dead, but you’re still here, and trust me, soon as I gather more information and evidence, I will be coming for you,” he said and winked at me.

  “Unless you’re charging my client with something, we are leaving. Detective, you have my number; please don’t hesitate to call. I advise you and your department to stay away from my client. If y’all keep it up, I will slap Richmond PD with a harassment lawsuit.”

  “Ha-ha. I hear you, Counselor. Make sure you stay on that payroll, ’cause I’m coming. Have a good day, folks.”

  “Let’s go, Miss Rogers. We’re finished here.”

  I walked out the door with my attorney following close by.

  “They have nothing on you. He’s just trying to rattle you a bit. Basically, he’s trying to dig.”

  “Dig for what? I don’t know shit ’bout that woman’s disappearance.”

  “Trust me, if they had any evidence, they would’ve charged you. All they have is the phone record showing the woman contacted you on the same day she disappeared. I think you should go on ’bout your business and not worry ’bout a thing.”

  “Yeah, but I’m mad as hell. This fucking police department is trying to get me caught up in some bullshit. Call me if you hear anything else.”

  “Okay, Miss Rogers. You look like hell. Get some rest and don’t worry yourself.”

  I walked off toward the parking garage. I put on a good show in front of them, but deep down, I was shivering. Only three of us knew what went down. Two were dead, and I wasn’t talking. I ain’t got shit to say. I knew Alijah’s boys helped him to clean up the mess, but I wasn’t worried about them talking either. I quickly walked to my car. My head was pounding. I just needed to lie down. I had so many things to take care of, but lately, I couldn’t seem to focus. During the daytime I was fine, but at night, I can’t sleep. I’ve been popping Percocet and Xanax to help me through the rough times.

  “Why did you leave me, Alijah? I need you more than ever,” I said as I drove down Broad Street.

  * * *

  I stopped by the salon to see Mo’ and to let her know that I was leaving. I made up my mind the previous night to get out of Virginia. I used to have mad love for Richmond, but after all that went down, I could no longer live here; too many memories of Alijah. Besides, since he died, Jeanette and I have been living in the hotel be
cause the feds took the house.

  I wasn’t tripping; I had no intention to live in that house anymore. Everything inside reminded me of him.

  I smiled as I recalled the day when Alijah first brought me around there. The feeling of happiness that I felt. I thought we would have some good memories, but instead, he was gone, and all I was left with was pain and anger.

  “Hey, boo,” I greeted Mo’.

  “Hey, love. I tried to call you earlier.”

  “Girl, my phone was turned off. Then as soon as we landed, my lawyer told me that the fucking detectives wanted me fo’ questioning.”

  “What! For what? Bitch, don’t tell me them motherfuckers fucking with you ’cause of Alijah shit.”

  “For Neisha. These motherfuckers think I got something to do with her disappearing.”

  “Bitch, nah. What in the world would make them think that? You been through enough as it is. You don’t need to be dragged into no damn investigation. They need to be looking at the fucking dope boys. That bitch might owe them money. I mean, I feel bad and all ’cause we grew up wit’ the bitch, but fuck her; she’s a snake.”

  “Girl, I don’t know what happened to the bitch, and I couldn’t care less if she’s dead or not. That bitch betrayed me by givin’ an outside bitch info on me. She lucky I didn’t kill her when I had the chance.”

  “They tryin’a fuck with you ’cause of Alijah’s situation. They embarrassed that an outside nigga made a fool out of their city and made a fool out of them.”

  “When does this shit end? I’m tired, for real. Sometimes, I just want to crawl into a hole and stay there. Mo’, I’m tired for real.”

  “Listen, bitch, I can’t say I understand, ’cause I’ve never been in your situation. I do know you’re one strong bitch, and the Sierra I know would not talk like this. You’ll be a’ight soon; give it time, boo.”

  “I hear you, Mo’; I’m trying. Some days are better than others. I miss my man terribly; sometimes at night, I lie down, and as soon as I close my eyes, I see him. I want to touch him. I want to tell him I love him one last time, but I can’t, ’cause he’s not really there. It’s my fucking mind playing tricks on me.”