by Andrea Grigg
‘I think so. But what’s said in the kitchen stays in the kitchen, right?’
Both girls nodded and she began her story. There were more tears and Lainey wondered where on earth they came from. Hadn’t she cried enough already?
When she finished, she felt a little better. Her flatmates were as shocked as she was about the magazine article. It was a dreadful thing to have levelled at her, on top of everything else.
The best part was when they both prayed for her and asked God to comfort and strengthen her. She felt His presence right there on the kitchen floor and knew she’d get through this. After all, what didn’t kill you only made you stronger. That was another one of Lara’s mum’s sayings.
And then they prayed for Nick. It made her cry again, but she didn’t care. She knew he needed praying for more than ever. She had every intention of storming the gates of heaven on his behalf.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Almost six months later, Lainey stood back from adjusting Lara’s wedding dress. Blinking hard, she leaned forward and kissed Lara’s flushed cheek. ‘You look beautiful.’
‘Don’t wreck her make-up!’ Sarah had done it for the four of them today. ‘And for heaven’s sake Lainey, stop crying. You’ll make us all start.’
‘I know, I know.’ She gave a big sniff, annoyed with herself, but there was nothing like a wedding to get her going and Lara was her best friend.
It was two days before Christmas. Lainey, Kate and Sarah were in red knee-length dresses with sweetheart necklines and crossover straps at the back. They suited them all, and were a perfect contrast to Lara’s wedding gown.
At last night’s wedding rehearsal there’d been a lot of clowning around and healthy nervousness. Lainey had extricated Lara from Adam, anxious to get her home and try for a good night’s rest.
‘I could die of happiness right now,’ said Lara, as she climbed into bed.
‘What? And waste all that money spent on a perfectly good dress? What kind of an accountant are you?’
Lara giggled. ‘I can’t believe this is really happening. I don’t think I’m going to be able to get to sleep, I’m so excited.’
‘I’m happy for you, I really am.’
‘You’re the best friend ever and I love you.’ Lainey heard the rustle of sheets and a hand grasped hers. ‘Are you really okay about seeing Nick?’
‘I’m fine. It’s your day tomorrow. Just worry about yourself and think about Adam.’
‘I can’t stop thinking about Adam.’
‘Good. You just keep dreaming about domestic bliss and hanging his undies on the washing line next to yours for the next seventy years.’
Lara went to sleep not long after, but Lainey lay awake.
She knew Nick kept in contact with Adam but he was a taboo subject. Lara would mention whether he was in the country or out of it, but that was it, nothing personal. It was a strange situation for them to be in after years of telling each other everything. Well, nearly everything.
Nick was a guest at the wedding and he was singing The Journey, just as Lara had hoped. It would be during the signing of the register and Lainey would be occupied with looking after Lara’s bouquet and signing her own name. He hadn’t come to the rehearsal last night as he’d been with The Mavericks, getting ready for a Christmas Eve extravaganza.
Lainey really was okay about seeing him. She prayed for him everyday and missed him, but she always had. That was nothing new. These days, she had a calmness that pervaded her spirit whenever she thought about him. It was deep and sustaining and she knew it could only come from God.
So here she was, at her best friend’s wedding and about to see Nick again. Brian had already escorted his mother to her place, Lara’s dad was standing there beside his little girl, patting the arm linked through his as he tried not to cry, and the music was about to start.
Time to put her best foot forward, as Lara’s mother would say.
* * *
Nick’s stomach lurched at the sound of the processional music. He was more nervous about seeing Lainey than he was at the thought of singing live on Christmas Eve to a television audience of hundreds of thousands. It didn’t make sense, but nothing about this whole thing did.
Beside him, Hamish craned his neck for a better view of Sarah. Nick gave her only a cursory glance. She looked pretty enough but Lainey was gorgeous. Red was a great colour on her and the dress showed off her fabulous legs and figure. Her hair was piled up with sparkly things in it, and a few strands curled around her face. She held herself tall, wasn’t afraid to look around and when she saw him, her smile became sweeter, just for him, before she moved on.
Nick had the same old bullet-in-the-chest feeling he’d experienced when he saw her at James and Mia’s wedding. Illogically, he was also irritated. Lainey looked happy.
With an effort, he pulled his gaze away and concentrated on the bride. He liked Lara very much. She and Adam had been good friends to him over the last few months and he thought they were perfect for each other. Just like he and Lainey were.
He watched the ceremony as if he were two people. One of him behaved while the other sulked at the unfairness of it all. It should be him and Lainey up there.
When it was time for him to sing he was on automatic pilot, not that anyone would notice. He was a professional.
After the service, Nick followed Hamish outside. To his surprise, Rose came up and hugged him and asked if he was alright. She thought he looked a bit peaky. He told her he was tired after a busy few weeks, and that seemed to satisfy her.
He watched the wedding party having their photos taken on the steps and waited for an opportunity to speak with Lainey. When it was time for family photos, he was gratified when she came straight over.
‘Hi, Nick,’ she said and stopped just short.
He was having none of that.
‘Hi, beautiful.’ He pulled her into a hug, closed his eyes and inhaled. He’d missed her so much. ‘How are you?’
