by Faye Sonja
Katherine smiled. She liked catching him off guard. “Yes, at the zoo.”
Daniel smiled right before his head was thrown back. A deep laugh left his lips. The sound only brightened Katherine’s smile. She loved everything about the man in front of her. It had only been two months since their wedding, but Katherine couldn’t imagine what life would be like without him.
He was still smiling when he calmed. Daniel walked around to stand behind her then. “Point the gun at the can, Katherine.”
Katherine rolled her eyes, lifted the gun and placed the butt of it on her shoulder, and then released a calming sigh.
“Good,” Daniel whispered.
“I still don’t understand why this is necessary. Won’t you protect me?”
“Of course, I’ll protect you, but I can’t be everywhere at once. I wouldn’t like it if something happened to you.”
Katherine turned and looked at him then. He was solemn now. Whatever joy he’d previously been feeling had now been drained away. An inner sadness overtook him. Katherine put the gun down. She turned around, and pressed her face into his chest. She wrapped her arms around him, giving him her warmth, and at same time, taking a little of his for herself. She loved this hurt man, but didn’t know how to help him. “Will you tell me what’s wrong?”
Katherine didn’t look up when Daniel didn’t respond. She just held him tighter. She’d asked about the scar a while back, but Daniel hadn’t told her anything about it. He’d only said that he’d deserved it.
She sighed when she felt his pair of strong hands go around her, holding her to him, locking her beneath his heart. The beating of it had a nice even tempo. She closed her eyes as she allowed it to pulse across her cheek.
“There’s a lot of evil in the world, Katherine. I would just feel better if you were prepared for it.”
She looked up then. Her blue eyes stared at the topaz ones that always seemed to confuse her. Daniel was so hard to read and was so cryptic when it concerned his past, that at times, Katherine wanted to hit him. He was hiding a part of himself from her and it hurt. “Why can’t you just tell me?”
Daniel sighed. “Because if I told you, you’d hate me.”
Katherine shook her head. “I could never hate you.”
Daniel’s hands slid up until they cupped her face. Her eyes reminded him of the mountain snow tops, yet there was a warmth. That warmth was directed at him. He didn’t deserve it. “There are things you don’t know about me, Katherine.”
She pressed her cheek back towards his chest and sighed. “I would if you would tell me.”
Daniel could see it in her eyes. He ran frustrated hands through his short brown hair and then over his face. “I can’t.” He shook his head as he leaned over and picked up the gun. “I can’t.”
Even though they’d only been married for two months, the fight was an old one, and served no other purpose than to drive them both crazy.
Placing the gun back into Katherine’s hand, he turned her back towards his front. He helped her lift up the gun and also felt her sort of shove him off of her. She was upset. Daniel didn’t blame her, but that didn’t mean he’d give in. Instead, he placed his hands on her shoulders and placed a soft kiss in the bed of her golden hair. When he spoke, his voice was barely above a whisper, “I can’t lose you, Katherine. I just can’t.”
The gun fired. The bullet hit the can. Daniel was impressed. Katherine turned to look at him again. She was still angry, a little less angry, still, it made Daniel a little weary of the gun she held. He took it then.
Katherine turned towards the clearing and headed for the wagon. She was done for the day. They’d both would ride silently back to their home, Katherine would make dinner, they’d calm, the anger would seep away, and they’d be smiling at one another again. Now, if only Daniel could figure out a way to keep that smile on her face. That would make them both happy. Katherine thought that him revealing his past to her would help, but she was wrong. He’d need to find another way.
* * *
Katherine and Faith walked down the short flight of steps from the church and into the Midwest sun. It felt so good against Katherine's skin. She tilted her head for a moment, just to bask in it.
They’d just finished service and it had come as a surprise to all when Mark stood up to speak. He’d been good and probably had a gift he didn’t realize he had. People began to pour out of the church and around the two women then. Katherine and Faith moved over to the side in an effort to not get trampled. Some of the members came up to both Katherine and Faith, offering hugs.
