Forever

by Pati Nagle

  In less than half an hour, we were home. The commute would be livable, though I’d probably have to get a car. A buzz of excitement had lodged in my chest, and I wished Lomen was in Albuquerque instead of miles away.

  Going back into the darkened house knocked my mood down a couple of notches, and even as I stepped inside I noticed tension in the living room. A pair of candles on the coffee table lit the room. Pirian was sitting up, albeit in a slumped attitude. A mug of tea sat untouched before him.

  Savhoran stood on the other side of the table, glowering. Madóran, in Manda’s chair, looked calm and watchful. Manda wasn’t in the room.

  “Pirian,” Caeran said. “How are you feeling?”

  “Persecuted.”

  His voice was raspy. He still looked like crap, although Madóran wasn’t hovering the way he had the previous day.

  “We are discussing a matter of atonement,” Savhoran said.

  “I did not kill the human.”

  “You participated in her death.”

  Oh, man. I slunk to the kitchen to put my champagne in the fridge.

  The back door opened and Manda came in. The look she gave me told me this had been going on for a while.

  She got out a glass and filled it with water. “Any luck?” she murmured.

  I nodded, answering in a low voice. “Caeran put money down on some land.”

  Her face lit with interest.

  Someone said something sharp in ælven in the other room. Manda glanced sidelong toward the doorway, then invited me to escape to the back patio with a sideways nod. I followed her out, relieved to be in the sunlight again.

  “They’ve been arguing all day,” Manda said, stretching out in a chair. “They’re going around in circles, I think. Pirian is just being stubborn.”

  “And Savhoran is standing his ground.”

  “Uh-huh. He’s in the right: the creed is clear about atonement.”

  If Pirian left over this disagreement, the others would consider him alben. Maybe he wouldn’t care.

  But we’d lose access to his genes. That was worth caring about, even though he was infected.

  I wondered idly if we could get a cryo-freezer small enough to fit somewhere in the house, and if we could sneak a sample of Pirian’s DNA. I had vague recollections that hair wasn’t viable, but if it had a follicle attached....

  “So tell me about this land,” Manda said, turning in her chair to face me.

  I told her, trying not to rave too much about how beautiful it was. She listened, and when I’d finished she asked, “What about water rights?”

  “Caeran asked the real estate guy about that. He’s going to check about the spring. We’ll have to drill a well anyway; the spring doesn’t have enough volume to serve the lab and the house.”

  “What’s the water like on neighboring properties?”

  “We didn’t talk about that.”

  “I’ll call.” She took a swig of water. “It’ll be hard on Savhoran.”

  “Why? I figure they all will love it. No humans crawling all over.”

  “But that’s the problem. He’ll have to come to the city to hunt. He already has to be careful.”

  Whenever I thought about Savhoran’s life, I was struck by how bleak it must be. He really was courageous, to be able to face it. Good thing he had Manda.

  “You all set for your cup-bonding?”

  She gave a huff of laughter. “Nervous. Pretty ridiculous, considering how simple a ceremony it is.”

  “Maybe, but it’s a big step, right?”

  She nodded. “I just hope I can help him enough.”

  The note of doubt in her voice was disconcerting. Usually, she exuded complete confidence.

  The sun was dipping toward the horizon. It would be up for a while yet, but my stomach was starting to growl. No lunch. The discussion was still going on in the living room.

  “Should we maybe start some dinner?” I asked.

  “Yeah, probably a good idea. I don’t think they’re going to stop. Can you cook?”

  “A little.”

  “Then I’m your sous chef. All I’m good for is chopping stuff.”

  We went inside and I ransacked the cupboards for something I could handle cooking. Fell back on the bachelor’s standby: pasta. I grabbed an onion and some miscellaneous veggies out of the fridge, and while Manda put together a salad, I put water on to boil, then sliced up the onion and set it sautéeing. Threw in some tomatoes and zucchini then poked around in the spice cupboard and found basil, Italian herb mix, and garlic powder. With all of those, my veggie mess started turning into a sauce.

