On Time (Persaud Girl)

by Teisha Mott

  “KoKo Nut!” One twin said, giving Klao a huge hug, picking her up and spinning her around. Matt was not sure which twin it was, because the name plate on his coat only said, “Dr D. Persaud”.

  “Is your patient alive?” Klao asked.

  “Yup, and in recovery!” The other twin replied, taking his turn to hug his sister.

  “I hope it was worth it, because if you don’t get your identical behinds to the Ravi P, both of you are going to need surgery to remove Amanda’s four inch Jimmy Choos from your butt crack!”

  “Amanda will get over it!” The first twin waved nonchalantly, as they took the garment bags that Klao had. “And what kind of ungodly hour did I hear that you got in last night. You know that most accidents take place after midnight?”

  “Well it was for a worthy cause!” Klao told him. “It is not every day my brothers turn thirty! Besides, I had quite an adept chauffeur.” She turned to Matt. “Matt, meet my brothers, Dylan and Darrin. Guys, this is Matthew. Pastor Matthew St. James.”

  “Hi,” Matt said, finally noticing a difference between the twins. One of them wore a gold and platinum wedding band, so that one had to be Dylan. Matt realised he would have to spend the entire evening examining the twins’ hands!

  “So you are Matt!” The twin without the ring – Darrin – said, sizing him up. “Well, well, well…”

  “Darrin!” Klao warned. “Don’t start...”

  “I wasn’t going to!” Darrin declared.

  “Good!” Klao gave him and Dylan a warning glare. She knew her brothers. She knew that they would probably try to mess with Matt, and although Matt was usually a good sport, she knew they could be quite intimidating. “Go get changed and get to the Ravi P before your wife and your girlfriend shoot you!”

  “Alright already!” Darrin rolled his eyes at his sister. “Nice to finally meet you, pastor. Klao has told us a lot about you! We’ll catch up at the party later?”

  “Looking forward to it!” Matt smiled, relieved that Klao’s brothers were not being mean to him. Bianca and Andie had warned him that they could be quite scary. Dylan had once promised to punch Nathan into next week and make him wear his intestines on his head as a hat. But they had been much younger then. Apparently they had grown up.

  “So we’ll see you in a bit, KoKo nut?” Dylan said, ruffling his sister’s head fondly. “I suppose you have to get home and change too.”

  “Yes, we do. The two of you, hurry up. And for the love of God, don’t stop and look on any more surgeries or any more accidents or emergencies. It is your birthday, and Amanda and Synclaire went through a lot of trouble!”

  Matt watched Klao’s brothers make their way down the hall, probably to the on-call room to change. They even walked the same!

  “They didn’t freak you out did they?” Klao asked him.

  “Of course not! They were perfectly normal. Besides, you know I don’t freak out!”

  “Of course you don’t, Matt! Let’s go get ready and get to the party before we become the next victims on Amanda’s axis of evil!” Klao didn’t bother to tell him that she was sure her brothers and cousins had some sort of hazing ritual up their sleeves for him later. They may be 30 now, but where Dylan and Darrin Persaud were concerned, some things never changed.

  ***

  Matt looked around the ballroom of the Ravi P Rose Hall and wondered if he was really at a birthday party. He remembered his and Mary’s birthday party when they had turned 25. Their parents had given Mary their credit card and had told her and Matt to go plan a party. Matt did not have much of an opinion on the kind of party he wanted, and he allowed Mary free reign. Mary had been in her Phantom of the Opera phase and had gone totally crazy. She had converted their parents backyard into 19th century Paris, and had thrown a phenomenal ‘Bal Masque’ that all their friends talked about for months. Matt recalled he had been slightly irritated and slightly intrigued when his twin sister presented him with a skin-tight red suit, a mask, and a cape, and told him that he was ‘the Phantom’. He remembered thinking how pretty she looked in the pink gown, claiming to be ‘Christine’. And he would never forget his father’s utter mortification when he saw the credit card bill. Matt was sure that his father was going to have a heart attack, and his mother had to soothe him by reminding him that twenty-six years earlier, they never even dreamed they would have the twins. Mary was their miracle, and Matt their brawta, and the credit card bill – albeit one with far too many digits – was totally worth watching their children turn 25.

