Winter

by Michelle Love

  “No. Not even a hint. She took her little dog too so I know she’ll be gone for at least one night.” I move my legs out to stretch underneath the table and lay my head back in my hands.

  “You know, Blaze, I’ve seen you in action and not everyone likes to be handled that roughly. Take it from me,” Rod says. “Maybe what you two did was too intense for her.”

  I laugh. “Nah, she’s completely into that kind of stuff. I didn’t mention anything at all about liking to get rough. She asked me to do it. So that’s not it. It’s just that she’s afraid she’ll fall for me and then I’ll leave her heartbroken. That’s all it is. If she’d fucking come around, I could show her that’s not at all what I have in mind for her.”

  Ashely peeks around Rod to look at me again and asks, “What do you have in mind for her, Blaze?”

  “More. More than I ever thought of before. I go all dreamy as I think about all I want to do with her. Because it’s like a dream to me. I’ve never wanted anyone around all the time before. Ever. It’s making me nuts she isn’t here under my arm right now.” I look back at the door and find the blonde looking my way and she holds up a beer again.

  I turn my head without so much as a blink at her. I won’t be taking her up on her offer which starts with a beer and ends with her.

  Paco pats my shoulder as he says, “Don’t worry, Brother. If you want the broads to be kept at bay, I got your back.”

  Rod nods my way. “Me too, Brother. If you want to stay pure for this woman, then we’ll make sure the ladies leave you alone. It’d suck donkey dicks if she came in and found some tramp on your lap.”

  Ashely says with a laugh, “Or even sitting next to you. I knocked the shit of a chick for taking the seat on the other side of my man before. Granted, I gave her a chance to realize her actions were dead wrong and politely asked her to move.”

  Rod’s eyebrows go up high as he says, “Politely? I don’t think the phrase, hey bitch, get the fuck away from my man, is considered polite.”

  “In some circles, it is,” Ashely corrects her husband. “Anyway, the dumb broad rolled her eyes at me and maintained her seat. To which I promptly got up and removed her obstinate ass and left her with a busted lip.”

  I chuckle and take a drink of my beer. “Bet she never tried to sit next to Rod again.”

  Ashely shakes her head. “Never again. And she apologized to me on top of that.”

  I level my eyes on Rod and say, “You got you a pistol there, don’t you?”

  He looks back at her with hazy eyes and says, “I do. And that’s just how I want her. Perfect for me.”

  Then Paco clears his throat and we all look his way. “I’d like to announce to you all that I have asked Phoenix to marry me.”

  Cheers ring out and shouts of congratulations are called out as Paco holds up his new fiancé’s left hand with a single diamond on a gold band.

  I pat the man on the back and say, “I know I told you getting hitched was a dumb idea. But in light of my new found feelings I know it’s the right thing to do. I’m happy for you two.”

  “Thanks, Brother,” Paco says as he leans over. “We’ll be leaving at the end of the week and heading to Vegas to do the deed. It’s going to take everything I have to do it, but I’d give all I have for her, anyway.”

  And just like that, I know what I want to do for them. “Let me get your room in Vegas, Paco. I’ll set you up in one of the penthouses there and put the whole thing on my bill. Let me do that for you guys. For a wedding present. A week in Vegas on me. What do you say?”

  “I say, hell yeah, Brother!” He turns back to Phoenix whose eyes are glistening with unshed tears. “Blaze is giving us one badass wedding gift, my love. The entire week in a Vegas penthouse. What do you say to that?”

  Her face lights up and she looks at me with such appreciation. “Blaze, that’s beyond amazing. Thank you so much. I hope you decide to join us for the happy occasion.” Then she looks around the table. “I hope you all do.”

  More cheering and hollering acceptance of the invite fills the large bar and then I feel a hand on my shoulder. When I turn back, I see the very tenacious blonde is there looking at me with such a smirk on her face. “I need a light, you got one?”

