Metanoia

by Angela Schiavone

  Leyance had fully recovered but kept to himself. He still had not spoken a word to anyone. Fheyrhil worried about him as he also worried about himself. Yet, it was Leyance’s condition that Fheyrhil thought of as he walked through the city one night. Soon, something caught his attention. A light was on in Alvina’s cottage. He very well knew that she was still under Calypso and Jacinda’s constant supervision at their homes. Cautiously, he walked up to the window and peered in. At first he saw nothing, but suddenly someone walked into his field of view and sat on the couch. A man.

  Alvina lay asleep on Calypso’s couch while Jacinda and Calypso sat at the table sipping tea. The night had been quiet for them. Alvina had not had a fit tonight, but their silence was soon broken. Fheyrhil knocked on the door and opened it without waiting for a response. All three girls jumped up to look at him. Even Alvina jolted from her sleep.

  “Girls, Alvina was right, she was right…” he gasped.

  “You found Elenzel?” Jacinda asked nervously.

  “Yes. He was staying in Alvina’s cottage.” He followed their gaze to Alvina who stood dumbfounded.

  “He’s alive…” she said. “And I thought I really was going crazy, but I was right… I was right.”

  The city rejoiced over Elenzel’s return from the dead, yet it scared them. How was it that he now lived? When he was found amongst the bodies during the battle, he was examined and found dead. Yet, here he was, alive and well. He had no recollection of how he breathed again. He remembered his death, followed by a golden light and then waking up again in the woods. He had come to the city and the first light he saw was that of Alvina’s cottage. Still in a daze, he had been scared off by Alvina’s screams.

  One thing everyone knew was that this event revitalized the city. Hope had come back to their hearts, and people were beginning to live like normal. Fheyrhil felt his sixth sense returning, understanding the world better. Alvina was slowly recovering from going slightly crazy. Jacinda and Calypso were easing into their normal lives again. Elenzel was back into training with Gloria and Kaleb and regaining strength quickly. The birds were singing and occasionally the phoenix could even be seen flying overhead. The sun was shining and everyone seemed to be as they once had been, except for one. Leyance still refused to see anyone and kept to his room. He had not spoken a word in two months. Yet, life continued on without him. No one spoke of him and only a few eyes wandered to his window hoping to catch a glance of him.

  It had been two weeks when another person showed up. Alvina was again in her cottage when a knock came at the door. Slightly frightened, she opened the door and peered out into the darkness.

  “Hello? Uh, is anyone there?” she asked timidly.

  “Alvina…It’s me…” Alvina gasped, recognizing the voice. She looked to her right and saw the outline of a man. He stepped into the light created by the open window, and Alvina screamed. She ran up to him and jumped into his arms.

  “Hayden! Hayden! Oh, my God, it’s a miracle! I’m so sorry, Hayden. I love you so much! I love you!” she said, holding onto him with everything she had in her, and he did the same.

  “I love you too, Alvina. I’m not going to let anything get in the way of our love this time.” He didn’t either. In a week, Alvina and Hayden were married. It raised the city’s spirits, but heartache was still too near for some to rejoice.

  Hayden had been back for a couple of weeks when another citizen presumed dead showed up and then another and another. Every two weeks another would show up. It was becoming a pattern. The phoenix would fly overhead and within a few days, another would show up. The phoenix would not be seen until about two weeks later, signaling another would be coming back soon. The bird represented hope and families wished for the return of their own loved ones every time they saw it.

  This phenomenon amazed many but none so much as Fheyrhil. Many wild theories were going around as to why this was occurring but he had theories of his own, educated theories. He kept the thought to himself and waited patiently to find out if he was right.

