The Codex: An Angel's Guide To Seducing A Human

by Joe Duck

  Varian, still holding onto his book, answered by grabbing a letter opener from the table and charging at me, the small knife aimed for my throat. "Die!"

  I waved my staff and conjured a large block of ice above his head. It smashed into him, and the priest collapsed to the floor.

  The letter opener flew out of his hand and skidded across the room until I pressed my foot down on the handle. “So, care to explain why—"

  “You’ll never break me!” The High Priest threw the book towards the fireplace.

  I pointed my staff and froze the book in midair. The added weight crashed the book onto the floor, far from reaching its destructive end. Kicking the knife back towards the door, I approached the book. “Let’s see—"

  “No!” Varian screamed. He jumped to his feet and charged at me again.

  I swung my staff and struck him in the head, dropping the priest to the ground.

  Praying that Varian was done for good this time, I jabbed at the prone body with my staff. He didn’t stir, except for his chest rising and falling. After a dozen pokes, I encased his hands and legs in ice just in case, then picked up the book he was so desperate to destroy.

  Already, the cover had defrosted and was a bit soggy. I flipped through it, reading some uninteresting entries about the priest’s personal life and his obsession with cheese. Disinterested in how long milk should rot in order to imitate the export cheese from the Republic, I skipped to the last entry where the ink was still fresh, hoping that I wasn’t wasting my time.

  “An angel came to the temple today. This one was also interested in the Grimoire and its pages. Nine years ago, I was ignorant, naive. Following orders blindly, asking for nothing in return. But I know better now. Fortunately for me, this holy servant doesn’t seem too bright. He ate up my lie. He actually believes I have one of those blasted pages. If all goes according to plan, and I succeed in keeping this fool with me, I will be the leader of a holy city, and everyone will bow at my feet.”

  My face twisted at the troubling words. ’This one?’ ‘Nine years?’

  I leafed back and searched for any relevant entries from nine years ago, finally finding one from the summer of that year:

  "I fear this will be the last summer solstice for our small town. The gold mine has run dry. The town is falling apart. Honest men and women have turned into criminals with no way to support themselves. Entire families are leaving to seek work in the cities. In the next few months, everything I've built—orphanages, soup kitchens, everything—will be meaningless. I pray every day to Lord Arudi to guide and provide me with the strength to weather this crisis, but I fear he is too busy to hear my prayers. If only those stubborn elves would just let us mine beneath their blasted trees. Talking to them hasn't worked at all. Every time those pointy-eared fools open their mouths, they complain about purifying the withered forest from some vague source of pollution as if they aren't the ones responsible for the whole disaster. They treat us like children. If only they knew how patient and caring I am. If only they knew that the voice of the mother tree whispers to me every time I visit her, urging me to strike down the elves to save my people. But I cannot. They have not done anything to break our lord’s order."

  Intrigued, I read the shaky handwriting below.

  "Archangel Heliose came to me today. He told me all my sins would be forgiven if I acted under his will, the will of Lady Tristina and her virtue of Love. In return all he wanted was a part of a corrupted Codex entangled by roots deep beneath the elves' mother tree to be taken for safekeeping. I agreed, and so did every other temple guard and priest. It goes against our agreement with the elves, but this is our home. We must save it."

  I skimmed through the next few entries about preparations for the plan until I arrived at the big day.

  "Today we isolated the village and readied ourselves. We blocked off all the roads and trails, warning any visiting elves and traders that an epidemic had broken out. I do not know if I should continue with this, but there is no other choice. I have come too far. If only the elves had helped us...”

  I skipped through the details of how they surrounded the village. My mouth dried and dread grew in my chest.

  "Before sundown, we rounded up every one of those pointy-eared bastards. At the heart of the forest, I took the axe and brought down the mother tree as they watched. Then we ran our swords through every one of them, and dumped the bodies into a ditch. By the time we were ready to leave, Archangel Heliose had uprooted the stump and located the Grimoire, a dark book that was ripped in half with only the front cover still attached. After that, the angel blessed us and left for the heavens. However, in his haste to return, the archangel missed a dagger buried a little bit below the book.