  I don’t have to say a word as both Ashley and Phoenix get up and without a word, escort the woman away from me. I laugh and get back to drinking with my buddies.

  “I owe them,” I say as I look back and forth at Rod and Paco. “Remind me to buy them something nice before we leave. It’s nice to have backup when you need it.”

  My phone vibrates in my pocket and I nearly fall out of my chair to answer it as my brother’s laugh at me. But when I get it out, I see it’s not Angel. It’s my grandfather for some damn reason.

  I shake my head and say, “Not her. It's work.”

  Getting up, I go to the bathroom to answer his call so he doesn’t hear all the noise and give me a lecture about cutting me off.

  “Hello, Grandfather.”

  “Benjamin.”

  “Is anything the matter, Grandfather?” I ask as I look in the mirror and run my hand over my long beard, making sure it’s smooth.

  “I’m going to need you to cut that trip of yours short this time. I need you back here to finish the Bain deal. We got him to agree to come back to us, but he wants to be sure you’re on board about him. I assured him that you were, but he demanded to have a meeting with you to explain where you stand as his lawyer.”

  “Bain? The asshole who’s selling the AIDs drug for more than people can afford?”

  “The man who is selling the product he owns for what he thinks it is worth. Vulgarity is not a thing I allow, Benjamin. You are well aware of that. Now, I have set up the meeting for the fifteenth of August,” he says.

  But I cut him off. A thing which is never allowed, but I’m fucking doing it, anyway. “I won’t be there. I won’t be representing that piece of shit. As far as the law firm goes, I think it’s a terrible idea to stand behind the man. I won’t have any part in it.”

  “Then maybe you shouldn’t be any part of my firm, Benjamin. Perhaps you think you know more than I do. Perhaps you think you can go it alone or something like that. Is that what you think?” he asks and waits for my answer.

  “I don’t want to resign my position with the family firm. I will not be a part of any team representing that asshole, Bain. Take that how you want, Grandfather. Goodbye.”

  As I end the call with a swipe of my finger, the tiniest bit of fear runs through me.

  What would I do if I had to start over on my own?

  Chapter 2

  ANGEL

  My grandmother’s words keep running through my head as I drive home after being away two nights.

  She and my grandfather had what she called a true love. When I told her how it felt when Benny touched me, she told me that it was because we have a connection. One, not many find in this world.

  Grandad made her feel that way too and when he passed a few years ago, she knew she’d never find that kind of spark again and was never going to even look for another man to attempt to take the place of the man that she had lost to heart disease.

  That alone made me think I need to stop being afraid and see what happens.

  If my grandmother can live the rest of her life alone because the time she had with the love of her life will see her through to the end, then I should gain something from the time I spend with Benny.

  Even if it’s only a small amount of it.

  The night fell on me very fast. I didn’t take off until sunset because I kept going back and forth in my head about what I should do. Finally, I decided to come back home.

  If Benny wants to see me again, then he’ll see my bike at work in the morning and stop by. If not, then he won’t. Either way, I’ll know where he stands.

  And that’s all I need to know. After all, one amazing night is better than none.

  But I pray there’s a lot more of that amazing thing he
and I seem to have.

  The night air falls cool against my face as I drive my bike back to Sturgis. It’s only about nine, I think. Maybe I should take a cruise through town and see if I can find his bike. Maybe surprise him.

  But that might surprise me more. Nah, I better not do that. If I saw him with someone else, I don’t know what I’d do.

  It wouldn’t be cool to have a hissy fit after one night of crazy hot passion. And I was the one who ran off so I couldn’t blame him if he was with another woman. But I think I’d have a hard time not throwing a punch or three at them both.

  No, it’s best not to find him at a bar. Which I’m sure he’s at. The gang most likely wouldn’t let him sit alone in his motel room and sulk about some woman.

  But what if he’s just sitting alone in his little motel room? Lonely, sad, depressed?

  I could show up and make his night. That would be awesome.

