“That’s because you know I won’t take any of your shit!”
He huffs and leans on his elbow, still not moving off me. I can feel every hard inch of him pressing against my body.
“No, you don’t take my shit. You’re the only one though. Anyone else spoke to me like that and…”
“What tough guy?” I tease, tracing the dragons tail that goes over his shoulder to his chest.
“I’d knock them out.”
“Well, I guess I’m just special then.”
“Heaven, you have no idea.”
I’m crying again. I remember the good parts to Whiskey. I remember his gentle side. I remember the man underneath the cover. Has that man gone? The man on the phone is someone I didn’t know. What do I tell Jase?
“Nev?”
I hear the voice calling through my door and I get to my feet so quickly I stumble a few times. I know that voice. Oh god. I swing the front door open and see my father standing with a big smile on his handsome face. With a cry, I leap into his arms. He wraps me up in his grip, giving me an instant feeling of comfort. I cry into his shirt, gripping so tightly my fingers burn.
“Nev, baby, what’s wrong?”
“He’s dying daddy, he’s dying.”
“Who baby? Hey, shhh.”
“Jase…Jase is dying.”
“Jase Levanox?”
“Yes!” I wail, clinging to him.
“Hey now, come on, come on.”
He leads me inside and gently sits us down onto the couch. I wail and cling to him, feeling extremely childish. He strokes my hair and soothes me until I’m able to tell him what’s happening. When I’m done, his face pales. He liked Jase and Whiskey, he always invited them into his home when I used to visit him. They all got along, they were like his sons. I know the news will crush him.
“Jase…is dying?” he whispers, as if trying to make himself believe it.
“Yes, and there’s nothing I can do daddy. I can’t help him.”
He grips my face, swiping my tears away. “You are helping him, you are helping him by doing this for him. You are being the best help you can be.”
“He’s going to die, daddy, I can’t lose him.”
“Oh baby.”
My father holds me until I stop crying. It takes a while. Every now and then I’ll stop long enough for him to think I’m not going to start again, then I think of Jase and reality hits and the tears start again. Eventually though, my chest is aching, my eyes are burning and I can’t get another tear out. I pull back and stare at my father through bleary eyes. He smiles at me and strokes my cheek. He looks well. He’s been away for work, but I have no doubt the break did him good.
My father is six foot, with honey blonde hair and eyes so blue they are mind blowing. He’s a well-built man and I have no doubt he gets plenty of offers from women. He’s gifted in that department. I’ve watched the man sweet talk his way out of so many things it’s crazy. He’s covered in tattoos and he has two piercings in his ears. I believe my father was quite the bad boy when he was younger. He met my mum and they were ying and yang, kind of like Whiskey and Jase. She couldn’t handle him, she just wanted an easy man and my father is certainly not an easy man. He loves me though, more than his own life and he was always a great dad.
“I thought you weren’t coming back yet?” I whisper.
“I wanted to surprise you.”
I smile and then roll my head on my shoulders, feeling achy. “Jase’s parents are coming to stay with me too, they want to be around Jase.”
“That’s a lot to put on you kid.”
“I know but I need him to be with me daddy, I need him…”
“I know baby. Well, I’m just a few blocks down, you call me you hear? If you need anything?”
“I will. Tell me, how was your trip?”
He shrugs and leans against the chair, I notice a new tattoo on his forearm. It’s yet another mark on my father’s art board.
“Work’s work you know?”
“What did you do aside from work?”
His lips curl and I roll my eyes.
“Don’t tell me, I don’t want to know. Seriously daddy, you’re a freaking Deviot, you’re meant to be the one chastising me.”
He turns to me and winks. “I never said I did anything. You’re assuming.”
“Well, what did you do then?”
He shrugs. “Enjoyed friends, enjoyed dinners…”
“Enjoyed women? Seriously, when are you going to settle down daddy?”
“Soon baby.”
I roll my eyes. “I better go get Jase’s parents.”
My father stands, his powerful body looking awfully large from this angle. I stand quickly and he smiles, putting his hands on my shoulders.
