Winter

by Michelle Love

  With quick steps I walk up to the man who I tower over. “The hell you will! I don’t want her here!”

  He places the paper on the coffee table and walks away from me. “She’ll be here tomorrow. The number for the local hospice is on that paper. I advise you to call them and they’ll come and get things set up for her. She’s in a great deal of pain. We’ll be sure that she gets here with enough pain killer to keep her comfortable, after she gets here that will be left up to you, Mr. Lane. Believe me, you don’t want to hear the wails of a person in that much pain when the pain killers wear off.”

  The man walks out and I find myself sitting on the sofa with my face in my hands. The clip clop of high heels fill my ears and I look up to see Hilda has come in the room. “Mijo, I heard everything.” She sits next to me and her small arms go around me.

  “I don’t want to see her, Hilda. What am I supposed to do?” I ask as I hug her.

  “Mijo, you know the answer. Don’t make me tell you what the right thing is to do. You’re a good man, you know what you have to do.” Her arms loosen and she pulls away from me.

  The only thought that goes through my mind is calling Lexi and getting her to help me, but I can’t do that to her. My mother killed her baby. I’m sure that’s the last thing she wants to do is come spend the last month of the woman’s life with her so I don’t have to.

  “Hilda, why can’t my life be simple? I mean I have all this damn money, yet it helps me with none of my problems. What good is it?”

  “Maybe this is meant to be something which will help you, Mijo.” She says as she takes my hand in hers. “You’ve had so much dealt to you in this last year or so. To be honest, you’ve dealt very poorly with it all. Perhaps this will help put things in perspective for you.”

  “I know you think I’ve judged Lexi too harshly.”

  “That’s not for me to say, it wasn’t me she hurt. I do have to say people make mistakes and she is human after all.” Her hand squeezes mine. “Her past made her who she is, that included the frightened woman she was. She got over that though. Your past made you who you are, a thing you’ve yet to deal with.”

  “If you knew the things my mother did to me, you’d hate her, Hilda.” My eyes search hers for some tiny bit of understanding.

  “There once was a man who lived a life without having committed so much as one sin. The man died at the hands of people who didn’t care about that. You know what that man said about the people who hurt him?”

  I nod. “I did have to attend church every, single Sunday when I was in the children’s home after all. I get what you’re saying. I guess I’ll have to deal with what’s mine to deal with then. I’ll do my best to put the things she’s done to me out of my head and do what I know is right.”

  “Maybe not put them out of your head, Mijo. Come to terms with them. It’s in you to do it, I promise you.” She hugs me and I feel as if I might cry.

  Why does so much have to fall on my shoulders?

  Alexis

  Ross’s breath is hot on my neck as his face is only centimeters away from it. Marcos’s bare chest is against my back and I am feeling very warm as my hand lingers on Ross’s tightly muscled, naked back. A bright light fills my eyes several times before the photographer says, “Great! I got just the shot I was looking for.”

  I relax and the men back away from me and I take in a much needed deep breath. Ross’s eyes catch mine as he pulls his head away from my neck. “I love the smell of your hair, Lexi.”

  “It’s whatever Cake uses to make my hair shiny,” I say and take the thin robe a young girl hands me. It covers the small bra and panties I’m wearing.

  Both men wear thongs so their butts show and we’ve found ourselves in demand for all the book covers of a twenty book series about a fearsome threesome. It’s making us all some really good money, but to be honest, I’m not real proud of my work.

  Kate doesn’t come to the shoots anymore. She told us she finds it too hard to see her husband all over me. I can’t say I blame her. The producer, Madge, comes up to us. “I have to get things ready for a bedroom shoot, there’ll be even less for you to wear, Lexi. So you three may as well go get some lunch and be back here in two hours.” She turns and starts to walk away.

  “Hey!” I shout, stopping her retreat which I find she’s making hastily. “What in the cornbread heck does that mean, Madge? I mean I’m wearing next to nothing as it is.”