  I could drop off Cuddles at home and go see if I can find his bike parked in front of one of the motel rooms.

  Oh God! I sound like a stalker!

  The original plan of just going to work tomorrow and letting him see my bike there is a good one. A safe one. One where I don’t make a freaking fool out of myself.

  The whole thing is my fault, anyway. I could’ve left him my cell number and maybe we could’ve talked some. But I had to go all paranoid and run off so quickly I even forgot my toothbrush and had to stop and get a new one before I left town.

  And then another thought zips through my head that he might just be waiting for me at my house. Which would normally be a thing that would piss me off but now I’d love to find his bike inside my little, white, picket fence.

  That would be awesome!

  I could go inside and just hug him and tell him I’m sorry and we’d make love and I could spend the night wrapped up in his strong arms.

  That feeling was the best thing I’ve ever felt. It took everything in me to move my body out of his warm embrace that early morning before the sun came up.

  When I looked back and saw him sleeping so peacefully, I almost climbed right back into bed. But my damn insecurities stopped me and had me running away like an idiot.

  I can’t think of another woman who’d be so stupid as I was when I left him there. Alone, in my bed.

  What did he think when he woke up and found me gone?

  I wonder if he was mad, sad, or relieved. Maybe a bit of all three.

  Surely, he realizes now that I’m very damaged. He probably knows he dodged a bullet and left there with a smile on his face.

  The headlight hits the white of my little house and my heart starts really banging hard in my chest. If he’s there, it’ll be great and if he’s not, then tomorrow will have to suffice.

  As I pull up, I see no other vehicle here. So he didn’t wait for two days for me to show back up. It kind of hurts that he went on. But what did I expect him to do?

  Letting Cuddles out of the doggy carrier on my back, I watch her run around the yard, sniffing like crazy. It’s almost as if she’s looking for something. I wonder if it’s him she’s sniffing around for.

  The two certainly hit it off like she’s never done with anyone else. I wonder if she’s sad he isn’t here too.

  I walk my bike into the yard and park it by the porch. Then I go up the three steps and find the note I taped to the door, asking him to lock it behind him, is still there.

  Unlocking the door, I still have vague hope he’s inside the house. But all I see is darkness. Of course, he’s not here.

  After I switch on the light, I look around and find the note I left him on the table and walk over to grab it and toss it in the trash can. But I see he’s written on the bottom of it and he left his phone number.

  My whole body tenses as I see he’s demanding I call and wrote the words, ‘I love you’ on the note.

  So it wasn’t just pretending to him!

  I have fought myself the last couple of days about how real it all was. I did ask him to pretend after all.

  And with these words, I see it was real for him too. But is it still going to be real since I’ve waited two nights to come back?

  Have I waited too long? Has he found other women to fill his nights? Can I take it if he has?

  Slowly, I take my phone out of my pocket and look at the number a long time. There’s a lot of exclamation points on the note. It does look like he really wants me to call him.

  So I press in the number and wait to see what happens.

  One ring, two rings, three rings…

  Shit, he’s not going to answer me!

  “Hello,” I hear his gravelly, sexy voice say.

  “Hey, Benny.”

  He sighs. “Angel.” His voice is so quiet and the sound of all the noise fades away as he must be walking out of the bar he’s definitely at. “You’re back.”

  “I am. It sounds like you’re at a bar,” I say as I go and plop down on the sofa thinking he’s having a good time and might as well stay there.

  “Yeah, my friends are here. But I’ll leave right now and come to you.”

  “No! No, Blaze. You stay there. Do whatever it was you were doing. I don’t want you to leave your fun time to come here. That would be stupid.”

  “I want to be with you, Angel. I’ve missed you more than I thought humanly possible. Didn’t you miss me at all?” he asks with a certain amount of sadness in his voice.

  Should I tell him I did miss him like crazy and could only think about him these last two days?

  “Blaze, we barely know each other. How could you miss me?”

