Near And Dear

by Pamela Evans

  ‘Yes, I think I can understand that,’ she told him. ‘What actually happened? Did it just come back all of a sudden?’

  ‘Yes . . . sort of. Slow at first, then it came all of a rush.’

  ‘When was that . . . a couple of weeks ago?’ she said chattily.

  He looked into her trusting eyes. If he told her the truth, that he’d had his memory back for more than four years, he could lose her forever. Although he felt perfectly justified in delaying his return until he had something to offer her, she might not see it his way. He daren’t take the risk. He must have her back. Having seen her again, he knew he couldn’t let her go. He wanted her now with a desire that by far outweighed anything he had felt for her when they had been together before.

  ‘A couple of months,’ he lied.

  ‘As long as that?’ she exclaimed, feeling very sorry for him. ‘You must have gone through hell since then?’

  ‘Yeah, it’s been awful,’ he said, knowing from her reaction that he’d done the right thing in hiding the truth.

  ‘Poor you,’ she sympathised. ‘It must have felt very strange, not knowing who you were for such a long time.’

  ‘I got used to it,’ he said. ‘I kept myself busy building a business.’

  ‘It must have been very frightening, though.’

  ‘It was terrifying at first,’ he said, moving on quickly to avoid more lies. ‘But that’s all over now. I’m back and that’s all that matters.’

  This made her feel uneasy because it sounded as though he expected to take up where they had left off. A few years ago, that was all she’d wanted. Now everything was different.

  She looked at her watch.

  ‘I think we’d better make a start on lunch,’ she said. ‘I have to get back in time to pick the children up from school.’

  ‘Don’t worry about that,’ said Mick with an indulgent smile. ‘I’ll drive you home and we can pick them up together.’

  ‘No,’ she said, instantly protective of her offspring who had suffered so much by his going away. ‘I’ll need to prepare the children before you see them.’

  ‘Oh . . . I see,’ he said with obvious disappointment.

  ‘Anyway, I’ve left my car at the station so I’ll need to collect that.’

  ‘A car . . . you’ve got a car!’ he said in astonishment.

  ‘Well . . . yes.’ She threw him a puzzled look. ‘Has Marie not told you anything about what’s been happening while you’ve been away?’

  ‘No. I only spoke to her for long enough to get your phone number,’ he explained. ‘I told her I’d go over to see her for a proper chat sometime soon.’

  ‘You’ve not seen your parents either, then?’ Jane surmised.

  ‘I’ve not seen anyone yet,’ he explained. ‘I didn’t want to see anybody else until I’d sorted things out with you.’

  ‘In that case, I think we’d better go into the restaurant and have some lunch, Mick,’ she said worriedly. ‘And I’ll bring you up to date with what I’ve been doing while you’ve been away.’

  ‘You’re running your own business?’ he said incredulously when Jane had given him a brief account of how she earned her living.

  ‘There’s no need to sound quite so thunderstruck,’ she said, making a brave effort with the lemon sole she’d chosen because it was the lightest thing on the menu. ‘Didn’t you think I had it in me?’

  ‘No, I didn’t,’ said Mick, whose own appetite seemed unimpaired by their meeting, judging by the way he was tucking into his sirloin steak.

  ‘Surely you must have been wondering how I’ve managed to keep myself and the children?’

  ‘I suppose I thought you’d be on benefit, or that you’d got a job . . . but a business of your own . . . and a car . . .’

  ‘I have my own house too,’ she said. ‘At least, I’m paying for it on a mortgage.’

  ‘A mortgage . . . you?’ He stopped eating and stared at her.

  ‘That’s right. I have an old cottage by the river near Kew Bridge. It’s very pretty. I really love it there.’

  So much for his idea of rescuing her from poverty and desolation! His wife had apparently become some sort of a tycoon while he’d been away, and this didn’t please Mick one bit. Success was strictly his prerogative in the Parker family and he took a dim view of Jane’s stealing his thunder.

  He felt obliged to ask her what sort of business she was in, though.

  She told him all about the shop and when he looked worried, added, ‘Don’t worry, it’s all perfectly above board.’

