The Love Series Complete Box Set

by Melissa Collins

  “No, Melanie, she most certainly doesn’t. But she’s got us to take care of her and that’s exactly what we’ll do. Speaking of,” I tip my head toward the stairs as I get up from the table, “I’m going to go check on her now. Make sure she’s okay.”

  Melanie nods and smiles weakly at me as I leave the room, lost to her own private thoughts about how to best deal with this bombshell.

  By the time I get to our room, Lucy’s already out of the tub, sitting on the edge of the bed in one of my T-shirts and her pink fluffy robe. Her face looks exhausted, her eyes puffy from all the crying. She curls into my arms before my ass even hits the mattress.

  “I’m so scared. I just . . . I mean . . . what if, what if . . .” she chokes out past her tears.

  “Shh . . . shh.” I try to calm her but she rips herself out of my arms.

  Standing in front of me, her fists balled tightly at her sides, she’s vibrating with anger. “Why is life so fucking unfair, huh?” She throws her arms up in the air, flippantly huffing her frustrations to the ceiling. “Who the fuck decides how much pain one person gets in their lifetime?” She starts pacing the room frantically. Her sudden rage takes me by surprise, so much so I just don’t know what to do right away. So I just listen and let her get everything out.

  “What have I ever done wrong? What did I ever do to deserve this on top of everything else? Or Chloe for that matter. What on Earth did that poor, sweet girl ever do wrong? Hell, she didn’t even get to live long enough to do anything wrong!” Her voice is near screaming, and in between her bursts of anger, I hear Melanie jogging up the stairs.

  “And Jimmy,” she grabs his bottle of cologne from the dresser where she still keeps it, even after all these years. “Why is it fair that he was taken from me . . . from Melanie . . . why?” Her voice cracks with the yell as she hurls the bottle clear across the room. Melanie cracks the door open slightly, just as the bottle collides with the wall, smashing into hundreds of tiny shards. We both watch on, not exactly sure how to handle Lucy’s breakdown. Though completely understanding of it, neither of us knows how to react to it.

  When the silence becomes too much, Lucy collapses to the floor. Shaking, sobbing and heaving through her pain, I kneel before her and wrap my arms around her. All too willingly, she curls her arms around me and continues crying. “I−I’m . . . s−so s-orry . . .” Her words are broken up by shorts gasps of breath as her sobs get stuck in her throat. Melanie falls to the floor with us and wraps her arms around Lucy from behind. “It’s okay, Mom. Everything’s going to be okay. And even if it’s not, we’ve got each other to figure out how to make it be okay in the end.”

  Lucy chuffs out a small laugh against my t-shirt. “How’d you get to be so smart?” Lucy shifts so she’s sitting cross-legged in between Melanie and me. We exchange a brief look, before Melanie says, “I guess it’s just one of those things I picked up from you over the years. I love you, Mom, and we are going to beat this. All of us. Together. As a family, right, Evan?”

  “Without a doubt.” I’ve never said anything with more conviction. I know in the deepest recesses of what I thought was a broken heart, I will never be anything but a part of this family.

  “God, look what I did. I’m sorry. I should clean . . .” She moves to stand up, but I beat her to it.

  “I’ll get it.” I cover her shaking hands with mine.

  Lucy walks Melanie to her room while I clean up the mess. Just as I’m done vacuuming up the last shard of glass from the rug, Lucy comes back into the room.

  “I shouldn’t have done that.”

  I walk over to her and we sink into the large armchair in the corner of the room. “It’s okay to be angry. You don’t have to be so. . . . so. . . . so ‘Lucy’ all the time.”

  She quirks an eyebrow at me, wordlessly asking me to explain what it means exactly to be “Lucy.”

  “I mean that you’re always so calm and in control, so strong and determined. It’s okay to be upset and weak, to need someone else to be strong for you.” I press my lips against her silky hair. “I’m here to be that strength for you. Just let me.”

  With her arms wrapped so tightly around me, it actually becomes difficult to breathe. Against the thin cotton of my shirt, she mumbles, “but what if this is all the time we get?”