  The white dagger is nothing like I have seen before. Its blade seems to be made from the bone of a giant. But regardless of where it is from, it will serve as an excellent memento.

  Everything that happened today was exhilarating. Just remembering the screams of those selfish elves makes me smile. Once the ditch is covered and evidence of the plague planted in the village, we will construct a mine capable of providing our small town with all the gold ore we need to last a lifetime. I am a hero.”

  Great. I thought he was just corrupt. Not absolutely insane. I closed the book and slipped it into my pouch for safekeeping.

  I squatted in front of Varian and slapped him until his eyes opened. "Where's Narius?"

  The priest spat, landing his saliva in my mouth. I gagged and spat it back into his face.

  "You will free me at once, you wretch."

  I slapped him again and grabbed the collar of his robe. "Where’s the feathered idiot?"

  "You little whore! His Holiness will be an instrument in saving this town. What you are doing is nothing but destroying—"

  “I couldn’t care less.” I pointed my staff against his crotch. “Talk or I’ll freeze your balls off.”

  The priest winced.

  I channeled a bit of magic and made the orb of my staff glow bright blue. The ground near his legs froze as the ice crept towards him. Varian scooted away from me until he slammed his back against the desk, shaking and knocking off a few stacks of papers that spilled onto his head.

  With nowhere to run, the High Priest suddenly burst into a laugh. “Fine. Go ahead. I haven’t used those things in years.”

  My magic wavered. “Huh?”

  “You didn’t expect that, did you?”

  I bit my lip. Damn it. I can't waste time like this.

  “Death doesn’t scare me. If you kill me, I shall receive my just reward in the afterlife that much sooner.”

  I groaned. Brute force wasn’t going to make him talk. I clutched and fingered the feathered necklace that Narius had given me. What was its power again? To stop someone’s time? I closed my eyes and sighed. Well, that’s not very useful now, is it? “I guess there is no other choice.“ I’ll just have to knock him out and go look for—

  “Wh-what are you doing?”

  I opened my eyes.

  Varian stared at my chest, somehow shocked by it. I looked down and found the feather glowing with a warm golden light, probably from absorbing bits of stray magic from my spell.

  A half-baked idea came into mind as I thought about what Narius had told me about angels' immortality. I smiled. “Listen, fatty, I’m going to be very reasonable here. If you don't answer my questions, I’ll make you immortal."

  "What?"

  "That's right. If you don't tell me everything, I’m going to make you live forever."

  Confusion swept through the priest’s face and twisted it into a frown.

  I twirled the chain of the necklace. “You don’t want to live forever?”

  “Did you catch the plague? Of course I do.”

  I placed my hand on my chin and winked. "Great. From what Narius has told me, I can use this feather here.” I touched against the necklace for dramatic effect and saw the light of the feather brighten to reward my efforts. “And keep s
omeone alive forever by drawing energy around him.”

  Varian’s wrinkles deepened, and I continued to blurt out everything that came to mind. “But, just like every good thing in life, there’s a catch. Mainly, your body will gradually wither away and, in less than half a century, you will no longer have control of your bowel movements for all eternity."

  Varian blinked. "What kind of immortality is this?"

  I tapped the feather against my nose. “A poor man's remedy. But don’t worry. You’d still be able to feel hunger, pain, and a wet feeling in the front and back of your pants. And as an added bonus, the spell prevents any harm from reaching a person. You’ll spend a few centuries in pain as your bones slowly decompose until your fatty body spreads over the ground like a slime." I smiled. "Wouldn't that be fun? Unable to move or talk, covered in your own waste?"

  The priest glanced at his body and paled. “We have him in my quarters," he mumbled.

  I cupped my hand over my ear. "Hmm? And where are your quarters?"