  Which was more than he could say for his own business! But Mick just said, ‘I wasn’t suggesting otherwise. I just can’t get over the fact that you actually have a business of your own.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘Well . . . you were never interested in even getting a job outside the home, let alone starting your own business.’

  ‘That’s quite true. Before you left, I was perfectly content to be a full-time housewife. But I had to do something to earn money to keep the kids decently after you’d gone,’ she explained, ‘and I wasn’t prepared to scrub floors early in the morning and work the late shift in a factory to put food on the table indefinitely. I didn’t want to have the children looked after all day while I went out to work, either. Working for myself meant I could be more flexible.’

  ‘Okay, okay, don’t rub it in,’ he said, aiming for her sympathy because he felt unable to dominate her as he once had. ‘I know I hurt you all.’ He looked deliberately cast down. ‘But I couldn’t help having a mental breakdown, could I?’

  ‘No, of course you couldn’t, Mick,’ she said. ‘But you’re making me feel guilty for having made a decent life for the children and myself, and that really isn’t fair.’

  ‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you,’ he lied, sipping his wine for comfort.

  ‘That’s all right.’

  ‘Anyway, you won’t have to worry about earning a living any more, will you? Now that I’m back to take charge.’

  With sinking heart, she put down her knife and fork and stared at him.

  ‘What exactly do you think is going to happen now, Mick?’

  ‘I’m surprised you even have to ask that,’ he told her.

  ‘But I am asking.’

  ‘It’s obvious, innit?’

  ‘No. Not to me.’

  ‘You’ve been left to take care of things for far too long,’ he said. ‘Now I’m back to take my rightful place, looking after you and the children.’

  ‘But, Mick . . .’

  ‘All the worry is going to be taken off your shoulders from now on, babe, I promise you,’ he said eagerly. ‘You can sell your business and be a lady of leisure again.’

  God, what a nightmare this meeting was turning out to be! She felt irritated by his arrogant assumption that he could just come back and take over as though she didn’t have a brain in her head or the right to an opinion. This was immediately followed by compunction because he had been ill.

  How could you tell a man who had had some sort of mental breakdown that you didn’t want him back in your life, that you couldn’t even bear the thought of his touching you, that you were in love with somebody else?

  ‘I’m doing really well again,’ continued Mick as she sat looking at him in silent agony. ‘I’m making big money now . . . bigger than anything I made before I went away.’

  ‘Really?’ said Jane dully.

  ‘Oh, yeah,’ he said proudly.

  ‘Good,’ she said miserably.

  ‘I can afford to get us all moved into a big luxury house, like we had in Maple Avenue, with all the latest modern fittings,’ he enthused. ‘You can get rid of your place as soon as you like . . . you said it was only an old cottage?’

  ‘But . . .’

  ‘There’s some cracking new properties going up in and around Brighton,’ he cut in before she could say another word.

  ‘Brighton!’

  ‘Yeah. It’s a great place to live,’ he said
as though he hadn’t noticed her distress.

  ‘I don’t doubt it but . . .’

  ‘All that lovely sea air and the countryside nearby,’ he rattled on.

  ‘But, Mick . . .’

  ‘Just think how thrilled the kids will be to move to the seaside.’

  His calm assumption that she would automatically relinquish everything she had worked so hard for, and the casual way he denigrated her beloved cottage, filled Jane with a kind of bewildered rage. She knew that if she didn’t stand up to him, he would destroy her.

  ‘So what do you say to that, eh, babe?’ he asked proudly.

  She remained silent, planning her next words carefully.

  ‘Relieved, I bet?’ he said. ‘It must have been hard for you this last few years.’

  ‘Yes, it was hard for me at first,’ she said. ‘But as I’ve said, I’ve been managing very well recently.’

  ‘Oh . . . I see,’ he said, clearly peeved.

  ‘You’ve been away a long time, Mick,’ she said. ‘Things have changed for me.’

  ‘Nothing that can’t be altered back to how it was, though, eh?’

  ‘It isn’t quite as simple as that, I’m afraid,’ she told him.