  I peel her away from my body, holding her shoulder in a firm grasp. “Listen to me, Lucy. There is no way in hell that this is all the time you get, that we get. We are going to beat this thing and we don’t even know what we’re up against here. It could still be nothing.” I pull her back to my chest and rock her back and forth, repeating my last words over and over in my head, a silent prayer offered up to a God I stopped believing in long ago.

  The next morning, I wake up before Lucy. Well, it’s not really waking up if you didn’t sleep at all. She’s still curled in a ball at my side, so I carefully slide my arm out from underneath her, kissing the top of her head lightly as I get out of bed.

  Melanie’s still asleep and the house is peaceful and quiet. It’s just me and my own thoughts − the ones I’ve been struggling with all night. As the sun rises up through the amber-colored horizon, my anger battles with my sadness. Fists clenched at my sides, I feel like I could punch a hole through the fucking wall.

  “Why Lucy?” I mumble through gritted teeth to no one in particular. Leaning up against the frame of the bay window, I try my best to gather my thoughts, to reign in my anger, but I’m still left with the soul-crushing fear that I’m going to lose her.

  “Please, please don’t take her from me,” I whisper to the heavens, hopeful that someone is listening to me. Lucy finds solace in speaking to the rising sun, using those quiet moments before her day begins to greet Jimmy. I can see the draw, the desire to find answers in these moments of quiet.

  “I promise to take care of her; just please give me the chance. Don’t take her away from me before I can save her.” My throat constricts as the tears I kept at bay all night well up in my eyes. “I love her and I know you loved her too.” My words float up to Jimmy, hoping that he’ll hear them. “Please let her stay here with us. Melanie needs her. I need her . . .” The rest of my words evaporate into thin air as I feel arms wrap around me from behind.

  With her cheek pressed flat up against my back, I pull her arms tightly around my waist, lacing our fingers together. “You’re not going to lose me. I promise, Evan.” Lucy’s voice is raspy and heavy with sleep.

  I turn around to face her. Tears fall in tracks down her cheeks. Her eyes are bloodshot and her shoulders sag with the heaviness of last night’s revelations. “Come here. I don’t want to see you crying.” I pull her to my chest, lightly combing my hands through her hair. Then a wisp of a thought flits through my mind. What if I do lose her? What if this is the beginning of the end? Will this be one of the last times I’ll feel her soft body pressed against mine in need of comfort and protection?

  I squeeze her tighter and inhale the sweet scent of her hair. That’s when my tears fall. “I can’t lose you, Lucy. I only just found you.” The thought of losing her—it’s just one I can’t face. It’s more frightening than any fire I’ve ever battled. Even just the threat of it feels as if I’m falling into a chasm of nothingness.

  We hold each other for what feels like forever as the sun rises in the sky behind us. When our tears stop and she pulls away from me, she faces the sun, offering up her silent good morning to Jimmy I’m sure.

  “I asked him to help us get through this.” My admission of offering a prayer up to Jimmy catches her off guard.

  “You did?” Her reaction is one of muted shock.

  “I did. I stayed awake all night praying for the strength to get through this . . . whatever this might turn out to be. Then I saw the sun and figured an extra word or two to Jimmy wouldn’t hurt either.”

  Her face softens as a warm smile spreads across it. “That’s . . . Evan, it’s so . . .” she chokes on her words a little. After opening and closing her mouth a fe
w more times, still unable to utter any words, she finally settles on, “I love you more than I thought possible.”

  “And I love you the same.” I press my lips to hers, a silent vow to do everything in my power to get through this together. “Now, let’s sit and have some breakfast. You can tell me more about what the doctor said.”

  The weeks that follow are filled with doctor’s appointments, second opinions, medical jargon and a few more biopsies, but the answer still remains unclear. Lucy definitely needs surgery to remove the lump and then there will be more waiting as we hope and pray that it’s not cancer.

  “It’s been three hours. You think they’d have some kind of news by now.” Melanie is frantically pacing the waiting room with me. Maddy and Reid are with us too; the baby is with one of Maddy’s friends from work. Linda and Joe are also here. If good news could be brought on by the amount of love felt for someone, well, then Lucy would be the healthiest woman on the planet.