  I put the pasta on to boil, then grabbed a stack of plates and started toward the dining nook. Manda called me back.

  “Pirian’s hungry. We should probably eat out back.”

  “Oh. OK.” I put the plates on the counter, out of her way. “How’s he going to hunt? He’s still pretty weak.”

  “I think that’s part of what they’re discussing. Savhoran could take him out, but he’s …” She lowered her voice. “He wants to make sure Pirian offers proper atonement.”

  “And Pirian doesn’t want to?” I whispered.

  “He says he doesn’t have anything to offer.”

  “Like a gift, you mean.”

  “Yeah. Which is a good point, but I get the feeling he doesn’t see atonement as necessary, not the way the others do.”

  “He hasn’t been following the creed the way they do.”

  “Right. Hard to go back, I guess.”

  I nabbed a slice of carrot from the salad bowl. “Didn’t he accept Savhoran’s authority when he joined Ebonwatch? Savhoran’s the clan leader, right?”

  “Yeah,” Manda said slowly. “I’m not so sure how seriously Pirian takes that, either.”

  I stirred the sauce and crunched the carrot, trying to imagine Pirian’s point of view. Wasn’t very successful. To me it seemed obvious that staying in Ebonwatch would be to his advantage, but force of habit might be keeping him from seeing that.

  I opened a bottle of the wine I’d brought from my apartment and set it on the counter by the salad. When the pasta was done, Manda called the others to the kitchen to dish up. I heard Len telling Madóran that she’d sit with Pirian for a while.

  I got some Romano cheese out of the fridge and got out the grater. Madóran came in, looking tired. I was about to ask him when he had slept last, then I remembered and bit back the question. He glanced at me and smiled.

  Shield, shield, shield. Maybe it didn’t do any good. I did it anyway; they probably found my random thoughts distracting, if not annoying.

  I waited until everyone else had food, then fixed myself a plate and a glass of wine and joined them on the patio. The sun was setting, and the light slanted in on us, but it was pleasantly warm with a cool breeze blowing. It would be a beautiful evening.

  Except for some poor human, somewhere in Albuquerque. It would be a sucky evening for him or her, though I hoped Savhoran would keep it from being downright horrific.

  I put that thought aside and settled in to eat, taking the chair next to Manda. Madóran and Caeran were subdued, though after a while Caeran started telling Madóran about the land, and they both cheered up a bit. They talked about how Madóran had built his own house—brick by adobe brick, apparently, over about half a century—and it sounded like Caeran was considering having the ælven build their own place on the new land.

  It wouldn’t work. They didn’t know how, and even if they learned fast and spent untold fortunes on equipment, they wouldn’t be able to do the modern construction needed for the lab as fast as we wanted. The house could be hand-built, but it would take time and it would still have to pass an inspection, which it sounded like Caeran wanted to avoid. I was getting the impression he wanted to keep the lab compound off the grid as much as possible.

  I decided not to point out the problems with that until later. There was enough stress in the air for now.

  Madóran kept glancing
toward the house, and when he was about halfway through his dinner he got up. “Len needs to eat.”

  “So do you,” Manda said. “Sit down and finish.”

  “But—”

  “I’ll go. I’m done.”

  And she was. She stood up, brandishing her empty plate, and went into the kitchen.

  Madóran sat down and picked up his fork. His brow was furrowed, making him look tired. Caeran, sitting beyond him, caught my eye. I looked away and focused on my salad for a while.

  Shield. And don’t think about anything.

  Len came out with a plate of food and sat next to Caeran. They were silent, so I figured they were talking.

  I realized I felt cold. Looking up, I saw that the sun had set. That fast, it was getting chilly.

  I finished my salad, thought about getting seconds on pasta, then decided what I really wanted was a hot beverage. I stood, and Madóran looked up at me.

  “Think I’ll make some tea,” I said. “Would you like some?”

  “Yes, thank you.”

