Christmas Gift for Rose (9780310336822)

by Zondervan Publishing House

  “Please come in. We can make a plan. Could we maybe ask the neighbors to help?”

  Mr. Ault reluctantly agreed and then entered. His shoulders slumped and his gaze turned to his wife. “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have let myself fall asleep—”

  “It’s not your fault.” Mrs. Ault hurried toward him. “We’ll find him. It’ll be okay.” She patted her husband’s arm, then turned to Rose. “Do you think you can go … go ask some of the neighbors if—”

  “No.” The word shot from Rose’s mouth. “I—I think I know where he is.” She hurriedly slipped on her snow boots and reached for her coat and scarf. “The old springhouse. We’d go there—Harold, Marcus, Vera, and I. We’d hide in there and tell stories. We’d see how long we could last after day turned to dusk, and we’d tell ourselves we were brave. If his footprints came this way, I think that is where he would go.”

  She moved to the door.

  Mr. Ault stepped forward. “I’ll go with you.”

  Rose held up a hand. “No, please. If he is there I’d like to talk to him … just me and him.” Mr. Ault looked unsure. “If he’s not I’ll be back immediately, I promise.”

  Rose glanced at Mem, who looked worried. Rose slipped out the door into the cool mid-morning air before her mother had a chance to change her mind.

  The old springhouse was just a little past the barn, amid a cluster of trees. There was a small gulley that dipped down where the creek used to run. After moving to the property her dat had diverted the creek to better water the fields and gardens and had built a new springhouse. They used that to keep butter, milk, and other items cool during the summer months. The old one had become a playhouse.

  When she rounded the barn Rose tried to think of what to say, but no words came. About twenty feet away she paused, knowing it wouldn’t be a good idea to startle Harold. “Harold? Hey, there … It’s me, Rose,” she called. “Is there room enough in there for me to join you?”

  There was no sound, no movement at first. Then, ever so slowly, the door opened halfway. Rose took that as her sign to enter. She approached, hunched over. The first thing that hit her was the damp, musty smell in the dim area. The second was the sound of Harold blowing his nose into his handkerchief.

  “If we were playing hide-and-seek, I just won.” She tried to keep her tone light. “Yer dat … he was looking all over, but I knew where you’d be.”

  He was sitting on the dirt floor. “I feel so stupid.”

  Rose looked around, knowing her only option was to join him on the ground. She sat, and though the earth was cold at least it was dry.

  “Next time you’ll jest have to hide better. Maybe up in the loft.” Rose chuckled.

  “You know what I’m talking about, Rose. I’m out of my mind and everyone knows it.”

  “You’ve been through trauma, Harold. You’ll get better.”

  “I wish I could hope for that.”

  She patted his hand. “You can pray about it.”

  Harold shook his head. “Don’t you think I have?”

  Rose pressed her lips together. She understood. She’d prayed a lot too—for her parents, for Jonathan—but that didn’t mean her prayers did any good.

  “What’s going to happen with me, Rose? Am I going to live the rest of my life counting on my parents? There are times I know that what I’m saying doesn’t make sense, but the images are so real. The emotions are so real.”

  “Things like that are hard to shake off, like a tick on a hound.”

  He nodded but didn’t answer.

  “Things haven’t been easy on me lately either,” she finally admitted. “I found out news about my parents—my biological ones. Did you know about them?”

  Harold nodded slowly. “Yeah. I heard your mom and my mom talking once. I wasn’t supposed to hear. I brought it up that night at dinner and Dad told me if I said a word I’d get the switching of my life.”

  “Well, you did a good job keeping the secret, then. It’s sad, really, thinking that I had to be rescued like that. Knowing that my parents’ greatest act of love was giving me over to another family, in order to save my life.”

  He nodded and fiddled with the shoestrings on his boots. Rose didn’t know if he was listening or not, but at least it felt good to know that truth about what he’d heard too.

