The Red Zone (A Big Play Novel Book 2)

by Jordan Ford

  “I’m after justice!”

  “No! You’re after revenge!”

  This is so not going how it’s supposed to. Sammy’s always up for this kind of thing. Why the hell is she challenging me on my behavior? I’m not the one who plastered heinous cartoons all over the school. Did the culprit see Kaija’s face, that wild, heart-wrenching agony in her eyes?

  Did they feel bad for what they did?

  I want them to know. I want them to look me in the eye and really understand how much pain they caused.

  I can’t reach her.

  Kaija’s not anywhere on the internet that I can find, and Anderson told me (under duress) that she hasn’t responded to any of his emails. When I got shitty with him, he refused to give me her address and I’m back to nothing. No clue who dunnit, and no access to the one girl I’d do anything for.

  I grit my teeth. “Just sneak in and have a look around, that’s all I’m asking.”

  “I’m not doing that, Mack.” Her firm, stubborn-ass voice sparks the powder keg in my belly.

  “Damn it, Sammy! Help me out!” I roar in her face, slapping the wall until I can feel the sting vibrating down my arm.

  She brings my tantrum to a swift end by punching my in the stomach.

  For a skinny chick, she’s got some definite power going on there. I cough and slump over, holding my belly.

  “Geez, Sam. Shit!” I wheeze. “Are you sure you’re not a guy?”

  She bends down and gets in my face. “Are you sure you’re not a lunatic?”

  I crumple to my knees, my jeans sinking into the snow and getting instantly wet. “I need to fix this,” I finally croak.

  Sammy sighs and crouches down beside me. My jacket rustles as her long fingers squeeze my shoulder. “Finding out the truth is not going to bring her back. Do you honestly think she cares? It wouldn’t matter who did that to her. The second her secret was exposed, the damage was done.”

  I squeeze my eyes shut. “I need to prove it wasn’t me.”

  “You know what? If she feels even half of what you feel for her, she won’t believe you did it.”

  “She accused me…”

  “She was terrified and humiliated. You were the only person she could unleash that on.”

  I let out a shaky sigh, then clench my jaw so hard my teeth start to hurt.

  “This sucks, I know…but you need to pull yourself together. It’s time to let go.”

  I sniff, finding it hard to swallow past the huge lump in my throat. “I miss her.”

  “Yeah, I really liked that chick. She was a little flaky, but the fact she managed to prank your ass gave her extra cred in my book.”

  I snicker. “The cupcakes were your idea, weren’t they?”

  Sammy’s shoulder hitches with a shrug. “It was a team effort. The chili powder was her idea.”

  The deep sorrow I’m so used to living with feels heavier than usual. Ever since Kaija yelled in my face and took off, I’ve been living with a boulder inside of me. It’s worse than when Dad died. It’s like a second hole has been torn open inside of me, and the two have merged together into a cavernous space so big I don’t know what to do with it.

  “How do I let her go?”

  “I don’t know.” Sammy purses her lips. “I guess you just get on with life and eventually the pain turns to…”

  “A dull ache, that never quite leaves you.” I rub my chest, thinking of Dad and how many times I’ve thrown a football in his name, trying to squash that lingering pain.

  “Why’d she make you so happy?”

  The question surprises me for some reason. I turn to find Sammy’s blue eyes studying me.

  “She…” I grin. “She challenged me. She made me think. Dream. Feel…things I never had before. I really liked it.”

  Sammy’s smile grows, pushing her narrow face wide. “Glad it wasn’t just about her smoking-hot bod.”

  “Yeah, well, there was that too.”

  We share a laugh, but it’s fleeting.

  “So those dreams…those challenges.” Sammy tips her head. “The way she made you think. Maybe that’s what you should be focusing on right now.”

  I want to argue that I can’t do any of that stuff without her, but that would be a lie. As much as I hate to admit it, Sammy’s right. Trying to find this asshole is killing me, and I’m not getting any closer to winning Kaija back. I need to sort out my shit. Get my head straight.

