Here's to Friends

by Melody Carlson

  Janie glanced around. Others were nearby enjoying their drinks. “Mind if I go somewhere more private?” she asked Abby.

  Abby waved her hand. “Not at all.” In truth, Abby was relieved. It wasn’t that she wanted to stick her head in the sand—well, maybe she did—but it was also very frustrating to hear about all this money business. It was one thing to lose everything she had, everything she’d worked for, but to keep rehashing it over and over … well, that just seemed like cruel and unusual punishment.

  Janie didn’t return for quite a while, and Abby started to feel guilty. First of all, how was she going to pay Janie for her time? Plus she was forcing Janie to work when she should be on vacation—and the last day of the cruise, too. Not only that, Janie was using her own phone, and Paul had said that international calls were very expensive. The ship was nearly to the California border, though, so maybe that wouldn’t be an issue. Weren’t phone calls tax deductible anyway?

  Finally, and to Abby’s relief, Janie came back. But it was impossible to read her expression. “Well?” Abby demanded. “Did he listen to you?”

  Janie smiled. “I’m not sure that he did at first, but after a while, I think he realized I was making some sense. Obviously, I can’t help him too much with the loss of his construction business or even your new house, but I feel fairly certain we can keep the inn out of it.”

  “Are you sure that Paul understood this? He seems to think the inn is considered communal property and that we’ll lose it too. At least my half.”

  “I told Paul what he should do to keep the inn separate, and he promised to do it.”

  Abby was afraid to get her hopes up. “If your idea works, Janie, do you think that it would be okay if Paul and I lived at the inn?”

  Janie shrugged. “I don’t see why not. The key here is that you and I own the inn, Abby. Paul’s name isn’t on any of the papers. At the time I wasn’t so sure that was a good idea. Now, I’m very, very thankful. You should be too.”

  Clasping her hands, Abby closed her eyes and let out a deep breath. She wasn’t sure if it was a silent prayer or a desperate plea or what, but she meant it. She really meant it. She looked at Janie. “Thank you, Janie.”

  “It’s too soon to know for sure that my plan will help, but I feel confident.”

  “Well, it helped me.”

  Marley and Caroline came back. “Man, you should see that girl shoot.” Marley pointed at Caroline. “If you’re ever in a dangerous situation, you better hope she’s packing heat.”

  Caroline laughed. “Yes, you’ll see me toting a shotgun around Clifden any day.”

  “You could take up hunting,” Abby said. “Paul and his buddies might let you join them.” She grimaced. “At the rate we’re going, Paul might have to take to hunting again just to bring us home something to eat. And fishing too.” She smiled. “Maybe I’ll have to start gardening again. You know I actually have missed it. But it’s impossible to get much to grow at the beach. Too windy.”

  “You could grow things at the inn,” Caroline suggested. “Chuck and I will be out of your hair before long. And I’ve been very careful about cleaning up his messes. It looks like things really grow well back there.”

  Abby nodded. “I used to have a lovely garden back when the girls were growing up. I’d love to have one again.”

  “So maybe it’s true that every cloud has a silver lining,” Caroline told her. “For all of us.”

  Abby told them about how Janie had just spoken to Paul. “So keep your fingers crossed,” she said. “Or pray, whichever comes most naturally.”

  That night, when Abby was in bed, she did pray. Not that it came naturally, but she did believe in prayer, and she did believe that it would take someone as mighty as God to turn things around for her and Paul. She wasn’t thinking of only material things either. She was thinking about their marriage, their values, their futures. She remembered when they’d been younger—how they’d gone to church regularly, taken the girls to Sunday school, taken their faith seriously. Then the girls got older and went their own ways, and time and busyness had distracted them. But lately—what with Paul’s heart attack, their marriage troubles, and now this financial situation—well, Abby wondered if God hadn’t just been trying to get their attention all along. Maybe it was about time they sat up and listened. Maybe it was time to go back to church, too.