  “I suppose that’s what you were talking about.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “When I brought you that apple pie you said when you were on the beach and you knew God was protecting you, just as He protected me. Well, you said you thought about me and my rescue. That’s what you meant, wasn’t it?”

  “I did think of you, Rose, but you got it wrong. When I was on that beach I didn’t think about the fact the Yoders rescued you—although that was true too. I thought about how you’d rescued them.”

  Rose’s eyebrows furrowed. “What do you mean?”

  “When I overheard, Rose, it was your mom that was talking. She said that she and your dad had been going through a hard time. She questioned everything about her faith and marriage. She said she felt as if she was living with a stranger and she had a very hard heart. And then … you came.”

  “I don’t understand—what does that have to do with anything?”

  “Well, from what I remembered—I was only a kid—she’d prayed to God and asked for a miracle to show her that what she was devoting her life to mattered. She also saw your dad in a new light. He was so kind and compassionate with you—a child not his own. Seeing the way he held you as you cried, and the way he played with you to get your mind off of missing your family, made her fall in love with him all over again.”

  A warmth filled Rose’s chest and moved through her body. “That’s amazing … I had no idea. I was Mem’s miracle,” she said more to herself than to him. She pondered that for a while, sitting in the childhood playhouse with her childhood friend. “But what did that have to do with your battle on the beach?”

  “Oh, Rose, that’s easy.” Harold smiled. “I remembered that when God gives us more than we can handle it is also possible that a miracle will soon be walking our way. All we have to do is pray.”

  Rose reached over and took Harold’s hand, squeezing it tight. “In that case, do you mind if I pray?”

  Harold lowered his head. “I don’t mind.”

  “Dear Lord …” Rose cleared her throat.

  Harold’s head lifted again. “Out loud?”

  Rose smiled. “Ja. Don’t tell anyone, but my mem has often prayed out loud. I learned from her. I find it easier to keep my mind focused on God, don’t you?”

  Instead of answering, Harold lowered his head again.

  “Dear Lord, we come to You now, and even though we don’t always reveal our inside needs, we are often in need of courage. For both Harold and me, we ache for our past, and our future seems so uncertain. Would You be with us now? Would You help us be brave? And mostly, would You bring a miracle? I have no idea what that looks like, but I know that in both of our cases we need to look down the road and trust in faith. Help us to have faith. Amen.”

  The words were simple, but an electric current moved through her body, and it felt as if her words were truly heard. With a smile at Harold, she stood and moved to the door of the old springhouse. “Do you want to come to the house?”

  Harold nodded. “Thank you, Rose.” It was just a simple phrase. “Thank you for reminding me that the future is in God’s hands.”

  “You’re welcome. And remember, wherever you go, in body and mind, you simply need to call out to God and He is there.”

  Back at the house, relief filled the faces of Mr. and Mrs. Ault. Harold entered and looked around, as if numerous memories came flooding back. Yet part of him also looked tired, and the Aults regretfully cut short their visit. As she watched them leave, Rose was thankful that the kids were in school and Dat was in the barn. Rose tried to picture who Mem had been fifteen years ago. Mem seemed so settled in her life, but obviously there were many thi
ngs that had happened over the years to make that so.

  Rose poured another cup of tea for each of them and sat. “Mr. and Mrs. Ault looked pretty worried.” She took a sip.

  “Ja, I feel bad for them. I wish I could do more. It’s so hard …”

  “Dat says it’s harder to see your children suffering than suffer yourself. I’m sorry that I caused you so many days of concern too. Some days I feel like Heidi, in the book, going through the motions but longing for my real home. I’ve been living with a splintered mind, Mem, like Harold—half here and half there. I’m ready to choose now. To focus on the place I’m meant to be forever, even if I’ve never been there before.” Rose offered a sad smile. “But I have to trust in what I cannot see, isn’t that what you’ve always said?”

  “Ja, Rose. It’s the definition of faith. Faith doesn’t pay attention to our worries; it looks beyond what we can’t see. What one thinks, feels, doesn’t matter. Your deeds don’t give faith no mind. It’s all on Jesus. It’s trusting He will be there even when we step out to an unknown place.”

