Metanoia

by Angela Schiavone

  “Where are you going in such a big hurry?” Leyance was smiling down at her. Gina breathed a sigh of relief and took his outstretched hand to help her up.

  “I’m sorry; I wasn’t looking where I was going,” explained she.

  “That’s apparent. I’ve been looking all over for you. Why are you up so early?”

  “Me? Well what about you? Why were you looking for me? How did you even know that I was awake?” Leyance laughed and turned to look at the water.

  “You caught me,” he smiled. “I knocked on your door but didn’t hear any sign of your presence. I went inside and when I didn’t find you, I came looking. I thought you might be making a run for it. I’m glad you’re alright; I was worried.”

  “Why? I’m not in danger or anything.”

  “I know, it’s just…well I can only imagine your confusion right now, and I just wanted to make sure you were alright, that you hadn’t tried to run away or anything.”

  Gina smiled. “No, I didn’t try to run away. I just needed someplace to myself for a while. What time is it anyway?”

  “About six o’clock. It’s still early,” he replied.

  “And why did you come looking for me in my room at six o’clock?” Leyance didn’t answer but Gina guessed. “You were going to tell me about the prophecy, weren’t you?”

  “I might have had that intention, but I am glad I didn’t find you until I had the chance to rethink the mistake I was about to make.”

  “What mistake?! I am in the dark about this. And yes, I know that this new information will very much confuse me, but maybe it will bring new light to this situation and bring me understanding as well. It’s worst to taunt me about this than to just tell me.” Leyance went and sat by the river’s edge and Gina silently followed, anxiously waiting for him to speak. He didn’t. Gina gazed at the other bank. Up that hill she saw many houses, all of which were dark. The rest of the world was still sleeping. Just when Gina couldn’t stand the silence anymore, Leyance opened his mouth, and the story regarding the prophecy flowed out.

  “There was a wonderful queen who reigned years ago. She was fair and kind, and everyone loved her. She used to say that her people’s hearts belonged to her, yet her heart belonged more so to them.” He smiled remembering the days long lost. “In those days, evil was all around, yet every time it was afoot, she knocked it down. She always fought bravely and sacrificed herself to save others. A prophecy was made when she was young that said while fighting a certain evil, she would be killed, and then reborn in another world, yet she would not remember who she had been. Shortly she would recall her memories, but through some form of evil. It was never specified what that evil was, or if it would destroy her or if she would defeat it. We believe that queen is you.” Leyance glanced up to see Gina’s face which was in a state of pure disbelief.

  “What?! You have to be mistaken. I’m not a queen, and there is no way I could fight evil. I mean you saw me with that Übel; I was so terrified I couldn’t move,” Gina exclaimed.

  “You just don’t remember…”

  “Yeah, but what’s the difference between not acting like the self you cannot remember and not being that someone at all?”

  “We have good reason to believe it’s you, Gina.”

  “What are the reasons? How could you possibly be sure that it’s me?” Gina stammered. Leyance just looked away, obviously not wanting to tell her his proof. He got up and turned to Gina.

  “I better go,” he said. “I just hope I did the right thing in telling you.” He started off but then stopped. Without turning back to Gina, he addressed her once more. “If it helps you any to know, your name means ‘queen’,” he said and with that, he turned and walked away just as the sun rose above the cliff. Gina sat on the ground, disbelief of the whole situation weighing her down. The new day had begun.

  An hour later, Gina was knocking on the council room’s door. Fheyrhil called for her to come in, so she opened the door and entered. He sat at the table, papers surrounding him and looking very preoccupied.

  “It hurts me to put more pressure on you,” Fheyrhil began, “but we must discuss some legal matters.”

  “About what? What matters could concern me?” she asked, completely forgetting her recently obtained information.

  “Your first royal duties concern you quite greatly,” he responded, smiling. “I had hoped to wait until later to bestow this information and its corresponding duties on you. However, since Leyance decided that you needed to know before the approved time, then there is really no need to wait on these matters.”

