Confessions of a Naughty Night Nurse

by Lily Harlem

  I shook my head. What a cow. An injured brother and she ignores him because of something that happened years ago. Life was too short. I had no siblings and would have done just about anything to have a brother or sister when I was growing up. Some people didn’t know how lucky they were.

  ‘Hey, don’t look sorry for me,’ he said. ‘That’s the last thing I need. I’m sure it will all work out.’ He grinned. ‘Me and Mr Cobra down there have had some serious fun, and one thing I’ve learnt is you’ve gotta take the ups with the downs. This is just one of the downs, I’ll get through it no matter what the future holds.’ His eyes sparkled, telling his story had obviously made him wonder what direction his life would take from here. Would he be able to go back to the job that had finally given him his place in the world and brought him peace?

  ‘Of course you’ll be fine. These injuries can heal amazingly despite what they first look like plus you’re getting the best possible treatment here.’ I smiled and nodded at his groin. ‘And part of that treatment means, I’m afraid, it’s time to wash Mr Cobra if that’s okay?’

  He shrugged and a rise of colour bloomed on his cheeks. He averted his eyes from mine. ‘Sure thing.’

  I pulled his boxers down, exposing his cock, then carefully washed him. When I’d finished I reached for the towel and set about the job of drying.

  I glanced up.

  He’d dropped his head back onto the pillow. His lips were a tight, flat line and his bandaged hands rested on the bed at his side. His breaths were coming a little fast. The red bloom on his cheeks had deepened.

  I carried on drying. I’d washed and dried thousands of cocks, big and small, long and short. It was just part of my job. Nothing to get worked up about. Nothing to be embarrassed about.

  He blew out a slow breath, the air breezing over my arm.

  I glanced up at him again, and then noticed, with shock, that there was a stiffening in his penis.

  He lifted his head and squirmed. ‘Shit, sorry. Sharon, fucking hell …’ He wore an expression of acute mortification, tugging on his bottom lip with his teeth and his eyes narrowed to thin slits.

  ‘It’s OK,’ I said. I hadn’t quite finished drying. ‘Natural reaction to stimulation.’

  ‘Well, you better stop stimulating.’ He swallowed tightly. ‘Or my problem here is just going to get worse.’

  I dried his cock a little firmer, in a movement that I knew would elicit a groan. I couldn’t help it. Something just took over me. I had to do it.

  ‘Ah, ah …’ he gasped and his abdominal muscles tensed. ‘That feels nice but it’s gotta be way out of your job description.’

  ‘What, helping an injured man feel a little more … comfortable?’ Damn, what was the matter with me? My hands were acting of their own accord, a devil inside me was prodding my arms with his shocking little fork and shouting ‘go on, go on’.

  ‘Comfortable is one way of putting it.’ Ted sucked in a deep breath, his wide chest expanding and his teeth gritting. His gaze was fixed on his groin.

  ‘You want me to stop?’ I asked. I had the towel spread out and was holding his shaft over the top of it. I could have got away with saying I was still drying it, but barely – my movements were recognisable as stimulating to any adult across the four corners of the world.

  ‘I feel I should say yes, stop. Morally, that is,’ he said in a tense voice. ‘But …’

  The head of his cock was poking out of the towel and protruding from his foreskin. He was heading to full hardness pretty quickly and I couldn’t help but be impressed that Mr Viper, or whatever he’d called it, was in such good form after all he’d been through recently. ‘But what, Ted?’

  ‘But, fuck, all that talking about shagging, a cold beer and then you doing that. I couldn’t help it.’

  ‘You want me to carry on?’ I could get into so much shit for this. I knew that. But sod it. Ted deserved to be treated like a man, the hero he was. And, at the end of the day, with those bandaged hands he could hardly bring himself any relief. This was a mercy mission and I was the only one here to stand up for the job.

  ‘Ted? Do you want me to carry on,’ I asked again.

  ‘Yes,’ he said almost in a whisper. His gaze caught mine. ‘If you don’t mind.’

  ‘I don’t mind at all.’ And I suddenly realised I didn’t. What was the definition of holistic care? Attending to all of your patients needs. Well, I was just taking that one step further. Maslow would be proud of the lengths I was going to help Ted reach self-actualisation. Well, self-actualising for a few minutes, at least.