Since Katherine’s move to town, she’d tried to get involved where she could and stay busy. For fun, she helped plan church events or gave Faith a hand with her stitching while they talked about everything under the sun, but what she really loved was her job at the local school. Everyone had been overjoyed to finally have a woman with an education from the east.
“Someone looks happy.”
Katherine lifted her eye to look over at her. The wide grin on Faith’s face only made her laugh. She was happy. She lived in a beautiful place, was productive to society, and had a wonderful friend who was just as outspoken as she was, and a husband who proudly paraded her around as if she were a treasure.
Still, Daniel’s secrets nagged at her. What was he not telling her? What evil could he have committed that Katherine couldn’t forgive?
As if speaking him into existence, Daniel came out through the doors just then. He reached her just as Faith threw her a wink and walked away. There were a few people who came over to talk to them. Daniel had once told her that most of the town’s people seemed afraid of him, well that wasn’t an issue now. It seemed the people in the town were getting use to his scar. Even Katherine’s children from the school came around. Daniel smiled once more. He was becoming less and less intimidating.
The small group was just in a laugh when Mark came running out through the doors. His eyes looked around the crowd outside until they landed on Daniel. Catching the eyes of his target, he jumped down the stairs and didn’t stop moving until he reached Daniel. Mark’s arms grabbed Daniel’s arms tightly. There was panic in his face. “Danny, you gotta help me.”
Katherine skeptically lifted a brow. When she looked over at Daniel, she noticed that their looks mirrored. They hadn’t even been married long. Could it really be possible that they were already sharing facial expressions?
“What’s wrong, Mark?” Daniel finally asked.
“Pastor White wants me to take over the church when he retires.” There was horror in Mark’s face.
A muscle began to twitch at the corner of Daniel’s mouth, but you could tell that he was fighting to keep it down. “Well, you know what they say. When the good Lord calls...”
Mark’s eyes only grew wider. He shook Daniel then. “This isn’t funny, Daniel. I can’t lead a flock. I’m bound to go over the edge.”
Daniel had a small grin now. “And fly on the wings of a dove...”
Mark searched Daniel’s eyes and looked up at his friend like he didn’t recognize him. “Daniel, you can’t let them do this to me.”
Daniel was laughing now. No one could stop him. Katherine smiled, but quickly dropped it when Mark looked her way. “You broke him.”
Katherine’s smile began to grow. She gave Mark a sympathetic shrug. She wasn’t really sorry, so it was all she could give him.
Daniel put his arm around Katherine, once again, telling the world that he was unashamed. “My good woman will do that to you, Mark. I can help you find one if you want.”
Mark reeled back. “Well look who’s the big expert on women now.” He shook his head. “I knew you’d become one of them.” His face was serious now.
Daniel still had a smirk on his face. “What’s one of them?” His arm was still around Katherine.
“Them. Married men, so deep in love, they feel that it’s their responsibility to give it to everybody.”
Katherine’s heart skipped a beat. Love. Neither o
f them had used that word towards one another. Katherine knew how she felt about him and knew that Daniel cared deeply for her, but did he love her?
“Guilty as charged,” Daniel tightened his hold against Katherine for added effect, right before he leaned over and placed a kiss on her head.
Katherine was stunned, but apparently nobody noticed it. The other people who’d been standing around were gone now, talking in small groups elsewhere. Still, Daniel had just confessed to loving her in front of his best friend. Maybe he’d only said it for Mark’s benefit. It would have made the situation around them mighty awkward had Daniel denied Mark’s words.
Mark shook his head again, but there was a soft smile on his face. Katherine noticed how breathtakingly handsome Mark was. It was undeniable. She’d thought that from the moment she first laid eyes on him. Anyone who looked at his face had to look again. Katherine had noticed more than once how many women seemed to flock to him, but their mother’s forbid them to talk to Mark. Mark was handsome, charming, but very much unemployed.
