Doctor's Demands: A Submissives’ Secrets Novel

by Michelle Love

  Over his stomach, I go to touch him. Then I feel the top of the adult diaper and he yanks me back by my hair. His eyes are dark and he looks mad. “What the hell are you doing?”

  “I was going to just touch you a little. On the top where there are no stitches. Don’t worry, I’d never hurt you,” I say to try to relax him.

  “No!” he says. “No, you can’t stick your hand in there. No!”

  “Jude, it’ll be fine. I just want to see if it got hard or not. The doctor said you didn’t have to feel it for it to happen.”

  His eyes go wide and he says, “Get off!”

  I move to one side of him and he presses the button to lift the top of the bed up. We sit perfectly still as he pushes the blanket back and then he takes the top of the adult underwear and pulls it up so we can see what’s going on inside.

  We look at each other and the smile on his face makes me cry.

  Miracles can happen!

  JUDE

  With the knowledge that I can get an erection, Mercy is looking at me with some worry in her expression. “Jude, should you go through with that surgery if you can manage to do this without it?”

  “Fuck yes!” I say as I pull the blanket back to cover that nasty diaper. “Mercy, I want to walk again. I want to feel! You have no idea how terrible it feels to have men moving your body around because you can’t. So I am having that surgery.”

  Mercy looks at me for a long time then she takes my hand and places it on her stomach. “Jude, I was going to wait to tell you this. But in light of what we know now, I want you to know everything.”

  Her hand on mine, covering her stomach, has my wheels spinning. I’m completely aware that we haven’t used and type of birth control since I brought her home with me the night of the tornado. But she took a test that said she wasn’t ovulating or something like that and she said we were safe for a while.

  She better not be pulling some shit on me!

  “Jude, I felt sick today. It’s not the first time, either. So I decided that it would be smart to take a test. It came back positive. Now, I have no idea how far along I am or anything like that. I don’t know for a fact that the test was accurate. But we might be pregnant.” She looks at our hands covering her stomach and then I look at her to find her eyes very misty.

  I’m numb. I can’t think. I really don’t know how to feel.

  I may be paralyzed forever, or die on an operating table in the near future and I may have a kid coming. “How?” I ask.

  She laughs then says, “Okay, Jude. When a man and woman really love each other they show that in a way that can create human life.”

  “Mercy, damn it!” I can’t believe I’m yelling at her but I am.

  She looks at me and frowns. “I know. This is a big deal. All of it is. I know that. It is part of the reason I didn’t come up here doing a dance and jumping for joy that you and I might have made a little human out of our love. I know this can be looked at as a blessing or another tragedy.”

  “Don’t ever say that,” I tell her. “The baby is no tragedy. So don’t ever say that. Okay?” I look at her with a stern expression. “It’s not a mistake or anything like that. But it has come at a difficult time in my life. And yours.”

  I run my arm around her shoulders and pull her back to lie with me on the hospital bed. “I know this isn’t how you wanted things to happen, Jude. I really do. Things have never really happened the way I wanted them to either. I never wanted to become a mother the way I did. By losing my family. I never wanted to do something to cause the man I love to become so broken. And I certainly never wanted an unplanned pregnancy. This cycle seems to be following me. I am the key at the center of this cluster-fuck tornado that is my life.”

  “Don’t, Mercy,” I say as I lean my head against hers. “Don’t act like this is anything that’s your fault. It’s life and things like this happen.”

  “But in my life, they happen a lot more often than in other people’s lives. I’m a jinx. I have a dark star following me or something. Maybe I should do everyone a favor and disappear.” She looks spaced out. Like she’s so far away right now.

  She doesn’t look like Mercy at all!

  “Never say that stupid shit again.” I kiss her cheek. “Okay, so here we have it. Tomorrow we get married here in the hospital. You need a gorgeous white dress and if you could find one of my black tux jackets and a white shirt to go under it that will suffice for me. A nice black blanket would look good to cover me for our photos, I think.”

