Ray of Hope

by Vanessa Davis Griggs

  A few tears began to fall. Sahara wiped them away quickly. “Ma Ray, I didn’t do anything wrong. You have to believe me!”

  “I’m not saying that you did. All I’m asking is, where did that thing come from?”

  Sahara walked over to the trashcan, ripped the joint up, then threw its remnants in the can. “It’s gone! Okay? Now can we just drop this whole thing?”

  Aaron came in the kitchen. Sahara looked at him, then stormed out of the room.

  Aaron looked at Crystal, then Ma Ray. “What’s wrong?”

  “Go on and get those sodas you asked for,” Ma Ray said to Crystal as she made sure that all the eyes on the stove were completely turned off.

  Aaron looked at Crystal as though he wanted to ask the question again. Crystal shook her head quickly to let him know not to ask it.

  Ma Ray patted Crystal on her back. “Be good. You all go on back to what you were doing. It’s going to be all right.”

  “Are you sure, Ma Ray?” Crystal asked.

  “I’m sure. Go on back, now. I’m going up to check on your sister.” Ma Ray left the kitchen and went up the stairs to Sahara’s room.

  Chapter 24

  And if thou utter this our business, then we will be quit of thine oath which thou hast made us to swear.

  —Joshua 2:20

  Ma Ray knocked on Sahara’s bedroom door.

  “I really don’t feel like talking right now,” Sahara said.

  Ma Ray pushed the door open and walked in. She gingerly sat down on the bed and began to brush down Sahara’s hair with her hand as Sahara lay facedown on the bedspread. Ma Ray began to chuckle a little. “I remember when you were first born. Oh, my goodness, you were such a smart little baby. You were all alert and looking around. Then when you started talking, you were so curious about what everything was. ‘What’s this? What’s that?’ I know all children ask questions, but you”— she patted Sahara on her back—“you wanted to have conversations about it after you found out what it was. You wanted to know how it worked, what it did, what else could it do.”

  Sahara flipped over and looked up at Ma Ray. “You always do that,” Sahara said.

  “Do what?”

  “You always try to make us feel better by telling us stories about when we were younger. Well, I’m not a little girl anymore.”

  “Yeah, but, you’re still that same curious child. You’re independent, and you like to find out things, even if you have to find out all on your own.”

  Sahara sat up. “Ma Ray, I didn’t do anything wrong. Yes, I had that thing on me. But I didn’t smoke it. I could have, but I didn’t. And I know you’re probably thinking that maybe I had more than just that one, and I may have smoked it before I came inside. But I didn’t. I promise you, I didn’t.”

  “And I believe you,” Ma Ray said.

  Sahara lowered her head and the tone of her voice. “You believe me?”

  “Yes. If you say you didn’t smoke anything, I believe you.” Ma Ray picked up Sahara’s hand and began to pat it. “I asked you where you got it from. It was a simple question. We’re way out here in the country. It’s not like you have easy access to something like that around here. At least, I wouldn’t have thought so.”

  “Ma Ray, it’s not important where I got it from.”

  “Oh, I beg the difference,” Ma Ray said.

  “Of course you do.”

  “The question is: why don’t you want to tell me?” Ma Ray released a quiet sigh. “That guy I caught in our house early Saturday morning couldn’t have given it to you. I never took my eyes off him. Andre and Aaron have been here. Then there was the time while we were at church.”

  “I know you couldn’t possibly think the Poppins brothers are responsible,” Sahara said as though the very thought repulsed her.

  “The Poppins brothers?”

  “Yeah, you know, like in Mary Poppins. The perfect little gentlemen: Andre and Aaron.”

  “I wouldn’t think either of them did, but I’m not naive enough to put anything past anyone. So did you get it from someone at church?”

  Sahara popped her lips. “Ybu mean those folks at your church?”

  “Well, I know you talked to the pastor’s daughter. That girl sort of has a reputation, although I wasn’t buying into it. But I wouldn’t put too much past anybody. So is that where you got that thing from? From her or some other teen at church?”