  Slowly she turns back around. “So then you get it, right?”

  I shake my head. “No, I don’t. Tell me in some plain words.”

  “You’ll be wearing a nude thong as will the guys and nothing else.” She turns and takes off again.

  “I will not!” I shout.

  Madge keeps walking as the young girl who handed me the robe hands me a paper with my signature at the bottom of it. “She said to give you this. You can keep it, it’s a copy of the contract you signed to do these book covers.”

  Ross and Marcos look over my shoulder as I look over the paper and see the words, ‘some scenes will be done in the nude or nearly nude by all parties, by signing this contract you agree to these conditions.’

  I turn to Marcos. “Did you see this on your contract?”

  He nods and then Ross says, “I thought you knew, Lexi. Didn’t you read yours before you signed it?”

  “Obviously not! I’d never agree to this.” I say then step away from them.

  Marcos reaches out and grabs my arm. “Look, get dressed let’s all go grab something to eat and we can talk about this. It’s really not a big deal, Lex.”

  “It’s not your tits that’ll be on the cover of a book for eternity, Marcos.”

  Ross smiles and I find I’d like to punch him in his perfect face. “Get dressed, Lexi. It’ll be fine. Our asses are already on the covers of several of these books and you don’t hear us crying over it.”

  I stomp off to get dressed and wonder what the heck I can do to get out of this. I pull on a white T-shirt and my blue jeans and slip on a pair of flip flops and go out to find the guys waiting on me. They each take one of my hands and pull me along to go eat in the mall our studio is located in. I catch a glimpse of the bed that’s getting red, satin sheets put on it.

  “This is bad guys. What will they do to me if I refuse?” I ask as they tug me along with them.

  “Lexi, we’ve been doing these covers for the last three weeks and have been super close, so what’s the big deal?” Ross asks.

  Marcos gestures to a table in the food court. “You two go sit down and I’ll grab us some salads and waters. Lexi, you should get over this thing. You know you’re not going to refuse to do this and mess yourself up over something as trivial as your boobs.”

  Ross takes me to the booth Marcos pointed us towards and I slide in as he slides in next to me. I look up just as a couple of young women walk by us then stop and back up. One of them smiles and says, “OMG! It’s you guys, the people on the cover of the books we’re reading!”

  She looks at her friend and they both do a jumping thing then one of them pulls a paper and pen out of her purse. “Please sign this for us. No one will ever believe we saw you.”

  “You’re kidding, right?” I ask as Marcos comes up with the food.

  The women turn and look at him and do a little scream thing. “You’re here too! I knew you three really had a thing going! I told you so, Jenny.”

  “No, we don’t,” I say and find Ross signing his name on the paper.

  “Who do we make this to?” he asks.

  I shake my head. “Don’t sign that. No one knows our names!”

  The tall girl wearing green says, “Sure we do. I Googled all three of you. You’ll are gorgeous. Alexis, we’ve both been wondering about what happened to the first guy in the pictures with you and Marcos. You did a lot of things together then he just vanished. His name was Max something or other.”

  Marcos smiles and says, “His name is Max Lane, and he didn’t want to be a model anym
ore. He’s a billionaire and never needed to do it anyway.”

  I kick him under the table. “Stop giving them so much information.”

  The girl in the yellow T-shirt frowns. “I’m really sorry you think we’re being so intrusive. I promise we don’t know any more than is already out there about you, Alexis. Right down to the kidnapping.”

  “I was unaware people knew of that,” I say.

  Ross puts his arm around my shoulders and hugs me. “It was on the news, sweetheart. Everyone knows everything about all of us.” He moves the paper to me and hands me the pen. “Here, you sign in the middle of mine and Marcos’s names, just like you’re in the middle in all the pictures.”

  “So, you are all together. How does your wife fit in?” one of the women asks Marcos.

  He laughs. “We aren’t really together. It’s just pictures. I’m a happily married first time father and these two are single.”

