by S. Nelson
I should leave. Come back another day. But for as much as I wanted to go, I needed to stay. I’d spent too long wasting my life after Kathy and Emma died, then again for those weeks after I found out about Quinn’s brother and the role he played in the worst day of my life. A decision needed to be made right here, right now. Either I said my final goodbye to this woman, or I moved forward with her, if she’d still have me. After the way I treated her, though, I wouldn’t be surprised if she told me to fuck off. But as of yet, she hadn’t, so that could be a good sign, if that was the route I decided to take.
Oh, fuck! Even my internal rambling rambled.
“No thanks necessary. I was close by when the call went out.” Why was I downplaying what I felt when the call came over the radio? I recognized the address right away and almost caused an accident in my rush to get there. I had a bad feeling when I entered the apartment complex, but I never expected to find Quinn lying on the floor in the state she was in. My heart had leapt into my throat, and I’d prayed to whatever higher power existed that I’d make it right between her and me if she’d be allowed to live.
“Can I ask you something?” She shifted her position, hissing when she’d apparently moved the wrong way. I rushed forward, stopping directly by her side.
“Are you okay?”
“I’ll be fine.” She eyed up some white pills beside a glass of water on her nightstand.
“Do you want those?”
“Please.” She reached out and took them from my hand, her finger touching mine before she pulled back. After she swallowed, I took the glass back and put it down. “You can sit if you want.” Quinn pointed toward the spot on the bed by her legs.
“Thanks.” The mattress dipped with my weight and I feared I’d jostled her, but her expression didn’t indicate I had. “What did you want to ask me?”
The side of her face scrunched when she took a deep breath. “My sister told me that you said what happened to me was your fault. Is that true? Did you really say that?”
“Yes.”
“Why would you think that?”
“If I hadn’t stormed out of here that night… if I’d still been talking to you, I would’ve convinced you to wait for me before going to see Linda Grendon. None of this would’ve happened if I hadn’t reacted the way I did.”
“It’s not your fault, Nolan. I should’ve never gone there alone, knowing there was a possibility he might show up. But I was so…” She shrugged. “I was so lost inside myself; I wasn’t thinking straight.”
“Right. Because of me.”
“Not entirely. The news hit us hard. We both lost something that day, and I wouldn’t blame you if you couldn’t talk to me after you leave here. I get it. But I need you to believe me that I didn’t know before Grant told me. I would’ve never hidden something like that from you. I was just trying to figure out a way to tell you.”
I reached for her hand, and thankfully she didn’t pull away. “I do. I believed you that night. I was in shock and didn’t know what to feel or to think. I was a mess.” Her eyes welled up, and all I wanted to do was hug her, comfort her, and take away all her sadness.
“The night of the accident, you lost someone too,” I continued. This next part was going to be hard for me to say because, before today, I’d never uttered the words out loud. “I have myself partly to blame for that night. We had plans to go out for dinner, but I canceled. I always seemed to cancel because I was too focused on my career, and advancing to detective was more important than my own family.” I took a moment, the memory of being the first one there to witness the fatalities still very painful. “I was two miles away when it happened. I heard about the accident over the radio and responded I was en route. When I saw the SUV, I convinced myself it wasn’t my wife and daughter, that someone else had the same vehicle, with the same decals of Frozen, Emma’s favorite movie at the time. I remember feeling like I was walking in slow motion, but the world around me sped up. I was the one who found them, my family, and yours.” Another brief moment of silence. “I should’ve been with them. I should’ve been driving. I could’ve prevented it from happening.”
“That’s not true,” she rushed to say. “The accident wasn’t your fault. And it wasn’t mine. No one can predict what’s going to happen, so what-ifs are pointless. I suffered with too many of them after my brother died, and all that did was prolong the guilt, guilt that should’ve never been mine to bear.” She squeezed my hand tighter.
“Did you tell anyone about the connection between us?”
“Avery knows because she found me on the floor crying.” The reminder of that night and the way I treated her gutted me, but instead of blaming myself for yet another thing, I asked her a question instead.
“Why haven’t you told your parents?” I asked, curious about why she chose to keep them in the dark.
“In case you and I found a way to move past this, I didn’t want them to bear the burden over what Jimmy did on top of losing him. They’ve been through enough.”
“I unfortunately understand that completely.”
I took a moment to compose my thoughts because I needed to make good on the promise I made to the higher power, or the universe, or whatever it was, for karma’s sake.
Scooting closer, I cradled the side of her face, careful not to hurt her. She nuzzled into my touch, and I knew what I was about to say was the right thing. “The past three years have been the worst of my life. I thought I’d continue to be swallowed up by grief, that I deserved to live in my shallow existence, but then you came along, and everything changed. For the first time since they died, I looked forward to the next day, hoping I’d get to talk to you, see you, laugh with you, hold you. When you look at me, I come alive all over again. I can’t lose that, Quinn. I can’t lose you.” A tear trailed down her cheek as she smiled. “I love you.”