  “No, Ma Ray. Listen, I’m not going to tell you where I got it from. Now, if that gets me in trouble or if you want to call my mother and have her come get me, then do what you have to do.” Sahara folded her arms.

  Ma Ray reached over and pulled Sahara into her arms. “Baby girl, I have no intentions of calling your mother about this. You say you didn’t smoke anything while you were out there, and I’m going to believe you. I just hope you feel free to always tell me the truth. But I’m here for you. I promise you that. I’m here for you. And as long as there is breath inside of me, you have my oath that I’ll be here for you. I’m fighting for you right now. I pray for you all the time. I believe somehow God is going to help me get through to your true worth.” Ma Ray shook her head. “If only you knew just how valuable you are to God. Well, God didn’t give up on me, and I know He’s not giving up on you. So if God believes in you, then who am I to argue with the Lord?”

  Sahara pulled away and tilted her head upward. “I just keep messing up. I don’t know why you believe me or trust me.” She looked in Ma Ray’s eyes. “I’m certainly not giving you much of a reason to, that’s for sure.”

  “Because”—Ma Ray smiled—“you are fearfully and wonderfully made in the Lord. You’re going to figure this all out. We’ve all messed up and fallen short of the glory of God. And that’s a fact.” She tapped Sahara softly on her nose.

  “Even you, Ma Ray? For real? You really think I believe you’ve ever done anything really wrong or bad?”

  Ma Ray laughed. “Oh, you’d be surprised. When I tell you that God will make you into a new creature, you’re looking at what God can do. I’m going to say to you what Sarah said—”

  “Sarah?”

  “Yeah, in the Bible. She was married to Abraham. Had that child in her old age.”

  “I thought you were talking about a real person,” Sahara said.

  “She was real. I hope you don’t think the Bible is fairy tales. Those things in there are for our benefit…. They’re recorded to encourage and guide us. So, as I was saying. Sister Sarah asked, ‘Is there anything too hard for God?’ And I’m going to tell you this. No, there’s nothing too hard for God. Not you, not me, not the worst sinner out there who’s done the worst thing you can think of. Okay, so, you’ve gotten off track. God is a God of second chances.” Ma Ray stopped. “What say we have a little prayer now.”

  Sahara shrugged. “Fine with me.”

  “Do you want to do it?”

  “Me?” Sahara’s voice squeaked. “Pray?”

  “Yes, you. Pray.”

  Sahara shook her head. “No. I don’t want to pray. You can do it.” Sahara then held Ma Ray’s hand, closed her eyes, lowered her head, and waited on Ma Ray to begin.

  Chapter 25

  And she said, According unto your words, so be it. And she sent them away, and they departed: and she bound the scarlet line in the window.

  —Joshua 2:21

  The phone rang. Ma Ray answered it. “Sahara!” Ma Ray yelled up the stairs. “Phone’s for you.”

  Sahara picked up the phone. “Hello.”

  “Hey,” the voice said. It wasn’t who she was thought it was. To her surprise, Sahara let out a sigh of relief.

  “Andre?”

  “Did I catch you at a bad time?”

  “No. I was just sitting here.” She got comfortable in the bed. “What’s up?”

  He laughed.

  “What’s so funny?” Sahara asked.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to laugh. It’s just that I didn’t expect you to be nice or polite to me. It feels
weird. You kind of caught me off guard.”

  “What are you trying to say? That I’m not a nice person?”

  “No, not at all. I’m sorry. I don’t think that came out right. You’re a nice enough person. It’s just you and I generally don’t often have too many nice conversations.”

  “Yeah, well, today … is today. So what do you need?”

  “I was calling to see if you might be interested in going to Bible study tomorrow night … at my church. We’re getting ready for the conference. A lot of the people who have signed up will be there. It will give you and Crystal a chance to meet some of the folks. That way you won’t feel so out of place. Plus, we have a really great Bible study. That’s how Aaron and I ended up becoming members of this church. Our grandmother was going to another church. Aaron and I visited this church, and it impacted us in such a profound way, Grandmother decided to go and check it out.”

