Through the Windshield Glass

by Kristen Day

  "Don't let her die again, okay? She deserves a long life this time; she probably deserves it more than anyone I've ever met. Don't let her get killed while you're fighting this war, you can use me as bait all you want, but the second that little girl is in danger because of a decision of yours, I'm done. I mean that."

  "I know you do," Michael replied, "believe me, I would rather die than see her get hurt, especially now that I know how she got here. You have my word that nothing will happen to her, or you for that matter."

  "Your word on her life is enough for me," I said. I was almost beginning to warm up to Michael. I figured someone was willing to risk his life to protect a little girl who had reminded him how to smile he couldn't be that bad.

  Michael nodded, "I have to go find Leigh, Kinga wants to speak with her."

  Michael turned to leave, but I asked him to stop, "Besides keeping her safe, make sure she doesn't forget how to smile."

  "I'm not sure someone like her could ever forget," Michael replied. Then he was gone.

  I looked to Maria, but she had laid down on my bed and appeared to be fast asleep. I tried joining her, but the more I tried to sleep, the more it evaded me. I just sat there holding Maria's hand for hours as the ceiling went from sunset, to deep black. The smallest bit of light blue had started to appear in one corner of my room before I closed my eyes and was able to sleep.

  Chapter Twenty-three

  Three days passed, I took care of Maria and she came to recognize me for the most part. We saw Mrs. Cole a few times in the kitchen. Her movements were dull and sad, defeated. She wouldn't meet my eyes, but I felt her gaze chasing Maria and I as we got our food and sat down to eat.

  I still hadn't attempted a trip outside. For one thing I was terrified that all of this really was just another door and if I went outside I'd end up back in the hallway waiting for some kind of inspiration on how to get out again.

  Deep down I knew I wasn't just in a door, everything here was too real, and all my experiences in the doors had been brief and to the point. It had taken mere seconds to fall in love with Daman, and I'd only gone through misery for a little more than a day.

  I had been more than a week in this ‘Beyond’ place and still hadn’t gone anywhere or done anything of importance. I did nearly the same thing every day expecting a different result. I believe that is the definition of insanity, I was closer than I ever had been in the hallway. I was experiencing cabin fever like never before.

  Now that I was around Maria constantly I longed to talk to someone else. My mind frequently drifted to Michael and conversations I might have with him. I could tell from the brief run-ins we’d had that he would be an excellent conversationalist; unfortunately he hadn’t come to visit me since Leigh had forced him to and I didn’t think he would come on his own again.

  Maria continued to improve a little, by dinner on the third day she was able to eat all her food without spilling a drop on her clothes and she had swatted my hand away when I tried to help her get into some pajamas. Clean clothes kept appearing whenever they were needed, every time I changed or helped　Maria change we'd just drop the soiled clothes on the ground and by morning or when we got back from the next meal they'd be gone.

  It was something of a miracle, had something like that happened when I was alive I would have worried that I was being haunted by a strangely unobtrusive ghost maid. However, since I was already dead I didn’t think there were ghosts to haunt anymore; it was inexplicable that clothes—in my taste even—would show up when needed, and I just had to accept that.

  Eventually though, I got accustomed to the appearance of the clothing, my oddly clean room, the lighting, and the way my door worked. I needed something new and exciting to keep me busy, as there had been no word on Michael’s furtive meeting.

  Finally, I got curious enough to tell my door to give me a closet. I'd experimented with it quietly while Maria was sleeping and I couldn't shut my brain down until dawn. I had found that if　I asked nicely or in desperation for　something it would usually appear.

  "I need a closet, please," I said to the door.

  As always, there was no hint that the door had changed where it would open to, but I hoped I would find something new behind it anyway.

  I did, an empty closet with wooden shelves and nothing more. I closed the door and tried again, asking specifically for a closet full of clothes for Maria and I.

