On Time (Persaud Girl)

by Teisha Mott

  Danny shuffled off, and Dr DeLisser tried to pull her daughter to her feet. “Klao, get up!”

  Klao could not move. “He’s going to die!” She whispered. “He’s going to die and it’s my fault…”

  “It’s not your fault!” Her mother told her. “You were not the man who wandered out into the road, and you were not driving the Prado that hit his car.”

  “But if it was not for me, he would not have been on the road in the first place! Matt is blind at night. He shouldn’t be driving so far, but he was. He was coming for me, Mommy. I treated him like crap, and he was still coming for me… And I don’t even deserve him… now, he’s brain dead, and it’s all my fault!”

  “He’s not brain dead!” Dr DeLisser insisted.

  “Uncle Jeffrey said…”

  “I know what Uncle Jeffrey said. He also said that Matt has three days to wake up, and miracles can happen, sweetheart. They happen all the time…”

  “But…”

  “But nothing. Klao Melissa, where is your faith?”

  Klao was quiet. Where was her faith? It was the same place where God was when Matt was driving in the dark and needed His protection from drunk drivers and equally drunk pedestrians. It was the same place where God was when Uncle Jeffrey and Dylan and the entire Mobay Mercy trauma team spent ten hours in surgery with him, trying to fix him, and failing. Her faith, like God, was nowhere to be found when He was needed the most. Her song, ‘Four Days Late’ popped into her head. This was not a time when God could afford to be four days late. He had to be there in seventy-two hours.

  “Where is Mary?” Klao asked.

  “Darrin gave her a sedative, and her parents took her to the hotel,” her mother answered.

  “They left?”

  “There is nothing they can do here, anyway. It is best they get some rest. I think you should get some too. Do you want Darrin to drop you home…”

  “Mary hates me!”

  “She doesn’t hate you, Klao!” Her mother told her, smoothing her hair. “She is very emotional right now!”

  “Of course she hates me! She has every right to. I killed her twin brother!”

  “You did not kill her twin brother!”

  “Everything has gone totally backwards, and I don’t know what to do!”

  “I know what you can do. Come with me!” Her mother pulled her off the ground. They walked back inside the hospital. Her mother led her to a small room with one window. Although it was afternoon, the room was dark.

  “Pastor Rollins asked us to convert this room into a private prayer room,” Dr DeLisser explained. “We haven’t got around to it yet, but perhaps you can try it on for size – see how it works!”

  “You want me to pray?” Klao asked her mother.

  “Matt would want you to!” Dr DeLisser told her. “Do this for him, Klao. Pray for Matt. Ask God to bring him back to you and Mary and his parents and all the people who love him…”

  “I can’t…”

  “Try! Not for yourself, but for Matt. I have to go back to work, but you stay here and you pray.”

  Her mother left her alone again. Klao looked around the room. It was deathly quiet. She sat in the chair and thought about what Uncle Jeffrey had said. She thought about Matt. She could not imagine that she would never see him again; that she would not see him smile, or hear him sing and play the piano or the guitar, or try to figure out who was the killer on “Law and Order” before the detectives did. It was one thing to think that she would never be with him because of her harsh and thoughtless words, and his unwillingness to forgive her. But it was totally something else to think she might lose him to death. She could not even fathom it. She wondered if God would listen to her anyway. God did not owe her anything. She had been ignoring His call for months now. He did not have to do her any favours. But He was God. Matt often told her that He did not do ‘favours’. He answered prayers all the time – even the prayers of stubborn, self-centred idiots like her. She closed her eyes.

