“You know the last thing Whiskey said to me was, before we fell asleep?” I ask Jase a few days later, as we curl up in his bed.
Jase shakes his head. “No, tell me.”
“He said Heaven, you just made me complete.”
Jase is quiet for a moment, then he murmurs, “I didn’t see it then Nev, because I could only see my feelings for you. I didn’t see how much he needed you. How much he wanted you. How much he craved you. I loved you, but it was never in the way Whiskey loved you. Just as you never loved me the way you loved him. I should have been able to see that.”
“I’m going to say what you said to me Jase, you were young…give yourself some credit.”
He snuggles in closer to me. “If you don’t find him before…”
“Don’t Jase,” I whisper.
“I have to Nev, I have to. Please, just let me…promise me that you will find him even if I don’t see him.”
“Jase…”
“Promise me Nev, promise me you’ll find my brother and help him. Whatever is happening…he needs you.”
I chuckle softly. “You give me too much credit, for all we know he could be married with a bunch of kids.”
“No,” he whispers. “I know that if Whiskey wasn’t in trouble, he would have come home.”
I don’t tell Jase about the weird emails I have been getting. I don’t tell him because he doesn’t need that stress. He doesn’t need any more pain. He just needs to feel comfort and happiness before he…god…I clench my eyes shut. Thank god he can’t see the pain on my face, I know it would only make him question me further and he doesn’t need that right now. For now, I just have to do everything I can to find Whiskey so he can say goodbye.
“Ok, well, you know I’ll do everything I can, Jase. I promise.”
He hugs me closer. “I know, Nev…I know.”
~*~*~*~*
The next week passes in a blur. Jase continues with his treatment and I continue to hunt Whiskey down. I’m getting frustrated now. Whoever emailed me, never got back to me. Frustrated, I sent a few emails to that address, only to come up with nothing. My time is running short and I’m losing time to be able to help Jase. If I don’t find Whiskey, I know it’ll break him. It’s not how he wants it to end for him. I still refuse to believe there’s not hope, I am praying every morning and night that somehow, we find some miracle.
I head up to the hospital on a Saturday morning. I’m not working today, so I’m going to sit and do some puzzles with Jase. I know how lonely he gets, even though he spends a lot of time sleeping because he feels so ill. I walk down the halls, grateful to be off shift. When I get to Jase’s room, I hear the commotion before I see it. I hear yelling and screaming. Rushing in, I see Jase’s parents standing by the window as he throws things across the room in a rage. I’ve never seen Jase so…upset.
“Jase?” I whisper, then I drop my bags and rush over.
I grip his arm just as he lifts the drip stand to hurl across the room. I put both my hands on his arm and I can feel him trembling.
“Hey you, come on now, stop that.”
He turns his brown eyes to mine and he’s panting with rage. I reach up and stroke his cheek, gently murmuring calming words to him. In a moment, his breathing evens out. I take him and force him to sit down on the chair by the window, then I crouch in front of him and take his face into my hands. I stroke my thumb over his cheek, completely ignoring his parents. He’s hurting, for what reason I don’t know but right now he just needs to calm down.
“What’s happening handsome?” I murmur, gripping his hand and squeezing it.
“What’s happening is he’s stopping his treatment!” His mother cries.
My whole world spins. Jase meets my gaze and I can see the answer in them. She’s not telling a lie. He’s stopping his treatment. He’s…stopping his treatment. I suck in a sharp breath and stumble backwards, managing to get to my feet. Jase stands, reaching out to me. I turn my head away, trying to force back the tears that are burning in my eyes. If he stops the treatment that means he’ll die.
“Nev…”
“You’re stopping your treatment? But that’ll mean…that’ll mean…”
“He’ll die!” His father barks.
I grip the bed railing and hear myself panting as I search Jase’s gaze for something…anything to make him change his mind.
“I’m going to die anyway,” he whispers.
“Jase,” I rasp.
“No, you all need to listen to me for a damn minute!” he cries.
“Jase, honey…” his mother cuts in.
