Bonds of Courage

by Lynda Aicher

  “Oh, fuck you. I didn’t need saving.”

  “Not from that asswipe. But it’s a damn good thing I pulled you off him when I did.”

  Holden conceded that to Grenick. Shit. He would’ve hurt the guy worse if his teammates hadn’t broken up the fight.

  “Segar and Heidi kept the reporters occupied with interviews. But...” Walters shrugged. “I heard you gave statements to the police. It’s going to get out.”

  “Yeah,” Holden agreed. “It’s just a matter of how it’s spun.”

  “So come on, man.” Grenick waved an impatient hand. “Give us the scoop.”

  How much did he trust these guys? They were his teammates, but did that make them friends he could confide in? He shook his head and leaned over the counter to grab one of the waters. “I can trust you guys, right?”

  “Fuck yes,” Grenick scoffed.

  “Completely,” Walters answered, his tone more sincere. “It stays in this room.”

  “You want us to spit shake on it or something?” Grenick held his hand to his mouth, poised and waiting.

  “God, no. Ass.” Holden laughed, grateful now that they’d barged into his home. “Where do you want me to start?”

  Walters pulled out a bar stool and settled in. “Wherever you want.”

  “As long as you cover the part where you started fucking the Ice Queen.”

  Holden was around the counter and in Grenick’s face a second later. “Shut the fuck up. Her name’s Vanessa. Use it.”

  “Wow, dude.” Grenick stepped back. “Message received.” He pushed a carton of roast beef at Holden. “Maybe you should eat something. You’re a little sensitive.”

  “Fuck off, Grenick.”

  “Jerk off, sure.” The man motioned like he was yanking his dick.

  “Grenick, shut up or we’ll never hear the story,” Walters said over their banter. “And Hauke, forgive the moron. His dick’s bigger than his brain.”

  Grenick flipped Walters off but kept his mouth shut.

  “Fine,” Holden huffed. God, now he sounded like a sixteen-year-old girl. He grabbed the package of meat and took it with him back to where he’d been standing. “Sorry.”

  The other men both stayed silent as he opened the package and stuffed some food into his mouth. Chewing gave him time to think.

  “I was looking for Vanessa,” he started, glancing at the guys to find their expressions blank. “Liv was looking too, so I checked the building. I found her in the kitchen with that asshole holding her arm, refusing to let go, a blazing red mark on her cheek.” He took a breath to quell the rise of anger. “I shoved him away, but the guy kept at her, then Vanessa responded to a comment about not hurting her, something about betrayal that I now know has to do with their past. He called her a bitch and said defending her wasn’t worth it. I lost it after that.”

  “Fuck.” Grenick shook his head. “You broke his nose. I wish I’d waited a few more seconds before I hauled you off him.”

  Holden snorted a laugh. “It’s a good thing you did stop me.” He flexed his hand, his knuckles protesting the movement. Luckily none were broken. He’d suffered worse from a game fight.

  “So...” Walters darted a glance at Grenick before he continued. “You seemed pretty close with Vanessa.”

  Pretty close, that was one way to put it.

  “We, ah...” Holden stalled out, second-guessing what he should reveal. Shit. They both suspected something. He was about to break Vanessa’s number one rule, but if there was anything left between them, he hoped she’d understand why he was doing it. Their assumptions and speculations would only get worse if he refused to answer. “We’ve been...seeing each other this summer.”

  “Like dating? No fucking way.”

  “What?” He glared at Grenick.

  “I had the wrong sister.” Walters slapped the counter, laughing. “Damn. I was close.”

  “You know what?” Holden scowled at them. “You can both fuck off. I don’t need this shit.”

  “Oh, calm down.” Grenick waved off Holden’s anger. “You’d better get thicker skin if you’re going to date her during the season. There’ve been bets down for years on who’d finally nail her. Damn.” He frowned. “I fucking lost, too.”

  Holden’s brows shot up. “That’s just...” There were always bets going among the players. He remembered the one about Vanessa, now that he thought about it. “Shit.”