  “How can you say we barely knew each other? I think we got to know one another pretty damn well. So you’re saying you didn’t miss me at all, Angel?”

  I hesitate then say, “I don’t know, Blaze.”

  “Stop calling me that. I know what you’re doing when you call me Blaze. You’re not allowing yourself to like me. Or love me.”

  “Love is a bit fast, don’t you think? I mean, you’re going to have to leave soon, anyway. Why bring love into this thing we have? Whatever it is,” I say and run my hand through my hair in frustration.

  “I am coming over,” he says with an air of authority. “We can talk all about this in person. Face to face. While we hold each other, skin to skin.”

  “No.”

  “No? Then why did you call me, Angel?”

  “Your note was very demanding. I suppose I thought you might want to know I was alive and made it home. I didn’t call you to drag you out of a bar where you were probably having a great time with random bimbos and make you come and talk to me about what this is we have or don’t have.” I get up and go to see what kind of alcohol I have in the fridge as my nerves are bristling.

  “I was not messing around with anyone. I haven’t touched a girl since you. Not once. Not at all. I’ve waited for you. I wanted to. I want you to know I think you're special, Angel. My Angel. I’m coming over,” he says with a slight whisper in the last words.

  “I’ll see you tomorrow. It’s late,” I say when I find no alcohol to numb me. “I’m going to bed.”

  “Stop,” he says with aggravation in his voice. “Just stop this. I’m going to come and see you. If you want me to leave after I take you in my arms and kiss you one time, then I’ll leave. But you have to let me kiss you and hold you. I’ve ached to do that for what seems like forever.”

  “Have you really?” I ask as I walk toward my bedroom, peeling my clothes off as I go. His reminder of holding me and kissing me has my body heating up quickly.

  “I have. I’ve barely slept and when I did manage to sleep, it was restless with dreams of you and I making love in your cute little pink and black bedroom. My God, how I’ve missed you, Baby. Please just…”

  “Tomorrow, Benny. I promise tomorrow.”

  “Angel, how could you not miss me?” he asks and I don’t know what to tell him because I did miss him.

  “Benny, it’s just that this is intense. I need time t
o understand this. It’s enough for me to know that you still want to see me. I’ve struggled between thinking it was all a pretend game and something real. So now I know it’s real.” I lie down on my bed, naked now and climb under my blanket as Cuddle's hurdles herself onto the bed, taking her position at the foot of the bed to guard me through the night.

  “Okay, since you know what we have is real, then why not let me come over and at the very least hold you for a while? I need to see you, baby. I need to smell you and taste you. I need you, Angel. This is a thing I’ve never done before. I feel as if I’m pleading with you and this isn’t me at all. This is the me I am with you.”

  “Am I making you weak?” I ask as I find myself biting at my fingernail then stop as that was a thing I did when what’s-his-ass left me. I chewed all of my fingernails off and it took me some time to stop doing that.

  “Not weak. It’s not weak to know you love someone and know you need to be around them. That’s not weakness, Angel. That’s being human. I’m coming over. I need you and need to be with you.”

  His words are getting quieter and I know this is wearing him down. “You sound tired, Benny.”

  “I am. I’m so tired. You have no idea.”

  “Then rest. I’m tired too. I haven’t slept well either. Tomorrow I’ll see you. If you want to that is.” I close my eyes and wait to hear what he says.

  “No, I don’t want to see you tomorrow.”

  I open my eyes and try to understand what that means. Then I hear giggling in the background and a woman’s voice says, “Blaze, are you coming back inside?”

  “Not messing around with any women, huh? Go back inside, Blaze! And don’t even worry about tomorrow. I don’t want to see you. Goodbye!” I end the call.

  Tears burn my eyes but I don’t let them fall. He calls me right back and I send it to voicemail.

  I knew he was too good to be true. I knew it!

  The liar. Lucky for me that chick got tired of waiting for him to go back inside and came out to get him or I’d have never known what he was really doing.