by Faye Sonja
Life would be boring without Emma, empty and boring. He didn’t want that life back again; Brendan just wanted the life with Emma in it, and he intended to be more than a good husband to her. He’d be a real husband and be there for her the way she needed. He’d spend the rest of his life proving to her that she was beautiful and she deserved love as much as anyone, and so did he. He’d let himself be loved.
As good as it was to have his tavern full, all he wanted to do was go and talk to his wife. Now it seemed like the most pressing matter in the world. But it’d have to wait because it didn’t look like anyone was leaving here anytime soon.
He hoped she knew that she was loved very much.
* * *
9
Reconciliation
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“No… My son won’t be here to meet you,
as he was married on Sunday just passed.”
.
“Emma?”
Emma turned to large, blue eyes encased in dark lashed peering up at her. “Aileen, I’m so glad to see you here.”
“Barnaby’s not all bad. I think you were very brave to stand up to him.”
“Aileen, you know you don’t have to stay married to him.”
Aileen nodded. “I know. But I want to. I think he’ll change.”
“Perhaps. But you can come here whenever you like. I don’t think he’d stop you doing that now.”
“I don’t know how to do any crafts.”
“It’s easy. I’ll have one of the ladies show you how to crochet. We’re making rugs for the poor this winter.”
“I’d like to do that. I’ve always had money. But I feel like I’m useless because I’ve never been shown how to do anything. I must be on this earth for something.”
“I used to feel just that way. All I can say is, work hard at learning new things and you’ll find your reason to be here.”
“I hope so.”
Emma smiled at the girl who must’ve been around nineteen; the same as her, but she was less emotionally mature. “Barnaby is a lot older than you.”
“I know. I don’t mind. He’s nice to me at home. He’s just so mean to everyone else.”
“Maybe he won’t be anymore.”
“I hope not.”
“You come sit over here with Hilda and she’ll have you crocheting in a tick.”
Emma walked Aileen over to Hilda’s table and introduced them. Hilda smiled and gave Aileen a hook and yarn. Emma wondered what Brendan was doing. Was he thinking about her? What silly thoughts; she wasn’t a schoolgirl and she’d been married to him a month already.
She’d fallen in love with him and she’d seen today that the worst thing in the world was not to be loved back by him. That felt even worse than all her awful memories of the past. Emma just didn’t care about anything much at all if she could never have the love of her husband.
They were meant to be, she was sure of that, but try as she had, he would never admit he felt anything for her beyond being pleasant friends. She never expected him to come to the saloon and defend her or support her. She expected she’d be riding the stagecoach out alone on Friday and not coming back.
How he could even contemplate being with her, with her ugly scars, she never could have understood until she saw his. Then she knew they were kindred spirits sent to heal each other. No one else could ever understand what they felt unless they’d been through it. Emma could never be with someone who hadn’t.
She didn’t need pity, and she didn’t need to be handled with silk gloves. What she needed was understanding, and Brendan could understand; he’d been there. It may’ve been under very different circumstances, but they’d been through similar ordeals. She didn’t feel sorry for him or want to run from him. She understood why he was the way he was and she respected that he might want to remain that way.
She’d understand, but she wanted him to love her and to let her love him. Emma collected glasses to wash and some of the ladies had brought a plate of baking to share. The chatter was quite loud and Emma had a headache beginning across her forehead. She couldn’t leave of course, as she was the reason they were here.
Emma looked up and saw Maggie making her way through the tables. Poor Maggie, she’d looked so scared and pale when she’d seen Emma’s scars. Maggie came up and took Emma by both hands.
“Lass…I…I don’t know what to say. All the times you came to me for help about Brendan opening up and I denied you someone to talk to.”
“Maggie, this isn’t in any way your fault.”
“We all have our crosses to bear. Even me.”
Emma looked at her; never in the month she’d know Maggie had she ever heard her voice crack with emotion.
“Maggie?” Emma could see she was on the verge of tears.
“I’ll tell you, I could so easily have been to prison myself. I told the judge that I’d shot my husband to save my son. The boys said the same, and as Barnaby was a teenager by then, the judge let me off as I acted in self-defense and in the defense of my children.”
“That’s fair enough. You did the right thing.”
“I never shot him. He was attacking me. Brendan shot him. I was so scared they’d take him away from me if they’d known what had happened to the boys,”
“Maggie, did you know what he did to the boys?”
She put her hand over her heart. “May the Lord strike me down, I never knew until that night, when Barnaby came to me and told me everything. He kept everything so well hidden. I just took it as natural a boy wouldn’t want his Ma seeing him naked. I went and attacked his father, once I knew, but he was too strong for me. He’d have killed me.”
“This is the most awful story. I can’t believe you’ve all kept it inside so long, and it’s almost destroyed your family.”
“We all tried to forget it in our own way.”
“I understand, but we have to get this family back together again. It can’t destroy you any longer. There’s too many lies and too much pain.” Emma meant every word. She wanted this family to find each other again and leave the sordid past behind them.
