Oopsie Daisy

by Iris Morland

  “I need to piss, lady!” the asshole yelled as he banged on the door.

  After grabbing the test and stuffing it into my back pocket, I wrenched open the door, my sweatshirt dripping water onto the floor. The asshole and I stared at each other for a long moment in silence.

  “I clogged the toilet,” I said finally, as if I needed to explain my red, sweaty face, my wet sweatshirt, or the water on the floor.

  “Whatever, lady.” But he tiptoed around me and then locked the door behind him so quickly that I let out a startled laugh.

  I went home and peed on the second test in the box. Then the third. I lined up all three positive pregnancy tests on the bathroom counter and pressed my forehead against the cool mirror.

  I was pregnant with my professor’s baby, and he didn’t even remember having sex with me.

  Chapter Four

  Lochlann

  When my mobile went off for the third time in five minutes, I growled and almost tossed the stupid thing into the rubbish bin. Normally I put my mobile on silent when I was working in the lab, but I’d been too wrapped up in my work that I’d forgotten.

  You’d think after my engagement had ended two years ago because I’d been too obsessed with my work that I would’ve learned my lesson. The day Sophie had tossed my ring into my face, she’d said, with little emotion in her expression, You’ll never love me as much as you love your work. I don’t think you can love any woman. I’m not going to compete with your work anymore.

  I hadn’t learned my lesson, though. I’d thrown myself into my work to the point that I hadn’t so much as looked at a woman for two years—until Liam’s wedding when I’d met Kate.

  But Kate had nothing to do with love. It had been pure lust, an itch that had suddenly needed scratching. I’d always prided myself on my self-control. I’d never let myself be led around by my cock. I was rational; logical. I approached everything—from my work to my love life—like a scientist. Rationality in all things.

  But apparently that particular approach had left the one woman I thought I’d loved cold.

  Sophie and I had met when we’d been undergraduates in college. She’d been vivacious, beautiful, with a smile that was practically blinding. It hadn’t taken me long to fall under her spell. Soon, we moved in together, and when I’d started my PhD program right out of undergrad, Sophie had been there for it all. The studying, the research, the hours upon hours of work I’d put into my dissertation. She’d been the first one I’d called when I’d got the news that I’d passed my exam.

  Sophie had been patient. She hadn’t pushed for us to get engaged. She’d known I’d needed to focus on finishing my PhD before I could consider settling down with a wife and eventually have children. Since she hadn’t pushed, I’d assumed she was happy.

  My mam had always said the smartest people never had any common sense, always in reference to me. While I was mixing chemicals to see how they’d react when I was a kid, I’d also forget to wear a helmet when I rode a bike or I’d stick my tongue to frozen poles in the winter simply out of scientific curiosity.

  With Sophie, I’d fucked up; I’d taken her for granted. But it taught me that the likelihood of me finding a woman who’d tolerate being second place to my research was pretty much nil. Not because women were too demanding, or that Sophie had been asking for too much.

  I just knew I could never give enough to any woman.

  I was wrenched back into the present when I got a text message alert. Come have drinks with me and Mari, the first text from Liam read.

  The second: We’re meeting at 7 at Patty’s

  The third: just a bunch of beer emojis and the hands-pressed-together emoji.

  My cousin was such a pain in the arse.

  I didn’t want to get drinks with him. Why? Fine, it had nothing to do with Liam: it had everything to do with who his wife was. I didn’t need a reminder that I’d slept with her younger sister, and that younger sister was now my student.

  I’d yet to speak with Dr. Martin about her becoming Kate’s advisor. I’d been so busy with department meetings, orientations, and university paperwork related to my work visa that it had honestly slipped from my mind.

  Or you’re just ignoring the problem until it goes away.

  Fine, maybe I was.

  I was happy that Liam and I had reconnected, don’t get me wrong. We’d been playmates as kids but after his da had left the family—my mam’s brother—we’d lost contact with Liam and his sister, Niamh. I didn’t have any other cousins besides them, and I was an only child. It wouldn’t hurt to lean on family as much as I could.