“You go get them, I’ll start dinner. How about I crash on the couch tonight to make sure everything goes well?”
“You’d do that?” I whisper.
He cups my face. “I’d do anything for you baby, now, go get em’.”
I smile and grip my keys and phone, then I kiss my father’s cheek once more before rushing out. When I get to my cherry red car, I slide in and turn it on. The ride to the hospital seems extra slow today, maybe because of my emotions. When I arrive, I park and take the time to walk into the large hospital. When I reach my nurses’ station, I take a leave form. I’ve been thinking about it for the past day, but I know it’s something I have to do. I have weeks and weeks of leave up my sleeve, so I fill out the form to take four weeks.
“Hey girl.”
I turn to see Tanya walking towards me. I smile at her and wave my leave form around. “I’m going on leave.”
“I expected as much, I don’t blame you. Family and friends are more important than work. You should spend as much time with him as you can before…”
She trails off but I know what she was going to say. Before he dies. I clench my eyes shut. Keep it together Nevaeh, you can’t break down. He needs you.
“I’m sorry honey,” Tanya whispers, putting her hand on my shoulder.
I open my eyes and force a smile. “It’s ok.”
“Do you want to talk?”
I shake my head, swallowing. “I’m ok, thanks.”
“You call me if you need, ok?”
I nod and swallow again, that lump in my throat just won’t leave. “Thanks Tan, I better go.”
She hugs me quickly and then rushes off. I place the leave form on the desk in the correct tray, then I head up to oncology. When I get into Jase’s room, he’s sitting on the bed, his bags by his feet. Doctor Wilson is standing in front of him, chatting about something. His parents are sitting on the guest chairs, both looking a little pale. I’m guessing what they’re talking about is how long he’s got. Without treatment, I can imagine it’s…weeks. If that. Cancer as aggressive as his, spreads in mere weeks. I take a deep breath again, calming my twisting stomach.
“So we will send a nurse around every day to check on you Jase, and you really do need to take it easy. You need to…be gentle…with what time you have left.”
My breathing turns to panting and I put my hand against the wall to steady myself. Jase looks over at me, and his eyes fill with pain.
“Aw Nev, come here.”
I put my hand up, struggling for calm. “No, I’m ok. It’s ok. Go on.”
Jase doesn’t move his eyes from mine as Doctor Wilson continues.
“So, you have everything you need. It’s essential you keep hydrated and if you have anything go wrong, anything at all, come back.”
“What for?” Jase rasps, finally turning his eyes back to Doctor Wilson. “I’m going to die anyway, so why come back?”
“Jase!” Katie cries, covering her face in her hands.
“It’s true mum, even though we don’t like it, it’s true!”
I can’t…I just can’t. I turn and begin rushing towards the door.
“Nev?!” Jase calls.
I force my wobbly legs to turn. “I…I�
�will be outside.”
“Nev, come here,” he whispers.
I look at everyone in the room. “I…”
“Come here,” his voice is hard and firm.
I turn, forcing myself to move towards him. Doctor Wilson smiles and says something else I don’t catch. All I can see is Jase. His mother and father excuse themselves and in seconds we’re alone. Jase reaches out, gripping my hands. His skin is cool and clammy. He tugs me closer until I’m standing between his legs and he’s looking up at me. He reaches up, stroking the soft skin under my eyes. I close my eyes, feeling my lashes stroke his fingers as he gently moves them away.
“You’ve been crying.”
It’s not a question. I slowly let my body lower until I’m on my knees. I grip his thighs and drop my head into his lap. He grips my hair, stroking the long, messy strands. My body trembles and I know I’m meant to be the strong one, I know I am but I just can’t seem to hold it together today.
“I’m sorry,” I croak. “I’m meant to be the strong one.”
He scoffs. “Baby, if you wanna cry, you cry. I want you to cry. I want you to feel. You feeling makes me believe that maybe, just maybe, there will be something left behind when I’m gone.”