  About a month had passed since a new person had shown up and the phoenix was rarely seen. Everyone was back in the city but the question of how was still yet to be answered. Fheyrhil sensed that these strange oddities were not over yet. While in private thought, one word came to his head. Kulinai. That very day he rode out himself in search of answers in that city. When he arrived in the city, everything seemed normal. The city had been rebuilt, and yet one thing seemed odd. People filled the streets, yet not many had survived the massacre. Then, Fheyrhil saw the phoenix flying through the sky and knew his theory was correct. He quickly sent messengers to the other world to check on their status. Sure enough, those once killed by Gina were roaming the streets happily, having no memory of ever being dead (no doubt the work of a memory-erasing spell). The world was back to the way it should be.

  One night the phoenix flew through the streets of Nythagié. A cloaked and hooded figure walked not far from it. The figure looked around the city in the middle hours of the night. Gracefully, the phoenix floated down and landed on the person’s outstretched arm. The bird pecked at the cloak, attempting to drag the person closer to the city.

  “No,” the figure whispered. “I can’t. Not now.” The phoenix looked ahead to the city but then back at its friend in understanding. With that, they walked back into the woods and out of sight.

  The next morning Fheyrhil found himself wandering the streets of the city, his eyes to the sky. He hoped that a familiar bird would grace the sky with its presence, but so far only robins and mockingbirds had done so. He did not quite know what he would do if he saw the creature, and yet his heart still had an incredible yearning to see it. Not until a week later did he finally see the bird. It flew overhead with new energy. It flew once over the entire city, passing close to Leyance’s window. Then it made its way back to the woods. Fheyrhil was ready and followed the bird until he saw it diving down to the earth, Fheyrhil watching from a distance. It was only when the figure the bird landed on turned to gaze at it did he realize that the phoenix had landed on a person wearing a dark blue cloak. Still, he kept silent and listened.

  “How is he?” the person asked the phoenix. The bird cooed and looked into the eyes of the person, still shielded from Fheyrhil’s eyes by the cloak. The person seemed to have a knowledge of what the bird was saying and nodded slowly. “I thought he still would be. He isn’t getting over this easily. And why should he?” The bird grasped the cloak and tried to pull the person. “No, I told you. I can’t go back now. Maybe not ever. They would never forgive me; I’ll never forgive myself. I shared the experience. I still remember everything I did, everything I thought about, every killing…” the figure shuttered. The bird pecked at the person’s arm lovingly. “I know, I know. It still doesn’t right the wrong I did. Even now, I’m using you to do it. It doesn’t solve the fact that their loved ones still had to go through the pain of knowing they were dead. Just the fact that I could have done that…I can’t take it. I can’t face them. I might not be the same person, but, yet, I am. I won’t be able to escape the stares and hate they no doubt have for me.”

  “They don’t hate you.” The person turned to face Fheyrhil who walked out of his hiding spot, yet the stranger’s face remained shielded by the hood.

  “Fheyrhil…” came a simple reply, but soon the head was turned away. “You might not, but the rest do. They must.”

  “That’s not true. They miss you. They know it was just the spell, not truly you.”

  “But it was me… How did you find me anyway?”

  “I followed your friend here,” he responded, nodding towards the phoenix. The cloaked figure turned slowly to look at the bird who looked away, guiltily.

  “It’s ok. No harm done.” A small slender hand came out of the cloak to pet the bird’s head.

  “Come home, Gina. We miss you. Leyance has completely broken down without you.”

  “I know he has. I’ve had the phoenix check up o
n him.” She was calm and almost robotic. Fheyrhil sensed that if she acted even slightly more relaxed, she would burst into uncontrollable tears.

  “Please, Gina. We love you. It wasn’t your fault…” At this Gina turned around so fast that the hood flew off, revealing her tear stained cheeks.

