Autumn's Touch

by Elizabeth Rose

  She gulped air at his words and seemed to struggle for breath. “Nay,” she admitted, shaking her head slightly.

  “Then tonight you shall see what you have been curious about all night long. Don’t think I haven’t noticed you looking at my hardened manhood. I want you to see what these lessons are doing to me and then you will understand why we can never have another one again.” He untied his braies and dropped them to the floor. His throbbing erection sprang forward. She was standing so close that it brushed against her hand.

  She pulled back her hand with a jerk. Her eyes opened wide and she drank in the visual of his aroused form. Her jaw dropped and her hand flew to her mouth to cover it. Then she backed away, hitting the bedpost in the process.

  Neither did she have time to collect her cloak or basket of herbs. She turned and bolted for the door, pulling aside the bar hold and rushing out so quickly that she left the door wide open.

  He let out a deep growl of total frustration and walked over to close the door. He bumped into Nelek who walked into the room looking the other way, watching Autumn run down the corridor.

  “Was that Lady Autumn I just saw run from your room?” He looked down and saw what was happening, and raised his hands and backed away. “Excuse me, my lord. I didn’t know you were entertaining a lady.”

  “Dammit, I wasn’t entertaining anyone. Now, get the hell out of here,” growled Benedict, slamming the door in his squire’s face. He plopped down on the bed and buried his head in his pillow. That only made it worse. Autumn’s essence of lavender and innocence was clinging to the pillow, covering his sheets – she’d been in his bed! The thought of it made him feel even harder than before if that were at all possible. He couldn’t get her off his mind no matter how he tried. Letting loose with a loud growl, he sat up and flung the pillow across the room.

  What had he done? His little lessons of love with Autumn had turned into naught more than a torturous nightmare for him. He might as well be shackled to the wall of the dungeon because he’d created this misery from which there was no escape. He could do nothing to sate himself where Autumn was involved without breaking his word. Nay, there was no way to fix the problem he’d brought on by his eagerness to help a woman find pleasure. Now, every time he saw her, he’d be in his manmade hell once again.

  Most people considered him the Beast of Ravenscar. Funny, but he had never believed it to be true until now. Aye, there was a beast inside him, trying to break out. And if he allowed it to be set free, he’d not only be breaking his word but he’d also be taking from an innocent beauty something that could never be returned.

  Chapter 20

  “It’s not what you think,” Benedict told Nelek the next day as they walked from the great hall after the first meal. Autumn hadn’t shown up. Even though that upset him, part of him was grateful since he didn’t know if he could face her again after last night. He hadn’t meant to get carried away. He’d only wanted to tease her a little and, hopefully, make her sexual feelings come to life. Well, he’d accomplished that and, in the process, he did something that he hadn’t meant to do. He’d showed her his strong desire for her and probably scared her away forever. She was too frail and pure to have been exposed to that! What the hell had he been thinking? She was a lady, not one of his usual whores. What was happening to him?

  “My lord, don’t worry, I won’t tell a soul that Lady Autumn rejected you,” said Nelek, sounding as if he thought he was doing Benedict a huge favor.

  “Rejected me?” That took him by surprise. “What are you talking about, Squire? I’m the one who sent her away.”

  “But you were – I mean it seemed like – I saw – I’m sorry, my lord but I don’t understand.”

  “If you must know, I’ve been teaching Lady Autumn in secret to fan her flames of desire and passion.” Nelek laughed heartily at that as they passed the blacksmith’s shop on their way to the front gate. “What the hell is so funny?”

  “It looked to me as if you were the one who needed your flames of desire cooled down instead of fanned.”

  “Forget it. You wouldn’t understand. I don’t want to speak of this again.”

  “I can see why.” Nelek was still smiling.

  “You breathe a word of this to anyone and it’ll be your hide in flames, do you understand?”

  “Aye, my lord. Your secret is safe with me.”

  “Good. Now, are the servants ready to go down to the port?”

  “I gave Sir Gawain your message. He has rounded up some servants as well as some of the knights and soldiers who have generously volunteered their services to help fix the ship.”