  The women look at me and Ross as he still has his arm around me. One asks, “Do you think you two will ever get together for real? I mean, you look great together and the pictures show you have a lot of chemistry.”

  Ross gives my shoulders a squeeze. “If she’d have me, I would love to start seeing, Lexi.”

  “Ross, please!” I shrug his arm off me. “What have I told you about that?”

  The woman in green gives me the craziest look. “You mean you don’t want to hook-up with this gorgeous man?”

  “I don’t want to hook-up with anyone, not that it’s any of your business. Ross is a fantastic man, don’t get me wrong. Any woman would be lucky to have him. I work with two of the best men I know, but I don’t want to be in a relationship. Love isn’t what I want in my life. It’s only served to mess it up.”

  I sign my name under Ross’s and push the paper to Marcos. He grabs the pen and signs the paper then hands it back to the girl in yellow. She smiles. “Would it be possible for us to get a selfie with you three?”

  I shake my head, but Ross has my hand and is pulling me out of the booth as Marcos gets up and I find I’m in the middle of them as they both kiss my cheeks and the two girls stand in front of us and take a selfie.

  Fantastic! I can see this going viral!

  “Thanks,” they say as they walk away.

  “Can we eat now?” I ask as I slide back into the booth.

  Marcos smiles at me. “You really should give Ross a chance, Lex.”

  Ross takes a forkful of salad and leans his shoulder against mine. “You really should.”

  “I’m not quite the nympho I play on book covers. I’m sure you’d be disappointed in me, Ross,” I say then go ahead and tell him the truth. “Plus, I’m still hung up on Max and I’d go back to him with a snap of his fingers.”

  “Really?” Marcos asks. “After all that’s happened, you’d go back?”

  I nod. “I think about him every day and especially at night. If he ever gets out of the funk he’s got in and looks me up, I’d marry him in an instant, if he asked me again.”

  “You should think more of yourself than that, Lexi,” Ross says with a bit of a snip to his tone. “The man dumped you pretty harshly from what you’ve told us about the whole thing.”

  “He had his reasons I suppose. His childhood was rough and after all I pulled he was right to have done it. I just hope one day he can really forgive me for my stupidity. See, that’s why I don’t want my boobs on the cover of a book. He might see it and think a whole lot less of me.”

  Ross smiles and says, “Look, Marcos and I can stand behind you about this. I’m sure you’ll have to go topless and wear whatever she tells you to, but we can keep the goods out of sight.”

  I look up at him and give him a smile. “That’s why I like working with you two. You always have my back.”

  Marcos grabs up the empty salad bowls and takes them to the trash. “Come on, let’s get back and get naked, so to speak, and get this shoot done so I can go home and play with my baby girl.”

  I allow the men to take my hands and we walk back to a place where I know I’ll be uncomfortable, but at least I have friends to help me get through it all.

  Max

  Sissy lies in the hospital bed and I sit in a chair in the room I made for her on the first floor. A nurse with long, black hair wipes at her thin skin with a wet cloth. “Don’t you have someone you’d like to be with you when the time comes, Mr. Lane?”

  I shake my head. “I need to do this alone, anyway.”

  “This isn’t a thing people should go through alone. If you have someone who has been special to you, you should give them a call and let them know what’s happening.” The nurse’s hands run over my mother’s nearly gone hair. “I’m sure in her prime, your mother was a real beauty.”

  “The woman I remember from when I was ten years old, was pretty. I can’t say I recognize who she became.” I sit up and look at my mother as she looks peaceful, but not like the woman I remembered as a kid.

  The nurse places the cloth in a bag and looks at me before she leaves the room. “Mr. Lane, I’ve been a hospice nurse for twenty-four years and believe me when I say you need to come to terms with your life with your mother. You need to come to terms about your life and where you’re going with it.” She walks out the door but turns around. “You need more in your life than what you have now. Put the past where it belongs, Mr. Lane.”

  As the door closes something in me breaks and I start crying. “Why did this have to happen, Momma?”