  “Check it out? What kind of a church is this?”

  He laughed a little. “It’s a regular church, but you know how older people are. If you’re doing anything different than what they’re used to, they start thinking the place may be a cult in disguise. Grandmother had never seen me and Aaron excited about going to church. She heard a few things we were talking about that happened at church, and she decided if it was a cult, she was going to squash us going before we got too inducted.”

  “Wait a minute now,” Sahara said. “I didn’t agree to come to some crazy place myself.”

  “It’s not like that. That’s what my grandmother discovered when she came. We believe in God, we believe in Jesus, we believe in the Holy Spirit. The pastor is in his early thirties, so that kind of threw my grandmother off a little. She’s used to old heads who don’t ever want to retire or turn things over to the younger folks coming along, as the pastor. But when she visited, she saw that the Gospel of Jesus Christ was being preached and going forth strong in that church. It took her a minute, but within six months, before we knew what was happening, Grandmother was going up front to join the church. Now, we’re all there together, heartily serving the Lord.”

  “Sounds sweet,” Sahara said. “But I’m not really looking for any life-changing experiences. And I’m especially not looking for one at a church. I hope you know that the only reason I’m going to this youth conference is to make my grandmother happy.”

  “Oh, I got that. You’ve made that much abundantly clear. I was just thinking you might like Bible study. Who knows, maybe you’ll find what you’re looking for before the conference takes place.”

  “Who says I’m looking for anything?”

  “Everything about you says it,” Andre said.

  “See. Now do you get why I act like I do about you? You’re so self-righteous. You don’t know a thing about me, yet there you are: judging me. That’s what you church folks try to do to folks. You know that everybody has something going on in their lives, so you try to find out what it might be and try to exploit it or capitalize on it. Well, Andre Woods, what you’re trying to do is not going to work on me. I’m here because my grandmother is convinced she can help me act better, where my own mother has failed. I’m doing my time, and before long, I’ll be released and back home. I don’t want to upset my grandmother because she’s old and, quite honestly, I know she really loves me. I don’t want to do anything to hurt or upset her.”

  “Are you finished?”

  “I’ll let you know when I’m finished,” Sahara snapped back. “I don’t need you trying to look down your holier-than-thou nose at me.”

  “Sahara, I love you—”

  “What?” She spat the word out. “What did you just say to me?”

  “I said I love you with the love of the Lord. God loves you,” Andre said.

  “Well, I can’t stand you. And I don’t need you trying to be all sanctimonious with me. I don’t need your love.”

  “God loves you, Sahara. That’s what I’m hearing in my spirit right now. God wants you to know how much He loves you. He sees you, and He wants you to know that He loves you.”

  “Okay, we’re done!”

  “But you didn’t answer my question.”

  “What question?”

  “Would you like to go to Bible study tomorrow night?”

  “You want an answer to your question? You want me to answer your question? Well, here’s your answer, Andre.” She slammed the phone down. “That’s my answer,” she said to the hung-up phone. “Can you hear me now? Can you hear me now?’”

  * * *

  After Aaron left around eleven, Sahara went downstairs and sat in the room with the red draperies. Ma Ray came in to close them. “I’ll close those for you, Ma Ray,” Sahara said. Ma Ray kissed her good night and left. Sahara walked over to the draperies and pulled them closed. She stood there for another two minutes before opening them back. She took one of the draperies and began to twist it to look like a cord.

  Sahara sat down on the floor next to the twisted panel and began to cry. “God, please help me. I don’t like my life right now. I do want things to be different. I really do. I just don’t know how. I don’t know how to fix things. Please, God. Please, God. Help me.”

  Chapter 26

  And they went, and came unto the mountain, and abode there three days, until the pursuers were returned: and the pursuers sought them throughout all the way, but found them not.

  —Joshua 2:22

  Crystal had tried talking Sahara into going to Bible study with her. Aaron was coming to pick her up at six-thirty. He’d said Bible study began at seven, and no one liked being late, not even people who normally went through life keeping CPT (Colored People Time) like his grandmother. Sahara could see how excited her sister was. She just wasn’t sure if her sister’s excitement wasn’t more because of Aaron than going to some Bible study.