  “If we can get that old, broken-down ship in sailing condition again, there’s a chance we might bring back trade to the port of Ravenscar.”

  “Do you think so?” asked Nelek. “No ship ever stops at Ravenscar unless it is forced to dock in a storm.”

  “I intend on changing all that soon,” said Benedict. “Now go tell Sir Gawain to take the men and start working. I’ll meet them at the ship soon.”

  “Where are you going, my lord?”

  “Nairnie told me that Lady Autumn went to the herb garden early this morning. I guess she is still there. I want to check on her before I go down to the docks to make sure she is all right since she didn’t show up for the meal.”

  Benedict noticed Torkel watching him from the shadows. The boy had something in his hand but he couldn’t tell what it was. He didn’t like that boy. Benedict was starting to feel a connection with the rest of the orphans, but that one was not to be trusted. He’d have to ask Nairnie her feelings about him later. Nairnie often had visions and seemed to know things that others didn’t.

  “Lady Autumn,” he said, walking into the garden with several of his hounds following at his heels. When Autumn didn’t come to the great hall for the meal, he’d had Bertram, his kennelgroom bring his wolfhounds, Sampson and Goliath, to him in the great hall. He’d missed having them around all the time. He’d been trying to keep his larger dogs away from Autumn since he knew how frightened she was of them. “Lady Autumn, I need to speak to you.”

  “Shhh,” said Enar over his shoulder. “We’re about to check on the baby birds.” The orphans, all except Torkel, crowded around Autumn as she lifted little Rab to peek into the robin’s nest. He could hear cheeping, though it wasn’t very loud. Curious to see as well, he walked up behind them and peered over Enar’s shoulder. There in the nest, he saw two baby robins with their eyes still closed. They had fluff for feathers and were stretching their necks and opening their big mouths, crying for food.

  “I thought there were three of them,” he said.

  “There were originally four eggs, but one disappeared before it hatched,” Iona told him.

  “We think either another bird got one or it never hatched and the mathair discarded it,” said Enar.

  “One of the baby birds disappeared as well, and there is no trace of it,” added Ishbel, making him happy that she was talking to him of her own will. She didn’t seem to be so frightened of him anymore, thanks to Autumn. “That’s why there are only two now.”

  “I see,” he said, not really paying much attention, nor did he care. With so many pressing issues on his mind lately, birds were not at the top of his list.

  Autumn put Rab down and when she bent over, his wolfhound, Sampson walked up, staring her in the face. She gasped and took a step backward, fear showing in her big, green eyes.

  “Sampson!” he said. “Get away from her.” Damn, he’d have to be more careful. He’d already frightened Autumn enough last night in his chamber. He didn’t need to scare her more since she was already sure to hate him.

  “Lord Ravenscar, do ye want us to take the dogs away from Lady Autumn?” asked Enar, reaching out and petting Sampson on the head.

  “That would be a good idea,” said Benedict. “Actually, I’d like all of you to leave so I can talk with Lady Autumn alone.”

  “Aye, my lord,” said Iona, taking Ra
b’s hand and leading him away. The rest of the children and the dogs followed. It wasn’t until they were out of sight that Autumn seemed to relax.

  “Was there something you wanted, Lord Ravenscar?” asked Autumn, making him realize she was using his title even though they were alone. It put distance between them.

  “I wanted to see how you were faring after last night. I realize I might have frightened you and that wasn’t my intention.”

  She looked him in the eye, which was something he hadn’t expected. When the robin scolded them, wanting to feed her babies, they walked away from the nest.

  “When I first came to Ravenscar, I admit you frightened me,” she told him. “However, I am no longer scared of you, my lord.”

  “Not even after – what happened last night?”

  “You were fulfilling a promise and I respect you for keeping your word.”

  “I almost didn’t. Autumn, we can’t do that anymore. I hope you understand why.”

  “What I understand is that I need to confess what happened to the priest.”