  ‘Oh . . . and why is that?’

  Jane braced herself to answer his question.

  Chapter Eighteen

  ‘Well, for one thing, I’ve got used to supporting myself,’ she told him, biting her lip anxiously because, despite his thoughtless disregard for her feelings, she didn’t want to hurt him.

  ‘ ’Course you have, babe,’ he said in a blatantly patronising manner. ‘But you can put all that behind you now that I’m back.’

  His apparent inability to grasp what should have been obvious to anyone - that a long absence would inevitably bring changes - only emphasised the gulf between them.

  ‘That isn’t really the point, Mick,’ Jane tried to explain.

  ‘What are you going on about?’ he asked with seething impatience. ‘You’re in business for the sole purpose of making money. Now that I’m back, I’ll supply that . . . and plenty of it.’

  ‘But I enjoy running my business and don’t want to give it up,’ she blurted out. ‘Neither do I want to move to Brighton.’

  ‘But you’re my wife . . . you’ll go where I think is best for us.’

  The appearance of the waiter to take their dessert order gave Jane an opportunity to gather her wits after that frightening reminder of Mick’s domineering personality. How could she tell him that there was no ‘us’ for them any more? She knew instinctively that her being in love with Giles had nothing to do with her changed feelings for Mick. She had simply grown out of loving him in the way she once had and that would have happened had she never set eyes on Giles. It was all to do with the irreversible process of her having matured and developed as a person.

  ‘The cottage is the best place for the children and me,’ she said, having declined dessert and ordered coffee. ‘I’ve built a life for us there and I’m not prepared to uproot the kids. It wouldn’t be fair to make them leave their friends and put them through the trauma of starting a new school when it isn’t necessary. They’re established where we are and we’re all very happy there.’

  ‘You’ve been happy . . . without me?’ he said with unconcealed disapproval.

  ‘Well . . . yes. Surely you didn’t think I’d spent the whole of the last seven years being miserable?’

  ‘No, but neither did I imagine you’d be having a whale of a time!’

  ‘And I haven’t been,’ Jane denied hotly.

  ‘I should damned well hope not!’

  ‘You couldn’t possibly imagine the hell I went through after you left. The pain of missing you, the worry of trying to make ends meet. And I was pregnant . . .’

  ‘Another child?’ said Mick, his expression brightening.

  ‘I lost it.’

  ‘Oh, I’m sorry.’

  ‘So was I. But I had to get on with life, for the sake of Davey and Pip. After a while I got used to the responsibility and even began to enjoy it. I’m not the same woman you left all those years ago.’

  ‘Well, you’ll just have to change back to how you were before I went then, won’t you?’ he said dogmatically. ‘And sharpish.’

  She shook her head.

  ‘Surely you must know that isn’t possible, Mick? People can’t change to order.’

  ‘But I’m your husband . . . you do as I say because I’m the boss.’

  Delaying her reply until the water had finished serving them with coffee, she said, ‘Now you listen to me, Mick. You went away and left me in trouble. Okay, so you lost your memory and I’m really sorry about that. But it doesn’t alter the fact that I was forced to become independent.’

  ‘Everything I did was for you and the kids,’ he said again morosely. ‘I only worked hard so that you could have a good life.’

  ‘You might be able to deceive yourself into believing that was the way it was but you won’t convince me,’ Jane felt forced to point out, because he was being so blatantly untruthful. ‘Not any more.’

  ‘I don’t know what you’re babbling on about, woman . . .’

  ‘You were obsessed with money and success,’ she said, ‘and you wanted it for your own gratification. I was simply part of the package to show off to the world. The obedient wife living in the big house with two cars on the drive and the children you could afford to indulge whenever you felt like it. But you couldn’t afford any of it! You’d been deceiving me for years, leading me to believe we had something behind us when we had nothing. Everything we had was on credit.’

  ‘Us and most other people,’ he said. ‘This is the age of credit.’

  ‘It was all show, Mick,’ she reproached him, spooning sugar into her coffee.

  ‘I didn’t hear you complaining at the time.’

