Living A Beautiful War

by Debra Kayn

  She'd heard talk between the Moroad girls that a couple of them were seeing men in prison. While the idea gave her pause, she was okay with whatever they did on their free time as long as they took their job seriously during working hours.

  "I'll walk you out." Lilly held the door open. "Everyone else, work on your individual dances."

  Out on the sidewalk, Ink walked over to her. "Practice over?"

  "No." She put her hand on Katie's arm, stopping her from leaving without answering a few questions. "I'm walking Katie to her car. She's got an appointment."

  "It's right over there. The blue Nova." Katie bit the bottom of her lip. "It's the beater with a heater."

  Ink nodded. Lilly smiled, letting him know everything was okay.

  Katie hurried in her rush to leave. Lilly, glad that she wore sneakers today, kept up with her.

  "You're excited," Lilly said.

  Katie laughed. "Excited, nervous, angry, happy. There's not just one emotion when you know a future with the man you love might not happen. He's supposed to get out in two years, but who knows. The way things happen on the inside is out of my control."

  They arrived at the car. Lilly stood back and watched Katie unlock the door, throw her bag inside, and return to her.

  "Thanks for understanding about me skipping out early." Katie hugged her. "It's only every other week that I have to take off. The rest of the time, I'll stay on the clock."

  "We can work around that. You just surprised me today. A little advance notice will make things easier for everyone, and now you've told me." Lilly reached out and grabbed her wrist. "Can I ask you something?"

  Katie glanced back at the car and returned her gaze to Lilly. "Sure."

  "I'll make it quick." Lilly let go. "How can you love someone if you're not with them, and it'll be years until he gets out of prison?"

  Katie's shoulders relaxed. Lilly tilted her head at the transformation. No longer in a rush, Katie's rather harsh makeup couldn't hide the softening of her facial features and beautiful smile.

  "I've tried to understand why I stay with him. I've asked myself that every day since I hooked up with him." Katie inhaled and lowered her voice. "All I know is there's something that happens to me whether I'm with him or not that makes me a better person."

  "But you're strong and—"

  "I am." Katie laughed and quickly grew serious. "It's deeper than that. I'd survive without him, and in time I'd be happy. But when I'm with him, I'm happier than I could ever dream of being, even though I know he's had his troubles and keeps making mistakes. I know whether he's here with me or locked behind bars that he's doing whatever needs to be done to get back to me. That's a good feeling for someone like me who grew up looking for love in all the wrong places."

  "Fair enough." Lilly hugged her and meant it. "Get going and see your man. Tell him he has an awesome girl, and she's working hard."

  "I will." Katie blew her a kiss and hurried around the front of the car.

  The car sputtered before roaring to life. Katie waved and drove away. Lilly stood on the sidewalk, hugging herself. She understood that kind of relationship more than Katie realized. There were times she worried about herself, because she never questioned her love for Ink, even though everything about her relationship with him flashed warning signs.

  He was too old for her.

  He was never going to change.

  Club came first.

  He never showed his feelings for her, except when they were alone.

  "Hey." Ink approached her. "Are you okay?"

  She wanted to throw her arms around him, squeeze him tight, and find the validation of what she was doing with her life that she so desperately sought. Instead, she nodded and walked beside him back in the direction of the Sterling Building. "I'm fine. Katie needed to leave and go to the state prison to visit her man."

  Ink grunted. She understood that Ink wasn't comfortable yet with having the Moroad girls working for her.

  He opened the front door. She stepped forward and stopped. "What are you doing outside looking around?"

  "Nothing."

  "Is something wrong with the building?" she said.

  He raised his brows and gave her silence. She rolled her eyes. Unlike a man, she would at least create some kind of fantastical story if she wanted to keep the true intent of what she was doing secret. Ink pulled the power card, giving her a superior look followed by a refusal to speak. Typical man.

  "Whatever. If the badass biker wants to take up bird watching in his old age, I won't tell anyone," she said.

  His mouth came open. She laughed and walked away from him. That'd teach him to keep his secrets.