  He dragged his hand through his hair in thought, envisioning everyone in town as well as the castle knowing about their secret rendezvous before this was over. He couldn’t have that. “It might be better if you hold off telling anyone what happened. At least for now. Besides, we did nothing wrong.” He wasn’t sure how to handle this situation but realized the fewer people who knew, the better.

  “I am starting to wonder if either of us knows the difference between right and wrong anymore,” she said.

  “Lord Ravenscar, I’d like to go with the men to the docks,” came Oxley’s voice from just outside the entrance to the garden. Autumn had been doing a beautiful job with the children fixing up the surroundings. There were squares of colorful herbs blooming, reminding him of the garden he remembered as a child. It brought back memories of his mother. He missed her dearly.

  “Nay, you’ll not be coming with us,” he told Oxley, not wanting him around. The man was always trying to run things and causing trouble.

  “My guard duty on the battlements is over for the day,” he said, not giving up.

  “Then replace the guard in the tower watching over our prisoner.”

  “Yes, my lord,” said Oxley, not looking at all happy but going anyway.

  “How is Lester?” he asked Autumn. “Because as soon as he’s better, he’ll be sent back to the dungeon.”

  “Nay. Why would you do that?” she asked, her brows dipping when she spoke. Her mouth turned down into a frown. “Just let him go.”

  “I told you before; I cannot do that. It is much too risky.”

  “Then at least let him out of the tower. He doesn’t deserve this treatment. He’s not here to cause trouble. He only means to protect me.”

  “Somehow, I don’t believe that,” he said. “Everyone is always out to cause trouble. By the way, have you questioned the children about my missing dagger?”

  “They didn’t take it,” she told him.

  “How can you be sure?”

  “I asked them and they all said they didn’t take it. That is how I know.”

  “Children tend to lie.”

  “I believe them,” she said, keeping her face stoic and void of all emotion. She blinked twice. “Don’t you?”

  He wasn’t sure what to say. She was testing him somehow. He just knew it. Well, he wouldn’t let her control how he answered.

  “I don’t and won’t believe anyone until that dagger is back in my hand.” He started walking away, but she stopped him.

  “Where are you going?”

  He turned around, not used to having to answer to anyone and certainly not to her. Still, he didn’t want to argue with her or sound like he was keeping secrets. “I’m going to the dock with some of my men and servants. I’m going to try to put Ravenscar’s ship back together and make it seaworthy again.”

  “You are?” This seemed to interest her. “I’d like to go down to the docks as well.”

  “Why?” he asked. “So you can flag down a passing ship and tell them I’ve been holding you prisoner? Hah. I think not. You’ll stay here inside the castle walls until I return. And don’t think of escaping because I’m leaving my squire here to make sure you stay put.” He turned and left without giving her a chance to respond.

  Autumn felt abandoned as she watched Benedict walk away. First, he’d pushed her aside by telling her they would never have any intimate time together again and, now, he was back to treating her like naught more than his prisoner. Well, she wouldn’t have it.

  She left the garden and made her way to the kitchen where she found Nairnie mixing up a batch of mint and vinegar that was used for washing out the mouth. She grabbed a handful of mint and started to pluck the leaves from the stalk.

  “Ye look like ye’ve lost yer closest friend,” said Nairnie.

  “I’m sad,” she admitted. “I had just started feeling close to Benedict and now he’s pushed me away.”

  “I hear just how close ye’ve been gettin’ and I dinna like it,” spat the old woman, wiping her hands in her apron and picking up a small shovel used for scooping ashes from the hearth. The kitchen smelled strongly from rosemary. Nairnie picked up a bucket next, and started scooping the ashes from the fire. The ashes of rosemary were used to cleanse one’s teeth.

  Autumn stopped plucking leaves and walked over to Nairnie. “Did Benedict tell you?”

  “Benedict didna say a word,” she said over her shoulder as she continued to scoop up ashes. “Nelek told me that ye were in his chamber last night and I dinna like it. Ye are a lady, Autumn. Ye have to beware of idle tongues that will take what little information they have and turn it into somethin’ bigger, spreadin’ rumors. Rumors have been the cause of the downfall of many a good nobleman or woman.”