  “It doesn’t matter if I am the queen or not, does it? You’re going to have me fill the role anyway.”

  “You will be required to act as such for the time being, yes. You should stay in this position until the real queen returns, whatever time proves that to mean,” he said, a twinkle in his eyes. He continued. “The queen’s people have been without you for many years and know of your arrival here. I am asking you to address them. You have to give them some hope. You must tell them that they have not waited in vain. All I ask is that you give a speech about what you are currently feeling. Tell them you will try to rule for now as well as you can.”

  “Rule? You want me to actually rule? I can’t!”

  “You can. Believe in yourself, and we will help you along the way.”

  “What are you talking about? I don’t belong here!”

  “I thought you said that about the other world.”

  Gina was silenced. He was right. How could he know that? “Do I really have to do this? I’ll mess everything up here. I know nothing about this place! How can I possibly rule it?”

  “You have to. You are certainly capable. You did it successfully before. I realize that you do not believe you were her. These people lost someone very dear to them, someone they loved. Without that person, a part of them is missing. That is what true love is: when you feel a part of yourself is missing because the one you love is gone. You have to help them. Try to fill the gap just a little. You have already helped to heal their broken hearts by your mere presence here. You have the power to make these people feel better. Use it.”

  “When do you want me to address them?” Gina sighed, giving in.

  “This afternoon,” he responded as Gina just stared at him. Her face showed her disbelief that such an address would be able to be done so soon.

  “No way, I can’t do it today! I can’t even do it in a week!”

  “It can be done and must be. You have the rest of the morning to prepare.” He turned and walked out the door. In a huff, Gina marched towards the door just as Leyance entered.

  “What?” he asked.

  “I royally hate this,” Gina replied and pushed past him.

  Only ten minutes remained until Gina would have to speak to the Nythagiéns. She paced back and forth in the room adjacent to the balcony she would have to speak from. She was dressed in a governmental dress (much like the normal dresses, but with sashes of royalty in the design) and a crown on her forehead as was custom in Nythagié. Leyance once again was present and sat in the corner observing her.

  “You’ll be fine. All you need to do is speak to them as you would speak to anyone else,” he said.

  “Easier said then done” was her reply. “In only a few minutes I am supposed to go out there and talk to a bunch of people whom I don’t know. I have to tell them what I’m feeling when I don’t even know what I’m feeling. I have to become their ‘queen’ when I flat out don’t want to. I know I always dreamed of being someplace like here, but I don’t want it anymore. I really should have been more careful about what I wished for. I want to go home. I’m trapped here.” She paused. “That’s it - I can’t take it anymore. I’m leaving.” Gina made way for the door, but Leyance dived in front of her, blocking her only escape.

  “Don’t. Please, Gina, don’t. I know this is hard but don’t leave me…here that is, to tell everyone that the one they’ve wanted to return for so lon
g has just abandoned them. Just tell them what you’re feeling at least. You don’t want to hurt us do you?” Leyance tried to look Gina in the eyes but she avoided his gaze.

  “No,” she whispered. “I don’t want to hurt anyone.”

  “Then don’t talk like that and stay here. We can’t loose you again,” he responded and with that, he brought Gina close to him and wrapped his arms around her. He whispered in her ear, “You’ll do fine. You’re strong” and then gave her a gentle nudge towards the balcony. Taking a shaky breath, Gina walked out onto the terrace. Cheers immediately rang out. This sudden eruption of noise shocked and terrified her. She took a step backwards and contemplated running away, but Fheyrhil had just passed the threshold of the main entrance to the terrace. He gave her a friendly warning with his eyes as he stepped up to the microphone-like instrument in the center of the balcony.