  ‘Jesus fucking Christ,’ he groaned, staring down at my hand, which I was working faster now. ‘The only thing I’ve felt for weeks is pain, so that is … what you’re doing is …’

  ‘Good?’

  ‘Yeah.’ A small shudder rippled up his body. ‘Good is one way to describe it.’

  Now I was convinced. If there had been any pretence that I wasn’t wanking him off it went out of the window. I ditched the towel and gripped his cock. He was a well-hung guy and hefty in my fist, and I began a firm push-pull motion, the last of the moisture from the flannel sliding my grip.

  ‘Ah, yeah,’ he said, breathlessly. ‘That time when I came on Phedra. It was so wrong but so damn good. A bit like this. Thank you, Sharon.’

  ‘Shh, no talking.’ I glanced at the door.

  He closed his eyes, pursed his lips. His strong hips jolted, as though thrusting for more of my touch. The headboard rattled against the wall.

  I got into my task. His cock bloated further, the slit strained open. His pulse was hard against my palm. I shot a look at the door again, praying no one would come in.

  ‘Ah, ah,’ he panted. ‘Fuck, yeah. That’s it.’

  Jesus, I’d be super impressed if he came this quickly but it would certainly be a good thing, given the illicit, high-risk nature of my actions.

  I upped the pace, squeezed a little tighter. My heart was thumping so hard I could hear the pulse in my ears. Then with a throaty groan he came. Cum spurted from his slit onto the clean U2 T-shirt. He hadn’t been lying when he’d said he could produce cupfuls. On and on it burst from him. I kept working, eking out every last drip like it was some kind of tap I was draining.

  The deep moans erupting from him vibrated throughout his body. His back arched, his head pressed into the pillow. His body was alive and strong and racked with toe-curling pleasure. Seeing him like that was glorious even though it was completely wrong in a hospital bed. I couldn’t help the flush of satisfaction that burst in my chest.

  ‘Ah, yeah, oh, fuck …’ he said, a deep, appreciative groan gurgling up from his chest and his spine softening against the pillows. ‘That was amazing.’

  ‘What the – what the devil is going on in here?’ Another voice penetrated the room, spearing into our moment and popping the erotic bubble.

  Shit! My heart stuttered. I spun to the door, still gripping Ted’s throbbing cock.

  Iceberg was staring at me, eyes wide as she absorbed the sackable scene she’d stumbled in on. Her lips pursed and she shut the door with a quiet click.

  My stomach somersaulted then cartwheeled then did a couple of double twists just for the fun of it. Bugger!

  ‘Oh, bloody hell,’ Ted gasped. ‘I know … I should feel terrible but that was the best I’ve felt in weeks.’

  ‘Of course you shouldn’t feel terrible,’ I said in a much calmer voice than I felt. Damn. I was in so much trouble.

  ‘But, won’t you … get into … trouble?’ He was panting like he’d run up several flights of stairs.

  I released him and rested my hand on his arm. ‘No, she’s cool. We’re best friends and we both know there’s no harm in bending the rules occasionally.’

  ‘Really?’ He glanced down at the sticky mess he’d made.

  ‘Yeah, really.’ I grinned. ‘I hope you have another clean T-shirt.’

  He nodded and I reached into the locker. Pulled out a red Nike top.


  ‘Sharon,’ he said, holding up his bandaged hands. ‘A beer and a wank for a helpless man, you’re the best nurse in the world … don’t you ever forget that, no matter what.’

  ‘I don’t even need to ask you to explain, Staff Nurse Roane.’ Iceberg’s lips pursed so tight they reminded me of a cat’s bottom. I had no idea how she was actually managing to speak with her mouth like that. ‘A picture,’ she went on, ‘paints a thousand words.’ She folded her arms over her ample chest and glared at me. Cold, hard, mean eyes that didn’t blink.

  I squirmed on the plastic seat in her grim second-floor office and stared over her right shoulder at a grey filing cabinet topped with a dying potted plant. Poor thing, it could do with some water and some sunshine, it looked tropical. But it wouldn’t last long in here, not with the arctic vibes that were being flung about.