I look up at him and he swipes the tear from my cheek. “Is that what you think Jase, that nothing will be left behind?”
He scans my face. “I don’t know.”
“I love you Jase, do you hear me? You will never leave me. You will always be in here,” I whisper, putting his hand to my heart. “How could you ever think that you wouldn’t leave something behind? You changed my world, Jase.”
His eyes well up now and for the first time, I see the fear in them.
“Nev, I don’t wanna go. I don’t wanna go.”
I let out a loud, strangled sob and I wrap my arms around him. He clutches me so tightly, his fingers bite into my skin as he shakes and trembles. I don’t know what to say. What does one say in this situation? What words could possibly make this ok? There are none. There are no words that could ever take this pain away from either of us. I can’t take it away. I want to but I can’t. So I say the only thing I have to give him. The only thing I know I do have control over. The only thing that’s ever been real.
“I love you Jase, with my heart and soul.”
He trembles and rasps, “I love you too, baby.”
And so there we sit, tangled in each other, both of us breaking, both of us grieving for something we know we just can’t change.
Chapter 7
“Hey,” I say, taking Jase’s hand and helping him down the hall of my home, which I will now be sharing with Jase’s family. “Go easy tiger.”
He chuckles softly, but even that causes him to have a coughing fit. As always, I rub his back until he manages to croak out. “You’re not going to keep me bed bound, are you, Nev?”
“I might,” I smile, chucking him under the chin. “Depends how bad you are.”
He laughs softly and I lead him into my room. When he sees one bed, he turns to me. “You’re giving up your room for me?”
I smile and stroke his cheek. “No, I’m sharing it with you. If you’ll have me that is?”
His face brightens. “As if I’d say no.”
I smile and grip his hand, leading him in. I put his bags on the floor and lead him over to the bed. When we’re both sitting down, I turn to look at him. He smiles down at me and leans down, brushing his lips across mine. Before I know what’s happening, the kiss deepens. I’ve kissed Jase a lot, and even had some serious kisses with him but this kiss, it has feeling, it has pain, it has desperation. I grip his face gently and deepen it, tangling my tongue with his. His ragged groan and his mouth moving over mine has my body aching.
When I pull back, he’s panting and gasping a little for air, but that doesn’t stop him. He grips my face again and brings me close. “Careful kissing me like that, Nev, I might be sick but I’m still a man.”
I chuckle and smack another kiss to his lips. “Ease up tiger.”
“The room is lovely!”
We both turn to see Katie walking into the room. Jase grunts, clearly angry she ruined whatever little moment we were just having. I smile at Katie and stand, but Jase tugs me back down. Katie gives him a curious smile, then she looks around my room.
“This is a lovely home for someone your age, Nevaeh.”
“Yeah, my dad helped out.”
“What about me?”
I smile as my father walks into the room. Katie sees him and her cheeks flush. My parents have met, of course, but that doesn’t stop the affect he has on women, young and old. Katie laughs nervously and then throws her arms around my father’s neck. I chuckle and Jase shoves me playfully.
“Well goodness me, it is you Lyle.”
My father chuckles and gives me and Jase a grin. I roll my eyes and Jase laughs.
“Hello Katie, long time.”
Katie pulls back and stares down at my father, her cheeks grow pink again. “You haven’t aged a day, Lyle!”
“Neither have you,” my father drawls.
Ugh, dad, seriously?
“Oh…well…thank you,” Katie flushes.
“Lyle old buddy!”
My father spins around to see John. They shake hands and then hug.
“Good to see you mate!” My father laughs, slapping him on the back.
They all walk off down the hall, chatting and laughing. Well thank god they forget about whatever reason they came into our room. I sigh and then stand, turning to Jase.
“You rest, I’m going to make some dinner.”
“I’ll help.”
I shake my head. “Rest Jase, please?”
He pouts and I smile, gripping his face.
“Don’t pout at me, you need to rest.”
“I came out of the hospital so I could get out of a bed.”
“And you can, tomorrow. For now, you rest.”