  ‘Because I thought we could afford our expensive lifestyle. I’d soon have put a stop to it if I’d known the truth. Those things were never that important to me, anyway.’

  ‘There was no need for you to know the details of my financial affairs,’ blustered Mick. ‘If it hadn’t been for the fire, there wouldn’t have been any trouble.’

  ‘Don’t kid yourself about that,’ Jane told him firmly. ‘We were living way beyond our means. The fire just brought things to a head. It would have happened sooner or later anyway. Your bank manager told me that.’

  ‘Bank managers,’ he snorted dismissively. ‘Destroyers of the entrepreneurial spirit.’

  ‘Hardly . . .’

  ‘Anyway, I saw it as my job to protect you from responsibility,’ he cut in.

  ‘And you did it so effectively that after you left, I was so helpless I barely had the courage to go outside the door. I knew nothing about managing money. I’d never even written a cheque. That’s what your protection did for me . . . it made me feeble! I soon discovered what a tough world it is out there, and I never want to be that dependent on anyone again.’

  ‘Okay, so I’ll let you know what’s going on in future,’ he said, without any intention of doing so because Jane would have a fit if she knew how he earned his living. ‘The sooner we move to Brighton, the better.’

  ‘I can’t move to Brighton,’ she told him for the second time. ‘I just can’t do it.’

  ‘All right, I’ll move in with you for the time being, then,’ he told her.

  ‘But . . .’

  ‘I’ll have to spend a lot of time in Brighton, though, especially during the week ’cause my business is there,’ he said, ignoring her attempts to speak. ‘I’ll keep my flat on for the moment and spend weekends with you and the kids.’

  ‘But you can’t move in with us, just like that,’ she burst out.

  ‘Why not?’ He narrowed his eyes at her. ‘You haven’t got some bloke living there, have you?’

  She knew this wasn’t the moment to tell him about Giles.

  ‘No.’

  ‘Why can’t I move in then?’


  ‘Because I need time.’

  ‘To do what?’

  ‘To think things over.’

  ‘What is there to think about?’ demanded Mick. ‘You’re my wife. You’ll bloody well do as I tell you!’

  ‘As I’ve already said, I’ve changed while you’ve been away . . .’

  ‘I hope you’re not trying to tell me you don’t want me back?’ he said, looking dejected and helpless suddenly. ‘Because I just couldn’t accept that, Jane. You have to let me back into your life. It’s no more than your duty.’

  He seemed almost manically determined that they should get back together and this attitude worried her. There was something odd about him now . . . something that scared her.

  ‘Try to see this from my point of view,’ she pleaded. ‘Seven years is a long time. I’ve got used to being without you.’

  ‘Look, I know I did wrong in going off, even though I didn’t know I was doing it,’ said Mick, playing the humble card for all he was worth to try and win her over since his natural tendency to bully no longer seemed to work. ‘But please give me another chance, babe? I promise you won’t regret it. I intend to make up to you for all the suffering I’ve caused you and the children.’

  ‘But things are so different now, I’m not sure if it’ll work for either of us.’

  ‘ ’Course it’ll work,’ he said, dismissing her doubts as though they were of no consequence. ‘Okay, so there’ll be a few changes, I accept that. But I’m your husband. My place is by your side.’

  ‘Can you give me a little time, please?’ she urged him. ‘It’s been such a shock, your turning up after all this time.’

  ‘I can’t see why you need time, but okay, I’ll go along with that,’ he said. ‘I’ll stay on here at the hotel for a few days. As I’m back on the scene, I might as well catch up with a few old mates. Go and see my folks.’ He paused as though working something out in his mind. ‘I’ll have to go back to Brighton to see about business an’ all. So I’ll give you a bell in a couple of days.’

  ‘No, leave it to me to ring you . . . I’ll give you a call when I’m ready,’ said Jane in a forthright manner that shocked Mick, who could hardly believe the submissive woman he had married could be so definite about anything. First Patsy, now Jane. It was nothing short of anarchy and he blamed the feminists for it, upsetting the status quo by putting ideas into women’s heads!