Winter

by Michelle Love

  “My God, you’re precious,” he says as he holds me tighter and moves his hand from my chin to my head, pushing it against his broad chest. “Are you to never love again? Do you think he would even want that?”

  I know dang good and well he’d want that! But am I being a fool?

  I pull my head back to look at Logan, to really look at him. His eyes are kind and his face is chiseled in some areas while soft in others. He’s nice to look at, though nowhere near as gorgeous as Max. Never has anyone other than Max been as nice as he is to me. “Would it be so bad to never love again? When I saw that picture, it tore me apart inside. I’m naïve I admit, but not a fool. If I allow myself to fall again, that kind of pain will happen at some time.”

  Logan finally releases me, but keeps my hand in his. “Let’s open this wine and talk about life and love and all that goes with that. You know now I want you. I don’t just want to have sex with you, I want the whole package. Since I’m such a good friend to your brother and your whole family really, I don’t want to actually have sex with you until we’re married.”

  Okay, what is up with sexy men wanting to marry me or knock me up?

  “So you want to marry me?” I ask as he pours us some wine.

  I pull my hand from his so I can go stir the sauce. He’s at my back with his arms around me again, leaning his face on my shoulder. “It’s not how I wanted to ask you, but yeah, I want you to be my wife, Alex.”

  “How long have you thought about this?”

  “The last two weeks I’ve thought of nothing else. You’re a great homemaker and cook and your laugh makes my heart beat so much harder than I ever knew it could.”

  My mind flows like a river with what to do. I still love Max. I know I can never truly have him though. But why do I know that? He wanted me too. He probably would’ve asked me to marry him. But he’s too good for me. So what am I supposed to do, be alone forever? Is it wrong to keep a promise if it hurts you to do it? Is it really hurting me to keep the promise. It’s hard to tell, because so much hurts right now anyway.

  I turn in Logan’s arms to face him. “I need more time, Logan.”

  “I’ll take that. It’s not a no anyway.”

  “It’s also not a yes, so keep that in mind. Keep in mind a lot of things have happened very fast for me. After so many years of being ignored this is all a little crazy. Truth be told, because I want you to know the truth, I love Max.”

  “Then why don’t you go back to him?”

  “I don’t know why. I just feel like he can do better and he deserves better.” I stop and realize I’m telling a lie. “No, those things aren’t why. The real reason why is because I feel so much for him it petrifies me. He has the ability to break my soul apart with one picture. No one should have that much power over anybody.”

  Logan loosens his arms and moves back. “That’s exactly what love is, Alex. Maybe you should go back to him.”

  “I can’t do that. I can’t live like that, waiting for my world to fall apart if something ever happened to him.”

  Tears fall down my cheeks as I turn back to stir the sauce. The epiphany that I’m afraid to live a life full of love only because it can be taken from me has me numb inside.

  As I wipe my eyes with the back of my hand, Logan kisses the top of my head. “Call the guy, sweetie.” He places his cell phone on the counter next to me and leaves me alone.

  I stare at the phone. I have his number burned into my brain, so I can’t use I don’t remember it as an excuse. After I grab a paper towel and blow my nose, I push the buttons that will bring Max back into my life.

  Max

  Black water is all I see around me. My chopper is gone, luckily I managed to get out before it sank with me in it. The moon’s light is all I have to look at and that’s moving through the sky way too fast for me. I know there will be at least two hours with no light at all.

  Somehow I’m sober as a judge after a month of being inebriated. I thought I wanted to let it all go. Several times I thought if death came for me I’d go willingly, for what is left for me?

  I tread water as I have no idea of which way I will find land. I just have to wait and hope the current doesn’t take me too far away from where my chopper went down. The Coast Guard can find that with their tracking devices. Surely once Hilda sees the chopper gone, she’ll try to call me and see I’ve left my phone in that bedroom.

  Shit! She didn’t know I was in there!

  I’ve been hiding from the staff so they wouldn’t realize I turned into a drunk. She may not even look in there. What in the hell have I done to my life?

  I was given a chance out of Hell once before and I managed to go right back there on my very own. How did I allow that to happen?

  Lexi is beautiful and funny. We connect like no one else, but I can’t let her crazy ways stop me from being who I am, who I’m supposed to be. Hell, if she had come back and found me like that, she’d have run off again.

  If I get out of this, I’m going to be happy on my own. If she comes back into my life, we’ll have a great marriage and some good-looking kids to share our lives with. If she doesn’t, that’s okay too. I’m going to stop looking for a wife. If there is someone other than Lexi out there for me, then she can find my ass.

  I wish I would have made a will and left everything to her. Now I don’t know who will get all my money and things if I … Damn it! I have to stop thinking like that.

  Okay, when I make it back, I’m going to make a will and put Lexi down as my heir. No matter what. I want her to have things. She’s so easy to please, I could leave her a box of handkerchiefs and she’d be happy. Such a sweet, innocent, young woman. Such a good mother she’ll make. I bet she’ll still look sexy as hell when she’s pregnant or holding a baby on her hip. Man, I’d sure like to see that. It would be even better if it was my babies.

