A Simple Mistake

by Andrea Grigg

  ‘Not at all. It’ll be fun.’ She forced a cheery smile.

  Despite the fact she was unsettled, her appetite was excellent. Almost like her body was telling itself to get ready to do battle.

  James laughed when he saw her plate piled with pancakes. ‘Where do you put all that?’ he asked. ‘There’s nothing of you.’

  ‘She’s always been a good eater,’ Nick said. ‘Lainey is rarely off her food, only when she’s sick or stressed. She’s obviously not any of those things today.’

  She looked at him, her fork halfway to her mouth, but he wouldn’t meet her eyes. She said nothing, smiled at James and kept on eating. Then she cleaned her plate and helped herself to some fruit and another cup of coffee.

  Mia giggled. ‘Imagine what you’d be like if you were pregnant and had cravings! You’d be the size of a house.’

  ‘Just imagine.’ This time Nick did look at her, his eyes steely.

  His narky mood annoyed her. And for some perverse reason, a payback held a lot of appeal. What could she do? When she bent down to retrieve her wayward serviette from under the table and saw his size fourteen shoes, she knew.

  She sat up, slipped off one of her own shoes, and wriggled her toes over Nick’s foot and up his ankle. His nostrils flared and there was a quick intake of breath.

  ‘Cut it out, Lainey.’

  ‘Sorry? What did I do?’ She thought her air of injured innocence was just right.

  ‘You know perfectly well.’

  ‘No, I don’t. Explain it to me.’

  James and Mia stared.

  ‘What’s up with you two? Someone get out of the wrong side of the bed this morning?’ James directed his question to Nick, Lainey noticed, not her.

  ‘No point in asking me,’ she quipped. ‘I wasn’t there.’

  The other two laughed and Nick glared. He stood up so fast his chair almost tipped over. ‘I’m getting more coffee.’

  Lainey popped the last grape into her mouth. ‘It’s a beautiful day, isn’t it? I’m looking forward to the ferry ride.’ She beamed at James and Mia. ‘I’m really glad you two are coming.’

  If Nick was going to be like this all day, she could do with some good company.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  ‘You think you’re pretty funny, don’t you?’ Nick spoke in a conversational tone as he bought their tickets at the ferry building. They’d managed to be polite to each other for the rest of their breakfast and the short taxi ride to the bottom of town but Lainey’s temper was on the rise.

  ‘Maybe.’ They moved to one side and waited for the other two. ‘You become very sarcastic when you’re upset, you know.’

  Nick looked at her coldly. ‘I do not.’

  ‘You were this morning.’

  ‘And why would I be upset, do you think?’

  ‘I wish you’d tell me.’

  ‘Don’t you complain. I had to wait ten years.’

  Touché. ‘And your mother told me you don’t hold a grudge.’

  ‘Excuse me, but do you two want to do this?’ Mia was looking from one to the other. ‘We can go back if you want to sort out whatever it is you’re fighting about.’

  ‘We’re not fighting,’ they said in unison.

  Nick scowled and looked away. Clearly, she was going to have to be the grown-up.

  ‘I’m sorry.’ Lainey turned her back on Nick, linked her arm with Mia’s and headed off toward the gangway. ‘It’s a fantastic day. We won’t spoil it anymore.’

  ‘What are you arguing about, anyway?’

  ‘If I told you I’d have to kill you.’ She attempted a Russian accent.

  Mia laughed and preceded her onto the ferry. There were only a few people on board and they found a seat in the bow. Lainey leaned her arm on the side, closed her eyes and breathed in the scent of salt water laden with eau de ferry as it chugged and vibrated underneath them.

  It was only a fifteen minute trip across the water, but long enough for her to feel less annoyed at Nick. It had a soothing effect on him too. As they came alongside the jetty, he slid in behind her and put his arms around her waist. ‘Truce?’

  ‘Truce.’

  ‘James told me off. Said I was wrecking a perfectly good day.’

  ‘I like James. Sorry for the feet thing.’

