Please Don't Die

by Lurlene McDaniel

  Jeff looked disappointed. “I was hoping you’d put in a good word for me.”

  Katie chewed on her bottom lip. “If I talk Lacey into it, how will you know if it’s you she likes? Dating somebody shouldn’t be as a favor to someone else.”

  “I can live with it.”

  Katie slugged his arm playfully. “Oh, you! Come on, give yourself a chance. Go for it on your own.”

  Jeff studied her thoughtfully, then put his arm around her shoulders. “All right. I won’t put you on the spot. You’re a good buddy. And the only one willing to do laps in the pool with me at six every morning. I’ll see what kind of progress I can make on my own with Lacey.”

  Katie walked with him back to the picnic tables, feeling relieved. She figured she’d gotten out of Jeff’s request without betraying Amanda’s confidence. She only wished Jeff would forget about Lacey and give Amanda half a chance.

  Later in the afternoon, they chose up sides for softball. Katie was captain of one team, and Jeff the other. She selected Lacey first, mostly to keep her off Jeff’s team. Jeff chose Amanda, and the younger girl fairly glowed as she trotted over to his side.

  By the time the game was over, Katie wished she’d been less charitable. Lacey couldn’t hit the side of a barn, and Amanda had slugged in three home runs. “We trounced you guys,” Amanda crowed as they rode back to the stables at Jenny House in the twilight.

  “Don’t rub it in,” Katie said. “I’ve always been a poor loser.”

  Amanda leaned closer to Katie and whispered, “Jeff picked me for his team. That must mean something. What do you think, Katie? Do you think I have a chance with him?”

  Amanda sounded so thrilled that Katie didn’t even try to burst the younger girl’s bubble about her hopeless crush. Up ahead, she saw Jeff rein in his horse beside Lacey’s and hoped that the lengthening shadows in the woods would hide the sight from Amanda.

  Why couldn’t life be simple? she wondered. Why were people always drawn to what they couldn’t have? She sighed, deciding that the problem was as old as time, and would never have an answer. At least, none she could come up with.

  Dear Katie,

  This is the longest summer of my life. I know it’s only been three weeks since I left you at Jenny House, but even with my job, time drags. Your dad’s helped me plenty, and I’ve already worked my way out of my mailroom duties. I went out with one of the reporters on his rounds (he covers the police beat), and that was fun. I don’t think I’d like being a reporter, but being a cop seems interesting.

  Sounds like you have your hands full with those roommates. I can’t answer your question as to why a guy ignores a girl who’s nuts about him to go after one who isn’t. Maybe Jeff’s just a slow learner. He’s not coming on to you, is he? I mean, I can’t figure how any guy could appreciate any other girl when you’re around. (If this guy makes any moves on you, I’ll come there personally and deal with him. Make sure he keeps his hands off YOU.)

  Gramps has been doing little projects around the house. It takes him longer than it used to, but he gets the job done. He goes out to the cemetery every weekend to put fresh flowers on Gram’s and Aaron’s graves. He begged me to go with him. I did, but I really hated it. Not so much seeing Gram’s grave. I mean, she was pretty old when she died. But it tears me up to see Aaron’s. I still miss him, and I guess I always will. Then I remember that without his heart, there’d be no Katie in my life. And I can’t imagine that either. I don’t like thinking about it, so I’m not going back out there again.

  I guess that’s pretty much it from here. Try not to get too involved with Jeff and Lacey and Amanda. After this summer, you’ll all go your separate ways. I really miss you, Katie, and I wish it was August already.

  Love,

  Josh

  Katie ran her fingertips over Josh’s distinctive signature when she finished reading his letter. She did miss him. Of course, his suggestion that Jeff might be interested in her was ludicrous. It had been a week since the picnic, and all Jeff talked about was Lacey. And all Amanda talked about was Jeff—privately and only to Katie. Lacey didn’t say much of anything, but she did seem less belligerent. And she was taking her insulin shots on time.

  Katie had grown sensitive to Lacey’s moods. She saw a marked disintegration in Lacey’s disposition whenever her blood sugar level dipped. And although Lacey didn’t have another insulin reaction, Katie did notice that she would discreetly drink some orange juice or nibble on a candy bar at different times in the day.