  This time when I opened the door I got exactly what I asked for, a gigantic closet lay before me. Its contents displayed in a way that reminded me of a department store. I saw the green dress Maria had worn the first day I found her; it had been cleaned of all syrup stains and looked brand new.　There were even dress clothes, including the skirt and blouse I'd been buried in. When I saw those　I hid them behind　a wide hoop skirt I'd never wear without being forced or bribed heavily. I would have stayed there for longer, or experimented with the door more, but dawn was tearing at the edge of the ceiling and I knew Maria would be upset if she woke up and I wasn't where she could immediately feel me.

  I had noticed that she responded more to touch than anything; she was more likely to communicate when I was holding her hand or playing with her hair. Otherwise, she stayed as quiet and reclusive as the first day. I wanted to go outside badly, I had a thought that it might help Maria because used to run cross country in high school. I hoped the grass and smell of the air would awaken something inside her. I decided I'd try to take her out after lunch that day.

  It wasn't hard to convince Maria to put on a pretty floral sundress and go for a walk outside, it was almost impossible to convince myself to try it.

  I stood　in front of　my door for nearly five minutes, holding　Maria's hand and trying to push out the words that were sitting on my tongue, but　they wouldn't come, at least not until I　asked myself: What would Leigh do?

  That was enough for me to　speak, "I want to go outside," I told my door, then added, "please."

  The first thing I noticed　was the smell of warm grass, the scent overwhelmed me and I felt lightheaded, the sun was too bright, and my jeans and converse immediately felt too hot for the weather.　Huge white walls surrounded a courtyard of grass, small children were playing tag on the grass, sweating out their almost unquenchable thirst for adventure. Adults were sitting in small groups, talking and laughing, a few daring teens sat quietly with each other, their bodies positioned in such a way as to hide the fact they were holding hands.

  It had the feel of a normal park, but I didn't feel like I belonged, I attempted to back away and close the door, resolving to try again tomorrow, but Maria let go of my hand and stepped forward into the sun.

  As soon as Maria felt the natural heat touch her skin she spread her arms and tilted her head back　to stare at　the sky. It was the most I'd seen her respond to any kind of stimulus, she even appeared to be smiling ever so slightly. Unexpectedly, tears sprung to my eyes, she looked like her old self, she was acting like her old self, even for only just a moment, Maria was back. I didn't dare touch her, I was afraid I would pull her back into her near catatonic state if I did, so I stood next to her. A cool breeze toyed with Maria's hair; the sun brought out its copper tones and made Maria look even more beautiful than normal.

  In that instance I remembered the jealousy I had always felt for Maria's easy beauty, but it didn't seem so important here, for once I didn't want to trade places with her. I still had my memories, I still knew my name, and I still had the ability to take care of myself, whereas Maria had returned to the state of a very young child, unable to accomplish even some of the simplest tasks.

  After a while Maria laid back in the grass with her eyes closed, her hair spread like a halo. A chill flitted up my spine as I remembered the day Maria had died; I couldn't look at her anymore with that thought in my head, so I turned to look at where I had just come from.

  All that I could see was another massive white wall stretching up towards the sky with a single door in the middle, not very
subtle for somewhere that was supposedly harboring the hope of Beyond. I looked up into the sky, the sun was blinding, but there was something odd about the sky, the blue wasn't as pure as it should have been, like I was looking at it through polarized or one-way glass.

  "We're underground," I whispered.

  “Don’t go spreading that fact around,” Kinga’s voice said from behind me. She was standing next to Maria who was still lying on the ground without a care in the world.

  “Why are there so many secrets here? Wouldn’t we be in a better position if everyone knew how to help?” I asked. My very words were a challenge and Kinga knew it, but she didn’t rise.

  “Not everyone is strong enough to go face to face with Alecsander,” Kinga said. She quickly changed the subject, “where did you find Perdita?”

  “Perdita?”

