As a young girl, she’d taken after her mother. She’d had a sweet spirit and never understood why her father got angry when she would play with the children in the village. She couldn’t see the difference between herself and the people that lived under their protection outside of the castle walls.
She’d had many friends. Her mother ensured it, taking her out daily to interact with the people of the village, doing her best to make sure that Edana understood how blessed she was to live a life in which things came easy to her.
If only her mother had lived, Edana suspected that she could have ended up being a better person than the woman she became. Her father had always been a terrible man, but her mother’s death released him from his cage, and darkness descended over her own life after that point.
Never allowed to leave the castle and surrounded by the evil that seeped from her father, Edana could sense her soul begin to warp, her thinking begin to change as suddenly the people who had been her childhood friends seemed unworthy of her attention. For she was a Kinnaird, and there were few worthy of her.
Tonight she felt differently. As she passed the candlelit windows, she wished she could join the people behind them. To live a simple life free from the ghosts of her father was a dream Edana had long since stopped allowing herself to hope for.
But perhaps Tormod was right and once Arran was gone, she would be free. Together she and Tormod could create the simple life she longed for. He had to be right. Her trust in him was the only thing that kept her moving closer to the castle, even as a small voice in the back of her mind told her to smash the bottle onto the ground and flee from her life here.
Arran spoke the truth when he told her that she was easily angered, but it pained her to have it stated so plainly before her. She wished she could change, but she knew she could not. Her father’s grip was tight inside her still, and words of anger and hate slipped off her tongue when words of kindness would not.
She was tired of not being the person she wanted to be. As she entered the castle and climbed the steps to her bedchamber, she vowed to herself that once Arran was gone she would put all of the past behind her and start anew.
Her bedchamber was empty as she knew it would be, but she felt uncomfortable at the unease she felt at finding it so. If Arran had somehow decided to wait for her there to speak with her, she would have been unable to take the herbal solution.
She sat the bottle down next to her bed as she undressed herself and donned her nightgown. Crawling into the bed, she propped the feather pillows up so that she could be sitting up partially in the bed. It would appear that she’d been in pain and forced to endure an early labor on her own.
Edana knew she would have to drink the contents of the bottle quickly so that she could stash it away, out of sight, before she began to bleed. Once she’d bled enough to raise alarm, she would scream for someone to come to her aide. She only hoped that it wouldn’t be too painful.
Shaking, she reached for the glass bottle, wiggling the top off so that she could smell the contents. The smell was potent, and it made her stomach churn. It smelled nothing like any herbs she’d been around, but she was uneducated in such matters. There was no reason for her to believe that the mixture was anything other than what Tormod had told her.
Pinching her nose, she touched the bottle to her lips and quickly tilted it upward. She had to swallow hard and fast to keep from immediately retching out onto the bed. Once she’d drained its contents, she bent over to place the small bottle under the bed and resumed her position, legs spread wide apart, waiting for the bleeding to begin.
At first nothing happened and, other than the foul taste in her mouth, she thought perhaps that the process would be a painless one. But just as quickly as she’d begun to hope, a pain settled deep in her belly. She opened her mouth to scream only to find that nothing would come out.
The pain spread fast. Fire seared through every inch of her body. Holes burned through every vital organ. Sounds coming out of her mouth were inhuman, quiet as if her vocal chords melted from the touch of the poison.
She glanced down between her thighs to see blood draining out of her and knew. Poison. Not the herbal mixture Tormod had promised her.
Just as quickly as the pain had begun, it stopped. Her heart beat slowly in her ears. Her limbs hung lifeless and cold. Blood drained from her as she realized the mistakes she had made.
Her father’s spirit never coaxed her to seek revenge on the Conalls. His spirit rooted for her own demise. The same black presence he’d been in her life, cheerfully led her to her death.
What a fool she’d been to believe Tormod. To believe that a man could love her and want to care for her. A man no better than her father.
The one soul who could give her all she needed was the one she was about to hurt the most.
Arran would not know that she’d done this to herself. That she’d lied. Once he found her, Edana knew Arran would blame himself and live with the guilt always. ’Twas no what he deserved. She’d been too foolish to see that before.
She took her last breath, praying that Arran would one day learn the truth.
Her prayer didn’t include herself. She got no less than she deserved. Casting aside her hopes for a new life, Edana shut her eyes as death took her.
Chapter 34
Conall Castle
We’d all expected that Baodan was going to gather me for our outing sometime in the morning, but as the day passed with no sign of him, we quickly learned that we were no as sure of his plans as we thought.
I was ready before midday, all cleaned up, hair pinned back, and looking as presentable as I had in months with nowhere yet to go. The morning’s preparations exhausted me, so shortly after I was ready and Bri, Adelle, and Mary were satisfied with me appearance, I lay down and fell quickly asleep.