  Something just moved between my legs and it was not at all appreciated.

  Shit! Something is coming right at me! Shit! Shit!

  Alexis

  The phone rang until it went to voicemail and I left a message asking him to call me back on that number, but he never did. I left a text, but he ignored that too. I know that man always has his phone on him.

  He’s done with me.

  He told me it would kill him if I left him and I guess it killed what he felt for me. After waiting the entire night and all day today, I think it has sunk in that he is not going to give me anymore chances to break his heart. I went too far for too long this time and he can’t take anymore, that’s obvious.

  Logan is being so nice to me. He should be home any minute now and I’m going to give him what he wants. It was stupid to think I can live a life with no love or companionship. Logan’s a good man, and already like a part of our family. Why wouldn’t I give him a shot since Max doesn’t want me anymore?

  His car pulls into the driveway. I can see it from the window as I sit on the sofa and try to wrap my head around the reality Max no longer wants me. The wine isn’t helping, maybe Logan can.

  “Hey sweet thing,” he says as he comes in the door. “How was your day?”

  I rise and take him the glass of wine I’d poured for him in anticipation of his arrival and how I plan on letting him know I’m ready to move on. “My day was thankfully uneventful. How was yours?”

  I slip the glass in his hand as I take the keys from him and toss them into the little basket I put on a small table by the door just for that purpose. “Mine was good.” He takes my hand and leads me to sit with him on the sofa. “Come and tell me how the talk went.”

  “He didn’t answer me. I know I broke his heart, and he’s done with me.”

  “I’m sorry, pumpkin.”

  “Don’t be,” I say as I lean into him. “I’m done with that. It’s the past and you’re right here. A good looking, charming, well off man who seems to like me. Do you know I had a crush on you when I was ten and you were nineteen?”

  A smile creeps across his lips, which ar
e a very light red and pleasingly plump. “We’re even then, because I have a crush on you now.”

  “I don’t want to marry you just yet, Logan, but I don’t want that to stop us from seeing if we have what it takes to get along for the long haul.” I move my body up his and stay close enough he can kiss me if he wants to.

  His hand tightens around mine. “So your past is out of the way and you’re ready to move forward with me?”

  “I am.”

  He bites at his bottom lip as he looks at mine. I wait for my heart to start pounding, but it doesn’t. The electric current never starts, but his lips touch mine, and it’s not so bad. They’re soft on mine as he pulls me closer to him, pulling me onto his lap where he cradles my body as his tongue pushes through my lips and into my mouth. He tastes like chocolate, but there’s no fireworks.

  Will it ever be like that again?Max

  The sun is finally coming up. Some monster fish, most likely a shark tormented me for quite some time last night. I managed to punch it a couple of times and it went away.

  No land can I see and the idea of being able to continue to tread water until someone finds me is falling apart. So with the rising sun, I know where the East is, and that means I must swim away from the rising sun. Hopefully I will find something. I’d settle for a floating trash island at this point. Anything to get me out of this damn salty-ass water.

  I’ve come up with my motivation for making it out of this mess alive and intact. I’m going to go to all the big networks and all the social media to get help to find Lexi. I mean what’s the use of having mountains of money if you can’t use it to buy some help.

  No more thinking she doesn’t love me because I damn well know she does. She’s just a little crazy and time will fix that. I should think I might have to keep her locked away in a bedroom with me. I’ll make love to her until she can no longer walk so she can’t run away again, but it’ll be worth it, in more ways than one.

  Something is floating on top of the water a little ways in front of me. I have to swim pretty fast as it keeps moving away. Finally I have it, a small piece of some kids broken knee board. I hope this means I’m closer to shore than it looks like I am. Finally I can just hang on to this and let my legs and arms rest.

  Thank you God!

  It isn’t even noon, and the sun is beating down on me. I’m naturally tan but I can feel my back burning. Maybe I should just give up, maybe the next life will be better. I have to get out of this funk so I yell, “Lexi, I’m coming for you!”

  There, now my head is right again and I can keep on swimming. There we go, now that’s stuck in my brain I’ll get somewhere. And it seems like God is smiling on me because a cloud covered the sun and I am relieved of that if only for a moment. Have to be happy with the little things.

  A drop of cool water hits my hot shoulder and I find myself thankful even more until I look up.

  That’s one of the biggest thunderheads I’ve ever seen!

  Maybe it only looks so huge because I’m in the middle of the ocean, maybe that’s why. Lightning strikes and it begins to pour. Oh, joy! Now the waves are getting bigger, and that should be some real fun I bet.

  “God, please don’t kill me. Whatever I’ve done to offend you, I promise I will rectify it.”

  I look behind me and wish I hadn’t. A giant wave is about to barrel down on me. At least I have my little broken knee board.

  Alexis

  “Take me to your bed, Logan,” I say as he holds me on his lap. His kiss is just not doing enough. Maybe if we have our clothes off that will help me to feel a little bit excited. I mean, there needs to be some excitement when two people are going to be married and doing this a lot.