  Walters nodded, his grin hitting Holden. “Better get used to some ribbing for a bit.”

  “Hell, Vanessa will probably put their nuts in a corkscrew if she hears anyone making cracks.”

  Holden almost shot his mouthful of water across the island. He hadn’t experienced a corkscrew yet, but she could do some fuck-awesome stuff with rope. He choked, coughed and pounded on his chest to get a breath. “Why’d you say that?” he rasped, eyes watering.

  “Seriously?” Grenick looked at him like he was the stupidest man on earth. “Don’t tell me she doesn’t spank your ass on a regular basis. That chick is one badass Mistress who never takes shit from anyone.”

  Holden gaped at the man, too dumbfounded for a rebuttal.

  “Now I get it,” Walters said, head bobbing, smirk growing. “Totally wrong sister, but it all makes sense now.”

  “What?” Holden cleared his throat when his voice cracked. The heat swelled up his torso to flood his face with warmth.

  Grenick dropped his jaw, his eyes bugging out. “She totally does, doesn’t she? Fuck.” He eyed Holden, a half grin forming. “Do you have a collar, too?”

  Oh, fucking hell. Holden looked away, swallowed. Walters’s bark of laughter made him wince. He’d just given them his answer without saying a word. He doubted Vanessa would take that well, and it was something he’d have to tell her even if they were done. A quick wave of remorse yanked at his chest for how he’d failed her.

  “No,” he said with a sigh. “I don’t have a goddamn collar.” He wouldn’t object to wearing hers, but it was unlikely to happen now.

  “But she does spank your ass, right?” Grenick’s eager expression reminded Holden of a kid waiting for confirmation that Santa did exist.

  He studied his two friends. There was really no way he could lie his way out of it now. “Yeah, she does.” He kept his tone flat and his face blank. He folded his arms over his chest, but stared them both down, daring them to comment.

  Grenick was the first to react. He snorted behind his hand and worked to keep his smile from showing. It didn’t last long.

  “Don’t tell me that’s why you’ve been kicking ass on the ice.” Walters’s eyes were wide. “Hell.” He slumped back in the chair, hiding behind his hand. “That is why, isn’t it?”

  The hard bark of laughter filled the room as Grenick gave up on his effort to hold it in. “Holy shit.” He gasped for breath as he bent over the counter. “I can just see all the guys lining up on the blue line, asses bared, waiting to be paddled by the Ice Queen so they can all play like Hauke.”

  “Jesus Christ.” Holden sighed, scrubbing his face. “Really?”

  Walters leaned toward Grenick, joining in the laughter. “Segar would probably make everyone if he knew that’s what got Hauke on track.”

  “Thank you, ma’am,” Grenick choked out around his laughter. “May I have another?”

  “Imagine the line of hairy asses displayed and waiting.”

  “Shit.” Grenick wiped at his tears. “The site of Chewy bent over, hairy balls dangling below his gorilla ass, would scar Vanessa for life.”

  “Vanessa? What about us?” Walters dropped his head to the counter, muffling his laugh. “I fucking avoid the shower when he’s in there. He clogs the drain every time.”

  “Good fucking God.” Holden rolled his eyes but couldn’t hold back his own laught
er. Chuck Henderson was one hairy fucker. Hence his nickname. This was definitely better than the scorn and ridicule he’d expected. However... “You assholes had better not tell anyone.” He pointed at each of them. He wasn’t ashamed of what he did with Vanessa, but it all went back to image and perception. “This can’t get out to anyone. It’d kill both of our careers.” He glared at them until they both nodded around their laughter.

  “Sooo...” Walters drew out the word as he caught his breath. “She’s really your Mistress?”

  “You’re going to make me say it, aren’t you?”

  “Hell, yes,” Grenick chimed it. “She’s got you by the balls, doesn’t she?”

  “I never should’ve said anything,” Holden mumbled, rubbing his nape.