  “My fellow residents, we have been through good and bad, thick and thin – and always made it through. The main reason is because of a beautiful and brave queen we all hold dear to our hearts. She was taken away from us, greedily stolen – but no longer is she separated from her people. She has returned to Nythagié to continue her reign. She will free and protect our people from evil. Sure enough you want to rest your patient eyes on the individual whom you’ve waited all these years for, so here she is – Regina, queen of Nythagié!” More cheers erupted from Fheyrhil’s introduction, and Gina timidly made her way to the railing of the balcony. Without a single thought crossing her mind, she spoke.

  “Umm, hi,” she began shakily. Oh my God, “umm,hi?” What am I thinking! she thought but the crowd erupted in cheers anyway. “I really don’t know how to address you the way I’m expected to. Wow, there are certainly a lot of citizens here, huh?” She laughed nervously. “Well, to begin with, I guess I’d like to say thank you. Thank you for welcoming me so kindly as you have.

  “I suppose I’m supposed to stand up here and resume my role as your queen, but I can’t do that. I’m not – well, I mean I don’t remember being her. I really don’t see how my filling of this role is going to help unite and make everything better. You’ve had a terrible lost. It’s understandable that you’d want to have her back, but I can’t lie. I really don’t think I’m her.” She paused, not knowing how to continue as she bit her lip nervously. “I’m so sorry that you’ve had to go through this, and I can clearly see that this affects everyone – even me. I was told that I should speak about my feelings. To be honest, I still don’t understand what I’m doing here. Maybe I never really will… Look, I don’t want to make this any harder on you than it already is. I appreciate your kindness, though I think I would much rather just go home.” I shouldn’t say that! “But, then again, you never know. Maybe I am home,” she added quickly. Cheers erupted as the crowd expressed their joy. Fheyrhil looked on with a smile, as did Leyance, who was watching from the door which was open a crack. Fheyrhil saw this and walked to the door and whispered to Leyance.

  “The people finally have back their queen.” But Gina didn’t see either of them nor did she hear Fheyrhil’s remark. She only stood watching the enormous crowd beneath her. It was unusual. She felt so much love for so many whom she did not know.

  Twenty minutes later, Gina ran into the council room to find Fheyrhil waiting as if expecting her.

  “That was very good, Regina. You spoke from your heart, and that is what the people needed. Now what is it you wanted to talk to me about?” He smiled knowingly at her. Gina was amazed at how much Fheyrhil knew without being informed.

  “I have taken all the information you’ve been giving me pretty well for the most part, wouldn’t you agree?” Gina began timidly.

  “That I would,” he responded, “as well as can be expected.”

  “Then I believe it is time for me to know the whole truth.”

  He smiled. “Yet knowledge comes with a price. Too much to comprehend may hurt your sanity.”

  “Not knowing seems to hurt it more.”

  “All right, what do you want to know specifically?” he inquired.

  “How long am I going to be here?”

  “Why ask this? You already know the answer.”

  Gina sank into a chair at this response. Indeed, she did know it. “I had hoped I was wrong,” she explained.

  “Is it really that bad here?”

  “Oh, no, not at all. It’s just that my friends – will I ever see them again?”

  “Yes, of course,” he replied. “There is no rule that says you cannot visit. Besides, you’ll have to from time to time. Some loved ones you’ll see all the time, some not so often.”

  “Can I go now? – I mean I have to tell them that I’m okay. They no doubt realized I was gone after the attack…”

  “No, you cannot go back. Not now. It is too dangerous, and you are not strong enough. Your loved ones know you are well,” he explained. “The Übels got into your world through the gate, and we cannot risk opening it again while you are still weak. We have put up every protection on it so that they will not be able to open it again. Though I daresay they will not need to. You are closer to them here than in your world. You do not remember how to fight either. As for your loved ones, we did a spell on them so they know you are alright, yet they do not know where you are nor do they really think about it. It buys us time, you see, until you are strong enough to go back.”

  “Can I at least see a written copy of the prophecy? Is there one?” she inquired.

  “Yes.” He walked over to a carven-wood cabinet and, opening it, produced scrolls of parchment. These he handed to Gina. “I believe these are what you want. I will leave you alone to look them over.”

