Every Day After

by Laura Golden

  Mrs. Butler stared at us for a second like we’d gone off our rockers; then she began to smile too.

  Ben walked over and squished up close to her. “Please, Ma,” he whispered. “We can try.”

  Mrs. Butler laughed. “Oh, we can try all right. The thing that worries me is how I’m gonna keep you two out of trouble.”

  Ben threw his arms around his mother, and if I hadn’t been coming at her from the other side, he’d have knocked her flat to the floor.

  Mrs. Butler pried our arms away. “All right, both of you, let me go. You’re suffocating the life out of me.”

  “Would you both mind coming home with me now?” I asked. “I don’t want to go alone.”

  Ben looked at me and nodded, and Mrs. Butler took my hand. She squeezed it. “Of course we’ll come with you. Look there.” She pointed to the suitcases. “We’re already packed and ready to go.”

  Chills ran up and down my limbs just thinking about having to face those people hovering around Mama alone. But I knew one thing for certain—I wouldn’t have to. “You know,” I said, “needing people isn’t half as bad as I thought it’d be.”

  Mrs. Butler sighed. “No, honey, it’s not needin’ people that’s so bad, it’s needin’ people when there’s not a soul around that’s the worst.” She grabbed me and squeezed me tight. She leaned over and looked me square in the eyes, the way Mama used to when she was saying something important. “I want you to know that I’m going to do everything I can to help your mama. I should’ve done it two months ago; I just wasn’t sure Rose wanted me there, but I was wrong. She needed me whether she wanted me or not.”

  In that moment I knew Mrs. Butler had forgiven Mama, and I wasn’t sure she’d ever been angry, just sad—sad about losing Mr. Butler, sad about losing Mama, sad that she was alone when she needed someone the most, sad she hadn’t taken the chance to be there for Mama. And in that very same moment, I was sad. Sad that I’d waited so long to reach out to the people that I loved, people who’d been there the whole time waiting to reach out to me. Mrs. Butler hadn’t had that, but I had—Mr. Hinkle, Ben, Mrs. Butler, even Miss Jones—and I hadn’t treated it like the blessing it was. I’d nearly thrown it away, but I never would again. Of that I was sure.

  Mrs. Butler and Ben grabbed their suitcases and the three of us rushed out the door, headed home to help Mama. If she was still in the state she’d been in earlier, the doctor and the others would be having a mighty hard time convincing her to leave that back-porch rocker. Not all folks agree, but I think stubbornness can be a right good quality to have sometimes.

  As we raced down the road, I glanced up. Puffy white clouds meandered across a brilliant blue sky. I smiled. If my emotions had a color, that was it—fresh, stainless white slowly covering a deep, sad blue.

  Half a mile later, huffing and puffing, we rounded the side of the house. Just as I’d figured, Mama wasn’t budging. Mrs. Sawyer was pulling Mama’s right hand while Dr. Heimler was pressing against her back, trying to get her to stand. We walked onto the porch and put down our suitcases. It showed what I wanted to say: we were staying. Mama’s visitors—Mrs. Sawyer, Erin, Dr. Heimler, Mr. Cooper, and even the sheriff, who must’ve overcome his sickness at last—stared at us.

  Mrs. Sawyer stared at Mrs. Butler, her eyes fluttering faster than a butterfly’s wings. From the look of her, I figured her inner wheels were turning, trying to figure out exactly who Mrs. Butler was and what she was doing there.

  Erin glared at Ben and folded her arms across her chest. “Should’ve known,” she said. Mrs. Butler looked confused and stared down at Ben for an answer.

  “Me and Ma’s just tryin’ to help, that’s all,” Ben said.

  Erin huffed. Her face puckered up in that all-too-familiar lemon look.

  Dr. Heimler and the sheriff hadn’t seemed to notice any of the other happenings around ’em. They were too all-fired busy staring at me. Sheriff Dawson wagged his finger at me and shook his head. Mr. Cooper just stood there looking as confused as a cow standing in front of a new gate. He didn’t know whether to go or stay.

  Mrs. Butler broke the silence. She slowly walked over to Mama and took her hand. “Rose,” she whispered. “Rose. It’s me, Louise. Me and Ben have come to stay with you, if that’s all right. We seem to be having a pretty rough go of it.” For only the second time since Daddy had left, Mama turned her head toward a voice. Mrs. Butler patted her hand in response. “We’re gonna stay with you, Rose. With you and Lizzie.”