  Maybe if I start living the life I want, instead of the one everyone expects me to, I can figure out how to fill this space inside of me. Then, if I’m really lucky, when I do eventually find Kaija, I’ll be presenting her with a whole person and not just Bob Mahoney’s broken son.

  #32:

  Keep Walking Forward

  Kaija

  My legs are trembling. This is so stupidly insane. This will be my fifth year at Macleans College, but I’m walking through the main entrance like it’s my first.

  Eyes are on me.

  I can feel them as I brush past people.

  I haven’t spoken to any of them since I left for the States. The night of my final exam, I flew out—my futile attempt at escape.

  “Hey, Green Eyes.” My muscles tense at the sound of Hanson’s voice behind me.

  My insides used to bubble and whizz at that sound. Now they burn…and not the good burn, but the sick, vile one that makes you want to throw up.

  His long fingers skim down my arm.

  I flick him off me and move to the side.

  The body I used to lust after appears beside me. He’s leaning down, getting in my space. “I tried calling you.”

  “I know.” I scratch the side of my nose and look away.

  “So did Anna.”

  “Yep.” I nod.

  He purses his lips, making an irritating little whistling sound while brushing the floppy, light-brown locks off his forehead. “Why the cold shoulder?”

  “Really?” My eyes snap to his. “You expect me to be all chummy after the shit you wrote about me? You and Anna had a field day.”

  “It’s just Facebook.”

  “Facebook lasts forever. Every picture you post and word you write. They own that.”

  His jaw works to the side as he looks over my shoulder and tries to pretend like he hasn’t done anything wrong.

  “We were just joshing.”

  “Yeah, well, your comedy routine needs some major work.”

  He snickers, then brushes the back of his finger across my cheek. I slap his hand away and glare at him. He rolls his eyes and I take my leave. Unfortunately, he doesn’t pick up on my very unsubtle hints and runs to catch up with me.

  “How was the States?”

  “I don’t want to talk to you.”

  He pulls me to a stop, his grip firm and unrelenting. “So, this is how it’s going to be? You try to kill someone and then you just run away and stonewall your friends?”

  I fire him an incredulous look. “I didn’t try to…” I catch myself when I spot the smirk on this face. He’s goading me. The glint in his eye makes me want to slap him. But I can’t draw attention to myself. I’m already a murdering slut; I don’t want to add douchebag basher to my list.

  I swallow and will my erratic heart to find a rhythm that doesn’t make me want to pass out.

  “I was in hell, and the first thing you did was slather my mistake all over the internet. You even said I supplied the pills. What the f—” I let out a breath, hating the way my voice is shaking. “I don’t want to be that person anymore. I don’t need you. I don’t want you in my life.”

  “You breaking up with me?”

  “What are you on?” I fling my arms wide. “I dumped you the day you jumped on Anna’s little bandwagon. You were my boyfriend. I came to you for help, protection, and you treated my nightmare like some joke! You used it as a weapon against me so you would come off looking squeaky clean. And you know the worst part? I did most of that stuff to Eloise to try to impress you. I drove her to suicid
e to score with you.” I let out a derisive sound that hopefully gives away my utter disgust and repulsion. “Worst mistake of my life.”

  His expression darkens, his handsome face turning an ugly shade of red. “Well, don’t hold back or anything.”

  “You’re scum.” I poke my finger into his chest. “Don’t talk to me again.”

  He snickers. “Welcome back to school, bitch.”

  “Screw you.” I flip him off.

  “This is going to be the worst year of your life.”

  “You don’t have to tell me that.” He has no idea. Losing him was a drop in the bucket compared to losing Mack. I storm away, ignoring the whispers and stares happening around me. My skin is crawling from standing so close to that asshole. It felt good to say it to him straight, but it just makes me miss Mack. I’ve been hiding away in my room since returning home. Of course my first social interaction with a peer had to be with Hanson Bloody Whitelock.

  He’s right about one thing—this year is going to suck.

  But not because of the shitstorm I’m walking back into.