  “Want more to eat?”

  “No. It was very good.”

  I held out a hand for his plate and he gave it to me. Our hands didn’t touch, but I still felt a tingle. I went inside, put the kettle on, and puttered in the kitchen until it boiled.

  Savhoran came in as I was pouring the water into the teapot. He looked weary.

  “Tea?” I offered, and he nodded.

  I took down mugs for everyone except Pirian. He might still have that mug of cold tea sitting there. I wasn’t going to look.

  “You going out tonight?” I asked Savhoran quietly while we waited for the tea to steep.

  “I think we must. He needs sustenance. His khi is better, but he is still weak.”

  I nodded. Losing a mess of blood will do that to you.

  I watched Savhoran, who seemed lost in thought. Not happy thoughts, from his expression.

  “Is it going to work?”

  He looked at me blankly.

  “Ebonwatch. The clan.”

  He sighed. “I don’t know.”

  “Wish I could help.”

  A smile ghosted across his face. “Thanks.”

  “You need more members.”

  The timer started beeping. I shut it off and took the infuser out of the teapot. Poured a mug of tea and handed it to Savhoran.

  “But recruiting is a problem,” I added.

  “Yes.”

  “Would it be worth seeking out others? Do any of you have friends who....”

  “Not here. Back in Europe, but finding them would be difficult.”

  “They all left their clans?”

  He gave me a direct look. “When you are struck by the curse, your clan does not want you.”

  Ouch. I nodded in sympathy. He headed for the living room.

  I carried tea out to Len and Caeran, then went back for the other two mugs. Madóran followed me in. My heart started beating faster.

  I shielded, then dared a look at him as I handed him a mug. He sipped it cautiously. He still looked beat; even more so now.

  Manda came in from the living room and set two mugs in the sink. “They’re going out now,” she said. “You could lie on the couch if you wanted, Madóran.”

  “I thought I would rest a while in Len’s office.”

  “There’s no bed in there,” I said. “Want to use Lomen’s room? I need to study, I can do that out here.”

  He turned to me with a grateful smile. “If you don’t mind, that would be a great relief.”

  I put down my tea. “I’ll just grab my laptop.”

  Madóran followed me down the hall and stood sipping his tea while I gathered up my computer, earbuds, power supply. I heard the front door close and footsteps slowly going down the path to the street, where Manda’s car was parked. Finished collecting my stuff and headed for the hall.

  Thank you, Steven.

  I froze. It wasn’t that overwhelming intimacy that had blown me away before—in fact, I think he was being careful not to be too intimate—but just the contact itself made my heart leap. I had missed it, I realized; Lomen had spoiled me.

  I swallowed.

  Of course. I hope you get some good rest.

  Madóran smiled as I went out. The door closed gently behind me, but a thread of contact remained. A gift, I realized.

  I set up my computer in the dining nook. Manda was in her chair with her tablet, already studying. I heard Len and Caeran come in and start cleaning up the dinner dishes. The kettle whistled and immediately stopped.

  Len brought me my tea, which I’d forgotten in the kitchen. I opened my biology homework and then sat staring at the screen, unable to focus. I put in my earbuds, but didn’t turn on any music. I was useless.

  I tried not to think about what I’d rather be doing. Instead I sat pretty much thinking nothing, my mind wandering over all that had happened in the last few days, always returning to that tiny thread of khi connecting me with Madóran, fragile and precious. A treasure.

  Did these people even realize how much he gave them? They all respected him, and I hadn’t exaggerated when I’d said they revered him. But did they remember all the gifts he gave them, large and small? Half the artwork and furniture in the house—and parts of the house itself—had been made by him. The ælven were all amazingly talented, but for multiple talent and sheer artistry, Madóran outshone them all.

  I had to stop dwelling on it. There were no answers to my questions, or at least none that I could demand.

  I drank some tea. It was already cooling. With an effort, I managed to finish three of my molecular biology problems before my brain refused to do any more.