  Chapter 28

  Janie

  Janie’s first conversation with Victor following her bout of ship flu had been hard to decipher. Initially, she thought he was trying to comfort her by padding things a bit. Reassuring her that he was doing everything possible to keep things under control, he told her not to worry and that he’d let her know if there was a problem. As if there were no problems! Janie might’ve still been slightly impaired from her illness, but she wasn’t stupid.

  She had a strong suspicion Victor was in over his head. She knew that both his sons had been more like her Matthew—conscientious, hardworking, basically easy. Nothing whatsoever like Lisa. Whether Victor would admit it or not, she knew it couldn’t be going as smoothly as he’d made it seem. The next time she called him, pressing him for more details, he confirmed this.

  “Lisa accused me of spying on her,” he confessed sheepishly.

  “She said that?”

  “Well, she caught me lurking around the neighborhood the second day she was staying alone in your house.”

  “Lurking?”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “Seriously?”

  “You see, I got this brilliant idea.” He let out a sarcastic laugh. “I’d driven slowly by a couple of times, and I was starting to feel a little conspicuous, like my car was going to be recognized if I kept it up. To be honest, I felt like a stalker. So I thought I’d park my car a few blocks away and then I’d casually stroll by, you know, like I was out taking a walk. I figured this would give me a better chance to have a good look and see how it was going, make sure she was home, and that she wasn’t partying or whatever.”

  “And?”

  “All I can say is that girl of yours must have radar or ESP. It’s like I’m still a block away, and out she pops and catches me.”

  “Really? She caught you spying on her?”

  “Oh, yeah. And your daughter has no problem with confrontation either.”

  “I can only imagine.” Janie cringed to think of Lisa out on the street, yelling at Victor.

  “So I was honest. I told her I was concerned about her.”

  “How did she respond?”

  “She told me to mind my own business.” He chuckled. “I wanted to tell her that she is my business, but I figured that wasn’t too smart.”

  “No, that wouldn’t be wise.”

  “I’m doing this for you, Janie. And I promised you I’d keep an eye on her, so I figure she’s my business too. Anyway, I’m not giving up.”

  “I appreciate that.”

  “Maybe someday she will too.”

  “So when you walked by, could you tell … was she doing anything, uh, questionable?” Janie wasn’t even sure she wanted to know the answer.

  “Nothing that I could tell, but naturally she didn’t invite me in.”

  “Naturally.” Janie felt a tinge of guilt for putting Victor through all this. Yet, at the same time, she was thinking, Welcome to my world. He might as well enjoy this sneak peek into the life of Janie Sorenson.

  “So the next day, I thought I’d wear a disguise.”

  “A disguise? Are you kidding?”

  “Just a hat and a raincoat. And it was raining.”

  “But she caught you again?”

  “Uh-huh. Then yesterday, I waited until dusk, thinking she wouldn’t be able to see me.”

  “And she did?”

  “I think she must be sitting by
the front window, just watching for me.”

  “At least it gives her something to do.”

  “Maybe she’s enjoying our little cat-and-mouse game.” He chuckled.

  “I’m just relieved to know she’s still there.”

  “That’s what I keep telling myself, too.”

  “I’ll be so glad to get home.”

  “Just enjoy the last of your trip, Janie. You needed this break. Losing those two days being sick was such a shame. You are feeling better, right?”

  “Yes. Today was delightful. I sat in the sun and ate real food and everything.” She had to smile at how sweet the simple pleasures had felt after being sick.

  “Well, I hope you come home refreshed.”

  “So that I’ll be ready to pick up where you left off? In your little cat-and-mouse game?” she teased.

  “I hope Lisa won’t pull that with you.”

  “Don’t be too sure.”

  “So do you have any plans? I mean to find Lisa help?”