I put a wobbly hand up. “Let him talk.”
I don’t really want to hear what Jase has to say, but I owe it to him to listen. He sighs and rubs his face, then he sits on his chair again, weak after only a moment of being up. I can see the torture in his face, I can see he’s fighting with himself over this. It wasn’t an easy decision for him, that much is clear. I suppose it wouldn’t be easy, would it? Choosing if you’ll just give up your life or continue fighting.
“I’m sick, ok? I’m dying, no matter how much treatment I get, I’m too far gone. They told me today the cancer is still spreading, even with treatment. I have a choice, I can either stay here and be rotten sick for my last few months, or I can go home and be with my loved ones so I can die in peace. I am dying…do you all hear me? I’m dying, in a few months I’ll be gone. Let me go out my way.”
I hiccup and turn my face down to the ground as tears spill from my eyes and drop onto the floor. Jase’s mother makes a choking sound and his father sucks in a deep, pained breath. I finally force myself to look up, and Jase is looking at me. His brown eyes are searching my face. He stands up and walks over, taking my face in his hands and stroking his thumb over my lip. I want to wrap him up and never let him go, I don’t want him to die. I can’t…I just can’t…
“Nev, I want to come home with you.”
My eyes widen even though tears are still spilling out from my lids. “What?” I rasp.
“What?” his mother shrieks.
He spins to her, his gaze wild. “I’m staying here, mum!”
“But it’s two hours away and…”
“Then stay here too, Aunt Jenny lives here. Stay with her.”
“Come home son,” his father rasps.
I stare at his family, knowing how hard this is on them. His mother, always beautiful, looks broken. Her usually radiant brown eyes are hollow and empty. Katie is stunning, with blonde hair and brown eyes. She looks just like Jase, whereas Whiskey takes after their father, who is tall, dark and handsome. They are both hunched over now though, facing the reality that has been thrown upon them.
“I need to stay with Nev, please?”
I look at Jase, and I cup his face in my hands. “You can all stay with me, I don’t have a lot of room but I’ll make do.”
Katie snaps her head up. “Really?” she whispers.
“Of course, you’re all welcome. I would never ask you to be away from him.”
“Oh Nevaeh.”
She rushes over and wraps me in her arms. I smile and hug her, feeling the deep comfort I haven’t felt for a long time. My mother lives overseas now, with her new boyfriend Peter. I haven’t seen her for three years. We were never close. My daddy still lives nearby, he’s been away from work but he comes back tomorrow. I so desperately need his comfort. I have no one else. I don’t have siblings. I don’t have anyone close enough to confide in, except Jase, but he needs me right now.
“It’s so good to see you again,” she whispers.
“You too, Katie, I’ve missed you.”
I always got along with the boys mum and dad, Katie and John. They were like my second family, always letting me stay when I needed and feeding me when my mother went out of town and left me alone.
“Thank you, love.”
I smile up at Jase’s father John, who looks like he’s trying very hard to hold it together.
“Are you sure?” Ja
se whispers.
I nod, looking at them all. “I’m sure. Just let me go and organize it all.”
Jase swallows and then takes my face in his hands, bringing my lips up to his. “Thank you, for not fighting me on this.”
My eyes fill with tears again, and he swipes them away with his thumb. “Fighting would have done me no good, you’ve made up your mind.”
He kisses me again. “I want to spend my last days with you, I need you…”
“And Whiskey?” His mother asks, hopeful.
“Whiskey ran off,” his father grunts. “He obviously doesn’t wanna be here.”
I flinch. Whiskey and John always fought, a lot. Heck, they even got into a fist fight once. Whiskey was always his own man, doing what he wanted, when he wanted and John didn’t like it. The two have always had a hard relationship.
“He doesn’t know dad,” Jase whispers, hurt.
“Don’t think it would matter,” John grunts.
Not wanting to get between this, I walk over and grip Jase’s face. I don’t want him to see the breakdown on the surface, wanting to come out, so I kiss him softly and then whisper, “I’ll go home and organize it. I’ll come back later ok?”