“I’d like to have my boys back together again. I don’t think Barnaby is really like his father. Both boys have a temper but their father, well, he wasn’t right. Something was terribly amiss there.”
“I’m hoping this weekend away will help Brendan and I begin a real marriage together.”
“You love him very much, don’t you?”
“I do. I hope he can one day love me, too.”
Maggie laughed and patted Emma’s hand. “He does love you. Why do you think he went to Barnaby’s after you? The thought of you leaving him was even worse to bear than his past.”
Emma thought about that. Perhaps Maggie was right; in fact, Emma was sure she was. Brendan did love her and she loved him. She wanted to shout it from the rooftops.
“Go on. I’ll watch things here a while. Go find him. You’ve both waited long enough.”
Emma beamed a big smile and went out the small door that led to the tiny passageway between the rooms. It was a little dark in there and she gave a little cry as she bumped into someone.
“Emma?”
“Brendan? I was coming to find you.”
“I was coming to find you.”
“I needed to tell you, Brendan, my husband. I love you with all my heart and my one wish is for you to love me too and I think you do…” Her words gushed out and she couldn’t stop herself.
“I do.” Brendan put his arms around her.
“Pardon?”
“I do love you, Emma. I want us to stay married forever. I’ll never stop loving you. You’re beautiful, inside and out.”
“Oh…” Emma was lost for words; she just had no words to say.
Brendan hugged her to him and she put her arms about him as well. Hugging him felt like the best thing in the world.
“I
think God meant for us to be together, and I’m so grateful that Barnaby found you and then jilted you.”
“Me too.” Emma had to laugh.
Brendan laughed as well, and the sound of his happiness thrilled Emma. She wanted to hear that sound for the rest of her life. Brendan leaned down and kissed her cheek. Emma’s cheek burned and wished it was closing time now so they could go and talk into the night and perhaps share the same room as they slept.
She knew it’d be hard for her to be seen with her scars, in an intimate way, and she imagined it would be the same for Brendan. It would be a long road ahead of healing, and nothing could be rushed into. Emma was sure sharing the marital bed at long last was a good move. Going to sleep together after talking would bring them closer.
He held her again. “I guess we should get back to work, Mrs. Radcliffe.”
“I suppose we should, Mr. Radcliffe.”
“Will you join me in our bedroom for sleep tonight?”
“I’d like that very much.”
“I love you, Emma.”
“I love you, Brendan.”
After another quick hug, they both went back to their work. Emma thanked Maggie and told her to go close the teahouse and get some rest. Maggie had no intentions of doing that, but she would get a nap in, she said.
Emma served some more drinks and then sat down to do some crafting herself. Standing around wishing the time away wouldn’t make it go faster, so she sat down beside Aileen and began to crochet. Brendan loved her.
The most handsome man in the world loved her: plain, homely Emma. He’d called her beautiful. She felt beautiful for the first time in her life. She wasn’t sure she’d ever get used to that feeling. But no matter what happened and no matter what anyone else thought of her, she knew Brendan found her beautiful.
His scars were skin deep and her scars were skin deep. Though their emotional scars were there still, Emma knew they could be fixed. With love and care, the emotional scars would go away and while that time of her life would always be there, and she’d never forget it, she could stop hating herself for it, and see it for what it was.
A young lady being taken advantage of by people who had no moral compass. They were wrong; Emma wasn’t the one to blame, and now she saw that it made it all much clearer. For so long she’d blamed herself and her stupid choices, but how could she have known that falling in love with a man who was deliberately manipulating her was going to set off a chain of terrible events?
She could never have known they’d lie in court and have her convicted. In hindsight, she was lucky she’d only gotten six months; people had gotten much more for lesser crimes. She had to wonder if they’d helped her get a lesser sentence somehow.
It had almost become a life sentence of fear and shame, but thanks to Barnaby and coming out as a mail order bride, that hadn’t happened. The crochet hook and yarn worked effortlessly in her hands and she was pleased this would one day be warming someone who had no blanket or coat.
“I think next month we should knit socks and vests.” Emma spoke over the low hum of business.
“Hats and mittens, too,” someone else said.
“I’ll see about yarn and fabric scraps from the factories in the big cities. I’ll write them a letter.” Emma smiled.
“We’ll have quite a lot to hand out.” A lady from behind her spoke.
“I think we’ll need a wagon to take it all to the city with us. But some of it we’ll keep here. As the town grows bigger, I’m sure it’ll be needed.” Emma loved talking about the future and how they’d be helping. Her next mission was to be serving soup and bread to the hungry.
She’d have to find a place to do that, because here wasn’t suited to it. But she’d make it happen. Perhaps the church might be able to help her out there. She’d ask before she left for Ada’s. She had so much to tell her sisters, and the best part was that she wasn’t arriving alone and staying without Brendan.
