At first there was no reaction, then- she saw his eyes flicker and open, his mouth turning back in a grimace. "What the—" He blinked rapidly, focusing on her with effort. "Oh, no," he groaned. "Not again. Just go away, Sophie. Leave me alone."
It wasn't exactly the reaction she had been hoping for. "I have no intention of going-anywhere Until I've cleaned this place up."
"You mean——" He licked his dry lips. "You mean you are real?"
"Of course I'm real. What's the matter with you, Luke? Are you drunk?" she asked suspiciously. "Boy, it must have been some party. Have you just got home?"
He struggled to sit up, his clothes wrinkled and untidy. "I have not been anywhere." He shook his head dazedly. "I have not been anywhere for days, weeks."
"But you—there's no food in the apartment. You must have been out."
He shook his head. "No."
"But what have you been eating if you haven't been out?"
"I have not been eating," he grimaced. "But I have been drinking. If you look under the couch you will probably find a lot of empty whiskey bottles that I had sent up. There are more in the bedroom, but you will find no food."
As she stepped back her foot did in fact catch on something and she heard the crash of glass against glass. Her mouth tightened. "Get up, Luke," she ordered. "Go and shower and I'll get some food sent in. You look as if a good meat wouldn't hurt you."
He ran a hand over his eyes as if they hurt him. "I am not hungry," he said tersely. "Will you just get out of here and let me sleep?"
"Sleep is the last thing you heed right now."
"What do you know about it?'' he snapped.
"I know you can't continue to live like this. You'd kill yourself."
"Why are you here?" he demanded angrily. "You were supposed to call first."
"I wanted to surprise you."
Sighing, he stood up. His clothes were in even worse a state than she had thought. He didn't look as if he had changed them for days. "Oh, you did that," he admitted grimly.
Sophie was surprised to see how thin he was, his body almost gaunt. "Oh, Luke." She ran to him, putting her arms around his waist and holding him close against her. "Luke, what are you doing to yourself?"
He wrenched her arms away from him. "If you must stay here, Sophie, go and get that food. I want to shower and put on dean clothes."
'But—'
"Leave me, Sophie." His eyes were chilling. "At least let me be clean so that I might face you on an equal footing."
"Very well."
She decided to go out herself and get a few provisions, finding Luke sitting in the lounge when she returned, his face buried in his hands as he sat hunched over. He was dressed and shaved now, still much too thin, but more like the Luke she loved.
She put the shopping down and ran to kneel in front of him. "Luke, what's wrong?"
He looked down at her with dazed eyes. "You have comeback. I thought you had gone."
She clasped his hands in her own. "Only to get some food, darling. I—"
"What did you call me?" he cut in harshly.
"Darling," she repeated huskily.
He tilted her face up to look at him. "Do you mean it?"
"I've always meant it." Now wasn't the time for pride. "Luke, why did you marry me?"
"You know why:"
"The real reason," she prompted.
"I do not—"
"I've been talking to Rosemary," she told him. "She told me quite a lot of things, explained away a lot of misunderstandings."
He stood up forcibly. "And that is why you are here?"
Sophie still sat on the floor. "No. I"
"Because I do not want you here simply because you have listened to your stepmother."
She stood up. "I was coming here today anyway."
His eyes narrowed. "Why?"
"Because I—well, it's difficult to explain. Yesterday I went to dinner with Nicholas. His mother talked a lot about my divorcing you and marrying Nicholas."
If anything he went even paler, his skin almost gray. "So you are here to talk about a divorce."
"No, I'm not! To have it actually put into words made me want to come and see you and find out exactly how you felt about me. Rosemary only spoke to me after I had made up my mind to come here today. You see—" she twisted her hands together nervously "—I believed you to have been having an affair with her all this time.''
"I know."
Her violet eyes widened. "You know?"
Luke nodded. "At first I could not believe you could think such a thing, and then it just made me angry. I once told you that you had no idea what you did to make me angry. That was the main thing."
"But why didn't you explain, tell me it was all her fantasy?"
He shrugged. "J wanted you to ask me, to show you trusted me enough to believe me when I gave you the answer. But you never asked," his voice hardened roughly. "Never gave any indication that it mattered enough to you to ask."
"It mattered too much; I dreaded the answer. I—I love you, Luke."
She could see the tension in his body. "What did you say? "he grated.
Her eyes were swimming with tears. "I love you. I love you!"
He took an involuntary step toward her and then stopped. "You are sure?"
"Very sure!"
"Oh, God, I love you, too!" he groaned, gathering her into his arms to bury his face in her neck. He trembled against her as he strained to hold her to him.
"If you only knew how I have longed to hear you say you love me." He kissed her again and again, until they were both breathless. "I desired you very much on our honeymoon, you must know that," he said dryly. "But each time I loved you I inwardly pleaded with you to show me some sign of love, to show I gave you more than physical pleasure. I have loved you for so long, since I helped you to stand after your accident."
"But the day after we were married you said that if I hadn't been an innocent you would have ended our marriage."
He shuddered against her. "I could never have done it. Never! You are everything I have ever wanted in a woman, everything I will ever need. But you did not like me very much to start with, would not let me get close to you, and so when the chance came for me to marry you I grasped at it with both hands."
"You really wanted to marry?" She played with the buttons on his shirt, touching the warm skin beneath.
"Desperately. And I used your closeness to your father to get what I wanted, to trap you into marriage with me, hoping you would come to love me later on. I already knew that you were not immune to me physically."
She blushed. "You're a wonderful lover."
"I know you enjoyed what we did together as much as I, but it was not enough. I have never been a patient man, and that weekend at your parents' home I knew I could not go on any longer as merely a pleasant physical experience for you. It demeaned my love for you. Sol left. I have been here ever since just waiting for you to call.''
"And drinking yourself to death," she added sternly. "The place is a mess and so were you.''
"I have been drunk most of the time and so the tidiness of the apartment has not mattered to me."
"Couldn't you have had someone clean it for you?"
"You dismissed my cleaner,'' he reminded.
She had done so because she had wanted to care for their home herself.
“You could have hired someone else.''
"I did not want anyone near me. Oh, Sophie." He kissed her long and passionately. "I have missed you so much, longed for you so desperately. I have not worked on anything but your painting since we parted. I could do no other work. Without you I am nothing."
"Do you think daddy might have his portrait of me now?" she teased.
His arms tightened about her. "As long as I can keep you he may have a hundred portraits of you."
"I love you so much, Luke." She kissed his throat. "I don't ever want to leave you again."
"You will never be allowed to," he said with his old arrogance.
"I want you, you know," he groaned against her earlobe.
She did know, could feel his pulsating desire for her. "But you haven't eaten yet."
He grinned down at her. "Now it is you who are being mundane. I think I have enough strength to make love to my wife."
She took his hand and led him to the bedroom. "If you haven't I could always make love to you."
He chuckled behind her. "What an excellent idea."
The smile they shared was very intimate. "I thought you might like that." The bedroom door closed quietly behind them, the outside world soon forgotten.
Carole Mortimer - The Flame of Desire Page 17