“Are you sure?”
“I’m sure.”
I hug him, then turn towards his parents. “Will you be coming tonight?”
“If you don’t mind?” John smiles.
“Of course, give me a few hours.”
I hug them all, meet Jase’s eyes, and then leave. Before I even get outside, the hot tears spill down my cheeks. My best friend is going to die, and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.
Chapter 6
I manage to keep it together enough to pick up groceries from the store, get some new bedding and a few other odds and ends, and get home. By the time I get in though, my chest is so heavy I struggle to breathe. I can’t be strong forever, and I can’t accept this is truly going to happen. The reality of the situation is so utterly heart wrenching it’s just easier to pretend it’s not real. It’s easier to pretend Jase is coming home and we’re just going to live a happy life together as friends, until we grow old and die.
That’s not reality though and no matter how hard I try to fight it, it’s biting me in the ass, hard. It’s coming to me in a whirlwind of emotions that I can’t seem to get a lid on. Jase will never get married. Jase will never have kids. Jase will never meet the true love of his life and feel that heart wrenching connection that changes his world. Jase will never be a grandad…I don’t realize I’m screaming until my body hits the floor and jerks me to reality again. I’m shaking so badly my teeth clatter together. My howls of pain shock even my ears.
I wrap my arms around myself, rocking backwards and forwards, trying to soothe an ache that’s never going to leave. Jase is going to die. He. Is. Going. To. Die. There is nothing I can do to take that away, nothing will make this situation just disappear. He’s chosen to give up. He’s chosen to let his life slip by him and we have to respect his choice no matter how much it breaks us. It’s his life. It’s his choice. He gets to die how he wants to die. I pull my knees up to my chest and heave as the gripping pain takes hold of my heart and makes it feel as though someone is slowly tearing it from my chest.
The screams come out again as my control slips. I grip my hair and scream, desperately trying to understand why this is happening. I’m snapped from my world when my phone rings loudly beside me. I stare down at it for a long…long moment. It’s almost as though I’m in a dream, reality seems to have run off and left me in this haze. My eyes blur as I pick it up and stare down at the number on my screen. Unknown. I made a promise to Jase, I know I have to answer this. I know I have to. I put the phone to my ear once I hit answer and croak, “Hello?”
“I hear you’ve been lookin’ for me.”
That voice. That deep, throaty voice. I know it. I’ve always known it. My body shakes so hard I nearly loose the phone in my hand.
“Whiskey?” I croak.
So many emotions go through me in this moment. I want to scream, cry, laugh and crumble all at the same time. I am so happy to hear Whiskey’s voice. I found him. I finally found him. A flood of emotions tear into my chest all at once, the main one being an aching loss I didn’t realize I felt for Whiskey. His next words change that though, they turn the loss into pure, raging anger.
“I’m ringing in regards to the contact you’ve been making with people trying to find me. Whatever you’re looking for in me, you need to stop. I don’t want contact. I don’t want you to keep looking for me. Don’t call for me again. Don’t email for me again. Stay the fuck away from anything to do with me. If you’re smart, you will listen. This is the only warning you’ll get, don’t contact me again or you will find yourself in trouble.”
His voice is harsh, strong, determined and scary. Hearing the change in his voice, hearing it go from a boys to a mans has me taking a moment to grasp what he’s said. I spit my next words out, so disgusted by him.
“Don’t flatter yourself thinking I wanted anything to do with you. I couldn’t care if I never ever saw you again Jarred Levanox. I was looking for you, because Jase needs you.”
He’s silent a long moment.
“Jase is fine without me. Don’t call me again, do you understand me? I don’t want either of you in my life. Stay. The. Fuck. Away. From. Me.”
“You ass…”
The phone line goes dead. He can’t be serious? What? No. Did he just hang up on me? How dare he! How dare he! I toss the phone across the room, furious and hurt. Whiskey didn’t even let me tell him what was wrong. He didn’t. He just barked orders at me and hung up. What was the point in the call at all? I force myself to my feet, and my legs scream at me as they wobble. I grip the kitchen bench and get to cleaning up the house. I need to make it liveable enough for four people. It might be a tight squeeze but we can do it.