  After Crystal left, the phone rang. Sahara answered it on the second ring, beating Ma Ray to it. Turns out, it was a good thing she did.

  “Hey, Sahara, what happened last night?” Junebug said.

  “I’m sorry,” said Sahara. “I told you I might run into some problems.”

  “I understand. I knew you said that, but I was still hoping. So what are you doing now?”

  “Nothing much. Just finished reading a book.”

  “Reading a book? Hey, listen, can you get out for a little while?”

  “Not really. My grandmother is here. She didn’t go to Bible study.”

  “Doesn’t that old bat ever take a nap or go to sleep or something?”

  “What did you just say?”

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean anything by it. I’m just frustrated. I was really looking forward to seeing you last night,” Junebug said. “So, why don’t you meet me at your spot? I can be there in ten.”

  “I don’t know about that. I’m supposed to be helping Ma Ray finish putting up her canning,” Sahara lied. “You know how these folks are when it comes to canning. And Ma Ray got bushels of stuff. She’s been working on finishing them all this week.”

  “Let your sister help her. I want to see you. Thirty minutes. That’s pretty much all I need. Surely you can get away for about thirty minutes.”

  “Normally I could. But Ma Ray is counting on me.”

  “Oh, okay. Well, never let it be said that I forced any woman into doing anything she didn’t want to. Maybe next time.”

  Sahara bit down on her bottom lip. “Yeah. Maybe next time.” She looked up at the ceiling. “Well, I have to go.”

  “Sure. I’ll hit you up later. Peace out.”

  “Peace out.” Sahara softly placed the phone on the hook. She went downstairs to the kitchen. “Want some help?” she asked Ma Ray.

  “Wow. Of course I’d love some help,” Ma Ray said. “Grab some of those jars and help me fill them with these stewed tomatoes.”

  Sahara did as instructed. “These are so pretty,” Sahara said as she looked at the bright red through the glass Mason jars.

  “Yeah. To be honest, the thin
g I love most about canning is the therapy I seem to get from doing it. You feel that much closer to God. I mean, you take something He has kissed with His love, and you lovingly put it in a safe place to see, capture, and hold on to that beauty. Even the idea behind canning is to preserve. You take something that could spoil or go bad, and you put it in a place to keep it fresh and beautiful for as long as possible until it’s ready for good use.”

  Sahara smiled. “It sounds like you’re talking about me.” She looked at Ma Ray. “I guess we could say that my mother sent me and Crystal here so you could can … preserve us, in a way.”

  “Hmmm, I never thought of it that way.”

  “Ma Ray, I’m really sorry for all the trouble I seem to have caused you since I’ve been here.”

  Ma Ray went and kissed her on the forehead. “It’s going to be all right. You’re going to make me so proud one of these days, I just know you are. You’re like the plants outside. We plant, we water, we prune, we fertilize, and still the weeds try to take over. Bugs try to infest—ruin the beauty of the blooms. But when we care, we keep pruning, we keep digging up the weeds that would just as well choke out the good we want to thrive. We squash the bugs. The flowers grow and bloom. And if we’re blessed, we get to enjoy the fruits of our labor. The Bible says, ‘One plants, one waters, but God gives the increase.’”

  The doorbell rang. Ma Ray scratched her head. “Wonder who that could be?” She went to the door and came back with a visitor. “Look at what the cat dragged in,” Ma Ray said to Sahara.

  “Hi, Sahara,” the man, dressed to the nines, said.

  “Junebug?” Sahara said it as though she hadn’t seen him in years. “What are you doing here?”

  “I heard you were here. My mother told me. I remembered you from when you were a young girl, and I thought I’d come by to say hello.” He walked over and hugged her.

  “I haven’t seen you in many a moons,” Ma Ray said.

  “Yes, ma’am, I know.”

  “You don’t attend church anymore. At least not there with your folks,” Ma Ray said.