  She looks at me and I see it in her eyes. She’s thinking about the surgery and what might go wrong. “Please consider not doing the surgery. I will marry you tomorrow, anyway. But think about it long and hard before you agree to the surgery. You are alive right now and obviously more than capable of being a man.”

  “But I can’t walk, Mercy. I’d like to do that and the surgery sounds like it could do that for me. Come on, baby. Be in my corner. Show me some of that faith you have. You told me that you prayed for me to make it through that crash and I did. Believe, baby.” I touch her warm cheek and graze my lips over it.

  She sighs. “But maybe you were in that wreck because of my bad luck or whatever you call this. A curse is really what it is. A horrible curse.”

  “You’re being crazy. I’ll be fine. I have to do it, Mercy. You know I do.” I pull her into my arms again and hold her tight. “You’re pregnant! I want to walk the floor with my little man.”

  She laughs a little. “Or little girl.”

  “Yeah, maybe that. Whatever that baby is, I want that kid to know they have a daddy who has the courage to do what he had to in order to be all he could be for them.”

  Mercy climbs out of my arms and off the bed as she gathers her clothes. “Jude, do me a favor. Read every word on those forms. Make your own decision without me. Because I’m telling you that I can’t, in good conscience, tell you the safest or best thing is for you to go through with that surgery. I love you. I want you around to help me raise this kid. I just want you around, period.”

  I watch her pick her clothes up and put them back on then she comes to me and puts the hospital gown back on me and ties it up behind my back.

  I take her face and hold it in front of mine and say, “Do you want to push me in a wheelchair while poor Carter pushes our baby in a stroller? Do you want to change both mine and our baby’s diapers every few hours? Tell me how great that sounds to you, Mercy.”

  Her eyes cloud over as she says, “If this was my first bout with tragedy, I’d say go for it, Jude. I would! But this isn’t my first or even second. This is our life. This is me and you and a baby and my niece and nephew we’re talking about. I can do it all on my own. I know I can. I have. But I want you there with me. I want you there every step of the way.”

  “You said it yourself, Mercy. Every step of the way. So I’m getting the surgery and you will just have to pray and have faith and that’s that.”

  I wish like hell she could wipe that unbelieving face away and show me that face she had when I first came to this hospital with hardly any hope at all. I need her to have faith!

  Surrender Part 10

  MERCY

  Page by page, Jude signs them all, cementing the fact he will be getting the surgery. With each page he signs, my worry increases. I can’t think of a life without him in it.

  “Stop,” he says as he glances at me. “Just stop. You’re getting all worried and I’m not even going into surgery yet. You’ll be a wreck by the time the actual surgery date comes if you keep this up.”

  “I can’t,” I say then his fingers go to my lips, shushing me.

  “No,” he says. “You can and you will. I want you to go home and get some rest. At eight a.m. sharp, I want you to get up and get going on our plans. Get a dress and I want it to be really gorgeous. I know it’ll have to be off the rack but make it a great one and spend lots of money on it. You have three of my cards so you better not spare any expense.”

  “Jud
e, I shouldn’t,” I say then he pulls me in for a kiss, stopping me again.

  He ends his sweet kiss and looks at me with so much love in his eyes it makes me want to cry. “Go do what I said. Get the kids something nice to wear too. I want tons of pictures with us all and I want everyone to look fantastic. Get your hair and makeup done and come back here when you’re ready and we’ll do this thing.”

  I don’t know what to say to him. So I don’t say anything. I just nod and climb off the bed and grab my purse and head toward the door. Then I stop and turn back to see him still signing papers. “Goodnight, Jude. I love you.”

  “I love you too. Go get some rest. Tomorrow you and I are tying the knot and I want that worried, doubt-filled expression you’re wearing, completely gone. Got it?”

  I nod and turn to leave the room. I wish he could see inside my head and feel how heavy my heart is. I wish he could understand how much has gone wrong in my life and know that just him being alive is enough for me.