  “God,” she whispered. “I hope you are listening to me. I know you have been calling me for a very long time and I have been ignoring you. Well, now here I am. You have my full attention, and I need you. I will do whatever you want me to do from now on, but please don’t take Matt away from me. I know he is Your child, and that he is probably ready, but here’s the thing – I’m not ready. Neither is his sister. Neither are his parents!” Tears were streaming down her face. “You want me to pray, I'll pray. You want me to walk down to the altar at church? I’ll do that, too. Just please don't take him. He’s got too much left to do here. He has the homeless people at the Inn depending on him. He has his congregation at St. Andrew. He has a few more messages to preach, a few more cornbreads to bake, a few more stubborn four year olds to tame, and a few more people, including me, left to baptise… Please…”

  She did not know what else to say to God. Her heart was full of words that she wanted to say to Him, but her mind could not form any more sentences. She recalled one AY that Marvin had led, where they spoke of the power of the Holy Spirit. Marvin had made her read a text from Romans -- one that she had never forgotten, because it had sounded so poetic:Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. Well, ‘groanings which cannot be uttered’ were all that she had at that moment. Groanings and silent pleas to God to spare Matt’s life. Klao was confident that the Holy Spirit would translate her thoughts into words, and they would reach Heaven. They had to -- for Matt’s sake, and St. Andrew’s, and Mary’s, and his parents’, and Marvin’s, and a never-ending list of people whose lives would be phenomenally altered if God did not open Matt’s eyes within the next 72 hours.

  She remained motionless in the prayer room, with her eyes closed, thinking about Matt. Images ran like a loop through her mind. That first night in Megamart, when he had startled her:‘I know it’shot outside, but there must be a healthier way to cool down!’ He had said to her… Then he had shown up at her office the following day… then the evening at Children’s hospital: ‘Why are you so ubiquitous?’ ‘I’m sorry!’ ‘Sorry for being ubiquitous?’ ‘No, sorry because I do not know what ubiquitous means…’ Then she had called him to help her with her car, followed by their very first date at La Fa: ‘How can you pepper your food so vigorously? You will overheat your blood!’ ‘It’s not too hot!’ ‘Well, probably not compared to you…’ Then that first day at Church when she was shocked out of her mind to realise that he was a pastor. ‘I wanted you to get to know Matt the man, before I introduced you to Matt the Minister...’ Matt the Minister – the young, attractive, dynamic Minister.

  Georgia Maragh had such a crush on him. Klao remembered the buzz of teenagers: ‘HiPastorMatt!HiPastorMatt!HiPastorMatt…’ They had lunch at his house that Sabbath… He promised her cornbread whenever she wanted it:‘Baby girl, I’m Matt St. James. I always deliver’. And he had… Then they had AY, and he sang with Mary, then he dropped her home. She had discovered that day the many layers of Matt St. James. ‘I’m Matt Man! I got it like that!’ There was the kiss that never happened, but he had more than made up for it that Sunday when they baby-sat Caitlin. Klao still had not figured out what he had said to Caitlin to get her to eat the celery and peanut butter: ‘What I said to Caitlin and my cornbread recipe both go with me to my grave!’

  “They cannot go with him to his grave!” Klao whispered. “Not now… Perhaps when he is eighty-seven, but not today. Not when he is 27 and still has so much left to do; so much life left to live, and so many people depending on him. Not like this, God, please… I love him. I need him…”

  She did not know how long she remained in the ‘prayer room’, just replaying the past five months she had known Matt in her head. Was it only five months? She felt like she had known him forever! She remained on her knees for what could have been hours or days. At some point, she recalled her parents coming in
, and perhaps her brothers. They said things to her that she could not recall. They wanted her to eat something or she might end up in the hospital too, with Matt. She did not care if she ended up in the hospital, as long as Matt was okay. She would not leave the prayer room until God had sent the man she loved back to her. He was the one who had sent him in the first place. He sent Matt to her that night in Megamart. ‘I know it’shot outside, but there must be a healthier way to cool down!’ He had said to her… Then the reminiscing began all over again. She must have finally fallen asleep, because her next conscious moment was her mother shaking her.

  “Klao, darling…”

  “Mommy?” She jumped up. “Something has happened. “What is it? Mommy…”

  She looked into her mother’s face and knew.