  ‘Surely you must realise the position you’ve put me in,’ she said. ‘Sexual liaison’s with patients is completely forbidden. It’s not just unprofessional it’s a dismissible offence. Your job is in the balance here, you know. This could be the last time you set foot in this hospital, ever.’

  Oh bloody hell.

  ‘And when your union hears about this you can kiss goodbye to any rep support. It’s hardly something they’re going to be jumping up and down to defend you for. The opposite will happen. They’ll kick you out faster than you can say “malignant hypertension” and that will be the end of your nursing career as well as your monthly wage packet.’

  Fuck.

  ‘And as for the Nursing and Midwifery Council.’ She grinned, but not in a nice way, more in a mad Doctor Evil kind of way. ‘You’ll be stripped of your registration and no one will employ you without that, you’re illegal then, qualified but not recognised.’ She shook her head and pursed her lips into a cat’s arsehole again.

  I hung my head, knotted my fingers in my lap and fought the moisture welling in my eyes. I would not let the evil bitch see me cry. No way. Even if I lost everything. I would not let her see I was upset about it.

  ‘And in a regional plastic surgery unit too.’ She stood and paced around her desk towards me. Her footsteps were heavy on the wiry carpet and her bulk created a draught on my bare arm as she walked past.

  I got the impression that in her head she was acting out a scene from some cop drama. Pretending to be the super-clever detective that had cracked a case and now just had to get her suspect to squeal. That ridiculous thought helped stave off the tears. I bit my lip and sucked in a deep breath.

  ‘Jesus Christ,’ she said, standing behind me, bending and talking into my ear. ‘A helpless, defenceless man who can do nothing for himself!’

  I forced myself not to jerk away. Not to show weakness. Any crack and she would turn it into a crevasse.

  ‘What the hell were you thinking? Seriously, staff nurse, tell me.’

  I kind of shrugged, sort of. There was no denying what she’d seen, but what I’d been thinking, well, that was a different matter. She saw Ted as a man who now relied on others from the minute he woke to the moment he went to sleep. But, of course, that hadn’t always been the case and after hearing his life story I felt I knew him. He’d loved and lost, had his ups and downs, he’d made mistakes and tried to fix them, but ultimately he was a fine and brave hero. He was also a man, a man with needs, one of them I’d been able to fulfil and make him happy on an evening where he would otherwise be staring at the TV immersed in worries for the future and trying to ignore the pain in his hands.

  ‘You were masturbating a patient,’ Iceberg said in a slow and deliberate voice, drawing out the word ‘masturbating’ into four long syllables. ‘Masturbating a sick, vulnerable patient when you were supposed to be caring for him. Helping him wash.’ She moved around to the side, rested her knuckles on the table, and stared at me.

  Now I knew she was pretending to be DC Iceberg. If she could have had a set of cuffs hanging on her belt next to the massive set of keys that swung there, I’m pretty sure she would have.

  What the hell does Javier see in her? Power-crazy cow.

  I gulped and willed myself to think of a solution to this enormous pile of crap I’d managed to land myself in.

  Lose my job. Lose my registration. That couldn’t happen. Since Michael had left two years ago I had a mortgage to pay on my own, a loan that required monthly deposits, not to mention the holiday to Ibiza that I was still paying off from last year.

  Damn. I needed the money like I needed to breathe. I could end up bankrupt just from doing a good deed? And I would if Iceberg got her way.

  ‘It was what you saw,’ I said, trying to hide the wobble in my voice. If she thought I was feeble she’d go for the jugular even quicker. ‘But not for the reasons you think. There’s no kind of relationship between us other than a professional one.’

  She straightened, folded her arms again and looked down her nose at me. ‘Go on.’

  ‘He’s a young guy and had a really terrible time lately after risking his life to save a pregnant woman, so let’s be honest about his needs.’

  ‘Honesty would be refreshing in this place.’ She moved back to her seat, sat and curled her fingers around the lip of the table in front of her. ‘Tell me more about these “needs”.’

  ‘I’d helped him wash, as you said, and he’d told me all about his wife and how she’d run off with his best friend when he found out he couldn’t have children. He’d lost his parents in a plane crash and his sister disowned him. He’s now a fireman and spends his days putting himself in danger to rescue others.’