  “That’s exactly how I feel, Mem. As if I’m stepping out into the unknown.”

  Mem’s chin quivered as she heard those words. “So does that mean you’ve made your decision? Yer leaving to find your family?”

  “Ach, no. Didn’t you know? This is my home. Those fields are my Heidi mountains. And the community … They’ll have to accept my differences, just as I’ll learn to accept theirs.” Then, through a thin film of tears, she winked at her mother. “And you, Mem, are my grandfather.”

  The shaking of Mem’s shoulders was the first response, and then a cry—a happy cry—escaped out of her mouth. “Oh, Rose.” Mem rose and hurried to her. Rose stood and allowed herself to be engulfed in her mother’s arms. “That’s so good to know. I’ve tried not to pressure you.”

  “I know, Mem.” Rose’s cheek rubbed against her mem’s kapp as they embraced. “You haven’t. I’ve just been reminded today that one never knows what’s in store, right down the road.”

  Nineteen

  CHRISTMAS MORNING DAWNED, AND WITH IT ROSE FELT a renewed sense of thankfulness to God. Even though a part of her heart mourned for what she’d lost, the majority of what she felt was gratitude for where God placed her.

  If only I could talk to Jonathan again—to tell him that I was learning to trust. And learning better to be trustworthy.

  For many weeks Rose had thought it was her parents who made the decision to leave her with the Yoders, but had God directed them? God knew the times. The struggles of simple people. He’d given her not one set of parents, but two. Two sets of parents who loved her. He’d given her brothers and sisters. A community. God had given her His love, and the love of Jonathan.

  And as they gathered for Christmas dinner she just wished she had a way to find Jonathan and tell him. Even with all the faces of her family—and Curtis—who would soon be gathering around the dinner table, not having the man she loved there made the whole day incomplete.

  Rose sighed as she plunged the metal masher into her potatoes. Dear God, if there is even the chance for me to see Jonathan again … to talk to him again … to really share my heart, I’ll take it. If ever …

  Vera approached with baby Ira on her hip. “I see you have your apron on. It’s beautiful. I love those yellow roses.”

  “Thank you. I like it, too, and Dat didn’t even say anything about it being fancy.”

  “Do the little ones know?” Vera dipped her finger into the potatoes and put a clump in her mouth. Then she turned and looked out the window, something catching her attention.

  “Not yet. Mem and I plan on telling them soon.” Rose glanced over her shoulder to where Curtis was telling them about the orchards and beaches in California. “The kids like Curtis. I think they’ll be happy to know he’s a permanent fixture in our family.”

  “And it looks like he might not be the only one.” Vera winked.

  Rose followed Vera’s gaze and her heart jumped into her throat to see Jonathan stepping onto the porch. Without a word she rushed to the door and tugged it open. She pushed aside the screen and before she knew it she was in Jonathan’s arms.

  His chest vibrated with his chuckle. “Ja, that’s some sort of welcome. And I’d had a long apology speech all planned.”

  Rose stepped back slightly, embarrassed for her display of affection. She turned back, noticing all eyes upon her—especially Curtis’s. She knew she’d have to explain, but her brother could wait. She just wanted to soak in the fact that Jonathan was here—that he’d come.

  She motioned to the living room. “Won’t you come in?”

  “Actually, can you come out … just for a few minutes? I went through all the trouble of memorizing my thoughts. Do you think you could hear me out?”

  “Ja.” Rose stepped in just briefly and put on her boots and her coat. And as Mem advised the children to “not gawk so or you’ll get no dessert,” she stepped out to the man of her dreams—her good dreams—sitting there in the swing with a smile that could not be ignored.

  “Rose, I know you said that things could never work between us. You said you couldn’t offer yourself when you didn’t know who you were. But I’m not going to stand for that. You—of anyone—should know that when I believe in something I’m going to give my all to it. I believe in us, Rose. When I first returned I questioned if maybe you were right … that I didn’t fit in this community. That we could never have a place here together. You made me start to doubt, but I don’t worry anymore, especially when I received your letter.”