  It’s going to be the worst year ever because it doesn’t include Mack…and I don’t know what transpired to bring my time in Nelson to such a brutal end, but I do know that I haven’t stopped dreaming about Mack since I left. Not one day goes by without him whistling through my mind.

  I miss him.

  I miss his smile, his eyes…his arms.

  Hustling through the quad, I sense a penetrating gaze trying to bore a hole through my head. I turn and see Anna. Her glare could melt steel. I shuffle away from it, swiveling so all she can see is the back of my head as I run away from her.

  It’s weird that facing Hanson was easier than chatting to the girl I would have sworn was my best friend. She’s pissed with me because I took off to America and gave her the silent treatment. She’s going to make me pay for mistreating her. Ironic, right?

  Typical that she expects me to arrive back at school and pretend like nothing went down. She’s delusional. Just like I used to be. For a while there, nothing could touch me. But I know better now. I’ve been wiped out by tragedy…and now by love.

  I’ve got nothing left, and all I can do is keep walking forward.

  #33:

  The Raw Truth

  Mack

  My palms are sweating as I walk into the gymnasium for our Monday morning assembly. Colt and I have been getting a lot of looks this morning.

  Why? Because it’s National Signing Day. The day we both scrawl our names on a letter of intent and bind ourselves to the university we will play football at for at least the next year.

  Thanks to a little help from Tori, which I’m not actually supposed to know about, Colt kept up his grades and was able to play for the entire season. The day after we won the division championship, he got a verbal offer from the Broncos, including a full scholarship.

  And today it becomes official. He’s taking another step towards his dream of playing pro ball.

  Me, I’m a different story.

  Thoughts of my mom send a spiral of nerves whirling through my ribcage. The Sahara Desert has moved into my respiratory system and is making it damn near impossible to breathe. I haul in some air, but it feels stale and dry. My chest hurts. My head is pounding.

  But I gotta do this.

  If I can tell the school then maybe it’ll give me the courage to tell the woman with the highest expectations of all.

  Everyone nestles into their seats around the gymnasium…except for Colt, me, and a few other athletes who have scored athletic scholarships around the country. It’s a big day for us. A day to be proud.

  “Okay, settle down everyone,” Principal Matthis speaks into the microphone.

  The loud chatter simmers down to a hushed murmur. I stare into the stands and notice Layla sitting with her girls. She smiles at me, her pride obvious. I give her a closed-mouth grin and look away. What’s she going to think?

  My eyes keep trailing across the audience as Principal Matthis goes on about how proud the faculty is of these high-achieving students. Everyone has worked hard, blah, blah, blah.

  The last time I was front and center like this was after we won the championship. The school gave us rousing applause as we stood on the stage, cocky as hell while we reveled in the glory of beating the Bears. I’d been grinning from ear to ear, my eyes honed in on Kaija. She’d rolled her eyes at me and kept her gaze on the floor, but I’d kept watching her anyway.

  I miss her.

  “…a few words from our Raider’s captain, Mack Mahoney.” Principal Matthis points at me and I force that cheesy grin everyone seems to love.

  My legs are kind of shaky as I step forward and take the mic. The last time I spoke into this thing, I was hyping everyone up for the big game. I doubt my speech today will have the same effect.

  “Hey, guys.”

  My simple greeting receives a wolf whistle from the back row, which makes the assembly erupt with laughter. I smile and wait for it to pass.

  Swallowing down the sand in my throat, I grip the microphone and look around the room. The speech I spent last night composing sticks to the sides of my brain like gum. All I can feel is an intense exhaustion and weariness. My plan to go on about making choices and trying to inspire the student body flies out the window. All I’ve got left is the raw truth.

  “So, uh, thank you, Mr. Matthis, for letting me speak today.” The principal nods at me, his smile broad and filled with pride. I look away from him and try to find someone to focus on. I spot Finn and Tyler, their eyebrows both raised with expectation. Nah, that won’t do. I shift my gaze away from them and find Layla. Her nose wrinkles as she grins at me and spins her hand for me to get talking. I give her a tender smile. “I know you’re probably expecting some kind of rousing speech about the awesomeness of football and how incredibly lucky I feel to be in this position. I’ve loved the game since I was a kid…and I always will.”