  “Oh my God!” She collapsed into her mother’s arms in a fit of hysterical crying.

  Dr DeLisser hugged her close as her body shuddered with sobs. “It is going to be alright, baby. Shh. It’s going to be alright.”

  She felt like two years old as she cried all over her mother’s scrubs. There was nothing like a mother’s hug, she realised. Would she ever have children one day? Would she ever hold and comfort her own little girl?

  “There is my strong girl!” Dr DeLisser said, as Klao’s sobs died down. “Don’t cry…”

  “When…?”

  “Early this afternoon,” Her mother told her. “Uncle Jeffrey asked me not to tell you right away…”

  “Can I – can I see him?” Klao asked.

  “Are you sure? He is not going to look the same...”

  “Please!” Klao begged. “I need to see him!”

  Her mother nodded. “Of course… Let’s go…”

  Klao walked slowly back to the ICU, tightly clutching her mother’s hand. She looked around. It was night again, and quiet. Klao hoped there would be no traumas that night. She prayed that no other family would have to go through what she just went through – what she was currently going through. She noticed that Matt’s family was not there.

  “Did you call his parents?”

  Her mother nodded. “Marvin went to pick them up. They are on their way.”

  “Marvin is here?”

  “Yes, he and Sheena drove down yesterday, and he prayed with you last night.” Her mother told her. “Don’t you remember?”

  Klao did not respond. She did not remember praying with Marvin. She was not even sure what day it was. Time did not matter to her anymore. Nothing mattered except Matt...

  They were outside his room. Klao was suddenly not sure if she could see him. She paused.

  “Are you sure you want to go in?” Her mother asked.

  She nodded. “I’d like to be alone with him, if that is okay.”

  “Of course. Just let me go in first, and make sure everything is okay.”

  Klao waited outside the door. A few seconds later, her mother re-emerged, followed by an ICU nurse and an orderly. The nurse gave Klao a shaky smile. Klao returned the sentiment.

  “You can go now,” Dr DeLisser told her. “You sure you don’t want me to go in with you?”

  “I’ll be fine.”

  “I’ll be right here!” Her mother squeezed her hand.

  Klao opened the door. Her breath caught in her throat when she saw Matt lying on the bed. He was bandaged all over. There was a bandage on his head. Her mother was right. He did not look like Matt. The Matt she knew was skinny and chocolate brown. This Matt looked puffy all over and ashen. He was broken and battered and bruised.

  Klao went over to the bed. She stood there for a long while trying not to start crying again; trying to imagine why all this had to happen. She recalled asking herself once, not so long ago, what trauma she would have to go through to be with the man she loved. Never in a million years had she dreamt that this would be it. She looked at her Matt. His eyes were closed, and he looked so peaceful. She loved him so much. She touched his hand, tracing a path down his long, smooth, thin fingers. Fingers that had at one time or another touched her face or stroked her hair. Then his eyes fluttered open and he smiled very faintly.

  “Klao Melissa Persaud!”

  That was enough. Klao could not hold back any more. The tears started all over again.

  “Hey… What are you crying for?” His voice sounded weak and raspy.

  “I thought you were gone!” She sobbed. “I thought I would never see you again. Matt, I would have died too. I would not have been able to live without you!”

  “Course you would!” Matt kidded. Even after pulling through brain surgery, he was still funny, quirky Matt. “You would have married what’s-his-face – that Cow guy!”

  Klao was not in the mood for jokes. “I’m so sorry Matt!” She sobbed. “You could have died and it would have been all my fault. I’m so sorry!”