  Katie tucked Josh’s letter in her drawer with the others from him and spied her calendar. She’d marked June 30 with a big red star, and the moment Chelsea ducked into the bathroom for a shower, Katie grabbed Lacey and Amanda. “Chelsea’s birthday’s coming up,” she told them in a conspiratorial whisper. “Let’s throw her a party. One terrific party that she’ll never forget.”

  “That’s a super idea!” Amanda bubbled with enthusiasm over Katie’s suggestion.

  “What about you, Lacey? You want to help?” Katie asked.

  Lacey shrugged. “I guess so. What have you got in mind?”

  “I’d like to invite everybody at Jenny House. We could hold it down in the lodge and the game room. I’m sure if I ask Mr. Holloway, he’ll get us a cake.”

  “We’ve got to do more than eat cake and hang out in the game room. What kind of a dumb party is that?”

  “And I suppose you’re the party queen of Miami,” Katie shot back, none too kindly.

  Lacey gave her a bored look. “I’ve thrown my share of parties. Even had a couple raided by the cops.”

  “No lie?” Amanda’s eyes grew round as saucers.

  “I don’t think that’s the kind of party I had in mind,” Katie said.

  “No problem,” Lacey replied. “We’re so far out in the boondocks, the cops couldn’t find this place.”

  Katie swallowed a retort. Why did Lacey continue to be negative about Jenny House? “So what great ideas do you have to make Chelsea’s fifteenth birthday memorable?”

  “I think a western theme would work. We could have a hayride and dancing and maybe a little carnival down in the ree room—you know, simple games like knocking over milk cartons and dropping clothespins into bottles for little prizes.”

  “And balloons,” Amanda inserted. “And a big banner that says ‘Happy Birthday’ stretching across the fireplace.”

  “And everyone will have to bring some corny gag gift.”

  Katie had to admit that Lacey’s ideas were good ones. “How can we keep it a surprise from Chelsea?”

  “She takes a long nap every afternoon. We can make the decorations during the week and put everything up on the afternoon of her birthday.”

  “Maybe we can get a live band,” Amanda suggested. “With fiddles and banjos.”

  “I’ll talk to Mr. Holloway,” Katie said. She liked Lacey’s plans, and Lacey did sound as if she knew what she was doing. Plus her usual look of boredom had left her face.

  “I’ll start making a list,” Lacey said, grabbing a legal pad from off a desk.

  “Making a list for what?”

  The three of them turned to see Chelsea standing in the doorway, towel-drying her long brown hair.

  Seven

  KATIE EXCHANGED GLANCES quickly with Lacey and Amanda. “For things we want to do while we’re here,” she said, thinking fast. “I want to go tubing down the river.”

  “And I’m going to ask if there’s any chance I can bungee jump off one of the bridges,” Amanda said with a straight face. Katie and Lacey looked at her simultaneously.

  “Bungee jump?” Lacey asked drolly.

  “It’s a possibility,” Amanda defended her outlandish suggestion while turning beet red.

  Chelsea sat on her bed. “You all don’t know how lucky you are. I can’t even consider doing such things.”

  “When you get your heart fixed, you’ll be able to do them too,” Amanda told her.

  Chelsea’s lips held a bluish ca
st, and her breath sounded rapid. Katie remembered vividly what it felt like to have her sick heart pounding so hard that she thought it might jump out of her chest. “Would you like to rest?” Katie asked, concerned for Chelsea.

  “If I don’t dry my hair right away, it’ll turn into a giant frizz ball.”

  “I’ll help you dry it,” Katie offered. “It won’t take long.”

  “Um … we’ve got something we have to do,” Amanda said. “Don’t we, Lacey?”

  “I need to talk to Mr. Holloway.” Lacey met Katie’s gaze with a look that said “I’ll handle the arrangements for you.”

  Katie was grateful for the way the two others pulled together to set the plan for Chelsea’s surprise party into motion. She expected as much from Amanda, but for Lacey, it was downright charitable.