  Glancing at the gym floor, I squeak my sneaker over the polished surface.

  “But then I discovered something I love more.” I look up. “I met someone who showed me that life is more than just playing the game. She made me realize that my future is my own and I’m the only person responsible for living the life I want.” I shake my head with a sad smile. “You know, people accused her of being a liar, but I’ve never met a more honest person. They slammed her for trying to make a fresh start, for trying to figure out who she wants to be. They made her feel bad for moving on from a past she wants to forget.” My voice rises with fervor and I have to press my lips together to stop myself from shouting. “Kaija Bennett made a mistake, and she’s going to have to live with that. She doesn’t need people reminding her. Why do you think she left New Zealand and came all the way here? She was after a new beginning…a way to try and redeem herself…to redefine who she was, so she never fell into the trap of hurting someone again. And what did she get for that? Crucified.”

  A hush falls over the assembly. The quiet murmurs are cut off at the knees, and all I can hear now is the awkward shifting of butts on bleachers. I scan the crowd for guilty faces, but there’s too many people around me.

  I let out a resigned sigh and keep going. “Nelson High is a great school, but we fail when it comes to accepting each other. The expectations in this place are insane and stupid. Cool, jock, popular, pretty, nerd, weirdo. Who gives a shit? If I want to be in love with someone who’s got a past then that’s my prerogative. None of us have any right to judge and point fingers. And I just want to take a minute to apologize for the way I’ve been acting these past few weeks. I’ve been scouring this school trying to find out who was responsible for outing Kaija. I got nothing. Someone here is an expert liar. I don’t know who you are, and as much as I want to find you and beat the living shit out of you…I’m not going to do it. At the end of the day, it won’t bring her back to me.” I croak out the last few words.

  Layla’s staring at me with tears in her eyes. I wonder if she k
nows where I’m going with this…or maybe she’s just thinking about losing the ones we love.

  An image of Dad smiling up at me from the bed takes over, his skin pale and his cheeks sunken in. His eyes still glowed though. Even in those final days, he always knew how to inspire me. He always had the right words.

  I sniff, hoping some of his awesomeness has rubbed off. “It’s no secret to any teenager in the world that life is sometimes shit.”

  Principal Matthis straightens, his thin eyebrows dipping together. That’s the third time I’ve sworn, and I probably won’t get away with a fourth. I ignore his scowl and press on.

  “It’s hard to figure out who you want to be and where you want to go in life. Since my dad died, I’ve been working my butt off trying to be the son, the brother, the friend, the player…the captain that people want me to be. I’ve been doing anything I could to fill that gap in my chest. I thought if I just worked hard enough, if I just trained that little bit more, then maybe that empty feeling would go away.” I press my fist into my chest and shake my head. “It never did. Dad’s not coming back, no matter what I do. And I’m tired of this fight.”

  The sand in my chest turns to liquid mush, making it hard to swallow. My eyes start burning. I clench my jaw and sniff in a short breath. “So that’s why I won’t be signing with the Boise State Broncos today.”

  It’s like the air’s been sucked from the room. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Tyler flinch. I hear my sister gasp and then a flurry of conversation whips around the gymnasium.

  “Okay, quiet down. Quiet down, everybody!” Principal Matthis tries to yell over the noise, but it’s pointless.

  I press the mic to my lips and clear my throat. A hush settles over the student body. I’m now facing a sea of gaping faces.

  “I know this is hard for you guys to understand. But I hope that my decision will encourage you to think about what you want. Don’t live the life your parents and peers expect you to. Don’t be afraid to say how you feel, to apologize, to be honest with your friends. Everyone has their quirks…” I find Tori in the crowd and wink at her. She grins back at me. “Everyone has their secrets, and that should be okay. Don’t be scared to be who you are, to change what you need to in order to get the things you want. Figure out what you love and then chase that dream. That’s what I’m gonna do.”