  Dr. Heimler edged over to Mrs. Butler and whispered something in her ear. Mrs. Butler nodded. She placed her hand under Mama’s arm and said, “I’m gonna help you inside now. Dr. Heimler needs to take a look at you, and you can come back out when he’s finished. He wants to help you.”

  Dr. Heimler put his hand under Mama’s other arm and they helped her to her feet.

  The doctor said to me as he passed, “Stay here. I’ll be back.”

  With only Mr. Cooper, Sheriff Dawson, and her mother now present, Erin took the opportunity to lash out at Ben. “I knew it,” she said, her voice sharp and stinging. “You never were my friend. You were just mad at her.” She pointed at me. “Well, guess what. I wasn’t your friend either. I just wanted you to think I was.”

  Ben stepped close to Erin. “I don’t believe you.” His voice was soft and steady. “You wanted me to be your friend. I wanted to be yours. Still do. But you gotta stop all this battlin’ between you and Lizzie.” Ben turned around and looked at me. He smiled. “Heck, Erin, I’m even nice to rattlesnakes, and some folks around here don’t think that’s too smart. But I figure as long as I know where the snake stands, and it knows where I stand, we’ll get along all right. I won’t hurt it, but it’s got to trust me enough not to hurt me either. Understand?”

  Erin didn’t stop long enough to hear anything Ben was saying. “I understand you think you can have it both ways. You think you can march around here being friends with me and with Miss Know-It-All. Well, let me be the first to tell you, that isn’t gonna happen.”

  Mrs. Sawyer stepped forward and put her arm around Erin’s shoulders. Erin pulled away. She scowled at Ben and sulked over to the railing on the far side of the porch. Ben shook his head and walked back over to me. Mr. Cooper and the sheriff tried their darndest to pretend they weren’t standing smack in the middle of an argument. Well, they should’ve thought about that before they butted their noses into my business.

  An early evening breeze began to blow. It cooled the porch after the heat of the day. The pond and the woods beyond it grew shadowy in the twilight. Ben and I sat down on the top step of the porch and I closed my eyes. I wondered what Dr. Heimler was talking to Mrs. Butler about, and if he’d examined Mama.

  I didn’t have to wait long to find out. The back door creaked open, breaking the quiet. The doctor and Mrs. Butler came back onto the porch.

  “Where’s Mama?” I asked, jumping up from the step.

  Mrs. Butler came over to me. “She’s sitting in her chair, honey.” She turned and nodded at Dr. Heimler.

  He cleared his throat. “As we all can see,” he said, motioning toward the sky, “it’s getting rather late. Mrs. Hawkins is beginning to tire, so I suggest we resume this discussion in the morning.”

  Mrs. Sawyer stomped forward. “You can’t be serious, Doctor. You’re going to leave them like this?”

  The doctor nodded. “Frankly, I fail to see the problem, Mrs. Sawyer. Mrs. Butler will be here with Lizzie, and she’s perfectly capable of watching over everything. I think the best thing for all of us is to get a good night’s rest and sort this out first thing in the morning.”

  “Well, I must tell you, I do not agree.”

  Dr. Heimler rubbed his eyes with his fingers. “You don’t have to agree with me, but you spoke to me of your concern for Mrs. Hawkins several weeks back, and now that her care is in my hands, I’m trying my best to do right by her. It does her no good to be up and out of her usual routine. My goal, Mrs. Sawyer, is
to make her better, not worse. So, everyone”—he motioned toward the porch steps—“if we would all be so kind as to leave, I’m sure Lizzie and Mrs. Butler have things to attend to. We’ll all meet back here at nine in the morning.”

  The sheriff and Mr. Cooper tipped their hats to Mrs. Butler as they passed. I reckoned they were more than ready to leave. They’d already witnessed more than they’d bargained for. Erin refused to look at either me or Ben.

  Mrs. Sawyer pushed past the doctor on her way to the steps. “I never would’ve believed you’d let your emotions get the better of you, Dr. Heimler.”