  “You’re not concerned that I’m not Amish?” she had to ask one more time.

  “I told you, you are as much Amish as anyone in this community. The foundation of our faith is to love God with everything and to live united in this community. You felt like you didn’t belong because you weren’t born Amish. I might have rightly lost my place because I chose to do things the Englisch way. But it’s God—not man—who’s our judge. A God who offers forgiveness. A God who sets those who may feel solitary in families, who brings out those who are bound in chains, whether it be chains from others or their own feelings of unworthiness—”

  “You’re saying a lot, Jonathan.” She grinned up at him. “But I’m still waiting to see what you’re getting at.”

  “You’re right. I’m talking too much. It’s better to show you, because they might be a bit chilled.”

  Rose’s eyebrows peaked. “They?”

  “Come, I have something to show you.”

  Rose stood, and with one motion Jonathan wrapped her scarf around her neck and knotted it. Then he took her hand and led her down the porch steps.

  His buggy stood parked near the barn. There were people out there too. Men. Englischmen.

  She approached, noting that there was something familiar about them. White-blond hair. Long faces. Large blue eyes. The men looked like Curtis … Like her.

  Rose paused. Her heart pounded and her knees softened to jelly. And yet it felt like more puzzle pieces slid into place and more segments of her life seemed to make sense.

  The men stood there with smiles, yet instead of rushing toward her they waited for her to approach. She needed to take the steps. As with any relationship, one had to step toward it. And to do so one had to be sure of who she was first. One had to know what she had to offer.

  “How did this happen?” Her voice wasn’t much louder than a whisper.

  “I found a friend of your mother’s, Rose. She pointed the way.”

  “Wait!” Rose turned and hurried back to the front door, ignoring Jonathan’s puzzled expression. She pushed the door open, and it flung wide to hit the wall. “Curtis, come! Come!” She didn’t wait to see if he was going to follow, but quickly returned to Jonathan’s side.

  Instead of heading over to the waiting men, Jonathan turned to her.

  “Rose Yoder, I want to marry you, and I wanted you to step into our union sure of who you are. Sure of the community. Sure o
f your place in it. I hope you choose to stay Amish, but if not, I’m not so fearful of the Englisch world as I used to be.”

  “So you did this? You found my family?”

  “I didn’t want you committing your life to me with your mind full of questions. I know the pain of that. I’ve seen it.”

  “Jonathan, I …” Did she have all the answers she needed? What had God been showing her? Even without her family, without Jonathan, God was enough.

  He turned and began walking again.

  Rose took his hand and her feet propelled her forward. There was no hesitancy as she strode up to the strangers. They all looked similar to Curtis, to her. Her brothers. She paused only to look to Jonathan. He’d done this, for her. She saw it now—the clear love in his eyes that her sister Vera had described. He did love her—more than she could ever grasp. His love had propelled him to leave her for a time in order to give her the greatest gift.

  “Danki,” she mouthed.

  Jonathan nodded and smiled.

  Then Rose turned back to her brothers. One of the twins looked to the others, and then he pulled something from behind his back. It was a red flower with a long stem.

  Her fingers fluttered to her lips. “A rose.”

  Then, one by one, the other brothers revealed their same offering.

  “Christmas roses.” Curtis’s joyful voice came from behind. Then he walked around and huddled his brothers up in a firm embrace.

  When they turned back around they wore happy, matching expressions. Curtis made introductions to Rose—Timothy and the twins, Bobby and Rodney.

  He smiled at the roses his brothers held. “Just like Mom received every Christmas, to remind her—us—of you.”

  “I can’t imagine a more wonderful gift.” The tears came again.

  “We haven’t just come for a visit, Rose. It seems Jonathan also has plans for an Amish wedding.” Timothy smiled.

  “I like that thought.” She gazed up at her future husband. “Very, very much.”