  Inside, Shari gave suggestions to the girls on how to move to different areas of the room during their routine. Lilly hung back, listening to the advice and appreciating the way Shari was able to convey her ideas to the girls.

  The music began, the girls danced, and Shari hurried to get out of their way when she spotted Lilly. "Hey, sorry. I'm butting in. I couldn't help myself when I walked in and saw them dancing."

  "No, Please do help." Lilly leaned over and one armed hugged Shari. "You've been in their shoes...or out of their clothes. Any help is appreciated."

  Shari leaned against the table. "I hate to say it, but I miss dancing."

  "Then come back and work for Silver Girls." Lilly sat down in the nearest chair. "The more girls we have only enhances the business and brings in more customers."

  "Can't. Lee's adamant about me not stripping for other men." Shari shrugged. "Anyways, it's not so much stripping that I miss, but the friendships I built over the years and being left out of what everyone is doing. Don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled to have more time with Lee. I don't know, maybe it's because the guys are working longer hours in the warehouse, and I'm left alone at the club while all the girls are here and I'm bored. That's why I decided to have Big Dawg escort me to town, so I could stop in here and see what you're all doing."

  Lilly grinned. "How would you like to work at Silver Girls without stripping?"

  "How?" Shari asked.

  "You can be the dance coordinator and help the girls come up with new routines." Lilly hooked her hair behind her ear and leaned forward. "I've been trying to help them, and the girls are wonderful on contributing their ideas, but my skills are in the business end. I need someone who will work the girls harder and be able to come up with something new...to keep them fresh and entertaining. It'd only require you to be here a couple days during the week. If you wanted to stay away on the weekends while they perform, that's okay. The girls will know what they're doing by then."

  "Are you serious?" Shari sat down at the table.

  Lilly nodded. "It'll be a paying job. Not much, but between you and me, I think over time, we'll all be able to earn more."

  "Oh, my God. Yes. I'll take it."

  Lilly laughed, excited for the changes. "Make sure Lee's on board first."

  Shari waved her hand, brushing off the concern. "He will be. It's not like I'm dancing for customers and he already hangs out here on Friday and Saturday nights to run security."

  "Great." Lilly thrust her arm across the table and shook Shari's hand. "Welcome back to Silver Girls."

  The music stopped. Lilly hurried over to the girls. "Excellent. Good job, girls. If you all remember to let the person on your left side move in front of you, we won't have any awkward moments. Go ahead and get dressed. We're done for the day."

  She moved all the chairs back closer to the tables, brushed her hands off on her hips, and moved over to the window. Ink remained on the sidewalk, and her stomach fluttered.

  Intent on inspecting the building, he wasn't aware of her watching him. He leaned over, spread a piece of paper on his thigh, and wrote something down. Lilly moved closer to the window. What in the world was he doing?

  "We're rolling out in five minutes," Remmy called from the back door.

  She took one last look at Ink and watched him shove the paper in hi
s back pocket. He lifted his gaze and found her watching him. His grin came fast and for split second, he'd shown her the man stripped of his patches, his toughness, his dedication and gave her the man who belonged to only her. She sucked in her breath. Her mom was right when she said all men are just little boys who found enjoyment and fascination with life; they just hid it from everyone except the one person who owned their heart.

  "Let's get moving, girls. Time is wasting," Remmy announced.

  More energized than normal, she turned away from the window and walked to the back door. She'd find out what he was up to as soon as she could sneak away from the others.

  Chapter Twelve

  The clubhouse had quieted down hours ago, and yet the noise in Ink's head kept him awake. The three-page statement Kurt handed out every month lay in front of him on the bed. He shifted through all the paperwork¸ not understanding anything but the bottom line. He only hoped the total amount of money in his name would be enough.

  He had no use for federally funded banks, so he entrusted Bantorus Motorcycle Club to keep hold of the money he'd earned over the last sixteen years. His meals and room were paid for. Gas came from the club's tank. As long as he was able to button his jeans and had his vest, he was better off than a lot of people.