  She rummaged in her drawer for her hair dryer and went to work on Chelsea’s hair. When she was finished, Chelsea’s naturally wavy hair hung in a thick cascade down her back. The color had come back into her face, and her breathing sounded normal. Chelsea said she was tired and opted to lie down for a nap. Katie left her sleeping and headed down to the rec room, wondering all the while how long Chelsea could go on without a transplant. She had noticed how carefully Chelsea conserved her energy. How hesitant she was about joining in activities. She hoped the surprise party was a good idea. That it wouldn’t sap her already failing strength. She wished there was something she could do to make Chelsea’s day-to-day life less monotonous.

  “Happy Birthday!” The group surrounding the foot of the stairs yelled. Katie was partway down, a few steps in front of Chelsea, who stopped, blinked, and stared open-mouthed at the decorated lodge lobby.

  “For me?” she asked. “You all did this for me?”

  “Are you surprised?” Amanda wanted to know.

  Chelsea glanced at Katie, who beamed her a smile and shrugged. “We couldn’t let you turn fifteen and not celebrate.”

  Katie led the rest of the way down the stairs, where the kids and staff waited. She had to hand it to Lacey. She’d done a great job on the arrangements. The place looked like a barn, with bales of hay stacked between tables decorated with red-checked tablecloths. The furniture had been pushed against the walls to create a dance floor in the center of the room, and a bluegrass band tuned up fiddles in front of the fireplace, which sported a gigantic birthday banner.

  “I can’t believe you did all this for me.”

  “Any excuse for a party,” Mr. Holloway said, offering her his arm. “Come see your cake.”

  He walked her to a long table holding platters of fried chicken, a bucket of iced sodas, bowls of salads, and a cake decorated with a bucking horse.

  “The cake’s a little corny, but it was all that the bakery in town could come up with.” Lacey sounded apologetic.

  “I think it’s wonderful.” Chelsea’s eyes sparkled.

  “We’ve got a minicarnival set up downstairs,” someone explained. “Let’s eat so we can go play.”

  Katie had never been a fan of country music, but she decided that the band was outstanding. In no time, the leader had organized a square dance. In her group were Jeff, Amanda, and Lacey and another couple. Amanda pretended that she was only with Jeff, and Jeff could imagine that he was with Lacey.

  All Katie worried about was Chelsea, who sat in an easy chair beside the dance floor watching everybody dance. In the girl’s face, Katie saw the envy of the dancers. For the physical energy she could never expend.

  When it was time to descend to the game room and carnival, Katie offered to take the elevator down with Chelsea. “I probably won’t be able to play the games,” Chelsea said, sounding apologetic as they rode down in the elevator.

  “They’re not strenuous.”

  “I’m not very good at games because I could never participate in them.” She licked her lips nervously.

  “What are you trying to say?”

  The doors slid open, and Katie and Chelsea stepped out. From inside the game room, they heard squeals of laughter as kids tried their luck at the carnival competitions, as well as the standard video game fare.

  “I’m just not a competitor,” Chelsea explained.

  Katie couldn’t imagine such a thing. All her life, she’d thrived on competition. “But it’s fun to win.”

  “But I can’t win. And the excitement isn’t good for me.”

  “What a thing to say! How do you know you can’t win if you don’t try?”

  Chelsea lowered her gaze. “You don’t understand.”

  But suddenly Katie did understand. Chelsea had lived such a protected life for so many years, she’d forgotten what it was to feel adventurous. “You know, every time your heart beats fast it doesn’t mean that you’re going to pass out. There’s a difference between putting pressure on your heart from overexertion and simply having it race because of adrenaline output. Don’t be so scared.”

  Chelsea’s gaze had shifted back to Katie’s face. “But I am scared,” she whispered. “I don’t want to flake out in front of all these people.”

  “I’ll be with you. And you’re always saying how you wish you could do the things that normal people do.”

  “But that’s the problem—I can’t!”

  “Wait a minute. There is something down here that can give you an adventure safely,” Katie said as an idea struck her. “Come with me.” Katie led the way into the game room and up to the front of the line of the virtual reality game. “Birthday girl gets to butt,” she said, tapping the boy wearing the VR helmet. “Hand it over.”