  I closed the laptop and took out my earbuds. Leaving them on the table, I took my tea to the kitchen to warm it up in the microwave. Caeran didn’t like using it; he said it disrupted khi. I suddenly believed him, because while it was running I couldn’t sense the connection with Madóran. I was afraid I’d lost it, but when the microwave shut off I found it again, and felt ridiculously relieved.

  I took my tea out on the patio. It was full dark, now, but I didn’t bother to turn on the light. Easing into a chair, I wondered where the hunters were and whether they were continuing to negotiate.

  Pirian was unpredictable, possibly unreliable. Part of me would be glad if he left, though I’d feel sorry for Savhoran. Pirian hadn’t been a great clan-brother for him, but he might be better than none.

  Movement caught my eye; something jumped down into the yard from the wall at the back right corner. At first I thought it was a cat, then it rose and resolved into a human form.

  No—not human. But definitely female.

  I took a sharp breath.

  Madóran—someone—

  Blinding pain seared through my head.

  = 16 =

  My body went limp, out of my control. I heard my mug hit the concrete and shatter.

  The female—the alben—was coming. I couldn’t move, but I could tell she was getting closer.

  The pain in my head didn’t stop. There was something that should have helped, but I couldn’t concentrate enough to remember what it was.

  Where is he?

  Her voice was like nails on a chalkboard. With it came her anger, impatience, and something more—arousal?

  I was horrified.

  She must not have expected an answer. She’d certainly made it impossible for me to give her one.

  Fire crawled through my brain. There was something familiar about it, a nasty, prickling undertone that I’d felt before.

  From Pirian, when he spoke to me.

  The thought reminded me of what this alben had done to him, the mass of cuts on his chest.

  I was going to die, I realized. In a very nasty way.

  A loud bang behind me. The pain suddenly vanished.

  I heard a grunt, masculine, and then another bang. Caeran’s voice called out in ælven, a command.

  I saw the silhouette of the alben pause, maybe five
yards away. So close!

  Caeran strode into the yard. The alben shifted, then turned and ran staggering back the way she came. Caeran followed, but stopped as she went over the wall.

  The air around him glowed. The buzz of khi was everywhere. I closed my eyes as a shudder went through me.

  Steven.

  I felt a shadow move beside me. Looked up at Madóran. He reached his hands toward me, then paused.

  May I?

  I nodded. He put his hands on either side of my head, and filled me with light.

  Echoes of pain that I hadn’t known were still there faded. Warmth and love were all that I knew. Madóran’s healing spread through me, following paths I now realized the alben had blazed though my mind.

  She had searched me, while I was helpless. Looking for Pirian.

  Let me see.

  For a moment I didn’t understand, then I realized Madóran was asking me to let go of a barrier I didn’t even know I had raised. I had to take a couple of deep breaths before I could relax enough to drop it. The warmth filled that last, frightened corner of me, the part of myself that I had instinctively protected.

  You are becoming skilled at controlling your thoughts.

  It was praise. I was too numb to respond.

  Come inside.

  Madóran took his hands from my head, only to offer them to help me stand. I felt shaky enough to be grateful.

  Caeran came back and opened the kitchen door for us. Broken pottery crunched beneath my feet.

  Never mind. We will deal with it later.

  Madóran led me to Lomen’s room and gently urged me to lie on the bed. He sat beside me, taking my hand.

  This should never have happened, Steven. Forgive our carelessness.

  Not your fault.

  We assumed that because she had fed, she would not be a danger to you. We were wrong.

  I was having trouble stringing thoughts together. Shock?

  Yes. Rest now. You will recover.

  Don’t leave.

  I won’t.

  I closed my eyes and lay basking in Madóran’s khi. Stray thoughts flicked through me. Madóran had already been tired. What was this costing him?

  The alben was looking for Pirian. Did he know?

  Caeran came and had a short conversation with Madóran in ælven. I didn’t have the energy to be offended at being excluded. Ælven business; I probably couldn’t help even if I’d wanted to.