  “Anyone want some coffee?” Linda has been trying her best to keep everyone calm, and she’s been such a support for both Lucy and me in the past few weeks. The girls and Reid join her in a short break from the non-stop worry that fills our time here, leaving just Joe and I in the small space.

  I sit next to Joe, stretching my tired legs out in front of me, folding my hands behind my head. “It shouldn’t be much longer, Evan.”

  “That’s what I’m worried about.” My admission confuses the fuck out of him and he does a shitty job of hiding that confusion, so I clarify it for him before he even asks about it. “I’m not worried about the surgery, exactly. It’s what comes after the surgery that scares the shit out of me. What if it is cancer? What if she gets really sick?” After a long pause, I add, “What if I lose her?” I can’t say the words “What if she dies?” because that’s just too frightening to even think about.

  “I know what you mean. When Becca got sick, I was plagued by the ‘what ifs.’ But you can’t pay them too much attention. The ‘what ifs’ drain you of all the energy you need, to face down what is.”

  Worry still courses through my veins so I stand and walk over to the wall of windows that provide a clear view of the lake out in the distance. I’ve served up lots of prayers in the last few weeks, spent many moments hoping that Jimmy is actually out there listening to Lucy when she talks to him—hoping he’ll put in a good word for her.

  Please let her be okay, Jimmy. Please let me keep loving her.

  Naturally, the doctor takes this moment to walk out into the waiting room. Her return is perfectly timed, as Linda, Melanie, Maddy and Reid return just as she’s about to approach Joe and me.

  She pulls over an extra chair and faces us all. “The surgery was a success. We were able to get the entire lump, and from the preliminary tests we ran in the OR, it looks like it was benign.”

  The weight of the last few weeks releases itself from my shoulders and flies away like a helium balloon set loose into the sky. Dr. Foster says a few more things and I try my best to focus through my relief. “Obviously, we’re not out of the woods entirely, but things are looking good.”

  “Can we see her?” Melanie is bouncing in her chair. I know she won’t truly believe Lucy is okay until Melanie can hold her in her arms.

  “Sure, as soon as we bring her out of the recovery room, you can see her.”

  About a half an hour after Dr. Foster first let us know that Lucy was okay, she brings us back into Lucy’s room, where she’s resting comfortably.

  “Hey,” she croaks out in a raspy and overly tired voice. A weak smile pulls at her lips and she tries to open her eyes enough to register who’s there to visit her. But, the anesthesia is making her groggy, so for our quick fifteen-minute visit, we mostly just watch her drift in and out of sleep.

  When Dr. Foster returns, she lets us know that visiting hours will be over shortly and I can see the look of sadness pass across Melanie’s face knowing she won’t be able to see her mom until at least tomorrow morning.

  Linda sees it too. “Don’t worry, Melanie. We’ll be back first thing in the morning. Come on, let’s go grab some dinner and rest up before we spend the whole day here tomorrow.” Everyone else decides to join in, agreeing that it’s been way too long of a day to go without a meal and some sleep. Just as we’re about to walk out of the room, Lucy wakes once again.

  “Leaving so soon,” she jokes through the haze of her drowsiness. The doctor, who is standing at the foot of the bed finishing up the last of whatever paper work she needs to do, stifles a small chuckle. She also catches the worried look on Melanie’s face, softening to it quickly.

  “Okay, they can stay a little longer, but just two.” She holds up two fingers for added emphasis.

  Melanie and I say goodnight to everyone else, and pull up a chair on either side of Lucy’s bed. Before long, Melanie is passed out in her seat. I drape a blanket over her and she pulls it up over her shoulder. My moving around the room must wake Lucy, because when I get back to my seat, her eyes flutter open.

  I reach under her blanket and find her hand. Careful of the I.V., I pull it out from under the covers and bring it up to my lips. “Hey, love.” I tuck her hair behind her ear and she turns her head toward me.