  “My only plan is to start over.” Janie cringed to think of the momentum they’d lost. She hoped “starting over” wouldn’t require another intervention. “I’ve heard that it’s important to find a rehab situation that fits the addict’s personality. I might’ve rushed things too much in getting her into that other one. Besides, I know that Lisa has to own it—treatment is useless if the addict doesn’t genuinely want it.”

  “That’s true.”

  “There’s another thing I’m coming to accept too.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Well, most of my life—my adult life anyway—I’ve felt fairly much in control of most things. In fact, I work really hard to maintain that kind of control. It’s just the way I like it. I guess I’m basically a control freak.”

  “We all have our faults.” She could hear the smile in his voice.

  “And in my control-freak life, there have been a couple of situations that completely unraveled me.” She looked out over the ocean, the endless miles of sparkling blue.

  “When Phil died.”

  “Yes.” Janie sighed. “And then with Lisa. I lost control with both of them.”

  “You do understand that you can’t control other people, Janie.”

  “Believe me, I know this.”

  “Sometimes you just have to love them and trust God with the rest.”

  “That doesn’t come easily to me. But I think I might finally be learning to accept it. I thought about my control issues while I was sick. You know, being sick is a painful reminder of how little control we actually have over life. Not just over other people, but little things, too. The more I think about it, the more I realize that the only thing I can control—and not even always—is my own mind.”

  “But isn’t there some freedom in that too?”

  “Freedom?” Janie was trying to grasp this.

  “Because when you give up the idea of controlling people and situations, you are forced to step back and relax. It frees you to just let things happen.”

  “Even to step back and watch someone you love having a train wreck?” Janie was thinking of Lisa again.

  “If someone is bound and determined to have a train wreck, there’s not much you can do anyway. In fact, you’d be wise to step out of the way.”

  “And watch them get killed?” A rush of fear ran through her.

  “Hopefully not. But at least if they’re injured, you won’t be on the casualty list, and you’ll be in better shape to help them pick up the pieces.”

  Janie thought about this. “You’re right, Victor.”

  “Really? You think so?”

  “I also think you’re just what I need in my life.”

  “I like the sound of that.”

  “I really appreciate your help with Lisa.” She chuckled. “Now you need to take your own advice.”

  “How so?”

  “If you see a train wreck coming, just get out of the way. Okay?”

  “You got it.”

  Janie told him a bit about the situation with Paul and Abby. “I know you won’t say anything to anyone,” she said. “But I think maybe Paul could use a friend. And I know he respects you.”

  “Maybe I’ll give him a call. I’d actually been thinking of asking him about doing a small building project for me.”

  “A building project?”

  “Yeah. I was thinking of adding a guesthouse to my property.”

  “A guesthouse?”

  “Yeah. I was looking at my lot, and I think there’s room. It gets a little crowded when both boys come to visit, and they’re both talking about spending more time here next summer. With Marcus getting married, that adds another person to the mix. Having more room just seems like a good move. My place is a great little bachelor pad, but who knows? Maybe someday it’ll need to be more. Doesn’t hurt to look to the future. In fact, I might even ask Paul about doing a full-blown addition as well.”

  “Well, you certainly have the location for it, Victor.” Janie suspected that Victor’s thoughts “to the future” might have something to do with her. And while that wasn’t an unpleasant idea, it was more than she could deal with. She felt she had her hands full with Lisa. “Paul can use some work. Abby said that other than Caroline’s remodel, which is nearly completed, he doesn’t have any work lined up.”

  “Then I’ll consider myself lucky to get him while he’s available.”

  Janie felt a rush of gratitude and affection toward Victor. “Paul should feel lucky too,” she said quietly, “for your friendship. I know that I do, Victor.”

  “Try not to worry about Lisa,” he assured her. “I promise that if any train derails, you’ll be the first to know. Okay?”

  “I appreciate that.”