  ‘No, you’re not.’ She heard the smile in his voice and relaxed against him. They were alright. For now.

  They spent the morning wandering around Devonport, exploring the shops and having coffee before they headed off on a walk to North Head. From the top they could see the Waitemata Harbour sparkling in the sunlight, speckled with hundreds of yachts. They bought fish and chips and ate them in the park near the beach. No one bothered them for once and the only curious glances they got were from the seagulls, angling for leftovers. It was exactly what they needed.

  On the ride back, Lainey braced her arms on the rail and let the breeze run up over her face and through her hair. Nick rested his chin on her shoulder, his hands outside hers. ‘What are you thinking?’ His jaw rasped a little against the side of her face.

  ‘I was thinking,’ she said, ‘about how perfect today has ended up being and how much I have enjoyed spending it with you.’

  The knuckles next to hers whitened. ‘Then can you please tell me why you are thinking of ending it all?’

  She straightened so fast her head almost hit his chin. ‘How do you know that?’

  His eyes were like flint chips. ‘Because I read your prayer diary.’

  ‘How dare you! When?’

  ‘When you were sick.’

  That meant he’d had it figured out for weeks.

  ‘Why are you choosing to do this right now?’ She hissed the words, furious, conscious of people around them.

  ‘Because I can’t stand it any longer. You’re killing me, Lainey.’

  ‘Great time to tell me, Nick. Thanks a lot.’ This was no place to have an argument and there wasn’t time for one either. Lainey remained silent all the way back to the hotel, not wanting to cause a scene.

  ‘I won’t see you until after the concert,’ Nick said, as they marched across the hotel lobby. ‘You’re to meet the girls down here at seven.’ He punched the lift button and stepped inside, frowning when Lainey didn’t follow. ‘Where are you going?’

  ‘Nowhere with you.’ She stalked off towards the coffee lounge not caring if he came after her or not. Well, maybe a bit.

  She ordered a double strength cappuccino and attempted to put her thoughts in some semblance of order. In the end, she gave up. Draining her cup, she swept the remnants of her shredded serviette into the saucer and stomped back up to her room.

  Outside her door was a chocolate bar, resting on top of a sheet of hotel notepaper. The words ‘I love you, Lanky Lainey,’ were scrawled across it.

  He wasn’t fighting fair today. She went inside and burst into tears.

  * * *

  Lainey put a brush through her hair, sprayed on some perfume and applied lip gloss. She didn’t really feel like doing anything with anyone, but it would have been rude not to accept Angela’s invitation to have dinner with her and Jen. In the end, she was glad she had. The conversation was light and it took her mind off Nick for a little while.

  She was still annoyed with him although the chocolate and the note had helped. Now she was going to have to sit and listen to him sing love songs and try and stay cross. It would be impossible.

  Musically, she enjoyed this concert as much as the first. Emotionally, it was harder to deal with. Sometime in the next day and a half, it would be all over, maybe even tonight.

  When they rejoined the boys out the back, Nick was waiting for her. ‘Come on, we’re going,’ he said, grabbing her arm, almost dragging her into the corridor. ‘I’ve told Malcolm we’re off early. Let’s get this sorted.’

>   Where was the thoughtful guy who’d left a present on her doorstep? ‘Let go of me!’

  ‘Spare me the theatrics, Lainey.’ He dropped her arm but didn’t slow his stride.

  She followed him outside to a narrow side street where Colin waited. It took less than five minutes to get to the hotel and less again to get up to Nick’s floor, but it was long enough for her to get steamed up nicely.

  Lainey stood at the window in the sitting room of Nick’s suite while he showered. The weather had deteriorated throughout the evening and become wild and stormy. It suited her mood perfectly.

  She heard him come out and turned to blast him but as he stood there drying his hair and looking miserable, the words died on her lips. ‘I’m so sorry Lainey, I really am. I’m all over the place.’ Nick dropped the towel he’d been using as he came toward her.