“I love you too.” Her response was immediate and without reservation. The weight I’d been carrying around dissolved in her kiss, in the way she looked at me like I was her shelter.
I knew that look well.
It was how I saw her.
As my shelter.
My home.
My future.
43
Quinn
“You know I have to go home at some point, right?” I rooted through my bag, looking for a clean pair of underwear. “I don’t have enough here with me.”
“Then we’ll swing by your place and grab some more clothes.” Nolan walked up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist, careful not to squeeze too tightly. Two months had passed since I got out of the hospital, and I was fully healed, but there were occasions when I’d turn the wrong way, and a residual ache would rear its ugly head. Thankfully, that didn’t happen often.
“Officer Bennett, is that a gun or are you happy to see me?” I turned in his hold and snaked my arms around his neck, leaning up on my tiptoes to plant one on him.
“Both.” He wiggled his brows and slapped me on the ass. “Now get ready, or I’m going to have my way with you again before we have to go to work.”
“Empty threats.”
He untucked my shirt with a devilish look in his eyes. “My threat is not empty. I can assure you.” When he moved to unzip my skirt, I took a step back, holding my hand up in front of me.
“Uh-uh. I can’t. I have court at eight, then I have to go home at lunch and pack up a few more outfits. You’re lucky I love you because this going back and forth all the time is becoming a bit of a pain, mister.”
“Then move in with me.”
I’d been busy retucking my shirt when he blurted those words. “What?” If I’d seen my startled reaction in the mirror, I was sure I would’ve laughed.
“You heard me. Move in with me,” he repeated, reaching for me to come back to him. I moved without hesitation. Once he had a hold on me again, clasping his hands at the small of my back, he leaned down to capture my mouth, pulling away before driving me insane enough to say fuck it and tear his clothes off, which was
what I wanted to do most of the time.
“I can’t.”
“Why?”
“Because we haven’t been together that long.”
“Is that the only hold up?”
I shook my head. “I can’t leave Avery high and dry.”
“What if she was okay with it? Would you do it then?”
“Are you serious?”
“Are you trying to buy more time by answering with a question?”
I nodded and replied, “No,” at the same time.
“I don’t want to pressure you, but I don’t see why we shouldn’t do this. We love each other and are going to move in together eventually, right? So, then, why not now?” He kissed me again before releasing me. “Think about it.”
“Okay.” Little did he know that was all I was going to think about.
The rest of my day passed quickly as I busied myself at work. At one point, while leaving for lunch, I ran into Scott, only this time I kept my distance, taking the stairs while he waited for the elevator. I didn’t want to deal with him asking me out again or risk having to listen to him tell me any details about Todd’s life. Thankfully, my ex had stopped contacting me after I told him I was seeing someone else.
Funny how quickly life changed. One day I was heartbroken over the ending of my relationship, swearing off all men, then the next, a cop pulled me over for speeding and changed the course of my future.
“I’m going to swing by Murray’s on my way to your place. I want to talk to my sister.”
“About anything in particular?” Nolan’s voice was filled with interest, but I didn’t want to give him false hope, depending on what she had to say.
“Just stuff.”
“Okay.” He sighed, and I wanted nothing more than to be in front of him, if only to witness him pouting, which I was sure he was doing. “Do you want me to pick up dinner?”
“I’d love that. How about China Queen? You know what I like.”
“I do.” The rasp in his voice deepened, and I suddenly became flushed, remembering the way he worked me over last night, then again this morning before we dragged ourselves out of bed.
“I’m hanging up now.”
“What did I say?” He laughed because he knew damn well it wasn’t what he said but how he said it.
“Don’t forget my egg rolls. Love you. Bye.”
“Love you.”
We hung up as I pulled into the parking lot, spotting the white Camry my sister recently purchased. As I exited my car, the back door of the bar swung open, and out walked Avery, headed straight for me.
“I was just coming to see you,” I said, returning her quick embrace. Because I spent so much time with Nolan, she and I didn’t get to hang out as much, something I was determined to change, especially if I accepted his offer to live with him, a decision I hadn’t made as of yet.
“This is a nice surprise.” She rooted through the back seat. “I snagged my jeans on something and they ripped,” she offered without me asking, lifting her T-shirt to show me the waistband. “And all I need is for Kyle to see me with a big ol’ hole in my pants.” She talked more to herself than to me at this point. “Here they are,” she exclaimed, pulling out an identical pair of black jeans.
“Who’s Kyle?”
“What?” She avoided looking at me for two seconds too long.
“Who’s Kyle?” I repeated, getting a kick out of how fidgety she became with the simple question.
“Just some guy. You met him. Or at least you saw him here that one time. The cute blond who was flirting with me. It’s nothing really. We’re just hanging out. No big deal. I haven’t said I’d—”
“I think you’re adorable when you ramble.” I laughed, nudging her shoulder with mine. “You like him.” I drew out each word for emphasis, and for teasing purposes, as that was what big sisters were known for.
“So?”
“It’s nice. You deserve to be happy, Avery.”
“What makes you think I’m not happy?”