  But Mary’s party was nothing, Matt realised, when compared to the soiree that Amanda Stern-Persaud and Synclaire Shah had organised to celebrate the Persaud twins turning 30. Everyone was there – doctors, lawyers, bankers, politicians, the press, and not to mention the Persauds. All of them, in their fantastic clothes with their pretty genes. He did not say anything to Klao, but he felt absolutely mortified being in their presence. He had told her that wealth neither impressed nor fascinated him, but being in the presence of one of Forbes 500 families was a bit daunting. Apart from the fact that he had ignored Mary’s offer to follow him to buy a new suit, and now he was dressed totally inappropriately, he really was not sure he had anything in common with Klao’s cousin, Phillip, who was still raking in six figure investments while America was falling apart from the recession; or her cousin, Kamilla, who had been a guest judge on America’s Next Top Model; or her Aunt Phoebe, whose magazine rivalled Conde Nast!

  Matt looked around again, trying to spot Klao. The last time he had seen her, she was being dragged off by her cousin, Margaux, who Matt was positive was high. It was not possible, he thought, for one tiny person to be so hyper.

  “We’re going to gossip about you now, Matt!” Margaux had informed him. “Klao is going to give us all the juicy details about your little affair!”

  “We’re not having an affair, Margaux!” Klao had said rolling her eyes. “And there is nothing to tell.”

  “Who cares!” Margaux grinned wickedly. “We’ll make stuff up!”

  Sure enough, when Matt looked across the room, he saw Klao huddled in a corner with Bianca and Margaux and Andie laughing and giggling like only 20-something year old girls could. He wondered whether Klao was really making up stories about them. He hoped not. He still had to maintain his reputation as a man of God.

  He turned back to the conversation that Dylan and Darrin were having with their cousins, Phillip and Alex.

  “It was totally awesome, yout’!” One of the twins – a quick glance to his left hand told Matt it was Dylan – gushed. He was describing the earlier surgery to his cousins. “Just one tiny camera and a few tiny cuts and bam – this guy’s entire gastronomical region is on the television monitor… You don’t feel like you are a real surgeon until you are taking someone’s appendix out by just looking through a microscope!”

  “Yout’, all you did was hold the camera!” Darrin interrupted. “I was the one who had to keep him alive till he got to you! When the EMTs wheeled him in, he was practically septic – sweating like a pig, fever, malaise… I was sure you would have to cut him wide open to get it all!”

  “Well, whether or not I only held the camera, at least I was one of the team that actually saved his life!” Dylan argued. “You A&E guys think you are the ones who do the bulk of the work, yet every case that comes in, your first mode of action is to page surgery! If you all are so skilled, why don’t you just fix them yourselves in the trauma room?”

  “Well, you both do your part!” Matt interjected diplomatically. “You both do what you do best, and now your patient is okay, and that is what matters.”

  Four pairs of eyes turned to look at him.

  “What?” Darrin asked scornfully, and Matt was sorry he had said anything.

  “It’s like with your body,” Matt tried to explain, using Paul the Apostle’s analogy, and hopefully, one that the twins could relate to as doctors. “The eyes see, the ears hear… Both roles are important, and if the eyes could not see
and the ears could not hear -- in fact if one part stopped working -- the body would not function as well as it should. Each part needs the other to work well, yet no part does the work of the other…”

  “Who is this clown?” Phillip asked, as though he had not been introduced to Matt a mere two hours before.

  “Klao’s boyfriend!” Dylan said. He made ‘Klao’s boyfriend’ sound synonymous with ‘Klao’s pimp’.

  “I’m not… I…” Matt was beginning to get flustered.

  “Klao has a boyfriend?” Alex asked. “Since when?”

  “Since this loser decided to stalk her!” Darrin replied. "So, who the hell gave you permission to date my baby sister?"

  Matt was stunned. "Excuse me?"

  “Yeah,” Dylan added. “Didn’t you know that if you want to date a Persaud girl you have to go through her brothers first? Just to make sure we like you?”

  “I –I – I …” Matt stuttered.