  ‘And then some.’ She pushed him away. ‘Don’t Nick. You can’t treat me the way you have and then expect me to fall all over you just because you say you’re sorry. Other girls might do that, but not me. And if you think I’ve forgiven you for going through my diary, well, I haven’t. You had no right to do that.’

  He stared at her for a long moment, then picked up the towel and pegged it in the vicinity of the bedroom.

  ‘So, am I right in thinking you’re going to break up with me? Because we’re ‘unequally yoked’ or whatever it says?’

  Lainey blinked. ‘You read the scripture?’

  ‘Yeah, I looked it up. But I’m not really an unbeliever, am I Lainey? ‘Do not be yoked with an unbeliever’ and I do believe.’

  Lainey sighed. This was so hard. ‘But we’re still unequal, Nick. I’ve tried to explain it to you before. You’ve never given your life to God and I can’t marry someone who hasn’t done that. It would be a compromise and I won’t do it. Not even for you.’

  ‘But why isn’t believing in God enough?’

  The words were going to be harsh no matter how she said them. ‘Even the devil believes in God, Nick.’

  He made a sound of frustration, then went to the window and stood with his back to her. ‘I’m sorry for reading your diary without asking.’

  It was hard to hear him over the storm. She went and stood beside him, almost touching, but not quite.

  ‘But I’m glad I did; it’s given me time to think. I hear what you’re saying, about praying and reading the Bible together.’ Nick shrugged. ‘I’m not into that. And if that’s what you want, then you’re right.’ He turned to her, his face despondent. ‘I’m not the one for you, Lainey, and I never, ever, thought I’d say that.’

  She hadn’t realised she was crying until he thumbed away her tears. This time she let him hold her, her anger gone. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. All the books she read had happy endings.

  ‘Can’t we stay the way we are? Please?’ Nick’s voice was almost a whisper.

  She let him kiss her, gently at first, then with passion, using his mouth to persuade where words had failed.

  With considerable effort she broke away, her breathing ragged. ‘No, Nick, we can’t.’ One hand lay on his chest and the fingers of her other curled and uncurled in his damp hair, unable to take them away. ‘We can’t.’

  She buried her face against his neck, very aware the atmosphere was charged with more than just electricity from the storm.

  ‘Stay with me.’ Nick’s hands slid under her shirt. Lainey shivered as his fingers drifted up and down her spine and then made slow, lazy circles on her skin. His mouth caressed her temple, her cheek, her jaw, the sensitive spot by her ear. ‘I love you, and I need you, and I want you. Please stay.’

  It would have been the easiest thing in the world to say yes, but even through the haze of longing, she knew she would never forgive herself if she did. Not a second time.

  Lord, give me strength.

  It went against the laws of nature to detach herself from him but she did, with equal measures of reluctance and absolute certainty.

  ‘It’s not that I don’t love you, Nick, God knows how much I do, but that’s why I shouldn’t be here like this.’ Her voice shook as she fumbled around for her bag and made for the door.

  ‘And the fact that you asked me to stay when you know my stand on all this reinforces why we need to be apart. Our whole relationship isn’t fair to you, or me for that matter.’ He wasn’t the only one with wants and needs. She had to go while she still could. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow.’

  Heat was replaced by an icy chill.

  Even a long, hot shower didn’t help and Lainey lay shivering in her bed. When she finally slept, it was fitful and full of silly dreams. It was a relief when the phone rang.

  ‘Hello?’ Her voice came out all croaky and she cleared it. ‘Hello?’

  ‘Did you sleep alright?’ It was Nick.

  ‘No.’

  ‘Neither did I. Have you had breakfast?’

  ‘No, and I don’t want any.’ She felt sick at the thought.

  ‘I’m taking you somewhere to talk, really talk. Be ready in half an hour.’

  He knocked exactly thirty minutes later, pale, but otherwise looking as good as ever. It was so unfair. She was a wreck.

  ‘Where are we going?’

  ‘To the Domain. Apparently there’s a museum there as well as parkland.’