  Another message came through from Liam: I know where you live.

  I snorted, and before I could second-guess myself, I replied that I’d come for drinks when I finished up my work in the lab.

  When I arrived at Patty’s a little after seven PM, it was already filled with college students. The quarter was starting in a week, and I’d watched as parents helped their kids move into the dorms across the street from my flat. Empty IKEA boxes cluttered the curbs, while music played well into the night as students partied the last week of summer away.

  “Lochlann!” Liam practically shouted. A few students looked in his direction.

  Loud, tall, and charming, Liam was almost my polar opposite, except for our similar Irish accents. His had softened and sounded more American to me since he’d lived here for over a decade. I’d teased him about it when we first saw each other in Ireland for his wedding. You sound like a bloody Yank. Liam had given me such a pissed-off look that I’d laughed.

  “Liam, you don’t have to yell. Hi, Lochlann. It’s nice to see you again.” Mari, her belly softly rounded now, stood and gave me a hug. She smelled like jasmine. Even pregnant, she was perfectly put together. I had a feeling that even with a newborn to take care of, she’d look amazing. My cousin was a lucky man.

  Despite my best intentions, I couldn’t help but see similarities to Kate in Mari’s face. The sisters didn’t look much alike, really, but they had similar smiles. Where Mari was tall and red-haired, Kate was small and slender with dark brown hair. It was Kate’s eyes that drew you in: dark brown with thick lashes. She’d batted them at me back in Ireland and I’d been a goner.

  “Have you been outside at all or do you live in the lab now?” said Liam, looking me up and down. “You look like a damn ghost.”

  “Liam, leave him alone. Besides, nobody gets a tan in Seattle,” said Mari logically.

  “You don’t have to look like death, either.”

  I ordered a beer from the passing waitress. I’d probably need more than one tonight.

  “What department do you work in again?” Mari sipped her lemonade as she looked at me. “I know it’s something in engineering.”

  “Genetic engineering. Specifically in regards to biofuels.”

  Her eyes widened. “Wait, you must be in the same program as my sister Kate. You remember Kate at my wedding, right?”

  Fuck me fuck me fuck me

  Did I lie and say I didn’t know if Kate was in my program? Or did I cop to her being my student? Sweat beaded on my forehead. Liam’s eyes narrowed at me, but he wasn’t a damn mind reader. He couldn’t know the thoughts bouncing around inside my head.

  “I’m her advisor, actually,” I finally said quietly. “She didn’t tell you?”

  “I don’t think so. But at brunch this weekend she was—” Mari bit her lip. “Well, she’s been busy. As I’m sure you’ve been.”

  “She’s a bright student,” I said. In so many ways.

  “Sounds like a conflict of interest,” said Liam.

  I gritted my teeth. “Why? We’re not related.”

  “You’re cousins.”

  “Cousins-in-law—so, hardly related.”

  “I doubt Lochlann would agree to be Kate’s advisor if he thought there’d be an issue,” said Mari. When the waitress returned with my beer and some onion rings, the food provided enough distraction to let the subject be
dropped.

  Mari started eating the onion rings, moaning and licking her fingers. Liam raised an eyebrow at her.

  “Babe, save it for home,” he joked.

  Mari blushed to the roots of her red hair, but then pursed her lips. “I told you I was craving onion rings. I’m not going to apologize.”

  “Oh, you shouldn’t. But I’d rather not have Lochlann here and everyone else watching.”

  I looked away from the two lovebirds, cooing like thirteen-year-olds on their first date ever. I was happy for Liam, don’t get me wrong. Mari seemed like an amazing woman. When Liam had told me how they’d initially married, I hadn’t been able to believe their relationship hadn’t imploded. Drunken marriage in Las Vegas? That should’ve led to a quickie divorce.

  Instead, Liam and Mari had married for real a second time and had a baby on the way.

  When Sophie had walked out on me, I’d let the dream of a marriage and family go. The whole white-picket-fence thing wasn’t for me. I’d accepted that a long time ago.

  But that didn’t stop a nip of jealousy to bruise my heart seeing my cousin and his wife together.