  A woman’s voice stops me in the darkened hallway. “He’s up for that surgery with Doctor Padron.”

  I lean against the wall to listen as I know she has to be talking about Jude. Another woman says, “He should definitely do it. I know the risks are huge but he’s young and has a lot of life in front of him. Being a paraplegic has more problems that go along with it than just the inability to walk. All kinds of health problems come along with it.”

  “I know that,” the other woman says. “But the risk of death is worse than that. In my opinion.”

  “What about the fact that being a paraplegic most definitely will limit his lifespan and his quality of life? My uncle completely lost his legs in the war and he had one ailment after another. He was miserable. When he passed away at forty-five from pneumonia, his wife was sorry he was gone but happy he was no longer miserable.”

  I lean back on the wall and press my cheek against its cool surface and know in my heart she’s right. So I turn and go back into Jude’s room. “I’m on board with you, Jude. I’ll be in your corner through this whole thing. No matter what happens, I want you to know that I am on your side.”

  I watch his eyes turn glassy and he puts the clipboard down then holds his arms open. Moving into them, we hug and I know there’s a huge risk but I’m going to put fear and worry behind me and only allow faith and hope in my head.

  “It’s good to hear you say that,” he tells me as he lets me go and runs his hand through my hair. “I know I’ve only been in this condition for a week but it’s been one horrible week.”

  “I know,” I say and try hard to put my worries away but it’s not easy. “I mean I have no idea how it must feel to be so helpless but I know it has to be one of the worst feelings in the world.”

  “I’m glad you’re starting to understand, Mercy. The risk is worth it to me.”

  The word, risk, is a word I don’t like very much. I don’t like taking risks. I never have. But I guess I’m learning that when you get involved with someone, everything becomes a risk.

  There’s always a risk that one day they will simply be gone. I know that better than most people do. Just like in the matter of a few minutes I found out I just might be bringing another life into the world, someone else might have been finding out someone they love just left it.

  Running my fingers through his dark hair, I say, “Jude, you’re teaching me so much more about life. You’ve been a Godsend in more ways than one. So I’m going to go home and get some rest and wake up in the morning and get myself ready to become your wife.”

  His smile makes my heart pound as it’s a thing I haven’t seen much of this last week. “Good. Go home. Sleep.”

  As I turn to walk away from him, he slaps my ass and I laugh. “Bad boy.”

  Walking back out into the hallway, I make my way down it once more. As I pass the nurse’s station I see Jude’s night nurse. “He’s got those papers signed,” I let her know.

  “So he’s going to get the surgery?” she asks.

  “He is,” I say then walk away.

  “Mercy,” she calls out to me. “I know it’s scary but I think he can make it.”

  I turn back and smile. “I hope he can.”

  She nods and I turn to walk away. The fact is life hangs in the balance most of the time. Little things here and there can happen to change it all in the blink of an eye. So I have to accept it and move on.

  But I’m praying with everything in me that my bad luck, or whatever this is that has tragedy following me around, doesn’t affect Jude and his outcome.

  “Walk you to your car, ma’am?” the security guard at the entrance asks me. “It’s pretty late.”

  “That would be nice of you,” I say and walk out of the door he’s opened for me. “I’ve never stayed here this late before. I didn’t realize it had gotten so late.”

  He walks next to me, and I notice he keeps looking around the parking lot that’s not completely empty but only a few cars are still in it. “You have someone here in bad condition?”

  “My fiancé,” I say and hold up my hand and wiggle my new ring. “He asked me to marry him tonight.”

  “That’s some rock. He must be loaded,” he says and smiles.

  He has a crooked smile. Looking at him, I can sense that he’s a sweet young man. “He is. How old are you?” I ask him.

  “I just turned twenty-five last week. Why do you ask that?”

  I unlock the car using my key fob and answer him, “I have this girl who could use a nice man in her life. You seem very nice and protective. She needs a man like that.”