  Great. She would fit right in with the ancient history exhibits.

  Nick eyed her once they’d been dropped off outside the imposing building with its marble columns. ‘Lainey, I know I upset you by asking you to stay last night but I’m only human. I also know I can never win over God. After we get home, I’m going to put you behind me and you should do the same.’

  How logical and clinical it sounded. ‘Know someone with a magic wand?’

  Nick gave a wry smile then put his hands in his pockets and started down the steps, away from the museum and toward the parkland. ‘The problem is, I was really looking forward to growing old together.’

  ‘The problem is, you’re so stubborn.’

  ‘Not me, baby. You’re the stubborn one in this relationship. You’re the one who won’t compromise.’

  ‘You want me to compromise my relationship with God? Is that what you’re asking me? Well, you can forget it.’

  ‘Exactly. That’s what we’re going to do. Forget it.’

  ‘Don’t be stupid, Nick. I won’t be able to forget you anymore than I’d forget to breathe.’ She began walking then turned to find he hadn’t moved.

  ‘Don’t say things like that,’ he said, all bravado gone.

  ‘Well, what do you expect? I’m bleeding too. Hurry up. There are people coming and I don’t want to share you right now.’

  By silent agreement, they kept distance between them as they walked down the hill and across the road, into another area of the park. It was leafy and damp and much more private.

  ‘Nick, why won’t you commit your life to God? I’m not being difficult – I really want to know.’

  Nick straightened up from where he’d been reading the plaque on the base of a statue. ‘I’ve thought about it a lot and while I don’t know the whole answer, a lot of it is to do with Dad and his accident.’

  Lainey nodded. ‘So it’s about trusting God.’

  ‘I suppose so, but that’s not all. I’ve seen people like me become Christians and they’ve given up everything they’ve been working towards because ‘God told them to.’ I couldn’t do that. I’ve worked too hard and long and besides, I’m not finished yet.’

  ‘How do you know that’s what He’d ask you to do?’

  ‘I don’t, but I’m not prepared to risk it.’

  Lainey gave a short laugh. ‘You’re usually the risk taker but this time you won’t, and I’m the control freak but I’ve given my life over to God, not knowing what He might do next.’

  ‘Interesting,
as well as correct.’

  ‘I’ve got one more thing to say to you Nick, and then I won’t bother you about it anymore, I promise.’ He nodded and she went on.

  ‘There’s a scripture that says, ‘What profits a man if he gains the world but loses his soul?’ You have everything the world has to offer Nick; fortune, fame, the whole lot. But if you died tonight, where would you spend eternity?’

  Shoving her hands deep in the back pockets of her jeans, she went and kissed him, not on his mouth but on the cheek, and then headed back the way they’d come, keen to get back to the solitude of her hotel room. There was only so much she could take.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  It was the last concert and Lainey felt very strange, almost disembodied. Half of her had retreated to a safe place deep inside. The other half wore a brave face.

  She and Nick had discussed a number of things to do with their break up, the most important being they wouldn’t tell anyone until they were back home. Nick wanted to keep in contact with Adam, which Lainey was more than happy about and she wanted to continue her renewed friendship with Hannah.

  Lainey promised to tell Nick if she ever heard anything from Liam. It was then the tears had come, but only briefly. What was the point? This was all her fault. Nick was right when he pointed out she’d made the choice to continue the relationship knowing where he stood as far as God was concerned. It hurt, but it was the truth.

  When they got back to the hotel, he saw her to the lift, and then headed straight to the bar. Lainey spent the rest of the afternoon on her bed, flicking through the television channels or staring out the window, feeling numb. She prayed but not for long. She’d already told Him everything.

  When she went to dinner with the girls again, they didn’t seem to notice anything was amiss. Nick wasn’t the only one who could act, Lainey decided.

  Colin was on driving duties and handed her an envelope with her name on it in Nick’s handwriting. She tucked it away in her coat pocket then ducked off to a restroom and locked herself in a cubicle before tearing it open. There was a single piece of paper.