  The doctor didn’t respond. He tipped his hat to us and followed Mrs. Sawyer and Erin down the steps. As they all rounded the corner, the feeling of freedom filled me. But I knew there was a big chance that feeling would get knocked out of me at nine o’clock in the morning. I had to think of something else to keep us all together. To keep us all home.

  The three of us walked inside to check on Mama. She was sitting in her chair, beginning to nod off. Mrs. Butler looked at me. “Ben and I will ready one of the spare rooms; you tend to your mama.” She walked out to her new room, and Ben followed her.

  Mama’s book was hanging on for dear life at the edge of her lap. I picked it up and gently shook her. “Come on. Time for bed.”

  She let me lead her to her room and help her into her nightgown. “We’re gonna be just fine, Mama. I promise. Don’t you worry about anything.”

  As I brushed and braided her hair, I wondered if now she’d start to get better. She’d recognized Mrs. Butler out on the porch. I’d seen it. Surely Dr. Heimler had too. I felt like this night was Dr. Heimler’s way of giving us a chance to prove we could make it work. And if we could prove it, then he’d work with us, not against us. He wasn’t gonna be buffaloed by Mrs. Sawyer the way the sheriff had, and I respected him for it.

  I helped Mama into bed and pulled the covers up over her. To me, she looked better already. I gripped my locket as I stood over her, praying for God to send me a sign—any sign—as to how to keep the house away from the bank. Mama would get better with all of us together at home. I knew it. I rubbed at the rough lines of my locket’s engraving and pictured the two faces inside. For the first time since Daddy had gone, God must’ve heard my prayers, because like I was seeing a flash of lightning cutting through the darkness, I knew exactly what I had to do.

  Twenty

  The Greatest Conqueror Is He Who Conquers Himself

  I jumped out of bed at the crack of dawn. Mr. Hinkle opened up at seven sharp, and I’d be waiting when he did. I put on my church dress just for the occasion. You’re supposed to dress nicely for business dealings, and business dealings were what I’d be having most of the morning—first with Mr. Hinkle and then with some other not-so-nice people after that. When I crossed the hall to get Mama, I could smell coffee brewing in the kitchen. If Mrs. Butler had been an early bird before she moved in, she’d be one after. Pigs would fly before she’d change her schedule.

  Mama was already sitting up on the side of her bed. She looked up at me. “Morning, Mama. Mrs. Butler’s got your coffee brewing. Are you ready to get dressed?”

  No reply. Oh, well, wasn’t anything new.

  I went over to her dresses and pulled out the pink floral with the lace collar and white buttons, the same one I’d dressed her in nearly a month earlier—the last day she’d actually spoken to me. But unlike the last time I’d put it on her, this time I helped her slip on her silk stockings, making sure the seam down the back was perfectly straight, and brushed her hair back into a neat bun at the base of her neck. I knew we’d be having visitors for the second day in a row, and I wanted to be sure Mama looked proper for them. She’d want that too.

  Mrs. Butler looked up from the grits on the cookstove when we came in. “Oh, Rose,” she said as she clasped her hands together. “You look beautiful today.” Mrs. Butler smiled at me; then she turned and spooned some grits into a bowl for Mama. I poured the coffee and topped it off with some milk. It was one of the few times since Daddy had left that Mama had eaten breakfast at the kitchen table. The sight of her sitting there in her pink dress with her smooth bun filled me with hope.

  “Where’s Ben?” I asked Mrs. Butler.

  “Oh, he’s already gone over to Mr. Reed’s, dear. Sometimes I believe that boy would live there if I’d let him.” She laughed. “I never would’ve thought it. Not in a thousand years.” She shook her head and walked back over to the stove to take the biscuits from the oven.

  “I need to run over to Hinkle’s this morning, if that’s all right,” I said. “I’ve got something I need to do before all the vultures come back.”

  Mrs. Butler turned around to face me. She was grinning but trying to hide it. I could tell. “Now, Lizzie, they’re not vultures. They’re just trying to help, that’s all.”

  “Yeah,” I said. “Help us right out of our house.”

  “I’m sure that’s not what they want.” She sat down across from Mama and took a sip of coffee. “Not all of them, anyway.” She winked, and I knew she was talking about Erin and Mrs. Sawyer. “Now, hadn’t you best get on with what you need to get done? I’ll take care of your mama till you get back. Ben’s supposed to come home early and help me get the rest of our belongings—the ones we’re allowed to take.”