  “Thank you,” Gina said softly, taking the precious pieces of paper as if they were treasures. Fheyrhil walked out, closing the heavy doors behind him. Gina spread out the papers and started reading. The parchments read:

  The account of the Prophecy.

  Entry 1: Recently, a prophecy was made concerning our queen. The oracle has informed all that Queen Regina’s life will end prematurely despite the unnaturally long life that our people experience. Yet, she is to be reborn in another life as someone else. Naturally, shock filled the city concerning this news and rightfully so. Not only is our love for the queen always present, but we will surely be taken over by the evilness we feel hovering outside the gates of Nythagié should this prophecy see truth’s light. Yet, the oracle continued on, “the queen will return.” This is certainly joyful news, yet it was also prophesied that she will not remember anything of this world nor her past self. And, though her memory of her royal life would return, it would be through some force of evil. The council has met discussing for many late nights what this could mean. Yet no one has figured if the evil will once again kill the queen or if she will defeat it, nor would the oracle answer questions regarding it. I fear for the safety of my queen.

  Entry 2: Today, we learned that the Vice is working to vastly spread evil. We had suspected something before now, but we were not certain on the doings of this darkness or what action should be taken. Yet, now the queen has announced that she will lead a group of her people to the Vice to destroy him. We all have begged her not to go even though we know she is the only one with power enough to destroy him. The council, the people – everyone has tried to discourage her leaving. Her soon-husband has tried to convince her not to go, as well. We are all terrified that this is the beginning of the prophecy, the road that will lead her to the abandoning of our people. She has made speeches explaining why she must go to keep her people safe, saying that if the prophecy is true, then it cannot be stopped and must instead be embraced. She feels that if it is to happen now, then at least the destruction is of her, not her people. She will be noble to the end, for I feel she is walking into that predicted doom.

  Gina looked up from her reading. The Vice – that’s where she met her end. Where I met my end? She glanced again at the page. A soon-husband? Oh, my God! I was engaged.

  Gina made he
r way down the path towards a new area of Nythagié, having received a note that lay by her bed telling her that she would meet two trainers. A bow, arrows, and a sword lay next to it. The sword’s silver hilt was adorned with intricate Celtic designs and crystals. Gina couldn’t help but marvel at its craftsmanship. She now carried all those items with her as she made her appearance, dressed in a much more movement-allowing outfit that she found in her closet. It fascinated her how more clothes would appear in her closet just as she needed something. Coming to a clearing, she found a man and woman preparing weapons for practice. She advanced up to them, but they had already spotted her.

  “Good morning, Your Highness,” the woman greeted.

  “Good morning,” Gina replied. “I believe I’m here for training, am I not?”

  “Indeed you are,” the man said. “I am Kaleb and this is my wife, Gloria. We need to return you to your former strong self. So let’s get started; it’ll be a long day.” And indeed it was. Gina spent the day sword fighting, shooting arrows, learning hand-to-hand combat, and riding horses. She did not believe that she had worked so hard in her entire life. Luckily, however, the fighting did come second-nature to her. Maybe those stories I always read helped me more than I knew, Gina thought as she shot an arrow towards her target. However, she did not hit the mark in the beginning of the day but did come close. By the end of the first session, though, she had managed to hit her mark quite a few times.

  Sword fighting was more challenging as she had to learn positions and certain attacks.

  “1! 2! 3! 4! 5! 5A!” Kaleb shouted out as Gina quickly placed her sword in the correct position. Why 5A? She thought. Why not just say 6? She didn’t have much time to contemplate it for Kaleb was shouting out the positions at random.

  Gina worked hard to do everything exactly as she was told. By sunset, Gina was bruised, sore, and even bleeding a bit. The trainers healed her cuts with the leaves in their pouches, but the bruising remained and unfortunately most of the soreness as well. Gina dreaded waking up the next morning knowing how stiff she’d be then. Sure enough, it was worse then she imagined, and she barely made it out of bed to start another day of vigorous training.