  “What’s wrong with her?” he asks as he opens the car door for me and makes sure to look inside of it.

  “Nothing, she’s just a poor judge of character. I don’t suppose you’re available.”

  As I slide into the car he smiles at me. “I might be. What’s this woman look like?”

  “I tell you what.” I look at his security badge and read his name. “Mr. Crosby, I’ll be getting married in room number 553 tomorrow evening. I’d like to invite you to join us there and you can check her out for yourself. She’ll be the only single lady there.”

  “I might just do that,” he says then gives me a wink. “Will there be cake?”

  “Of course,” I say. “What’s a wedding without cake?”

  He extends his hand and I shake it. “Names, Randy. And what might yours be?”

  “I’m Mercy and the young lady’s name is Rose. If you forget the room number all you have to do is ask for Jude Hurst’s room and they’ll get you there.” I start the car and he closes the door so I roll my window down. “See you tomorrow, Randy.”

  “I think you just might,” he says with a smile. “I never pass up cake.”

  With a laugh, I roll the window up and smile to myself. Maybe Rose can find a nice man with a tiny bit of help from me.

  JUDE

  “Mom, you are a miracle worker,” I tell her as she’s managed to get everything lined out for Mercy and me to get married this evening.

  “I have Judge Clancy bringing the marriage license up with her and she’ll just need your signatures on it. Then that Pastor can do the ceremony and you two will be officially, legally wed.” Mom kisses my cheek as a nurse comes in with a smile on her face.

  “I hear we’re losing another bachelor today,” she says as she comes toward me with a thermometer.

  “You are,” I say then she places the thing into my mouth like she’s done every day for the last week.

  A beeping sound has her frowning and pulling the thing out of my mouth. “Uh oh.”

  “Uh, oh?” I ask.

  “Let’s be sure this is right,” she says then puts another sleeve over it and places it back into my mouth.

  When it beeps again, her frown makes the grooves on either side of her mouth deepen. Mom looks over the nurse’s shoulder and reads the thermometer too. “Jude, you have a fever,” she says, now wearing a frown too. “Do you feel bad?”

  I haven
’t felt good since I woke up here,” I tell her. “How high is it?”

  The nurse shakes her head. “Not too high. One hundred right now. But this means we need to have a doctor come in and check you all out. Sorry.”

  Dad comes into the room with a tray of coffees and sees Mom sitting on the edge of the bed with her hand on my forehead. “What’s this about?” he asks as he sits the tray on the small table.

  “Your son has a fever,” Mom says as she looks at me. “Stick out your tongue.” I do as she says and she peers into my mouth. “Your throat’s not red. Hmm.”

  “The doctor will figure it out, Mom. I am in the hospital you know.” I laugh and lie my head back. “I have felt kind of light-headed today. I thought it might be from how excited I’m feeling about getting married today.”

  After a few minutes, some female doctor comes into my room and says, “I’m Doctor Sweeny here to examine you, Mr. Hurst.” She eyes my parents then me. “I have to do a thorough examination. Would you prefer for them to step out?”

  “Yes,” I say quickly. “Bye guys. Do me a favor and don’t call Mercy and tell her about this. She’ll stop what she’s doing to haul ass down here and I don’t want that.”

  They nod and leave and I watch the young woman as she pulls out a small light and shines it into my eyes. “I read your file and it looks like you’re being placed in line for the operating room for the day after tomorrow. If you have any fever at all, that surgery will be postponed.”

  “Okay,” I say and she places a tongue depressor in my mouth and shines the small light down my throat.

  “Nothing there.” She gets out a slender silver cylinder from her pocket and then looks into my ears. “Ears are clear.”

  With one hand, she tosses back the blanket and pushes my hospital gown up then rips the side of the adult diaper then the other side as well and lays it out. I find myself feeling warm with embarrassment and say, “It’s so not cool to have to wear a diaper.”