  “But I just—”

  “Now.” Grumbling, the boy climbed out of the cocoon-shaped enclosure and passed the helmet to Katie, who clamped it on Chelsea’s head. “This game’s three-dimensional, and it has programs to take you anywhere—including Mars.”

  Chelsea sat stock-still as Katie showed her how to work the controls.

  “How’d you like to drive in a Grand Prix road race?” Katie shoved a cartridge for car racing into the control panel. She watched Chelsea’s face as the game sprang to life, knowing what Chelsea was experiencing. She’d been transported into another time and place, and with such reality that she’d become a part of it. “I—I can’t believe—” Chelsea whispered as the game beeped into activity. “Everything’s so real.”

  “But it’s only an illusion,” Katie said. “Feel this.” She pressed an object into Chelsea’s hands.

  “Why, it feels just like a real steering wheel.”

  “But it isn’t real,” Katie replied. “And that’s what makes it perfect for girls with lousy hearts.” She stepped back and watched as Chelsea tentatively gripped the wheel. “Have fun,” Katie said. “Have a wreck. You can’t get hurt, you know.”

  And for the next half hour, she watched as Chelsea got caught up in a world of make-believe so realistic that it made Chelsea gasp, squeal, and laugh aloud. Katie felt pleased with herself. She’d opened up a realm of adventure that Chelsea could never have experienced any other way. Watching her, Katie realized that for the first time in her life, Chelsea was “running” and “jumping” and “soaring.”

  She was safe. And she wasn’t scared.

  While Chelsea continued to play the VR game, Katie tried her hand at some of the carnival games. She went to a booth decorated as a miniature fishing pond, manned by Jeff. He handed her a fishing pole equipped with small magnets for hooks and said, “The fish are rigged with magnets too.” He pointed to a child’s inflatable pool. “Cast out and see what you snag. The color of the fish determines your prize. Gold ones win you a stuffed turtle.”

  Katie flexed the pole and readied her aim.

  Jeff took a furtive glance around. “We need to talk,” he said under his breath.

  “About what?”

  “I can’t get to first base with Lacey. I need some advice.”

  Inwardly, Katie groaned. She didn’t want to be in the middle of this. From the way Amanda looked at him, Katie knew she still pined for him. How c
ould Jeff be so blind? Yet, Katie also knew that Jeff wasn’t going to be interested in Amanda the way she would like him to be. “I don’t know what to tell you. Try using your imagination. Do something romantic.”

  “Romantic?”

  “It’s not a foreign word.”

  “Maybe you’re on to something.” Jeff furrowed his brow. “This is going to take some thought.”

  Katie felt relieved that he was taking the initiative and not depending on her. “Hey,” she cried. “I caught a gold fish!” Katie dangled her catch high above the pond.

  Jeff fetched her prize and handed it to her. He said, “I might try out some ideas on you.”

  “It’s not me you have to impress.”

  “But you know her best.”

  She almost said, “Nobody knows Lacey,” but thought better of it. Fortunately, other kids came up to play the fishing game, so Katie slipped away. Deciding to take her stuffed turtle up to her room, she dashed upstairs, ran inside the room, and stopped short.

  Amanda was sprawled on her bed, crying, and Lacey was standing over her.

  Eight

  “WHAT ARE YOU doing to her?” Katie asked sharply, coming immediately to Amanda.

  “Don’t yell at me,” Lacey declared. “I came in here and found her like this. Why do you just assume it’s my fault?”

  “Sorry. That wasn’t fair.” Katie knelt next to Amanda. “What’s wrong? Are you sick?”

  “I’m ugly and gross, and no boy’s ever going to like me.” Amanda turned her tear-stained face toward Katie. “Remember what I told you before? Well, no matter how hard I try, this guy doesn’t even know I’m alive.”

  “This is about some boy?” Lacey blurted out. “You’re up here crying your eyes out over some stupid boy?”

  “That’s easy for you to say.” Amanda sat upright on the bed. “You’re beautiful, and boys probably fall all over you.”

  Lacey shook her head. “Not so.”

  Katie wondered about Lacey’s mysterious admission, but now wasn’t the time to pursue it. She turned to Amanda. “Look, I know you’ve been trying your best to get—”