It felt as if I’d only drifted for a few short moments, but when I awoke to the feeling of a hand lightly grabbing me own, I opened me eyes to see the light from the setting sun fading out me window.
“I’m sorry, lass. I should have been more specific as to when I planned to come for ye. I feel terrible that ye’ve spent the whole day waiting on me. Ye must be exhausted already.”
I was but I sat up with as much life as I could manage, as I swung me feet over the bed and stood, only lightly shaky. “Nay, doona be sorry. I needed to get up and behave as a human for a while.”
I was certain the back of me hair was a mess after sleeping on it most of the day, but I dinna want to fix it in front of him. What did it matter anyway? I had no real feelings for him, there was no reason to try and impress him.
“Are ye ready, lass? If ye doona feel like ye are ready to leave the castle for a bit, we doon have to do it. I wouldna like for ye to make yerself sick again by doing more than ye are ready to.”
I reached up to grab his arm, the thought of spending one more moment in me bedchamber torturous. “Aye, I couldna be more ready to get outdoors for a while. I shall gladly go wherever ye wish to take me.”
“That is me hope, lass.”
His words made me nervous, and I instantly regretted me previous enthusiasm. I dinna want to make him believe I felt something I dinna. If he intended to ask me what everyone around me seemed to think he was going to, I had no answer for him.
I dinna know the man well enough to love him and, even if I grew to know him well, I was certain me heart was no capable of giving itself to another. Regardless of Bri’s insistence that I was welcome to stay at the castle as long as I wished, I knew it wouldna be right to live a lifetime with them, relying on their charity and friendship.
And Father was right. Even if I couldna have the love that I longed for, I did still someday want children, a notion which before Arran I would have found repulsive. I used to think the idea of children a dreadful thing, but Arran’s love had opened a part of me I hadna known existed, and even though he was gone from me life, those parts of me soul remained open.
Baodan held tightly onto
me hand as he moved slowly down the steps of the castle, stopping to allow me to rest often, each step a struggle after being off of me feet for so long.
There was no question that Baodan was a good man. I knew Arran well enough to know that he would no have been as patient with me, and I dinna get the feeling that Baodan struggled with drink as Arran sometimes did. Baodan would be a good father. Perhaps if I did no want to be alone forever, Baodan would be a fine choice of a man to spend me life with.
I dinna yet know, but I set me mind to consider the possibility. I would listen to all he had to say and then hopefully, the right decision would come.
* * *
He’d lifted me onto his horse with ease. Whether I wanted to or no, I was forced to lean back against him. Me muscles were so weak and tired, I was trembling terribly from the effort it had taken to just make it out of the castle.
Me weak muscles were enough to make me shake, but within moments of leaving, I became certain I knew where we were headed. Not that he could have known. No way could he know of the memories this place would bring up for me, the pain that I had suffered here. No one at the castle, save Adelle would have known that I’d been here before, and I was certain she dinna know that the cottage was where Baodan had planned to take me.
He’d been here today, readying it for this evening, as candles burned inside the windows. The entire place was alight with the soft glow of tiny flames.
Baodan pulled up next to the cottage, dismounting and then carefully helping me off the top of the horse. He continued to hold on to both of me elbows, to help me stay steady, as he led me inside.
“If I know the three lassies that spend every spare moment by yer side, I expect that ye already have some idea as to why I’ve brought ye here. But I doona wish to speak of that right away. First, I’d like simply to eat with ye and visit so that we may get to know one another a little more. Would that be acceptable to ye, lass?”
“Aye, it would.” I sat down at the seat he pulled away from the table for me. I did me best to push away all memories I had of the last time I’d been here.
As soon as we sat down and started eating, Baodan spoke. “I know that I doona know ye well, lass, and ye doona know me either, but ’tis me ardent wish that we both grow to know each other better.”
“Aye? Well, anything ye wish to know, I shall tell ye. Many think I am much too free with what I say.” The food was delicious, and I relished in the enjoyment of eating at a table rather than in bed.
“I doona mind that at all in a lass. My beloved wife was much the same way.”
I certainly hadna suspected that of him. I hadna known that he’d been married once before and, while I knew him to be at least five years older than meself, he dinna look it at all. To imagine him with such a past was difficult.
“Aye? I dinna know that ye were married. What? How did she?” I was unsure of how to say what I meant to ask, but I was sure he would understand me meaning well enough.
“How did I lose her, lass? Six years ago, ’tis been. We’d only been married a year when the sickness came for her. I was away on a short trip, gone for only a fortnight to help a man with acquiring a piece of land. I knew not that she’d been ill until I returned home to find her dead. I live with the guilt of no being there with her those last days always.”
That went a long ways toward explaining his attentiveness while I was so ill, and I felt uncomfortable at the thought that my stupidity had caused him to re-live such pain. “I’m verra sorry. I doona know what else to tell ye, save that.”