  “You didn’t say anything,” Grenick assured him. “I guessed. You were just too stupid to deny it fast enough.”

  The man had him there. “It’s been a long night,” he said by way of an excuse.

  “Is Vanessa okay?” Walters’s concern appeared honest.

  “I think so.” Holden clenched his teeth around the flash of anger that hit again. “Her cheek might bruise where that guy hit her, but she refused to have it looked at.”

  “She’s tough, I’ll give her that,” Grenick said. “It’s why I picked her as my PR rep. She scares the shit out of just about everyone.”

  “She’s actually pretty nice,” Holden defended. “Once you get past her defenses.”

  “I image she has to be tough in order to survive in her field.”

  Grenick squinted at Walters before he nodded. “Kind of like us.” He turned his focus on Holden. “Which brings us to your pansy ass getting spanked by a girl.”

  Holden rolled his eyes. “Seriously? I’d like to see you handle even half the stuff Vanessa’s done to me.” He knew his smile was just a bit cocky. Hell, it was a lot cocky. Grenick, for all his macho gruff bark, would probably safeword out after the first paddle strike, and that was the easy shit.

  “Like what?” Walters leaned in, waiting.

  “I’m not telling you fuckers. It’s none of your business.”

  Walters sat back, frowning. “That’s no fun.”

  “Please tell me you get some hot sex out of it,” Grenick pleaded. “Because that is the only thing that will make this acceptable.”

  “What the fuck?” Holden scowled at the man. “You get hauled around by your balls all the goddamn time by the women you date. So don’t give me that acceptable shit.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “‘Henrick, buy me that diamond,’” Walters said in a high-pitched voice. “‘Henrick’s busy tonight.’ ‘Henrick—’”

  “Fuck you,” Grenick said, cutting him off. “It’s not that bad.”

  “Wanna bet?”

  He glared at them. “Well, this isn’t about me.”

  Great, they were back to Holden. “And it’s not about me either. I don’t butt into your private life, so stay the fuck out of mine.”

  “What if it gets out?” Walters asked.

  “It won’t if you keep your mouths shut.” He held each man’s gaze, silently communicating the threat that hardened his resolve. “I’m fucking serious on this.”

  “Secrets have a way of escaping.”

  “Look,” Holden said, tired of the entire discussion. “I’m not a major player. I don’t have a huge fan base, nor do I want it. I play hockey and that’s all I want to do. No fanfare, no publicity stunts, no big endorsements. Vanessa or I aren’t going to say anything, so how in the hell will anybody know?”

  “Play this season like you have this summer and you’ll have the spotlight shining all over you.” Grenick crunched on a carrot, head bobbing in conviction.

  “And it’ll be on the ice, not on what I do in the bedroom.”

  “Or the Dungeon,” Grenick added.

  “You seem to know a lot about the lifestyle, Roller.” Holden tilted his head, eyes narrowing. “Something we should know?”

  The big man took a step back, head shaking. “Just been to a few clubs, that’s it.”

  “Right.”

  He pointed a finger at Holden. “Don’t you start saying anything.”

  “Like what?” Holden glanced at Walters and smirked. “We already know how fast you get pussy-whipped by any chick who flashes her tits at you.”

  “You really are an ass.” Grenick glared at him.

  Holden smiled. “No more than you are.”

  Walters slapped his palms on the counter and stood. “It’s been fun, but I gotta go.”

  Grenick glanced at the clock and straightened away from the counter. “Shit. Leslie’s waiting for me.”

  Holden and Walters burst into laughter at the same time.

  “Fuck you both. For that, you can clean up my mess.” Grenick waved his hand at the food and stormed out of the kitchen. A moment later, the front door slammed.

  “Shit,” Walters snickered. “He really doesn’t see it, does he?”

  “Nope,” Holden said, head shaking in wonder. “Maybe he’ll wake up one day.”

  Walters punched him on the arm as he passed. “So you’re good?”

  “Yeah.” Well, at least with them. “Thanks.”