  “They’re not rumors, Nairnie. It’s the truth.” She needed someone to talk to and Nairnie was the closest friend she had beside her sisters. But her sisters weren’t here and she wasn’t even sure if she’d ever see them again.

  “I dinna want to hear it,” said Nairnie, scowling at her and hauling the bucket back to the table.

  “I need to explain to you what happened.”

  “It doesna matter.”

  “It does! I have sinned and need to confess it to the priest.”

  “Did Benedict bed ye, my lady? Because if he did, I’ll have his hide even if he is lord of the castle. I thought I raised him better than that. Ye’re a lady and he should be treatin’ ye as one.”

  “Calm down, Nairnie. We didn’t . . . do it, yet,” she said. Her eyes scanned the kitchen, not wanting anyone to hear her. Iona was the only one close enough to have heard, but she was busy plucking feathers from a goose and didn’t even look up.

  “Wait,” said Nairnie.

  “Wait? Wait for what?”

  “Wait until ye’re married to him.”

  “Nairnie,” Autumn said with a giggle. “We’re not going to get married. He is just my – mentor.”

  “Losh me, I dinna want to hear this.” Nairnie threw her hands into the air. “He’s no mentor, lassie. I told ye before Benedict is no’ the lad I remember and I’m no’ sure ye can even trust him.”

  “I feel I can.” Autumn took hold of the shovel in the bucket and stirred the ashes.

  “Just wait. It willna be long and then he can mentor ye - but as his wife.”

  “What are you saying?” Then it hit her. She gasped and dropped the shovel. “Have you had a vision, Nairnie? Are Benedict and I going to . . . get married?”

  Nairnie was never wrong with her visions but, usually, her visions were of death, not marriage. Autumn waited with bated breath for the old midwife’s answer.

  “I had a vision just this morning,” admitted Nairnie. “Aye, I saw ye and Benedict married.”

  “You did?” For some reason, her heart soared. She’d never thought that much about being married, but ever since she and Benedict had kissed and shared intimate moments, it had en
tered her mind. “That’s wonderful, Nairnie.” She couldn’t stop smiling.

  “I’m glad ye think so, because I still dinna like the idea,” grumbled the old woman.

  “But Benedict is like a son to you. How can you say that?”

  “There is a dark side to Benedict that neither of us has seen yet,” said Nairnie. “If ye marry him, it willna be done in love, I can guarantee that much.”

  “Most girls marry for alliance purposes, so I don’t see the problem,” said Autumn. “I’m sure, in time, a lot of couples fall in love.”

  “No’ many that I ken of, so dinna get yer hopes too high. Ye may marry Benedict, but he has been under the influence of the late Ravenscar for so long that I’m afraid he has forgotten how to love. He’s lost his family and still holds a lot of hatred in his heart. I’ve seen a darkness hangin’ over his head, and I dinna like it. I’m afraid it might be too late for Benedict ever to change. If the darkness continues to consume him, ye’ll be naught more than a prisoner for the rest of yer life. Even if ye are his bride.”

  “Nay, Nairnie. You’re wrong. I’ve seen the goodness in Benedict, and I know he can learn to love again like he did when he was a child.”

  “And if ye’re wrong, then what?” asked Nairnie.

  “I – I don’t know.”

  “Well, I do. If Benedict continues on the path he’s on, he will be naught but a beast forever.”

  Chapter 21

  Autumn watched Benedict from atop the battlements as he and his men went about repairing the ship on the dock. From up so high, she could see the entire area all around the castle. The dock was deserted except for Benedict’s ship. Rolling fields of grass and wildflowers surrounded Ravenscar Castle. In the distance, she could see the outline of the little town.

  It hadn’t rained now for days and bright blue skies with billowy white clouds drifting by overhead made her feel happy. But Nairnie’s warning of Benedict turning into a beast weighed heavy on her mind. She’d seen a beastly side of him but, lately, he’d been changing. She was sure of it. While she was excited by Nairnie’s vision of her marriage to Benedict, part of her also felt more frightened than she’d ever been in her life.