  “Yes, ma’am. Thank you. For everything.”

  “Thank you, too.”

  I nodded, then kissed Mama’s cheek. “Be back,” I said, and I was out the door, jogging down toward Hinkle’s.

  The sun was up above the tree line now, and the birds were chirping and singing like it was the end of days. There wasn’t a cloud to be seen, and when I finally reached Hinkle’s, the glass door gleamed in the morning light. I pushed it open, and the bell clanked above my head. I said a quick prayer that my plan would work. Whether it did or not, I owed it to Mama and to Ben to try.

  Mr. Hinkle looked up from the figures inside his notebook. “Mighty early this mornin’, Miss Lizzie. You decide you love working here so much you just gotta be around for opening too?” He looked back down at his notebook and scribbled something.

  “Mr. Hinkle, can I talk to you about something?” He closed his notebook and looked at me. At least I had his attention. “I’ll start at the beginning.” He already knew about Daddy—that was common knowledge around town, but that was just about all he knew. In close to one breath I spilled out the whole rest of the story—the parts about Erin, and the bank, and the orphanage and Mama. The whole ugly truth.

  Mr. Hinkle’s eyes widened as I spoke. The wider they got, the less they twinkled. “Why didn’t you tell me all this a long time ago?”

  “I didn’t want to let Daddy down. He’d want me to take care of things by myself. I figured it wouldn’t count if I got help.”

  “Oh, Lizzie, I’m sure if your daddy could see you now, he’d be prouder than he ever thought he could be.”

  There’d been a time when I thought I’d burst into a million pieces if I heard my daddy was proud of me, but now that I’d heard it, it didn’t matter anymore. I was proud of me, and right now that felt better than a mountain of Goo Goo Clusters waiting for me on Christmas morning.

  “So, here’s what I wanted to ask you.” I reached up and gripped my locket. I rubbed it for the last time, then took it off and placed it on the counter in front of him. I somehow felt lighter with it off. “Are you still interested in buying this?”

  Mr. Hinkle picked up the locket and studied it, the corners of his eyes crinkled even more than usual. He didn’t say anything. He didn’t even grunt. He just kept looking at the locket, then me, then the locket. Finally he spoke. “You sure, Lizzie? You seemed pretty intent on keeping it a while back. Its sale would be final, you know. Won’t be any taking it away from Mrs. Hinkle once she’s wearing it.”

  “Yes, sir. I understand. How much do you think it’s worth?”

  He rubbed his chin for a few seconds. “I figure around ten dollars.”

>   “So that’s your best offer?” I crossed my fingers, and toes, for good measure. If he hadn’t been looking me square in the face, I’d have crossed my eyes. Ten dollars was more than I’d dreamed.

  “It is. What do you say?”

  I could’ve leapt square over the counter and flung my arms around him, but I thought better of it. He was my boss now, after all. I had to try to act professional. “Yes, sir,” I said. “I’ll take it.”

  I removed the faded pictures of me and Daddy from the locket and placed them in my left pocket. Then I carefully folded the ten dollars and put them in my right.

  Mr. Hinkle watched me without saying a word, as though he thought I shouldn’t really be selling my locket.

  “May I ask for one more thing?” I said.

  “Go ahead and ask, but I can’t promise you anything. You’ve near cleared me out this morning, and we still got the rest of the day to go.”

  “It won’t cost you anything,” I said. “I was wondering if you had any old boxes I could use to make a sign to hang in your window.”

  “Sure do. I have plenty of old boxes, but what in the world do you need to make a sign for?”

  “For more boarders.”

  “Boarders? You taking in boarders?”

  “Yes, sir,” I said. “Got the Butlers living with us already.”

  “Well, good for you. You best make that sign as pretty as possible. I hear the Martins are some tough competition for boarder seekers.”

  “Don’t worry. I’m pretty sure Mrs. Martin’s got all the people she can handle right now.”

  “Well, all righty, then. Be back in a jiffy with a box. You cut it to the size of your liking.”

  Before long I had my sign. I thought it looked pretty good. Not as good or colorful as Mr. Hinkle’s signs or anything, but eye-catching in its own way. He showed me the best window to display it in.