  Kinga pointed to Maria, “Perdita, meaning lost, where did you find her? I went to check on her today and she was gone. Michael said she’s been improving though.”

  “I found her in a hallway, I’ve been helping take care of her, she was my best friend when we were alive.”

  Kinga nodded, “You may continue to do so, we had been unsuccessful in even getting her dressed when she was awake and you’ve been able to get her outside. Michael also tells me you’ve been doing better at answering to Ira, that is very good. Soon it will come as second nature and you will not have to fight it.”

  I bit my lip to keep myself from asking her how she could be so unfeeling, “I guess,” I said, “would you tell me what your name was before you came here?”

  “That is an irrelevant bit of information, as it always will be. A person’s past does not matter here, we have to constantly be looking forward to the future and if you continue to press me or others for their earthly names I will have to assign someone else to care for Perdita.”

  I nodded stiffly; afraid to say more for fear that Kinga would follow through on her threat.

  “Why did you call her Perdita?” I asked.

  “Because she is lost, as I said. She, like Leigh, went through all twelve doors. Everyone but Leigh who has done that has ended up like Perdita. It is my belief that each of the doors strips away a part of your being until you’re left like your friend; empty and lost. Those who are lucky escape, though not all of us unscathed.” Kinga gestured to my hand with the circle on it.

  I tried not to close my hand as I asked Kinga how she had escaped.

  “I refused to enter any of the doors. When one opened I would shut it, I’d been through hell as a slave, I didn’t need someone else trying to break me. It went on like that until I’d closed all the doors. The next time one opened I saw this place, I looked around behind me and all the other doors had disappeared so I finally walked through. I've been here ever since."

  "Then how are you a princess?" the words came out of my mouth before I could stop them.

  "Because the king was the first person I met here; he and his wife never had children and I became the adoptive heir to the throne. We were overthrown the day I was to be married."

  "How did the king get overthrown?"

  Kinga seemed hesitant to speak, as though she wasn't sure if I was trustworthy enough to share this information with. I was surprised when she actually consented to tell me, "Do not ask for more information than what I tell you.”

  When I nodded Kinga continued, "Alecsander came with his brother to the palace. He seduced the queen away, and kidnapped the king.　Alecs--Alecsander had been there long enough to recruit followers, important followers who helped him escape. Michael and I fled and have been trying to devise a way to defeat Alecsander ever since."

  "Who was the brother Da-- I mean Alecsander came with?"

  "Michael of course, who else would have been there that long with family?"

  I tried not to gasp. Michael was Daman's brother? I couldn't believe it, they were so opposite, but as I thought on it I remembered all the similarities in their appearances, the way they both ran the same hand through their hair, they even walked the same.

  “Why are you telling me this?”

  "It is hard to believe, but what I have told you is common knowledge," Kinga said, then added, "don’t bring it up to Michael. No one else knows that he is Alecsander’s brother, I’m not even sure why I told you.”

  I shook my head as a sign that I wouldn't dream of betraying her, at least not to her face. I was utterly perplexed. Kinga had seemed so hard and like nothing could shake her. Yet when she was talking about losing the queen and king and fleeing her home, her voice had caught. And when she'd spoken about Michael there was tenderness in her voice, as though she truly cared about him.

  And yet, I had heard her slip on Alecsander’s name. She had called him Alecs at first, a nickname. Stunning realization hit me as I connected that information with the circle on her palm. Daman had gone after her too. Why hadn’t Michael proposed Kinga as bait, she would be more than willing to do it, I knew there must be something I was missing in the story.

  "I have some things I need to attend to. There has been a new breakthrough in the strategies we have been developing. Maybe when you have recovered more from the shock of being here you will prove to be an asset in the oncoming battles."

  Just like that Kinga's facade was back. No emotion gave away anything in her voice; her words had been just as biting and condescending as when she had reprimanded me for talking to Mrs. Cole.