Rolling his eyes, but looking thoroughly exhausted, Jase reluctantly crawls up on the bed. I smile at him and begin walking towards the door. Just as I get to it, he calls my name. I turn and look over my shoulder.
“Did you feel anything then, Nev?”
I swallow and feel my eyes burn with more tears. I smile and whisper, “I felt every single bit of it Jase. Don’t ever think that you don’t know how to make me feel, because you would be very wrong. Kissing you is…magical.”
I walk out to his broad, beautiful smile and I know, if anything, that at least I’ve given him happiness.
~*~*~*~*
Dinner is…interesting. We all manage to squeeze around my tiny table, and eat the large pot of chicken casserole I prepared. The conversation flows surprisingly well and I find myself laughing a few times as Jase cracks a few jokes. Seeing him happy, even for a moment, hurts. I can’t imagine how he must feel inside, knowing these are his last memories with his family and loved ones. Every now and then his eyes connect with mine and I feel my cheeks heat, which is something I haven’t felt for a long while.
I help him up with his dinner, all the talking has quite literally exhausted him, so eating only makes it worse. None of us say anything as he slowly eats between those horrible, loud coughing fits he has. We all know how he must feel. When dinner is over and we’ve all cleaned up, Katie and John head off to bed, exhausted. My dad goes outside and speaks on the phone, to what I can only assume, is a woman. Jase and I head off to my bed, and I gather a robe and leave him for a moment to shower. I take my time too, letting the warm water ease over my aching muscles. When I’m done, and smelling fresh, I wrap the robe around myself and make my way back into the room. Jase is sitting on the bed shirtless and I take a moment to take in his lovely body. Even sick, Jase is toned and lean. He has a nice, athletic body.
“Hey,” he smiles, staring up at me.
“Hey yourself.”
“Nev…can…can…”
He looks nervous as he looks anywhere but at me. I walk closer to the bed and he wh
ispers a stop before I get there. I stop and stare down at him. When his eyes finally meet mine, I can see a question in them. A question he clearly wants to ask but he can’t, for whatever reason. I give him a soft smile and nod my head at him, encouraging him to continue but he doesn’t.
“Nev, it’s just…well…I came here because…well you know why and there’s something I wanted to ask before I…pass and, I know it’s not fair of me to ask you, heck you probably don’t even want to but…”
It hits me. I know what he’s asking. He continues to stumble over his words, but he doesn’t need to, part of me has always wanted this with Jase. Even though my heart stubbornly favours Whiskey, doesn’t mean I haven’t thought about Jase. When I shrug off my robe and it drops to the floor, leaving me naked in front of Jase, he stops speaking. He literally cuts off mid-sentence and his mouth drops open.
“I want it too, Jase.”
His eyes widen and he raises his gaze to my breasts, then up to my eyes. The moment they meet, I know that this moment between us is going to be beautiful. I walk towards the bed, feeling my heart hammering against my rib cage. When I stop at the end and my knees touch the hard wood frame, Jase drops the book he was reading and weakly crawls forward. When he reaches me, he lets his arms stretch out until his fingers graze my sides. I shiver.
“Are you sure?” he whispers.
“I’ve always been sure, Jase.”
He swallows and gets up onto his knees, capturing my mouth with his. The kiss quickly becomes deep and passionate. My fingers slide up and hook around the back of his neck so I can pull him closer. His hands slide around to my back and over my hips. Then he gently slides them down until he grips my backside, where he proceeds to hurl me forward until we both tumble back onto the bed. I know this won’t be easy for Jase, his energy levels aren’t great.
He rolls us so he’s on his back and I’m the one leaning over him. I know this is how it’ll have to go, because I know that he won’t be able to do any of the hard yards, but I’m ok with that. I capture his mouth with mine again, letting our tongues dance together as my hands roam over his solid chest and washboard abs. When I reach his shorts, I grip the top and pull them down, freeing him. Jase is everything I imagined he would be and more, and when my fingers curl around his hard, thick cock, he hisses in a breath.
Three Hearts One Soul (The Soul Series #1) Page 7