  I fall on my knees beside her bed and take her nearly lifeless hand in mine. “Why did you chose drugs over me? Was I bad? Was taking care of me so hard?”

  My lips touch her cool hand, I take in a deep breath. “Momma, should I forgive you?”

  My head falls on the side of the bed as I lose all the strength in my body. “I’ve hated you for so damn long. It seems like forever. You killed my child, Momma. You took that away from me and in the process I turned into a hard man who threw away a love I never knew I could find.”

  My mother’s fingers move against my hand and I look up to see her eyes are open. It’s the first time since they brought her here. “Randy?” she asks.

  I lean over her so she can see me. “I’m here, I’m here, Momma.”

  “Why are you cryin’ son?” Her pale blue eyes glisten.

  “Because I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I judged you so harshly. I’m so sorry I wasn’t more understanding. I should’ve tried to find you when I made my billions, instead I changed my name, hoping you’d never find me.” My sobs choke me.

  Her grip on my hand tightens. “Randy, I don’t blame you, son. I did awful things in my life and the most awful things I did were to you. I hope the good Lord will forgive me for what I’ve done to you. But if he doesn’t and I have to face the Devil then I deserve whatever punishment I get. I love you son and what I did was wrong. If I could go back to the first time I ever took a drug, I’d make sure I walked away from that person who offered them to me. And I heard you asking if you were bad and the answer is no. You were a wonderful blessing, and I didn’t deserve you.”

  My body shakes with the words she’s telling me. “Mom, you deserve to go to Heaven, don’t think you don’t. This isn’t all your fault. I left you all alone in this world and I had plenty of money to help you many years ago. With my help you might be fine right now, but I turned my back on you.”

  With a weak shake of her head, she says, “Don’t you do that to yourself, son. I made my bed and now I have to lie in it. None of this is your fault. Where is that beautiful girl who was here last time?”

  “I sent her away,” I say with a whimper. “She was right about me and I sent her away.”

  “What do you mean?” she asks.

  “She was worried about marrying me and having children with me because of how I’ve been about you. You know, turning my back on you not once, but twice. She had fears I might do the same thing to our children if they ever found themselves with an addiction or something like that. I told
her we would raise them so that never happens, but it wasn’t enough for her, and I’m beginning to understand why now.”

  “You sent her away?” her words weak. “Fix it, son.”

  “I should, shouldn’t I?”

  Her hand tightens on mine then her eyes close as she mumbles, “Fix it if you can, before it’s too late and she finds another man.”

  I hold my mother’s hand until her grip relaxes and I know she’s fallen asleep. With a heavy sigh I leave her room and make my way to find Hilda and see what she thinks about things.

  I wipe my eyes with the back of my hand as I walk into the kitchen. Hilda has the television on as she chops vegetables. I look up at the television screen and I see Lexi and a man has her wrapped in his arms. I stare at the television as the picture turns to one of her, me, and Marcos. It’s one we did when we all modeled together. The reporter for the crap celebrity news show says, “Alexis Mathews may have moved on from hunky billionaire, Max Lane, to gorgeous fellow model, Ross Stevens. It seems Ross has taken the place in the threesome that was Marcos Rios, Alexis Mathews, and Max Lane who started making racy ads earlier this year.” The reporter pauses while the picture changes to one of Marcos, the other man, and Lexi as she looks to be naked between them on a bed on some book cover. “The racy threesome has reportedly been hanging out together and a couple of lucky women managed to get a selfie with the three hotties in a food court in Dallas as they all dined together in a cozy little booth where Ross kept his arm around the gorgeous, Alexis. Good luck you three!”

  Hilda looks at me and says, “You can’t believe that tabloid television, Max. If you want to know the truth all you have to do is call her and you know that.”

  “Funny thing is I was just about to talk to you about calling her, but that just answered my question. She’s moved on and I’ll not be dragging her back to my nightmare.”

  She’s better off without me.

  Alexis