  His phone pinged. He shoved the papers to the side and picked up his cell. Lilly.

  He stood and walked over to the window to read the message as if Lilly could see what was on his bed. Awake?

  He glanced at the time, surprised to see it was five in the morning. He typed, Yeah.

  Do you think men prefer boobs or ass?

  What kind of question was that? He replied, Both.

  Pick one.

  Without thinking, he replied. Tits.

  A male's preference to female body parts depended on the woman. Some chicks had a nice ass and others had great breasts. It was a rare woman that had both and could fuck like a dream. When it came to Lilly, she was the whole package,

  Great. Thanks.

  He wasn't concerned about why she asked the question, but why she wasn't sleeping. She put in long hours like everyone else and should be out cold and dreaming. His thumbs slid over the screen. What's wrong?

  Working. Had ideas I wanted to write down to discuss with girls. What R U doing?

  Just woke up. He looked back at the mess on the bed and turned his back. He wasn't exactly lying, because she'd find what he was up to eventually.

  There was no going back to sleep for him. He had to be in the warehouse in two hours.

  I'm going down for bfast. Wanna join me?

  She quickly replied. Absoooolutely. C U in 5 mins.

  Before he left the room, he texted Kurt a message. Can we meet before 7?

  He cleaned up the papers on the bed, and put them in his dresser drawer. Already dressed, he left the room and went downstairs. The others were still asleep. If his luck held out, he'd have a few minutes with Lilly without having to pretend she didn't belong to him.

  In the kitchen, Ink pulled out a skillet and cracked six eggs onto the buttered pan. While that was cooking, he put four pieces of bread in the toaster. He was flipping the eggs when two slim arms wrapped around his waist from behind. His body warmed. Using the spatula, he scooped breakfast off the stove, added the toast to the plates, and said, "Breakfast is ready."

  She let him go. He turned around and walked to the table, carrying their food. Once his hands were empty, he opened his arms and let her walk into his embrace.

  He held her head to his chest and pressed her body into his. "You need more sleep."

  "I know." She tilted her face up.

  He kissed her, nudging her lips open and sinking his tongue into her mouth. The minty taste of her toothpaste greeted him. His body stirred, and he pulled back.

  "Let's skip breakfast and go up to my room," he said, grabbing her ass and rocking his pelvis against her.

  She moaned and scrunched her nose. "I ran into Kurt at the house. He's on his way to the clubhouse. He said he'd be right here after he finished his shower."

  "Damn." He kissed her forehead. "Let's eat then before the food gets cold."

  While he needed to talk to Kurt, an extra hour would've been better. He could've hid Lilly away in his room and had her to himself. This sneaking around bullshit was getting old.

  Lilly cut her egg and put it on her toast, glancing up at him. "Are eggs your specialty?"

  "That and throwing an egg in with a bowl of Wheaties and microwaving it for three minutes," he said.

  "Ugh." She finished chewing. "No wonder you usually wait until Shari comes in to make breakfast."

  He finished off his eggs. "You can cook. I've seen you help out at your dad's bar when they needed help in the kitchen."

  "A little." She shrugged. "Enough not to starve, but I'm no Shari."

  He wiped his mouth, picked up his plate, and leaned over to kiss her. "You're better, Ace."

  She ducked her chin and smiled. He put the dishes away and stood on the other side of the kitchen in case any of the guys came down to eat. Sitting at the table with Lilly, sharing breakfast, was one thing. Sporting a hard-on because the only thing he could think about was spending the morning between Lilly's legs was another.

  Lilly finished her breakfast and put her dishes away. She glanced at the door, kissed him, and squeezed him tight. He held her longer, letting his hands roam her curves.

  "What are you doing today?" He palmed her ass.

  She traced his new tattoo with her finger. "I'm going to Natalie's self-defense class in town this morning, and then I told Risa I'd take her to the store. She wants to walk around on the sidewalks and try to wear herself out. She hasn't been sleeping well the last couple of nights. I thought maybe all the cleaning she's done around the house would help, but she wants to see if getting some fresh air and added exercise will help. Kurt's sending Sawyer with us."