  “It is my fault. Everything is my fault. No one held my hand on the arrow to aim it at victims. No one made me think those awful thoughts. No one told me to kill and destroy the way I did. No one told me to attack my husband. No one made me attack my friends. No one made me do any of that, but I still did! I must take responsibility for my actions. It was part of me. I never felt anyone’s control over me. I never felt like I was someone else but the true me. Then I split into two and though I was terrified of my evil self, I was in awe. I did unforgivable things, and I can’t hurt the city more by showing my face to them. You think Leyance is messed up now? Just wait until he sees me back from the double-dead! What am I supposed to do? Waltz right up and say, ‘Hey, honey. I’m home?’ It doesn’t work that way! You know everything: you sure as hell ought to know that. I’m not even better. I haven’t stopped killing.”

  “You are now righting the wrongs. You are bringing the people back.”

  “Yes, by killing,” she stated. She turned and motioned to the phoenix. “After my funeral, she came to me. She nestled herself in my outstretched hand and by some power I was able to resurrect myself by killing her. I somehow managed to make her catch on fire, maybe she did it without me but because she died, I lived. Phoenixes can be reborn from the ashes, so I have been forced to kill her in order to resurrect each person I’ve destroyed. Don’t you see? There cannot be life without death. In order to save, I am...” She paused. “I now completely embody that concept. I have to wait until she is reborn and grown and able to be killed again in order to save another life. I have only saved lives because I am killing on the side! I’ve dragged this poor bird into this and by some odd chance, she has grown fond of me and allowed me to do as I have done to save the others. I’m still a killer and forever will be. I can’t go back to such a pure city when I have this wickedness in me.”

  “They will forgive you.”

  “I can’t go. I want to protect them and right now they need protection from me.”

  “You have to come back, eventually. You cannot keep running forever.”

  “I’ve done it fine so far, and I can continue to do so. I can’t risk hurting anyone else.”

  “Please, Leyance has not spoken to anyone in months. He needs you. He’s had to live through your death yet again. Please, come for his sake.” Gina looked up at him and then down at her phoenix. The bird sang sweetly and joyfully. Gina knew what the bird wanted her to do.

  Leyance sat on the bed in his room, staring at the foot of the bed without moving. When a knock came at his door, he did not even look up, did not even stir. Fheyrhil came in and looked at the poor man still wrapped in his own misery.

  “Leyance, you have to break your silence. You have no cause to be miserable. Not now.” Leyance only glanced up at him and then looked back down. Fheyrhil turned and looked out the door. Softly but confidently, he pulled Gina into the room. She was wrapped in her cloak in fear of others seeing her and for a sense of comfort. Her phoenix rested on the balcony of the room, peering in through the open doors.

  “Go on,” Fheyrhil coaxed. “Say something.” Shaking, Gina took her hood off and looked at her husband. He had not even look up. She walked over to his side, shaking with each step. She kneeled next to him and looked into his face.

  “Leyance...” The sound of her voice, shaky as it was, seemed to awaken Leyance as he turned to look at her. His face was unreadable except for a small twinkle in his eyes. Without changing any emotion, he reached over and hugged her. He hugged her so tight that she felt he would never let go. Then softly, she heard him whisper, heard him speak for the first time in many months.

  “I love you, Gina. I’m so sorry.” Gina felt Leyance’s body start to convulse as tears streamed down his face. He had never cried much in the past, but months of hurting being held inside finally came gushing out. She held him and rubbed his back to try to calm him. Looking up to Fheyrhil for guidance, she saw he had left the room, but her phoenix now had flown in and perched itself on the bed.

  Official news of Gina’s miraculous return was kept silent for quite awhile after she was found. Yet, rumors spread quickly and soon enough they were confirmed. Fear still swept over Gina, though, and she refused to see anyone except Fheyrhil and Leyance. Fheyrhil assured her that the city still very much loved her and had forgiven her, understanding that the spell was to blame, but Gina did not care. Fheyrhil even assured her that the city felt much in debt to her for bringing all their loved ones back, for they had quickly learned that through some miracle it was her doing. Still Gina would not be seen. The girls especially had pleaded and pleaded with Fheyrhil to let them see her, but Gina refused. She could not bear to look at them, Jacinda especially. Gina knew that Jacinda would no doubt still bear the scars on her wrists and ankles. The thought of this drove shivers through Gina’s spine.