  “Downstairs, the room with the gilded door with my name on it! Just take that feather away from me!”

  I struck the priest on his temple and knocked him out. “Thanks.”

  As I turned around to exit the warm office, an explosion shook the ground and rattled the wine bottles. I rushed to the window just as a large fireball passed by. Outside, the blaze in the city was now completely out of control with small tornadoes made of flame sweeping through the wooden buildings. I thought about all the townsfolk and hoped everyone made it out.

  Then I caught a glimpse of shadowy figures moving toward the temple. They were clad in dark robes, pulling a wagon of barrels behind them. Barrels that looked suspiciously like the ones loaded up by the masked laborers earlier this evening. It was clear from the organized way they moved that they weren't refugees coming to the temple for shelter, nor were they the exhausted group of guards.

  The terrified priest guarding the door shouted at the group. He raised his hand to stop them. An instant later, a small dagger flew from the crowd and impaled itself in the guard’s throat. The man's scream silenced as blood sprayed from his neck.

  The uninvited guests strolled past the dead body, and began to unload the cart, rolling away the barrels that could only contain gunpowder.

  Why didn't I figure it out until now? I slapped my forehead. The cloaked figures, the complete destruction of a city and Varian's own dirty little secret connected with one another. It all made sense now. Giving the bag of loot one last look, I turned to the door and ran down the stairs as fast as I could. I had to find the angel before everything crumbled.

  Narius

  My wings shook in anticipation as I lay on the bed. Will the pie be like a roasted fish? Or will it taste like that vegetable stick? My mouth watered, and I swallowed to keep myself from drooling.

  To distract myself from the food, I studied the lavishly-decorated room I was in. Summoning the Codex to my hand, I sketched the room, containing a large, soft bed, silver candlesticks and a few portraits of various High Priests. All of them with generous builds and with a plate full of food in front of them. Do you think it will take them a long time to make a pie?

  The Codex sighed. There is no pie. The pie is a lie. Narius, stop worrying about filling your endless pit, and think about how we can get out of here. In case you have forgotten, two priests are out there standing guard and preventing us from leaving. You are trapped here!

  I wiped the drool off my lips. What? There isn't a pie?

  That’s all you got from me? Forget the pie!

  I tapped my index fingers together. But ... but why? It sounds like it would taste so good. I bet Emily would know more. Wait! What about Emily? Are they not going to bring her here?

  Of course, Narius. I am sure that they will bring her here. Just so that she can explain our current predicament and help you formulate a plan to escape.

  Something dropped to the floor outside the room, but figuring it was one of the priests, I scratched my head and asked, Do you think she’s all right?

  Probably freezing everyone around her into an icicle right about now. Why do you care?

  I... I don’t. The lock on the door clicked. Curious, I rose from the bed and waited for someone to walk in.

  Really? Something that pretty doesn't come often, you know... or do you think she is some sort of hideous troll?

  I waited for the door to open, but instead the handle returned to its original position. Well... well, I think she is pretty, but I don't think she likes—

  Oh? Do you want to rub yourself all over her?

  Feeling uncomfortable, I focused my attention on the unmoving handle and fidgeted. Not really. Although her hand feels soft.

  Pity. How about just fondling her breasts?

  Heat rose to my cheeks as the memory of the pleasant sensation came back to me. I hung my head and stared at the stony floor of the room. No … No?

  Just imagine, the Codex cooed, grasping her bosoms like a wild animal, then ripping her clothes—

  The handle on the door rattled. When the door didn't open, Emily's terrified voice followed. “The guards are dead! Anyone in there?”

  My heart raced, and I rushed to the door and answered her, “Me.”

  “Narius? Open up! Quick!”

  I burst open the door. A beam of light from her staff blinded me. I stumbled forward, but ended up tripping on the threshold and crashing into Emily.

  The staff flew from her hand. Emily yelped. Her dark hair clouded my vision while her body pressed into mine.