  She clicked her tongue. ‘So you thought you’d cheer him up?’

  ‘Well yes, kind of, but it just happened. It wasn’t exactly planned. He got a stiffy, er, I mean an erection when I was washing him. It happens, doesn’t it? You must know.’

  She neither shook nor nodded her head, just glared.

  I steeled myself to stay strong. ‘And then suddenly, he was groaning and not in pain, but with pleasure. I stopped straight away, I was drying him then, and I was, naturally, completely shocked. So was he, but even so he asked me to go on. Well, I knew it was wrong, but …’ I leant forward, trying to appeal to any dormant scrap of humanity in her. ‘But how could I refuse a man who has no function with his hands? I just couldn’t. Not when I could tell it would only be a quick couple of strokes and then all over.’

  She raised her eyebrows.

  ‘It was very wrong of me to go through with what he wanted, and I’ll apologise to you and the hospital profusely, if that’s what you need me to do, but …’ I paused. ‘I don’t regret what I did. That man had probably the first genuine smile on his face and the first snippet of pleasure rather than agony from his body in weeks. He needed that more than I needed to be professional.’

  I folded my arms, held her gaze and raised my chin a little. What I’d said was true. I would regret losing my job – damn, that would land me up shit creek without a paddle – but would I regret making Ted come? No, that would never be a regret of mine. I would always believe I’d made the right decision on that one. I had to; it was the only way to stay sane.

  ‘Mmm,’ she said, rubbing her chin. ‘I see.’

  A small flicker of hope swirled in my chest. Quickly I squashed it down. Iceberg was known for her lack of compassion. She wouldn’t understand Ted’s needs nor believe my story. Who was I kidding? I was done for. I may as well hang myself now.

  The tears threatened again, but like last time, I blinked them away, willing them to reabsorb into my eyeballs. Don’t cry, don’t cry, I repeated in my mind.

  Eventually she broke the silence. ‘Did you tell any of the department nurses why you had to leave and come immediately to my office?’

  ‘No, I just got my bag and left.’

  ‘So the only people who know about this incident are you, me and Mr Graham?’

  ‘Yes.’ That flicker was trying to ignite again. What the hell was she getting at?

  ‘Mmm, that is one good thing I suppose.
’

  My mouth was dry, and my heart romped up another notch. Really? She wasn’t going to have me flogged by a group of whip-wielding, paper-pushing personnel types who took delight in beating the real workers?

  She breathed deep, narrowed her eyes, and tugged on her bottom lip. ‘Perhaps this could stay between us.’

  OK, so now there was a real, live flame of hope burning in my guts. This maybe wasn’t the end of my nursing career, a roof over my head, and food on the table!

  She tapped the tips of her fingers together. ‘No, no, I’m sorry that won’t work.’

  ‘Yes it will.’

  ‘What if he tells his family when they visit?’

  ‘He doesn’t have any family. He’s all alone in the world. Just a few work colleagues and that’s it.’

  She continued to tap her fingers. ‘Are you sure?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Because this will be my neck on the line, too, you know, if I don’t report it.’

  ‘I understand that, and I appreciate that you’d keep this under wraps for me. I really can’t afford to lose my job, and certainly not my registration. Nursing is all I know. It’s my life, I can’t do anything else.’

  ‘Well, I think tonight you proved there’ll always be an alternative career for you, Nurse Roane.’

  Bitch. I rolled my lips in on themselves, held the word back. It was hard, it sat big and heavy on my tongue. Tickling my throat and catching my breaths, it wanted to come out into the open so badly.

  She gave a gruff laugh. ‘Yeah, I know, everyone hates me. But I don’t care. It’s not my job to be popular. I’m paid to keep this place running smoothly and make sure the patients are well cared for and happy.’

  Some nurses can do that and still be nice people. But I didn’t say that either. I was dangling by a thread, my situation as precarious as it could be.

  ‘So,’ she said, ‘how would it suit you if we just draw a line under the whole incident and forget it ever happened?’

  ‘That would be great. And I promise it will never happen again. Never, nothing like it at all.’ I was sweating now, despite the cool room. My underarms were damp and I could feel moisture on my brow. ‘I promise.’