  "Sure," was the only thing I could think of to say. Kinga nodded and went through the door in the wall. Suddenly, I was feeling lightheaded, I joined Maria on the ground and tried to forget everything Kinga had told me. It was impossible; anytime Michael or Daman entered my head the other accompanied them. I would not be able to look at Michael any longer without thinking of his brother, I wondered if I would be able to trust him at all.

  I was almost asleep when a shadow fell over me. I opened one eye and saw Leigh looking down at me, "I thought you were dead again," she said.

  I sat up and blinked in the sun, "No, just tired. What are you doing out here?"

  Leigh put her hands on her hips, "What do you think I'm doing? I'm here to get you, it's almost time for the meeting."

  It took a few moments for everything to click into place. I had forgotten I'd agreed to help Da-- Michael with his plans.

  "Right," I said. I pushed myself off the ground and looked down at Maria who was still basking in the sun. I nudged her with my foot and her eyes flicked open without hesitation. When she saw Leigh she got up and hugged the little girl.

  Leigh giggled and hugged Maria right back.

  "I like her, she's pretty and nice, just like you."

  "Can you say thank you?" I asked Maria. I'd been working on her speech in between meals and had almost gotten her to say a few words. Her favorite to attempt was 'Alice', but the 'li' kind of got lost in her untrained throat.

  Maria didn't respond to my question so Leigh asked it, "Say thank you."

  Leigh showed Maria how to move her mouth and tongue and had placed Maria's hand on her throat so she could feel the vibration as Leigh pronounced the words.

  "Thank you," Leigh said again. Then she put a hand on Maria's throat and told her to repeat.

  " 'Ank 'oo," Maria said. The words were more like a grunt than a show of gratitude and it took every effort Maria possessed to make them come, but they were words nonetheless.

  I gaped at Leigh, "How did you do that? I've been trying to get her to do that for three days!"

  "You just have to show them how to do it right. I've been practicing with the other people like her, but I've never been able to get them outside, how did you do that?"

  "I just held her hand and as soon as she saw the sun she was gone. She really likes to hold hands."

  Leigh smiled and grabbed Maria's hand, once again, Maria looked normal. Her eyes glowed with life and she looked at Leigh as though she really did know who she was.

  "You hold my other hand and I'll take you to the meeting," Lei
gh said. She extended her free hand to me and I took it.

  Leigh led the way with confidence, not once stopping to ask why my hand was sweating profusely.

  Chapter Twenty-four

  Michael was right behind the door waiting for me, "I'm glad you could make it," he said.

  "I didn't come for you, it was Leigh," I was being mean again. I had to be, all I could see was Daman, and it helped to be angry rather than afraid. The deception was gone when I blinked, but for a few terrifying moments I thought Daman had found me already.

  Michael sighed and stepped aside so I could see the rest of the room and its fifty or so occupants. Avery was there of course, but if there were any familiar faces I couldn't put names, real or fake, to them. Most were men, but there were a few women, their faces hard, raking me up and down with their eyes as though judging whether or not I was going to be valuable to them or if they should kick me out now.

  "She's a little small," one of the women said. Easy for her to say, she was taller than Kinga and twice as broad, most of the men looked small compared to her.

  "Be nice, Max, she might be the way to Alecsander," it was Avery who spoke. I know it was his way of sticking up for me, but it didn't make me feel any better.

  "If I agree to help you," I said without thinking.

  Max 　rose up out of her chair as though she wanted nothing more than to wring my neck, I tried not to flinch, but it was difficult.

  "Maxine, calm down," Michael said in a cool but commanding tone, then he turned to me, "I thought you already agreed to help."

  Michael had me there, I had, but I'd agreed to help to for Leigh, not him.

  "Fine, but if I don't like your plan—"

  "If you don't like our plan you can leave," Michael said, "but if you tell anyone what we're doing, I can't know what the consequences will be."

  "Are you threatening me?" I asked, “It’s not like I can die again and I’m already pretty miserable here.”