  My arms flailed, but grabbed nothing but air. We crashed onto the floor, knocking my breath away.

  As I tried to get my bearings, Emily pushed me off of her, her cheeks turning red.

  Brushing off the dust smeared onto my armor, I rose to my feet when a foul stench hit my nose. I glanced around and saw a thin pool of blood leading away from the door.

  Eyeing the trail of blood, I picked up Emily's staff and illuminated the dark corner where the trail led. There, a pair of blood-drenched priests lay on the ground, their unmoving eyes stared back at me, reflecting the light of the orb. Both had their throats ripped out. The sight of death made my heart slow. I walked to the dead bodies, hoping that I was wrong, but the bodies were cold and their hearts silent. I closed my eyes and bowed my head to the departed souls, hoping that they would be reborn to enjoy longer and more fruitful lives.

  Emily gently placed her trembling hand on my shoulder. “Narius. I know this is hard, but we've got to go or we are going to join them.”

  "Who did this?" I asked.

  “Elves. Victims of a slaughter, or at least those who sympathize with them. I saw them running away as I got here."

  I opened my eyes and turned to her. "Slaughter?"

  “The High Priest and the temple wiped out an entire village just to put a mine there.” Emily reached into her pouch and pulled out a wet book. “I have the proof right here.”

  “Why would he do that?”

  Emily took her staff from my hand. “Economy. Listen I will explain later, but right now we have to go. The elves have arrived with a wagon full of explosives. The city was just the beginning. We need to get out."

  "But what about the priests? We should warn them and save the ones we—"

  She eyed the corpses on the ground and swallowed. "They are probably all in on it. It would be impossible to keep this kind of knowledge a secret. Even if there are innocents, it’s too late. The elves are ready to blow up the temple, so even those still alive will be dead soon."

  “Wait. What about the High Priest? Was he all right?”

  “Won’t be for long. Forget about him.”

  I shook my head. “I need to see him. He has a page of the Grimoire.”

  “He was lying.”

  “But he reeked of corruption. I should still check it out.”

  Emily jabbed her index finger at my chest. “Maybe that’s because he is corrupt in a completely different way. Narius,
I already risked my life to save you. Have the common courtesy to come with me before we die.”

  My heart tingled at her concern for me. I held her hand and smiled. “Thank you. You really must be the kindest person in the kingdom.”

  Emily’s face lit up, her eyes startled by my sudden move. “W-well, if you know that, then good. Now, stop arguing—"

  I took my hands off her, and headed towards the staircases leading to the High Priest’s office. “But it’s my duty.”

  Emily cursed, and the sound of her footsteps echoed behind mine. “Bloody idiot.”

  Chapter Six

  Narius

  Passing barrels of gunpowder, I sprinted up the stairs to Varian's office as fast as I could, my wings brushing the coarse stone walls.

  Emily followed behind me, grumbling like an unhappy ogress who had missed her second lunch. “Third time climbing these damn stairs. I'm going to wring Varian’s neck.”

  Why? I asked the Codex. Shouldn’t we be trying to save him?

  Do you hear yourself, Narius? Codex whispered. Emily said he locked you in his room and tried to give you a special pie to take advantage of you. You know there’s something naughty going on here.

  Me eating the pie?

  The Codex sighed, but didn’t answer.

  Before I could ask her what was wrong, I spotted the light at the end of the stairwell, seeping beneath the door of Varian’s office. I turned to Emily to tell her the good news. "Hey—"

  She shoved me against the wall and covered my mouth, her nose almost touching mine. "Hush."

  The Codex shook and rattled the chain. Remember, Narius, no tongue on the first try. Only your lips.

  What?

  Don’t try to eat her tongue. Just think that you are shaking hands but only with your—

  “You too,” Emily slapped the Codex, breaking my connection with her, then pointed at the door. “Narius, can you hear them?”

  With the Codex and our footsteps silenced, faint voices echoed from the room, and I bobbed my head.