  “Be careful.”

  “Will do.”

  “And don’t miss practice again,” Walters’s voice trailed down the hallway as he headed out.

  “I won’t,” Holden called out before the door closed again.

  He bent over to rest his forehead on his fists. Holy shit. He’d done it. He’d told his friends. He had to tell Vanessa that they knew—if she was still speaking to him. Even if she wasn’t, she needed to know because it was her secret too. He trusted the guys, but that didn’t mean she did.

  Fuck. He’d probably just bared his dirty laundry for nothing. Vanessa hadn’t responded to any of his messages last night, and for the first time in two months, she hadn’t called.

  Double fuck.

  He shoved away from the counter, looking for some place to vent his frustration, but came up empty. Damn it.

  The whole afternoon stretched out before him with nothing to do but stew about Vanessa. Was she okay? Were they okay? Did she hate him? Had he done something wrong?

  This wasn’t going to work. He tossed the food back in the fridge and headed for his bedroom. If he couldn’t reach one sister, he’d hunt down the other. He had to swing by the center to get his car anyway. The carnival had been his idea, and he’d ended up bailing on over half of it.

  With a plan in place, he turned on the shower and jumped into the freezing water, too impatient to let it warm up. Damned if he was going to sit home all day, hoping Vanessa would call. Nope, that wasn’t his style. He’d give her to the end of the day, then he’d hunt her down.

  She might not know it, but she needed him just as much as he needed her. He’d prove that to her. Somehow he’d show her that was true.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Vanessa sat back and rubbed her tired eyes. She’d buried herself in work all day as a way to avoid the shit that was her life. Well, that wasn’t completely true. The morning had been spent spinning the story on yesterday’s mess. Multiple calls with Heidi and Segar had ensured that Holden’s actions were seen for what they were. He’d been defending her, pure and simple.

  Rick had agreed to not press any charges after a long discussion where she’d consented to letting the past go. The guilt still sickened her for slapping him. That one unthinking action had escalated so fast with Rick hitting her back, then it had almost backlashed on to Holden.

  She blinked back the tears that formed once again. Her breath caught and she swallowed to keep them from falling. She had to move on. The years of counseling had allowed her to acknowledge that Ric
k had suffered too, but she’d never forgiven him. It was time she tried.

  Her phone rang and she smiled. Liv had impeccable timing, like always. She grabbed her private one and swiped it on. “Hey, sis.”

  “V.”

  The emotion in that one letter had Vanessa blinking back the burn in her eyes once again. “I’m okay,” she said, answering her sister’s unspoken question.

  “Can I come over?”

  Liv knew her so well. She’d given Vanessa space instead of barging in like most people would do. She blew out a silent breath. “Not right now.”

  “You let me know when and I’ll be there in a second.”

  The fierceness in Liv’s voice made Vanessa smile. “I’m sorry it happened at your carnival.”

  “Oh, screw the carnival. It was fine.” Vanessa could picture the scowl on Liv’s face. “I’m worried about you.” And there was the concern again.

  “I’m fine.”

  “Right.”

  “Okay. I will be,” she conceded, touching her cheek. There wasn’t even a bruise. “He can’t hurt me more than he already has.”

  “I know exactly how much he hurt you.” Liv sniffed, her voice going soft. “I was the one who cleaned you up and held you while you cried, and I was the one who defended you against every lie those bastards told.”

  Vanessa squeezed her eyes shut and willed the memories back behind the bolted door where she stored them. “Well, it’s over.” She sat up, pushing her hair out of her eyes. “We’ve both suffered enough and we’re moving on. Now tell me about the carnival. How much did you raise?”

  She listened to her sister as she went through everything. They’d brought in more money than they’d hoped for, and the Glaciers’s franchise had promised to do it again next year. The event had been a real win-win for everyone.

  “That’s great.” It really was. The youth center would really benefit, and it’d been all Holden’s idea.

  Damn. There he was. No matter what she did today, everything circled back to him.