  “Hi, yourself,” her words filter softly through a weak, but bright-as-ever smile. “Can I have some water? I’m so thirsty,” she rasps.

  I reach to the small side table that the nurse set up for us earlier. “Not yet, but they said if you wanted you could have a few ice chips.” She nods and opens her mouth for me to feed her some.

  As she lets the ice melt in her mouth, we sit and stare at each other for a few moments. I stroke my knuckles across her cheek, more thankful than I’ve ever been to feel her skin beneath my hands.

  I offer her more, but she declines. “Did the doctor say anything? Was it cancerous?” I can already hear the rising anxiety in her words and I try my best to calm her.

  “Dr. Foster said they were able to get the entire lump and that the initial tests suggest that it’s not cancer.”

  A tear slips out of the corner of her eye as she pulls our hands up to her dry lips. “Don’t cry, Lucy.” I wipe away her tears with the pad of my thumb. “Shh, it’s going to be okay.”

  “I know it is. I can feel it.” She kisses our joined hands again before giving herself over to sleep.

  Around midnight, the nurses finally kick Melanie and me out. Lucy isn’t doing much other than sleeping anyway. We promise to be back bright and early the next morning, even though we know she can’t hear us.

  After two days in the hospital, Lucy and I are packing up the last of her things, getting ready to be discharged. We were hopeful that the test results would come back while she was still here, but since we’re just about ready to leave, it doesn’t look like we’ll be that lucky.

  With her small duffle bag in one hand, and a bunch of flowers in my other one, we’re all set to go. Just as we’re about to walk out the door, Dr. Foster walks in.

  “Oh good, you’re still here. I just got the lab reports back. I guess when you have a friend who owes you a favor in pathology, things move more quickly.” The light tone of her words makes us think she has good news to share, but we’re both still too afraid to admit the opposite might be true.

  She pulls a chair over as Lucy and I sit on the edge of the bed. Lucy is holding my hand so tightly that her knuckles are turning white with tension. As Dr. Foster flips through a few papers, our anxieties rise. My knee starts bouncing and my mind races with all of the possible words that could come out of the doctor’s mouth.

  “Just as I thought.” Dr. Foster closes the lap reports with a bright and reassuring smile plastered to her face. “All tests indicate that the tumor was, in fact, benign which means that you won’t need any chemo or further treatments.” Unable to hold back my elation, I pull Lucy into my arms.

  “Now, you’ll have to come back into the office for a few routine check-ups, but I suspect that there’s nothing to worry a
bout.” Dr. Foster gives us a few more instructions on how to care for the incision and when to see her to have the stitches removed. She stands and shakes our hands, reminding us to call her if we need anything at all.

  When it’s just the two of us in the room, we both look at each other like it’s the first time we’re seeing each other. I pull her back into my arms, careful not to touch the tender spot where her stitches are.

  “You ready to head home now, love?” My lips are pressed against the top of her head and her face is buried into my chest. “I have a feeling you’ve got more than a few people waiting for you.”

  She laughs in my arms. It’s a soft sound, but one filled with so much relief that I can’t do anything but hold her even tighter. The sun shines brightly in our eyes as we step out of the hospital and I silently thank Jimmy for helping her through this, for listening to our joined prayers and for letting me love her for the rest of my life.

  Epilogue

  December 31, 2013

  “You okay over there?” I slide next to Evan on the couch as we cozy up for the final half hour of the New Year’s Eve special that’s on television. His leg has been bouncing around like crazy; it’s almost as if we’re on a plane instead of in our living room.

  “Yeah, I’m okay. Sorry about that.” He looks down at my hand on his knee and smiles at me lamely.

  I lean my head on his shoulder and inhale his clean scent. “What are you looking forward to most in the new year?” It sounds like a dorky question, but since we had our final follow up appointment with Dr. Foster today and I’m officially in the clear, I’m all about looking to the future.

  The bouncing stops as he contemplates my question. He pulls me into his side and kisses the top of my head. “I think I’m most excited about spending it with you. Even, right now, just being here, curled up on the couch watching the ball drop − this is what I’ve been looking forward to my whole life.”