  "Good." He inhaled deeply. "Give me your lips."

  She kissed him. He bit her bottom lip and caressed the sting with his tongue. He hated to walk away.

  Voices came through to the kitchen. He broke the kiss, moved away, and tugged on his jeans. "If I don't see you later, text me and let me know when you're settled in for the night."

  She nodded, wiping her mouth and pressing her hand to her stomach. "Okay," she whispered.

  "Hey?" He held her gaze. "It's okay. The warnings off, and being in the same room isn't going to raise any alarms."

  "But, I know what we're doing." Her eyes rounded. "I'm all—she held her hand up, palm toward the ground—shaky, and that's your fault."

  He grinned and walked backward toward the door. "Soon, I'll take care of those jitters for you."

  Her eyes softened. "Promise?"

  "Yeah, Ace. I promise." He winked.

  He left the kitchen with the sight of her smile branded in his head. Kurt rounded the corner. Ink lifted his chin. "You got a minute?"

  "Yeah." Kurt motioned toward the meeting room. "You need privacy?"

  He nodded. "Thanks."

  Ink went inside. It'd taken him a long time to figure out what he needed to do. Once he put everything together and had a plan, he'd stayed up the last two nights making sure it'd work out. He widened his stance and faced Kurt.

  "What's up?" Kurt asked, taking the chair at the head of the table.

  If his idea failed, there was only one option left, and going that route would rip him away from the club and Lilly away from her family. He pulled out a piece of paper out of his pocket and sat down at the table.

  "I'd like to withdraw my money out of holding." He slid the paper across the table.

  Kurt gazed at him without picking up the paper. "How much?"

  Ink leaned back in his chair. His chest tightened over the amount riding on the outcome of the meeting. He could almost feel Lily standing behind him, putting her hands on his shoulders, encouraging him.

  "All of it," he said.

  Of course, Lilly would also smack him upside
the head and tell him he was stupid for thinking she would want him to sacrifice everything he saved for her. She'd give him an argument about how making the biggest decision of his life was unnecessary.

  Inside his heart, he knew he was making the right choice.

  He needed to lay everything out to the club.

  He might never be good enough for Lilly, but he was willing to prove she was worth everything to him.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Bob Seger belting out Her Strut set the pace for the hypnotizing dance the Silver Girls performed tonight. Lilly's shoulders moved to the music and she hip bumped Germ, trying to put him in a better mood. The girls had nailed their Saturday show. The extra practice during the week paid off, and with Shari's instructions and guidance, the Bantorus bitches and the Moroad women came together as one happy group of dancers.

  "I still don't think they should be here." Germ lifted his chin in the direction of the Moroad riders. "It ain't right."

  "Kurt has no problem with them being here, and they want to provide protection for their women." Lilly gazed at the other members. "There's been no trouble, so chill and enjoy the show."

  Out of respect, none of the Moroad members wore their vest inside the Sterling Building, considering it was Bantorus territory. Lilly took in Cam's longer beard and the lines etched into the corner of his eyes. The intensity of his protective streak toward the women was sexy and scary. There was something about him that screamed don't touch.

  Cam's chest expanded, but his gaze never left the dancers. Lilly moistened her lips. She'd seen the look before. All bikers showed their stress level on their face, in their body language, and in their hands. Cam's hands were at his sides. If he was relaxed, he would've hooked them in his pockets or crossed his arms. No, Cam was ready for all hell to break loose, and she suspected Germ fed off the tension.

  "Talk to Kurt if you think something is going on," she said. "He wouldn't allow Moroad to roam around Bantorus territory if something was up."

  Germ grunted. Lilly brought her attention back to Cam. He really was an attractive man. He stood ready to protect the women and never gave the male customers a thought. Of course, he was outnumbered almost two hundred to one, but his lack of fear came out loud and clear.