I set up the guest room and make the queen sized bed. I put fresh towels down and give the floor a vacuum. Then I go into my room. It’s quite large and I know I’ll be sharing with Jase. I won’t put a sick man on the couch, if it gets uncomfortable I’ll sleep on the couch. I don’t see that it would get uncomfortable though, Jase and I used to sleep together often. Thankful I’ve got a queen sized bed too, I change the sheets and freshen my room up. Then I move onto the main bathroom, I clean it and put out the fresh soap and shampoo’s I brought from the shop.
When I’m done, I head into the kitchen and double check that I’ve got everything I need. When I’m satisfied, I take hold of my phone and I text Jase telling him everything is ready and I’ll see him soon. Then I sit on the couch and let my thoughts lead back to Whiskey and his nasty phone call. Why would he want me to stay away? What is he hiding from? Is he protecting us or is he just being an ass? The Whiskey I knew had a tendency to be an asshole when he wanted, but he was usually easily tamed.
I sit on Whiskey’s bed with my legs tucked underneath me, munching on a bag of crisps. Whiskey is shirtless, and sitting on the couch strumming away on his guitar. He looks beautiful concentrating, his eyes are narrowed and his lips are pursed. His large, muscled body moves as he begins playing. I can’t help that my eyes travel over him, he’s just got something about him…something so beautiful. When he starts singing Jase’s favourite song by matchbox 20, I smile. It’s our favourite band, and Whiskey often sings their songs on stage at the bar.
“I think I’ve already lost you, I think you’re already gone, I think I’m finally scared now, you think I’m weak, I think you’re wrong…I think you’re already leaving. Feels like your hand is on the door…”
I swallow and stop eating as his voice fills my ears. It’s beautiful, soulful, deep and husky. He has a voice that could have made him money if he took it further, he could have been a crazy big rockstar. He has the look for it. Whiskey screams sex. He is sex. Women swoon over him, even though he’s only nineteen. He attracts attention from the young and the old. I let my eyes slide over the tat
too on his shoulder, it’s a black dragon. It’s him. Fiery. Dark. Beautiful.
“If you’re gone, baby you need to come home. There’s a little bit of something in me, and everything in you…” he sings.
His phone ringing jolts him from his moment. He glares down at it, then sighs and drops his guitar.
“What?”
I let my eyes shift to his abs as he leans back against the couch. Whiskey is two years older than me, but I feel things when I look at him. So many things. It’s…distracting. I pick up another crisp and listen as he chats away.
“Sarah, I can’t tonight. I’m hangin’ with Nev.”
Sarah. The girl that’s mad about him. The girl he’s ‘screwed’ a few times. I can’t deny that it bothers me. Of course it does. I hate that Whiskey has eyes for another. I know I shouldn’t feel like that about either of the boys, but I do. I don’t act on it though, why would I? I can’t have them both and I certainly can’t choose, so I just have to deal with it.
“Too bad,” he grumbles.
He listens for a moment longer.
“Well, I’m hangin’ with her. Deal with it. I’ll call you later.”
He slams the phone closed and I give him a pointed look when he turns and sets his brown eyes on me.
“What?” he asks.
“Are you always so mean to her?”
He gives me a confused expression, then throws his hands in the air.
“You fuckin’ women. You all hate each other and yet you all defend each other. Fine Nev, if you wanna go home and let her come and fuck me, by all means!”
I get off the bed and walk over, then I drive a punch into his shoulder. “Stop being a jerk Whiskey, you might get away with being a jackass to her but it won’t work with me!”
He narrows his eyes and then a half grin creeps up onto his face and he reaches out, wrapping his arms around my waist and hurling me down onto the couch. I squeal and shove at his chest as he lands on me and begins tickling me.
“You’re the only girl who gets to tell me how it is, you know that don’t you sugar?”
Three Hearts One Soul (The Soul Series #1) Page 6