  “And for the record, we don’t like you,” Phillip added. “We pretended to earlier, for Klao’s sake, but there is something about you, preacher man…”

  “You’re too slick…” Alex added. “With all your ‘the body works together in sync’ talk! You talk like a used-car salesman, and we all know how that goes!”

  “And your eyes are shifty,” Darrin put in. “Like you are hiding something from us. Are you hiding something, Pastor Matthew St. James -- if that's even your real name?”

  “I- I - …” Matt sounded like a stuck record.

  “You’d better not be hiding anything, preacher man!” Dylan added. He crossed his arms across his chest and stared at Matt. “Because if you are and I find out I will carve you up. And I am a fifth year surgical resident. I love to carve.”

  “So what are your intentions with our cousin?” Alex asked.

  “I don’t have any intentions with your cousin!” A little while before Matt had thought that Alex was a docile PhD geek, but now he looked as menacing as the twins and Phillip.

  “What do you mean you don’t have any intentions with our cousin?” Phillip sneered. “So you are just taking her along for a ride? Stringing her along with no intention of making any commitment?”

  Matt wanted to tell him that his comment was the obvious case of the kettle calling the pot black, since the whole world knew Phillip Javar was a philanderer, but he thought for his health’s sake, it would be best to keep his opinion to himself.

  “No, no…” he shook his head. “I am not stringing her along. I like her – a lot…”

  “So you have weird, ungodly thoughts about my baby sister, preacher man?” Darrin asked, his dark eyes narrowing. “You are entertaining thoughts of defiling her, and you are actually telling us? What kind of Minister are you? Doesn’t the Bible say you should not lust?”

  “Hey…” Matt began. He definitely did not like this conversation.

  “Hay is for horses, pastor. Are you a Minister or a horse?” Dylan edged closer to him.

  “I think someone needs to be taken outside and taught some manners,” Phillip commented.

  “What? Why? I have manners!” Matt exclaimed, and the four men burst out laughing.

  “We’re just messing with you, Matt!” Darrin laughed. “We have been waiting for this day for a very long time – how KoKo nut goes on about Matt: ‘Matt doesn’t freak out! Matt doesn’t get angry!’ We were just waiting to prove her wrong!”

  “Well, I don’t think it was very nice, or very funny,” Matt said, feeling foolish.

  “‘Course its funny! Dylan said. “You should see the look on your face just now, pastor! Thought you were going to piss yourself!”

  “You are so immature!” Matt commented. He did not tell Dylan that he, too, thought he was going to ‘piss himself’.

  “Oh, lighten up and have a drink!” Phillip slapped Matt’s shoulder. “You have a sister. I’m sure you give her dates hell!”

  “No I don’t!” He didn’t because Mary would probably kill him if he tried.

  “Well, you should!” Phillip motioned to the bartender. “Get this virgin something virgin!”

  Matt blushed. He wondered whether Klao had told her cousin he was a virgin, or Phillip just assumed he was because he was a Minister.

  “Anyway, you can chillax, man. We like you!” Dylan told him. “You make Klao happy, and that is enough for us.

  “Yeah,” Darrin added. “The last time we got together was for Bee’s engagement party, and KoKo was so depressed. It was hard for her being the only single one of the 1982 baby boom. Now she has you, and look at her laugh!”

  Matt looked across the room, and sure enough, one of her cousins had said something funny, and Klao was cracking up. She was throwing her head back, with her black hair on her shoulders, and going all over the place. Matt thought she looked so beautiful.

  “And now, thank God, we don’t have to worry about her and that creepy-looking what’s his name!” Phillip said. “Tevin’s best man!”

  “Ricard Shalkowski!” The twins responded simultaneously.

  “Who is Ricard Shalkowski?” Matt asked.

  “This prick that they grew up with,” Darrin told him. “He seems to have a thing for her, and I’m sure they hooked up the night of Bee’s party!”

  Matt was stunned. He had never heard of a Ricard Shalkowski. And Klao had ‘hooked up’ with him? He was a Minister, but he certainly knew what ‘hooked up’ meant!