Katherine always wondered how the man could afford himself, but she hadn’t had the nerve to ask. Yeah, even Katherine had her limits, at least where Daniel’s friends were concerned. She didn’t want to do anything that would disturb their friend. In a way, Daniel had managed to make Katherine more cautious of her words. No one else had ever been able to do that.
“You guys have a good afternoon. I’m going to go find someone less in love to hang around with.”
“Don’t be a stranger, Mark. You can come over for dinner tonight if you want,” Katherine said.
Mark’s eyes lowered. “I do love your food, Katherine. Why, if you weren’t already married, I’d-”
“Have a good afternoon, Mark,” Daniel said. If he was able to pull Katherine any closer to himself than she was he would have. Possessive? Over her? Katherine didn’t even try to stop the red that was spreading over her cheeks. It would have been no use.
“Alright, I’m going,” but just to drive Daniel mad, Mark threw Katherine a wink. Katherine’s face turned a brighter red than before.
Daniel made a move for Mark, but Mark was quick and leaned out of the way. He laughed as he left.
Katherine shook her head. These two men would certainly be the death of her. Katherine looked up at her husband then. Daniel was frowning down at her. Katherine scrunched up her nose. “What’s that look for?”
“Are you attracted to Mark?” Daniel’s dark eyes seemed to only get darker. Was he jealous? He certainly had no reason to be.
“You know my heart only beats for you,” Katherine held his hand as she said it. She gave his larger one a squeeze. It was true. Sure, Mark was absolutely handsome, but Daniel had her heart. He was unlike any other man Katherine had come across before. He made her feel safe. He made her love herself. No other man had ever managed to do that for her. The angered look seemed to slip from his face. A smile appeared. She did love his smiles. He squeezed her hand as well. They both headed home.
* * *
6
“But Do You Love Me?”
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“ She was going out west.
The decision was made. ”
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After church, the two would usually eat whatever Katherine had prepared, and then had somehow fallen into the routine of reading a book together. Actually, Katherine would read and Daniel would close his eyes while leaning his head on her lap.
They sat in the living room on the loveseat. Katherine’s fingers absently moved through his hair as she read. Daniel loved her voice. It was light and reminded him of the feel of a plush blanket inside his ears. Strange, but true.
She suddenly stopped reading. Daniel opened his eyes and met hers. There was no expression in her pale eyes. He’d never seen her look that way before. It made him nervous, something he hated to admit to himself.
He sat up, still looking her in the eyes. “What did I do?”
Katherine put the book in her lap. She then tilted her head. “You told Mark that you loved me today.”
Daniel shrugged. “What of it?”
Katherine narrowed her eyes then. “Well?”
Daniel was genuinely lost. “Well what?”
Katherine sighed. “Do you?”
Daniel was tired of this game. “Do I what, Katherine?”
“Do you love me?” She whispered. She looked away for only a second, before bringing her eyes back to his.
A look of annoyance almost crossed Daniel’s face, but what stopped him was the look on Katherine’s. She was not only serious, but she was also opening herself up to him. She was giving him the chance to hurt her. It was almost like he could feel it. See it. A small door to her heart. Daniel could either fill it with whatever would bring her joy or cause her great pain.
Daniel reached out and took one of her hands into his. He pressed her hand on his chest, right on top of his heart. “Don’t you know?”
Katherine’s eyes narrowed, but she didn’t say anything. She wanted, no, needed to hear it. Daniel shook his head. How did she not know?
“Katherine, you are my entire world. Nothing else on this Earth matters to me more than you.” Daniel could feel Katherine’s hands shaking, but it was the only part of her that moved. Her eyes didn’t. She sat so very still. It was as if she believes that if she moved she’d be breaking some spell, like everything Daniel was saying would be taken away. Daniel moved closer to her. Her hand still on his heart. “Everything I do is for you now, Katherine. I promise to protect you, honor you, and wake up every morning on a mission to make you happy.”