  Leyance had slowly been recovering. He became more relaxed, more talkative, and more alive. Fheyrhil knew that Leyance blamed himself for the horrible things Gina went through and as a direct result insisted that he never leave his wife’s side again. He made sure that his wife was protected and kept secret from the city. The fact that Gina lived was all that would be known to the city while Leyance protected her. Yet Fheyrhil also, though he wanted Gina to come back to the arms of the citizens, tried to keep her as safe and secret as possible, respecting her wishes.

  The phoenix seemed to be the most relaxed of all of them. She came and went as she pleased, bringing news to her friend that only Gina herself would truly understand. Most importantly, she brought warmth, comfort, and friendship that Gina needed now more than ever. The phoenix had not been there from the beginning, and she had not been involved from early on, making her an ideal companion for a girl who wished for nothing more than to escape her past. However, Gina became increasingly aware that she could never do that. She had forgotten her past once, and she would never be so lucky again.

  Now, only the phoenix brought Gina happiness, as it had done for the city as well. When the blue, green, and golden bird flew in the skies of Nythagié, the citizens knew their queen still lived. Yet, this only reminded them of how much they needed her. Their queen had saved them, in a strange way it was true, but she still had. They needed to save her.

  One morning, Gina and Leyance sat in their room while Fheyrhil informed the queen of the news of the city. She had refused to see anyone but still continued on with her royal duties in secret as she was doing this morning. Softly, a beautiful chorus of singing could be heard. The voices got louder and warmer until a definite tune and lyrics could be discerned.

  “We know that you must hurt inside your heart,

  We know that you must feel lost and confused,

  But believe that we never want to part.

  We are not as scarred as your soul abused.

  We all stand before you now, not angry,

  We are no longer filled with any fear,

  Because only love is now felt by we.

  You are our queen, the one we hold so dear,

  So believe us when we say we forgive.

  Now all we wish for is for you to live.”

  Gina had sat still, listening to each word being sung. Now, she slowly raised herself up and walked to the window where her phoenix already flew above the vast crowd below. Each person held a small candle and a bundle of flowers and each smiled brightly as they sang. Slowly, the queen looked back at Fheyrhil and Leyance and then stepped forward out of the room onto the balcony above the crowd. Cheers erupted and flowers were thrown into the air. Not a single frown could be seen on a single person’s face, not even Gina’s, who had not smiled in a very long time.

  Chapter 14

  “Secrets Reve
aled”

  Months passed much quicker now that joy once again filled the city. Gina and Leyance had slowly adjusted back to living relatively normal. Leyance had even presented Gina with a new necklace to replace her old one. Its intricate design had a flower in the center surrounded by many other crystal and iridescent stones, all shimmering in the light. She never took it off from that day forward.

  The girls were also reunited happily with their best friend, and the city was reacquainted with their returned queen. Fheyrhil watched every new development, every new smile, every new laugh with eager attentiveness and warmth. Things were now as they should be, and that brought so much warmth to his heart. Gina, also, watched him silently. She felt so in debt to him for not only forgiving her but bringing her back to life here in her city. Yet, a sense of unease disturbed her. She owed so much to this man and he knew her so well, yet she hardly knew him. Leyance saw her stare at Fheyrhil with admiration twinkling in her eyes. He saw everything she did, no matter how small.

  “What is it with you and Fheyrhil? Are you going to leave me for him?” Leyance joked. Gina smiled.

  “Not a chance, Sweetie. It’s just that I don’t understand Fheyrhil, and I never have. He’s so distant and yet so close and warm. He brought me out of the darkness and loved me even though I was so awful.” She glanced at Leyance who had a slight look of jealousy on his face. Giggles escaped her lips. “Well of course you did too, but I understand you. I know you. I don’t know him, but he seems to know me all too well.”