She squinted at him. ‘I’m fine but are you alright? You look tired.’
‘According to your mother I’m a bit peaky but I’m all the better for seeing you.’
Her smile faltered, but only a little. ‘We’ll catch up properly at the reception, hey?’ And then she disappeared amongst what seemed like hundreds of ridiculously happy people.
He turned to find Hamish observing him. ‘You look like you need a drink.’
‘I’d love one.’ Clearly, he wasn’t looking his best today.
‘Yeah, well, it’s a dry wedding. You’ll have to make do with orange juice.’
Things just got better and better, didn’t they?
At the reception he was seated with Roger, Rose, Hamish and some of Lara’s older cousins. It wasn’t too bad. He enjoyed catching up with Rose but it was Lainey he wanted to talk to.
There weren’t many times that being a public figure got to him but it did today. He knew everyone was watching as Lainey left the bridal table and came over.
‘Want to get some coffee?’
‘Yes.’ He didn’t want any at all. It was never hot enough in places like this but he followed her to the beverage table, glad for the opportunity to be with her.
‘It’s been a wonderful wedding. Lara and Adam are made for each other, don’t you think?’ Lainey busied herself with cups and coffee.
‘I thought we were once,’ he said, ‘I still do.’
‘Don’t Nick.’
‘Don’t Nick.’ He mimicked her and received a reproving glance.
‘I’m not going to argue with you,’ she said, ‘not at our friends’ wedding.’
She was right of course.
‘Yeah, I’m sorry. Let’s start again.’ He adopted a cheerful tone. ‘How are you, Lainey? What have you been up to?’
‘I’m well. I’ve been working, doing stuff
at church, helping Lara with the wedding. It’s been busy but I’ve enjoyed it. What about you?’
‘I’ve been writing and recording, ready for the next album to come out before we tour the States. I’ve got a movie to do as well. I fly out on Boxing Day.’
‘I hope it all goes well.’ She hesitated. ‘Thank you for the rose on Liam’s birthday. It was lovely of you.’
‘I hoped you got it okay. I thought you might have rung me.’
She wrinkled her nose. ‘I did think about it. How were you that day?’
He wasn’t about to tell her he’d drunk himself into a stupor while waiting for her to call. ‘If you’d really wanted to know you should’ve phoned.’
Lainey merely raised her eyebrows. Sometimes she was such a teacher. It made him feel about six.
‘How are James and Mia?’ she asked. ‘Is she well? She must be due soon.’
‘They’re great. She’s only got two weeks to go. Unfortunately, she still thinks it was you that leaked the information for that article. The next month didn’t help much either.’ It had been about their break up, and had suggested that it was to do with religious beliefs.
Lainey sighed. ‘I read it. Still, I know it wasn’t me and there’s nothing I can do about it. It’ll work itself out in the end. I was more worried about how it would affect your relationship with James. Are you guys okay?’
‘To a point. We’ve agreed to disagree. I know it wasn’t you, Lainey.’
Her mouth curved into a smile. ‘Thanks, Nick.’
Man, she was lovely. More than anything, he wanted to grab her and kiss her senseless, do something to get her out of the comfortable state she seemed to be in. He was going crazy.
He jerked his head towards the bridal table. ‘That should be us up there today. Please, Lainey, can’t we get back together? I’m still in love with you.’
He’d hoped for some sort of positive reaction but this foreign, composed girl put down her coffee cup and folded her arms.
‘I love you more than anyone on the planet, but it doesn’t matter. It’s. Not. Going. To. Work.’
She couldn’t have made it any clearer but he persisted. ‘It has to, Lainey. I want you!’ That was a mistake. He sounded like a spoiled brat.
She narrowed her eyes. ‘Maybe for once in your charmed, easy life, Nicholas Cusack, you are not going to get what you want just because you want it. Sometimes there are issues to be faced.’
If she wanted to talk issues, he’d give her one. ‘We share a child, Lainey. How can you ignore that?’
She wasn’t so calm anymore but still quiet. ‘As long as you keep walking away from God,’ she said, ‘I have to keep walking away from you.’ And did exactly that.
He watched in disbelief as she marched away to a group of friends and joined in their conversation.
He’d been told. He’d also had enough.
Nick didn’t offer any explanation for his sudden departure. They’d figure it out.
He stomped outside and thumped the nearest wall, Lainey’s voice in his head. Pity party! Streamers! Balloons!
Try as he might, he couldn’t get away from her. She was woven into the fabric of his life and he had no idea how to cut her out of it or even begin to loosen the threads.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Feeling quite gloomy, Lainey drove home from Lara’s place. It had been a year since she and Nick had broken up, not that she’d expected Lara to remember, and she hadn’t.
Instead, she’d announced that she and Adam were moving to Queensland.
Adam had successfully applied for a job at Valley Christian College, the school founded by Lainey’s old church. With his parents now retired to the Gold Coast and his two older brothers and their families in Brisbane, he wanted to take the opportunity to live closer to them. Lara didn’t mind. They wanted to start a family sometime soon and they could save money, living in the granny flat under Adam’s parents’ place.
‘So you’ll come and visit us, won’t you?’ asked Lara.