  Darrin noticed the look on Matt’s face. “Don’t worry about it. That was before she knew you, and everything is different now. She is a totally different girl. She has a preacher man!”

  “Just do us one favour,” Dylan warned, looking serious. “Just don’t break her heart, please. Because if you do, I will carve you up, and that, preacher man, is no joke!”

  ***

  “So how was the party?” Marlene Smith Stewart entered Klao’s office without bothering to knock.

  Klao looked up from the document in front of her. It was the defence that the Attorney General had filed in her pro bono case for Matt. Klao was actually hoping that they would not have filed a defence, and she could file for a default judgment. Now it looked like she was heading to mediation and probably to court. It was going to be tough defending a homeless man who the judge would probably think was just a menace to society!

  “It was the best party ever!” She told Marlene, closing the file. “The twins were late, and Amanda freaked, but after that it was great. And you know it is always nice to get to spend time with my family!”

  “Uh huh!” Marlene draped her long body into one of Klao’s chairs. “So Pastor Matt met the family?”

  Klao smiled. “Yes…”

  “And?”

  “And nothing!” Klao blushed. “They think he’s alright! He didn’t tell me but my brothers and Phillip and Alex freaked him out.”

  “So it is welcome to the family for Pastor Matt!” Marlene commented.

  Klao blushed again. “Maybe…. I really like him, Marlene. Remember when I thought he was stalking me?”

  “The stone that the builders refuse!” Marlene nodded knowingly. “So do you think he will fit your family?”

  Klao shrugged. “What do you mean?”

  “You are Persauds! “You only get together with other first families – Dylan married that Stern Girl – the Auditor General’s daughter; Darrin is dating Synclaire Shah, Samantha married Judge Malcolm’s son… You really think a poor preacher man can fit in comfortably?”

  “He fit in comfortably enough Saturday night!” Klao argued. She tried not to recall the look of mortification on Aunt Janise’s face when Matt had appeared in his dinky-looking suit. She blamed herself for not checking to make sure it was okay before leaving Kingston, and begged Aunt Janise not to embarrass him by offering to find him something more suitable to wear. “Do you think my family is so superficial?”

  “No, I don’t think your family is superficial!” Marlene argued. “But the fact is, you are who you are, and really, not m
any people can measure up. Didn’t you say that your grandmother still does not think your mother is good enough for your father?”

  Klao was quiet. She had never thought about whether her family thought Matt was good enough. Initially, she had thought he wasn’t, and that she would be better off with someone like Ricard Shalkowski, but that was before she knew Matt. He was a good, kind man, and he loved God. ‘Real men love Jesus’, his bumper sticker said. And he treated her well. And he did not bore her to death like Ricard Shalkowski. And his bad suit and lack of fashion sense aside, he had fit in and got on well with her family. After a few years, he would start looking like them. After all, didn’t Kamilla manage to fix up Kevin? And Mary was his twin sister. She had fashion sense enough for both of them. She could fix him up. Matt would be fine. And she really, really liked him. It was quite possible that she was in love with him. And she would not love him any more if he was not Pastor Matt St. James, and the scion of some snobbish, well-to-do family.

  “Anywhoo, I’m glad you had a nice time!” Marlene told her. “And I really hope it works out well. I like to see you happy and in love. You’re even glowing!”

  “My mother said the same thing! Not that I was in love, but that I was glowing. And for the first time she did not tell me that I looked thin…” Klao paused. Something hit her. Something that had been nagging her in the back of her mind all weekend. Her mother did not say that she looked thin! In fact, when Matt had fixed pancakes and scrambled eggs and turkey bacon for Sunday morning breakfast, her mother had looked pleased as punch to watch Klao packing it in and asking for seconds. That could only mean one thing! “Oh no!”

  “What?” Marlene asked.

  “Come with me!” Klao dragged Marlene out of her office and down to Anella’s office. Anella was always on a diet, and kept a bathroom scale at work.

  “Can we borrow your scale, Anella?” Klao asked, bursting into the accountant’s office.

  “Sure!” Anella said, pulling out the scale. “Who is fat?”

  “I pray to God not me!” Klao slipped off her pumps and got on to the scale. She closed her eyes. “How much is it?”