  “It’s not your fault. Come here…”

  Carefully, not wanting to break him or hurt him any further, Klao moved closer to him, and tried to give him a gentle hug. He was unable to move his limbs to return the sentiment, but she did not mind. The warmth of his body radiated through hers. She rested her head on his chest, and felt his heart beating a slow steady rhythm beneath her ear. It was the most beautiful sound she had ever heard in her life. Matt was alive. According to her mother, that morning, he had started choking on his breathing tube, which meant he was breathing on his own. Then he tried to move his fingers and his toes. Uncle Jeffrey had been examining him when he opened his eyes, and his first word was ‘Klao’. She caught her breath, as she tried not to cry anymore. Matt had asked for her. His first word had been Klao! Her mother had told her that Matt’s improvement over the past few hours was nothing if not a miracle. Even Uncle Jeffrey had been flabbergasted. That was why he did not want Klao or his family to know right away. It might have been a temporary fluke... Klao knew better. It was not a fluke! It was God hearing and answering her prayers! He did, indeed, understand groans that could not be uttered. Matt was living proof! Klao smiled inside at her pun and inhaled deeply. Matt smelled, she thought, like medicine and hospital. From that day on, she knew, the hospital smell would be her favourite smell – even more than Matt’s curry fish in coconut cream.

  “I’m going to be fine!” Matt whispered. “God was watching over me!”

  “I know!” Klao whispered back.

  “I love you...”

  “I know that, too.”

  “Do you love me?”

  “Second only to God!” Klao told him. “I prayed and God brought you back to me, Matt. And you are going to get better, and when you go back to church, your first order of business is to get me baptised.”

  “Only because God got me better, KoKo?”

  “No,” Klao tried to shake her head without moving it from Matt’s chest. She wanted to stay right there and listen to his heart beat all night – or at least until his family came and she had to leave. “This has been a long time coming, and I don’t want to delay anymore. Besides, how would it look if the pastor’s girlfriend is not a member of the congregation?”

  “Your decision has been recorded in Heaven!” Matt sighed and closed his eyes again. He was so tired. Getting hit off the road, experiencing brain trauma and hours of surgery, was no walk in the park. He needed to sleep, and he knew he could with Klao so close to him, knowing that she loved him, and more importantly, that if he did not wake up, that he would see her in Heaven.

  Klao felt Matt’s chest rise and fall as he slept. She did not want to leave him. She wanted to watch over him. Her mother had warned her that it would be a very long time before he would be better. He would need physical therapy, and he would need to learn to do everything all over again -- from holding a fork to giving himself a bath. Klao knew that she would be there with him every step. She wanted to be with him for every second until he got better, and even after that. She knew he would be fine, because even when she could not watch, God was watching over them both.

  She, too, closed her eyes. She was tired, having not
slept in almost three days. Now she could sleep. She did not have a job, but she had Jesus, who had shown up considerably ahead of time, and opened Matt’s eyes, and she had Matt. Everything would be fine.

  “Thank you, God, for being right on time!” She whispered.

  She drifted off with her favourite song playing in her head: ‘Isn’t it great, when He’s four days late, He’s still on time…’

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  On Time

  Thank You:...

  ~ God for taking care of all of my needs, most of my wants and for always being ‘On Time’!

  ~ Janneth Mornan-Green and Kenesha Edwards Zadigue for your counsel and editing skills.

  ~ Kadia Wilson for your legal expertise and for never ceasing to be my friend, in spite of my ‘bad personality’

  ~ ‘Clubhouse’ for allowing me to use little bits of your personalities in my Persaud girls. I always wanted to be in a posse of girls, and voila! God introduced me to you right on time!

  ~ Daddy, Mummy, Thalia, Tania and Darren for all your love, support and encouragement.

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  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  Teisha Mott was born in Saint Ann, Jamaica, and holds a Bachelor of Sciences degree in Management Studies and Economics, and an MBA in Banking and Finance both from the University of the West Indies, Mona.

  Her passion has always been writing, and she has penned short stories, poems and articles, several of which have won her awards and recognition.

  She currently lives in Paris, France, and spends her spare time reading and travelling.

  Teisha is a Seventh Day Adventist Christian, and actively involved in youth ministries.