  They finished up their call. As Janie slipped her phone into her bag, she realized once again how much she cared for Victor. Even so, she hoped he wasn’t considering enlarging his house for her benefit. His little beach house was so perfect as is. Maybe she should call him back and tell him not to talk to Paul. She reached for her phone—then stopped herself.

  “Let go,” she quietly told herself. It was time to stop being a control freak. It was Victor’s choice to change his house or not. Janie was simply a bystander. A very fond bystander, but a bystander nonetheless. She thought of Lisa again, about how Victor had told Janie to back away from the train wreck. How could one do that with a beloved child? What if Lisa’s bad choices really did lead to her death? Just the idea of planning Lisa’s funeral (something Janie hated to admit she’d done in her mind more than once) was so disturbing that Janie didn’t even know if she could survive it, or if she’d want to.

  Janie looked out over the ocean again, noticing a string of seabirds soaring over the waves. Were they pelicans? They looked so free and happy. They obviously had no troubles. Nor did they have control. Not over the ocean, the winds, or the weather. They didn’t even have control over the fish they were probably looking to catch for lunch. All they could control were their own sweet movements as they flew in what seemed a lovely choreographed dance over the water.

  Those birds were in the moment—perfectly and completely in the moment! With natural abandon, they freely enjoyed the sun on their backs, the wind under their wings, and the beautiful world surrounding them. Nothing more, nothing less.

  Suddenly Janie wanted that too. She longed to spread her wings and fly with that kind of abandon and freedom. But when she looked down at her hands, they were tightly clutched around the ship’s railing as if she thought the ship was going down and she had to hang on for dear life. But she knew that her firm grasp had more to do with her concerns for Lisa than anything else. It felt like her worries and fears were gnawing and clawing at her insides, which wasn’t healthy. But wasn’t that just part of being a mot
her? Weren’t moms supposed to hurt when their children hurt? Weren’t they supposed to wake up in the wee hours of the morning, having panic attacks over their children’s welfare? Especially when said children were mindlessly speeding a hundred miles an hour down the dead-end path of self-destruction? And yet, really, what could she do to stop the train wreck?

  As badly as Janie wanted to relinquish control (of which she was fully aware she had none), it was so difficult to release her own child. Was she supposed to just toss Lisa out to the nether-sphere and wait for calamity to catch up with her? How did a mother do that?

  Even so, Janie knew it was pointless to attempt to continue holding on to Lisa. In fact, it was worse than pointless. It was caustic and toxic. She had to release her daughter, to let her go. Just let go.

  Janie took a slow, deep breath of fresh air and imagined herself letting go of Lisa. Then she took her thoughts to a new level. She let go of Lisa and placed her in God’s hands. Oh, Janie had prayed for her daughter before countless times, but her prayers, like so many other things, had always been about control. Help Lisa to get well. Help Lisa to realize her choices are lethal. Help Lisa to conform to my expectations of what my daughter should be. This time she just handed it all over to God. Your will be done, she prayed. Then she let go of the railing, and, lifting her hands and her head, she spread her arms. Feeling a sea breeze embracing her, she imagined herself sailing over the waves, free and with abandon, repeating her new mantra: Let go … let go … let God.

  Chapter 29

  Caroline

  Caroline felt certain that she was the happiest of the Four Lindas to get back home to Clifden. Poor Abby had not only Paul but their financial challenges as well. Janie had Lisa, and Caroline was hoping that no news was good news. Even Marley, although she seemed glad about getting to see Jack again, still had the Sylvia factor to contend with. Apparently Jack had offered to give Sylvia notice on her job, but when Marley heard about that she felt guilty about leaving someone jobless.

  But Caroline felt no particular pressures on her homecoming. All she really had to do was free Chuck from the kennel. She was glad to make it there just before closing time, and she had never felt so loved in her life as when Chuck bounded out and nearly toppled her over as he planted his paws on her chest and licked her face. Talk about true love! Then, with Chuck loaded in the back of her mini SUV, she drove directly to her house to check on the progress.