“Nothing. But I’ve also never seen you this jittery talking about a guy before either. I’m just saying.” I raised my hands in the air in a show of faux surrender. “It’s nice.”
“Speaking of nice, how’s the hot cop?” Deflection was her best tool, always had been, but the mention of Nolan had me smiling just as big as her.
“He’s good. Actually, he’s why I wanted to talk to you.”
“Okay. It’s not busy right now, so let me get changed and then I’m all yours.”
After Avery switched out of her torn jeans, she walked behind the bar and down to where I sat, which just so happened to be the seat that used to be reserved for Nolan. He no longer stopped by here on a regular and I couldn’t say I was saddened by the change in his routine.
“Want anything to drink?”
“Just a Sprite. Nolan is picking up dinner, so I’m not going to be here long.”
After sliding the soda toward me, she leaned over the top of the bar, giving me her undivided attention, which wasn’t typically like her. I was used to seeing her phone in her hand, that it took me a minute to realize she was waiting on me to start speaking.
“I wanted to talk to you about something. Um… Nolan asked me earlier…um,” I said again, stalling for time.
“Spit it out, woman.”
“Nolan asked me to move in with him,” I blurted, studying her reaction for signs of surprise, anger, or disbelief, but the only expression she wore was one of calm, which could only mean one thing.
She already knew.
“What did you say?” She moved back a step and reached for a towel. “Did you give him an answer?” Her arm moved back and forth as she wiped down the top of the bar.
“I told him I had to talk to you first. I couldn’t just leave you high and dry.”
“Funny.”
“What is?” I asked.
Her eyes traveled back toward mine right before she smirked. “That’s what he said.”
“What?” Now I’m thoroughly confused.
“I told her I wanted to ask you, but I wanted to make sure you moving out wouldn’t hamper her in any way.” I flinched in surprise, hearing his voice directly behind me when I didn’t even see him walk in. Nolan moved to stand beside me. “You’re in my seat, you know.” I ignored his comment as my attention bounced between the two of them, finally coming to rest on my sister.
She was all smiles.
“What did you tell him?”
“I said I was okay with it.”
I turned to look at Nolan this time. “What if she wasn’t?”
“Then I would’ve waited until she was.”
“Really?” I was touched he thought about how my sister would react to his offer. Him taking her feelings into consideration meant the world to me, and it solidified what I already knew about him. He was a good man, and any hesitation I had about moving in with him evaporated right then.
“Of course.” He looked at me like he thought I was insane for thinking otherwise.
Switching my focus back to Avery, I asked, “Can you afford to live at our place by yourself?”
“No. But our lease is up in a month, and as luck would have it, Mandy is looking for a roommate. Plus, her place is only two blocks from here. So, don’t worry. Everything is working out as it should.” She flashed me another smile before walking toward the other end of the bar to take care of a couple who just walked in.
Nolan leaned over and kissed my cheek, and when I turned to face him, he pressed his lips to mine. “Ready to go home?”
“Confident I’ll say yes, are you?”
“A guy can dream.” The corners of his delectable mouth kicked up in amusement.
I never dreamed my life would take this turn, and even though the connection between us was painted with sorrow, we managed to embrace the love we shared for each other. We both deserved to be happy, and if agreeing to live with this wonderful man was the next step in that journey, then I was already packed an
d ready to go.
“Let’s go home.”
Epilogue
Nolan
Two years later
“So?” Quinn rushed outside the moment I pulled in. I barely had time to get out of my Jeep before she was in front of me, an expectant look on her face. I’d quickly learned patience wasn’t her strong suit.
“Hello to you, too.” I tugged her into me. “Did you miss me?”
“I always miss you.”
“Good. I missed you too.” I pressed my lips to hers, but she backed away. “No kiss for your man?”
“Not until you tell me.”
“Can we get inside first?”
“Is it bad?”
“Inside.” I turned her toward our house. “Now.” A quick swat on her ass made her squeal, but she walked ahead of me, laughing when I grabbed her around the waist because she was taking her sweet time.
After we stepped inside, I brushed past her and padded toward the bedroom. She followed two steps behind me. I could hear her huffing, but she didn’t say anything. I disappeared into the closet, unclipping my duty belt and hanging it up. Then I removed my gun, entering the code on the safe and tucking it securely inside. Reentering the bedroom, I worked on unbuttoning my shirt, parting the sides when the task was complete, and shrugging the material from my shoulders. I tossed it on the back of the chair she’d insisted we buy. Although I didn’t think she intended for me to use it as a place to throw my clothes.
Since the day she moved in, I gave her free rein to decorate however she wanted. She effortlessly turned my previously bare-boned house into a home, complete with art on the walls, pictures of us on the mantel, and even changing out my beige curtains for colorful ones. She also convinced me to display a picture of Kathy and Emma, encouraging me to talk to her about them whenever I needed to. They were a part of me, and she accepted them wholeheartedly.
“How much longer are you going to wait to tell me?” Quinn was directly in front of me now, her hands resting on my chest. “If it’s not the news you wanted, that’s okay. You can just try again.”