‘Of course I will.’ Lainey hugged her friend. ‘Between you and Hannah, I’ve got good reason to come up as often as I can.’
‘I’m glad about that. Now,’ Lara looked uncomfortable, ‘I don’t know how you’re going to take this but I’ve got something for you from Nick. He was here the other night before The Mavericks flew out to the States and he asked me to give you this.’ Lara handed Lainey a CD.
‘Thanks.’ Lainey wasn’t quite sure what to think. She turned it over in her hand a couple of times and then put it in her handbag.
‘He said you’d probably use it as a coaster.’
‘As if I’d do that. It’ll end up in my treasure box.’
‘He said that too.’
Lainey sighed, and then it dawned. ‘There’s a song on it about me, isn’t there?’
‘Three. My favourite was released as a single last week and it’s already climbing the charts. Nick wrote it the night you guys broke up.’
Lainey made a face. ‘It’s a year ago today.’
‘Lainey, I’m so sorry! I didn’t realise.’
‘Well, life goes on. And I’m glad for you two; it’ll be an adventure. I’ve got to go.’ She didn’t at all; she just wanted be at home. ‘Maybe I’ll end up back on the Gold Coast one day too.’
‘I’d love it if you did.’ Lara hugged her hard. ‘I’ll talk to you tomorrow.’
Lainey had to crawl home in the traffic, torrential rain making it worse. But it gave her a chance to listen to the CD.
The first two songs were catchy and upbeat. When the next one started it was obvious it was the one Lara had referred to. It was in a minor key, very pretty, but also reflective and sad.
‘Wish I didn’t love so much; I can’t believe it’s not enough
To keep you here with me, with me.
Thought we’d love as we grew old
There’d be forever to have, to hold
Close beside me, always with me.’
Lainey toyed with the idea of turning it off but she wanted to hear the whole thing, even if it upset her. The emotion in Nick’s voice was very real.
She was less than a hundred metres from home, hearing all about his ‘restless, aching, burning; hollow, empty, yearning, homeless heart’ when she was distracted by an ominous clunk-clunk-clunk. She groaned out loud. A puncture. What a wonderful day.
Lainey thought about the lyrics as she nursed her car the short distance home. She didn’t think Nick would have too much trouble finding his heart a home. In fact she could almost hear the piercing cries of thousands of desperate females clamouring to be the answer to his problem. Going by the magazines she’d got into the habit of flicking through at the supermarket, and from the girls at work who kept her up to date on Nick’s social life as reported on pay TV, he wasn’t exactly hard up for female company. It seemed she’d done the entire female population a huge favour by breaking up with him. He appeared to attend every party, opening night and fundraiser available to man and was never photographed with the same girl twice.
As for her, well, she did nothing to make interesting reading and she didn’t exactly have a bevy of men queuing to take a number like impatient customers at the deli, anxious to ask her out on a date. She had to admit that was partly her fault. According to Kate and Lara, she had become an ice maiden, her disinterest in men visible from a hundred metres.
The last six months had had a few changes but nothing very exciting. Kate’s friend Emily had replaced Lara and they wanted to share a room so Lainey had ended up by herself. She didn’t mind; it meant she had a lot more privacy and opportunity to sift through her treasure boxes and brood.
She had two boxes now. The one Nick had made for her was dedicated to him and all the things he’d given her, the other comprised of everything else. She tried not to go down Nostalgia Lane to
o often, but she’d indulged on Valentine’s Day and her birthday. Those two days had been so different compared to last year. Today being what it was she felt she could allow herself another browse. Anyhow, she had the new CD to add to it so she was going to have to open the box regardless.
At least she hadn’t been on any emotional roller coaster rides.
She heaved a sigh. Emotional roller coasters were wonderful when they involved Nick. She’d enjoyed it when they’d locked horns. Sometimes she said things just to get a reaction; he was usually so laid back and relaxed it was fun to see him get fired up.
He’d fired up at Lara’s wedding alright.
Walking away from him had been the worst. All she’d wanted to do was fling herself on him and tell him she was in love with him too and who cared, let’s get married. But the sterner stuff she knew she was made of had come to the fore and she’d walked away.
Lainey punched the stereo’s off button and rested her forehead on the steering wheel, not wanting to get out and face the elements. It was the perfect kind of day to get morose. The weather and the flat tyre alone were enough. Add that to everything else—
The knock on the window sent her head snapping back onto the headrest.
‘Sorry – are you alright?’
Lainey rubbed the back of her skull and wound down her window. A pair of blue eyes rather like her own, peered at her. The owner of the eyes also had a thatch of thick, dark hair and a nice smile, all protected by a large golf umbrella.
‘I’m fine, thanks.’ Lainey knew she sounded cross but didn’t care.
‘Yes, but you’ve got a flat tyre and it’s pouring.’
‘That’s okay. I live just here.’ She indicated the building beside her then was annoyed with herself for giving away such information to a complete stranger.
Her face must have reflected her thoughts.
‘Don’t worry, I know who you are. We go to the same church. I thought I’d drop in to see my sister Rachel who lives next door to you but she’s not home. I’m Josh.’