A tear fell from one of her eyes. She moved then to swipe it with the back of her hand. She was truly trembling now.
Women. Daniel was completely confused now. “Why are you crying, Katherine?”
She opened her mouth to speak, but a small hiccup left her lips. She let out a short laugh before she spoke. “But do you love me?”
Daniel smiled. “You silly woman! Of course, I love you! I adore you, Katherine!”
Moving then, he leaned over and kissed her trembling lips. He pulled back and stared at her then. Katherine was really crying now. Her whole body shook with the sob.
Now it was Daniel who wouldn’t move, and her crying only got worse. She cried loudly into her hands. Daniel moved then. He brought her into his arms, but she didn’t say anything. Instead, he allowed her to freely ride the waves of emotions that were crashing over her. There was a deep pain in her crying, and Daniel was almost certain he wasn’t the cause for it, but perhaps, his love had opened the floodgates. Everything she’d ever felt before now poured out of her. Her tears soaked her face and hands. Her voice broke from the outcry.
Daniel just sat there. Holding her to him, trying to comfort her, to protect her from things he couldn’t. This was something no man could touch with his hands. This went soul deep. Only God could heal whatever broke in Katherine.
Eventually, Katherine’s cries began to slow. Her face was drying. She was running out of tears. Her nose and eyes were red. Their hue almost looked a true blue now. Sky blue. Daniel still had never seen a more beautiful woman in his life.
His kissed her again, catching the last of her sobs within himself. It wasn’t long before Katherine’s crying was finished. She drew away and looked Daniel in eye then. “I love you too.”
Daniel smiled. They held one another. Silence filled the room. Silence and the faint sounds of Katherine’s hiccups subsiding. When she was truly finished, she leaned back and looked back into his eyes. “But, if you love me, then please tell me whatever it is that you’ve been keeping from me all this time.”
Daniel’s face grew serious. Guarded almost. “I can’t, Katherine.”
Katherine shook her head. “You love me, Daniel, but you don’t trust me. You know I love you, but you don’t think I truly do.”
Daniel looked aw
ay. Could she be right? Yes, he’d suspected Katherine’s love for him for some time now, but did he trust her? Did he trust her love? What was love without trust? Whatever was between him and Katherine was real, but not whole. It wouldn’t be whole until he bore his soul to her, just as she’d done for him. She’d showed him her scars. All she saw was the one that was branded on his face, but everyone saw that one. She had yet to see the scars in his heart. The only other person in town who knew about them were Mark, but now, Daniel would tell Katherine. He’d let Katherine into the darkest parts of his soul and prayed she’d be able to climb back out and still love him. If he didn’t tell her, then their love wouldn’t hold. He knew that now. After hearing her cry and seeing the pain on her face, Daniel knew she deserved to know the kind of man she married. He would see then whether or not she truly loved him. He would see whether or not he deserved it, but before he spoke, a part of him knew this was the end.
He turned to look at Katherine then. Leaning his head toward hers, Daniel stole one last kiss. One final moment of peace and true happiness before he stood.
* * *
Daniel walked a away from where Katherine sat. When she tried to stand and come for him, he gestured for her to stay seated. She did.
Daniel leaned into a nearby wall and sighed. His mind was immediately transported to the darkest time of his life. He let that darkness consume him before turning back to Katherine.
Katherine leaned back into the couch. She gasped at the look that came over Daniel’s face, but didn’t say anything. He spoke before she could. “I never knew my parents. I grew up in an orphanage with about ten other children in a small town on the other side of Kansas.”
Daniel prowled across the floor, pacing in front of her. “My best friends were Mark and a guy named Joshua.”
“Mark who lives here?”
Daniel nodded.
Katherine didn’t say anything else. Daniel continued. “We lived in a small house, with very little food, but there was love. Our house mother, Paula, she loved us like we were all her own.”