  “Oh, Lochlann, are you coming to the baby shower?” said Liam suddenly.

  I stared at him in surprise. “Why would I?” Weren’t those things for women only?

  “It’s for all of our family and friends—men and women. Liam should be celebrating with me, too,” explained Mari, delicately wiping her fingers on a paper napkin.

  “I did help with the conception.” Liam grinned.

  I couldn’t go. Not because of it being a baby shower—and Christ, what would I even do there?—but because Kate would be there. She was Mari’s sister: of course she’d attend. She was probably helping to plan it.

  “I’ll think about it,” I finally said. “I might be too busy with work, though.” Mostly true, except I tried to take weekends off when I could.

  “If it makes you feel better, we’re not doing the silly games people do at showers. I told my sisters not to plan anything like that,” said Mari.

  “What games would you even play? Pin the tail on the baby?” Liam guffawed.

  “Worse: melt chocolate bars in diapers and guess what kinds they are.”

  “Wait, why—” I sat back in my chair. “Oh. That’s disgusting.”

  “This is also why Kate isn’t helping plan it. She’d have the absolute worst games just to be a pain.” Mari sighed deeply. “I don’t know if you know this, but my youngest sister is a bit…”

  “Evil?” supplied Liam.

  “Naughty,” was Mari’s reply.

  I could confirm that Kate was naughty, but not in the sense Liam and Mari were talking about. My trousers tightened as memories flooded my brain. Sweat beaded on my forehead, and I took a long drink of my beer in the hope that it’d cool my horniness. But all I could see was Kate taking my cock in her small hand, stroking me from root to tip, her tongue swirling around the crown—

  “Kate’s always been a prankster,” said Mari, breaking through my erotic memories. “I hope she doesn’t do anything to make your life harder, Lochlann.”

  I choked back a laugh. God, if she only knew.

  After I’d said goodbye to Mari and Liam, I walked home. It was about a mile-long walk, but the night was cool. I realized as a group of students passed by me that I needed to confront this situation head-on. Giving Kate to Dr. Martin would only create suspicion within the department, especially given the suddenness of it.

  If I were being honest, I didn’t want to hand over the student whose research was probably the most innovative of the entire first-year class. I wanted to tap into Kate’s brilliant brain myself. I wanted to see how her research could complement mine, and vice versa.

  Most of all, I needed to clear the air with her. Acting like I didn’t recognize her would only lead to more drama. If I treated Kate as an equal, maybe we could avoid screwing up both of our careers.

  I drafted the email to Kate within five minutes of arriving home. With Clurichaun purring next to me, I wrote and rewrote the email, asking Kate to meet with me, seeming to rewrite it a million times over until I finally sent the damned thing.

  Now all I could do was wait.

  Chapter Five

  Kate

  It took all of three days before Naoko sensed something was up with me.

  “You’re drinking tea,” she said accusingly early on a Wednesday morning. “You hate tea.”

  I sipped my caffeine-free Earl Grey tea and cried inwardly. Taking a sip and trying not to cringe, I replied, “I don’t hate tea.”

  “I distinctly remember us getting boba tea that one time and you almost burst into tears.” Naoko sat down next to me and crossed her legs, giving me her I’m onto you look that she was so good at. “Then you threw the tapioca balls at me after we’d left.”

  My cup of tea had already turned lukewarm, and I set it down on a nearby table with a sigh. I’d been avoiding coffee because, according to Doctor Internet, caffeine would turn this fetus into a tentacled monster. Even though I wasn’t particularly attached to the fetus, I didn’t want to screw it over so early.

  “I’m trying to cut back on caffeine,” I said.

  “There’s caffeine in tea, you know.”

  I glowered at my roommate. “You know what? You can leave. I don’t need your annoying facts right now.”

  Naoko pushed her glasses up her nose, the tip wrinkling. “What is wrong with you? You’ve been acting so weird lately.”

  “Have not.”

  Naoko held up her fingers and began counting them off. “One: you aren’t drinking coffee. Two: you haven’t wanted to go out and drink, which is usually your favorite activity. Three: I definitely caught you crying at a diaper commercial yesterday.”