There was still an hour to go, but all the ladies packed up early and said they had errands to attend to. They tidied up as best they could and bid Emma goodbye until next time, and they’d see her Friday before she left for Ada’s.
Emma knew they were purposely doing this to give her an early day, and she suspected Maggie had something to do with it. When they were all gone, Emma went to see how Brendan was going and he walked in the door.
“You too, huh?”
“What are you talking about?” Emma had no idea what he was referring to.
“Same happened to me. They just up and went. Told me to close up for the day.”
“I think your mother had something to do with it.”
“I’m glad. Let’s leave all this mess and go upstairs.” Brendan smiled.
“I’d like to bathe and then I’ll make us hot cocoa, and we can talk if you want to.”
“That sounds perfect, even at four in the afternoon.”
* * *
10
Sisters Reunited
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“No… My son won’t be here to meet you,
as he was married on Sunday just passed.”
.
As their covered wagon rode smoothly along the last of the driveway into Ada and Bobby’s grand house, Emma couldn’t believe how beautiful this place looked and how huge it was. The gardens were amazing and Emma couldn’t wait to walk around the roses.
“This is very nice.” Brendan pulled the horses to a stop and immediately men came from behind the house and assisted Emma down, waited for Brendan to get down and then they led the horse and wagon away.
“We’ll bring your bags in, Mr. Radcliffe.”
“Thank you.”
A scream from inside came next as Ada and Anna burst out onto the front porch and down the steps to embrace Emma. “Em. You made it!” Ada hugged her tight and then Anna did the same.
Bobby was standing there with a large smile. Emma watched him greet a very nervous Brendan. “Ah, at last. They might stop looking out the windows now. Come in, good fellow. I’m Bobby Grant, Ada’s very lucky husband. William is inside. Come along. Emma, I’m stealing your husband.”
“Come around the gardens, we’ll stroll. Remember how we used to dream we were doing this as little girls when you couldn’t sleep.” Ada took Emma’s hand and Anna hooked her arm through Emma’s on the other side.
“That was also the only way I could get to sleep in prison.”
“You don’t have to…” Anna started to speak.
“Yes, Yes I do. I owe you both a huge apology for not trusting you both enough to talk about what I’d decided to do.” Emma knew saying sorry was long overdue.
“If we hadn’t been so busy, we might have seen how lonely you were and saved you from that man.” Ada spoke first.
“But however it happened, it did happen and though it was the worst time of my life, without it I wouldn’t be the person I am today, and I wouldn’t be married to the love of my life.”
“Oh, Emma, really? Love has found you too?” Anna asked.
“I think I’ve known that I loved Brendan for some time, but I wouldn’t admit how important it was to me. This past week I’ve found out that Brendan had suffered at the hands of others the same as I have.”
“Suffered?” Ada stopped walking.
“When I was in prison, some terrible things happened. I’m slowly working my way through the pain of it all with Brendan. We’ve a long way to go, but at least we’re talking about it now.”
“Oh, Emma. You really are a woman now. I wish I could’ve done more for you.”
“You and Anna did enough, too much. Without you two, the good Lord only knows what might’ve happened. But that’s past, and with the Lord’s guidance Brendan and I are looking to a bright future, and I hope you two are as well.”
Ada began to walk again and Emma and Anna went along with her. “I’m having a baby.”
“I thought Bobby was convalescing.” Anna gave a giggle.
Ada laughed too. “I guess he’s on the mend.”
The next thing three children came running around the corner. The smallest girl ran up and hugged Anna. “Mama Anna, here you are.”
“I’m here, Rose, and this is my little sister. Say hi to your Aunt Emma.”
The sweet-faced child smiled up at Emma and said, “Hi, Aunt Emma.”
A serious looking boy nodded. “Nice to meet you, Aunt Emma.”
“Nice to meet you…?”
“Fred, and this’s Lily.” He jabbed the older girl in the ribs.
“Hello, Lily.”
“Hello.”
“Off you go, children. I think cook has some sugar cookies baked for you,” Ada told them, and the three kids all took off at breakneck speed.
“Wow, Anna, how do you manage and with a school full as well?” Emma asked.
“William runs a tight ship, for the most part. But they’re allowed to have their head on trips away and in beautiful gardens.”
“But anyway, Ada, how are you feeling? Are you far along? When will the baby be here?”
“I’m around three months, and the baby is about six months away. A winter baby.”
“I hope I can come and visit. I don’t fancy that cart ride in the rain.” Emma really didn’t.
“The train will be in your city by then. You’ll be able to come straight to our town by train,” Ada told her.
“That will be much better.”
“I’m two months pregnant...” Anna said quietly.
“Oh, Anna, you’ll be such a perfect mother. You were born for it.” Emma hugged Anna hard.
“It’s true, Anna, I’ll be bumbling about wondering which end is up on the baby and you’ll have to come and instruct me.” Ada sounded serious.
“You’ll do fine. But I will be here for visits too.” Anna gave a big smile. “I’m glad we’re close enough so the cousins can see each other.”