  If the spark isn’t there, then why waste the time, right? My V-card has been cashed in anyway, why not?

  “Alex, that’s not really how I wanted to go about this,” he says, but he’s getting up and carrying me back to his bedroom, so I guess he’s finding himself alright with the idea. “I’m doing this for you, baby.”

  I giggle and lay my head against his chest. “Thanks, you’re a doll.”

  As he lays me down on his bed his eyes go dark and I see desire glimmering in them. I smile and he takes off my shirt, then runs his hand over my bra. “Take your shirt off,” I say and he does. His chest is wide and a small amount of hair grows over it, going all the way down to the top of his slacks. “You work out?” He has a small six pack and some very nice lines.

  He nods and undoes the clasp on my bra which is in the front. Now my breasts are bare and he looks at them for what I deem a little too long before he puts his hand on one and his mouth on the other. And I find that I’m still waiting for the awe factor.

  I run my hands through his hair, trying to spur myself on. The smell is nice, a clean musky scent which I find appealing. Still no electricity though.

  His lips run up my neck in little kisses and it tickles a little. I find myself giggling and he raises up and smiles at me before he crashes down on me, kissing me hard and I find my breath taken away a little. His hand runs in between my legs and up my inner thigh then right onto my woman parts and he rubs at it over my shorts.

  Now my heart is pumping harder!

  He stops and stands up, dropping his slacks and kicking off his shoes. In one quick motion he pulls my shorts and panties off and I’m naked. As he climbs onto the bed I notice his little white socks still on. “Are you going to leave those on?”

  With a husky laugh, he falls on top of me and says, “Don’t worry they won’t affect my performance, baby.”

  His body moves down mine and I see the direction he’s going, making me remember Max. I close my eyes and try not to think about him. “You do have a condom, right?”

  “I’ll put one on right before, I promise. Now lie back and let daddy give you some attention, babygirl.”

  Nope that didn’t sound freaky at all coming from a guy I used to think of as a brother figure!

  “You know, maybe…” I say but shut the heck up when his tongue touches something down there that makes my toes curl and starts an ache in my belly for him. “Oh, dang it, Logan. Oh, that’s, Oh, Logan, that’s some smancy tongue work you got goin’ on there. I, uh…”

  He stops and looks at me. “Honestly, I’m going to need you to be quiet because your choice of words is distracting me and I want to laugh. Laughing doesn’t really go with what I’m attempting to do right this second.”

  I smile and nod and he gets back to work. I close my eyes and grip the blanket as he takes me away from thinking about anything other than how fantastic this feels.

  Heat fills my body as I burst and he climbs up me so fast I’m still pulsing inside as he fills me with his perfectly normal sized man part. But it’s still a good one, and he moves it the right way, I guess. He looks down at me as he pumps away and then puts his lips on mine and I almost pass out because he forces his tongue through my lips. I realize that I’m tasting myself and that’s pretty gross.

  He pulls his head back and smiles like he’s done something great. “That’s you, baby.”

  With a fake smile I say, “Yum.”

  “Mmm,” he moans. “You taste so good, baby.” I didn’t think so, but if he’s happy, that’s good, I guess. “Wanna try something?”

  I look at him with big eyes. “I am trying something, I thought.”

  His laugh makes his whole body shake all over me and it feels weird. “I’m going to flip you over.”

  “Flip me over what?” I ask in horror.

  “Over what!” he says with another round of laughter. “You’re such an innocent. I’m going to put you on your knees and take you from behind, silly girl.”

  Now is that a thing to say and end with, ‘silly girl’? I think not!

  As he flips me over and drags me up on my knees, I ask, “You’re not talking about my bum hole now are you? Because no sir-re-bob is that anything I want to try, ever!”

  “Trust me, baby. I wouldn’t do anything
to hurt you.”

  “That wasn’t the answer I was looking for,” I say and find him sliding into the right hole and breathe a sigh of relief. “Thank God.”

  He bangs away back there and I feel a lot of burning pain in my crotch area, but it goes numb after a minute so that’s better. I get tired of holding myself up, so I lean down on my elbows, and I guess that’s sexy or something cause he moans and says, “Yeah, baby, you like it. You want it deeper?”

  “Umm hmm,” I say but don’t have a clue what he means.

  He starts to make some weird noises, and it’s at that moment I realize what he’s about to do, and I never saw a condom go on. “Stop, you didn’t put on a condom!”

  At that moment he pulls out and some hot, thick stuff flows over my back. “Damn, I’m sorry, baby,” he says as he jumps off the bed and runs to the bathroom.

  I stay completely still, my booty still up in the air and think this wasn’t anywhere near as good as my first experience. A piece of my hair falls down my side from my back and it’s coated in a white oozy substance. The sound of footsteps coming back into the room make me look up to see Logan using a white towel to clean himself before he tosses it on my back. “Let me get that off you, sweetie.”

  “The shower, Logan,” I say. “I need to take a shower.”

  His face looms in front of me and he smiles. “What a great idea, Alex. You’re so free with me already. See how great this is going to be?”