  “It was a formula commercial.”

  I rubbed my temples. Since finding out I was pregnant, I’d done what any mature adult would do: completely deny that anything was happening. If I ignored it, then maybe it’d go away. Except for the whole avoiding caffeine thing. In all honesty, the smell of coffee made me queasy these days, and I was afraid my usual caffeine consumption could screw up this parasite inside me.

  “Kate,” said Naoko, bringing me back into the present. “Are you okay?”

  Her voice was gentler, her expression so concerned, that the tears that I’d barely been holding at bay appeared. I started crying like a crazy woman, and Naoko, bless her, let me cry and just patted my shoulder. I think she even shushed me like a little kid.

  “I’m. Pregnant,” I wailed somewhere in between sobs.

  Naoko’s hand on my shoulder stilled for just a second before resuming. “Oh no,” she murmured. “Who’s the—” Her voice trailed off. I’d told her about my wild hookup in Ireland, and she knew me well enough to know that I hadn’t gone out with any other guy since then. I hadn’t told her that my hookup was also my brother-in-law’s cousin.

  Because I needed to tell someone, and I was too afraid of what my sisters would say, I told Naoko the whole story: Lochlann being Liam’s cousin; our hookup; and Lochlann being Professor Gallagher and my advisor.

  Naoko’s dark eyes widened to saucers behind her glasses as I spoke. When I’d finished, the tears had stopped. I sniffed and wiped my nose, feeling a little better.

  “Shit,” was her only reply after my confession.

  “Pretty much.”

  “You’re knocked up by your professor. That’s almost impressive. Only you, Kate. You should get a medal.”

  “I didn’t know he’d end up being my advisor at the time!”

  “Yeah, but you get into these scrapes like no one else I’ve ever known.” Naoko sat back and crossed her arms. “Are you going to tell him?”

  “Don’t I have to?”

  “No—I mean, if you aren’t keeping it. If you are, then that’s another conversation.”

  I laid my head against the armrest. “I don’t know what I’m going to do,” I said honestly. “I’m still coming to gr
ips that this is happening.”

  I’d assumed I had to tell Lochlann I was pregnant, but Naoko was right: it was my body, and we weren’t in a relationship. I could nip this in the bud and move on with my life, and he’d never know.

  But maybe it was the hormones, maybe it was my frazzled brain, but the thought of getting rid of this barnacle of a fetus made me sad enough to start crying again.

  I’m really losing it, I thought.

  “You need to go to your doctor and get this confirmed,” said Naoko. “Or at least make an appointment at the clinic here on campus. Are you still on your parents’ insurance? You’re an adult now, but when I got my IUD last year, my mom freaked out when she got the explanation of benefits or whatever in the mail.” Naoko rolled her eyes. “So much for patient confidentiality.”

  I definitely didn’t want my family to know—at least not right this second. They’d look at me like they always did, shaking their heads and saying, Only you, Kate. As if I’d been stupid enough to have sex without a condom, or as if I’d done this on purpose. Nobody had reacted that way when Mari had revealed that she’d drunkenly married Liam. But Mari had been the good sister; Dani, the dutiful one.

  Me? I was the naughty one. The bad one. I was smart, but that seemed to have been eclipsed by my tendency to be impulsive.

  “It’ll be okay.” Naoko patted my arm. “If all else fails, you, me, and Henry can become a throuple and raise this baby together.” Henry was Naoko’s long-time boyfriend and fellow band geek. He played the saxophone and worshiped the ground Naoko walked on.

  I smiled for the first time that morning. “I’d marry you both if I could.”

  “I know. And I’d totally be your lesbian lover if I were gay. My mom would probably die of a heart attack, though, so we’d have to keep it a mega secret.”

  “You sure Henry would be into it?”

  Naoko waved a dismissive hand. “He’ll do whatever I say, duh.”

  After Naoko left for her part-time barista gig, I made an appointment to see a doctor at the campus clinic. Right as I confirmed the appointment for three days from now, an email landed in my inbox from none other than my baby daddy himself.