He shook his head and took a deep breath, seemingly pushing his own dark memories away. “There is naught to say but that, but I appreciate yer kindness. I thought that ye should know before I ask ye what I intend. Yer father has spoken to ye of what I asked him, aye?”
I nodded, swallowing me mouthful of food and scooting me plate away so that I wouldna be tempted to eat more. “He has, but if ye intend to ask it, I’d prefer to hear it from ye as well.”
He smiled and stood, dragging his chair so that it was in front of mine. He resumed his seat and gathered both of me hands in his. “Aye, lass, that would only be right of me, would it no? I shall ask ye what I asked yer father, but I wish to be honest with ye first, if ye would allow me to be so.”
“O’ course. I would wish nothing less than whatever truth ye have to give.”
“I am no in love with ye, lass, and I doona know if I ever will be. Me heart was buried with me wife long ago, but that doesna mean that I doona want a family, and I doona wish to spend the rest of me days alone.”
He paused and looked at me as if unsure if he should say what he wished to say next. “Go on. Say whatever ye wish, and I will no take offense to it.” Truthfully, I was pleased that he dinna offer a confession of love. It would have been unkind of me to accept it when I had none that I could return to him.
“Verra well, lass. I’ve heard some talk that ye yerself have lost a love. Nay on purpose, but yer three bonny friends doona speak as quiet as they sometimes think they do. I’ve come to believe that perhaps yer heart is in much the same place as mine and that it belongs to another and always shall. There was one name that ye whispered during yer fevers over and over again, and I doona wish to cause ye pain by speaking it here.”
Me intake of breath was sharp, and he could see that he’d surprised me. “I dinna know that I’d done so. Bri, Adelle, and Mary never said.”
“I know that ye dinna, lass, and I doubt that they were privy to seeing ye do so, as well. They were often with ye only when ye were awake. I was afraid to speak much with ye, so I kept ye company often while ye slept.”
“Ah.”
He laughed softly before continuing. “Perhaps, I should have kept that to meself, aye? That may be unsettling to ye, but I assure ye, lass, I was only watching over ye to make sure ye were safe and as comfortable as ye could be.”
I squeezed his hand wrapped around me own. “Aye, I know. ’Tis a comfort to know I was so well watched after. Thank ye. I havena told ye thank ye enough for saving me life.”
“I deserve no thanks, lass. Any man but the worst would have done the same. But this is really what I’ve brought ye here to ask of ye.” He fidgeted nervously, and I rubbed me thumb back and forth across his hand to calm him. He smiled as he looked down at our entwined hands. “I believe that we both are of similar hearts and minds, lass. While I know that I canna give ye what ye once had, I can give ye companionship. And I swear to ye that I will offer ye protection and a happy home. As for any children that we may have together, I will love them and serve them for all of me days. Will ye marry me, Blaire?”
Arran was gone. Whether he was happy in his marriage or no, he was now expecting his own child. When he’d said goodbye to me the last time I was in this cottage, he’d certainly meant it. Even word that I might die was no enough to bring him back to me side.
Baodan was a better man than the one who owned me heart, and I wouldna be lucky enough to come by a better offer ever again. “Aye, lad. I’ll marry ye.”
He smiled as he leaned hesitantly forward, gently sealing me promise with a kiss.
Chapter 35
The Castle Formerly Known As Kinnaird
Arran woke in the middle of the night, his heart beating quickly, panicked and filled with a sense of dread. He rose, drenched in sweat and paced around the room to try and calm his breathing.
He couldn’t understand what would have caused him to feel this way. He was a sound sleeper, and he’d not been having nightmares. Just the opposite, actually, Blaire had come to him in his dreams as she did most nights. He delighted in the time he spent there holding her in his arms, claiming her over and over with his body. No matter how unreal or fleeting those moments were each night, he clung to them wishing each day away so that nighttime would come, and he could be with the woman he loved once more.
But tonight his dreams were interrupted. He could not shake the feeling that something was very terribly wrong. He
dressed quickly, slowly opening the door to his bedchamber so that he could listen for any sign of trouble that might be brewing below stairs.
The castle was silent, dark, save for a few candles still burning. Reaching for the candle closest to him, he hesitantly made his way out into the hall. He knew not why he was headed in this direction, but every step forward brought him closer to Edana’s bedchamber.
The lass should have been asleep long before now, and he knew he should not disturb her without reason, but something deep inside him lurched with fear as he stood before her door. He pressed his ear hard against the outside of the door hoping to hear her breathing or moving about.
When he heard nothing, he breathed deeply and quietly pushed open the door. He looked first not at the bed, but at the candles, still lit, scattered throughout the room. It was unlike her to leave them burning after she’d gone to bed. Perhaps she still had not returned to the castle. He knew he’d angered her greatly in the dining hall.
Slightly relieved, he stepped all the way inside and had to swallow hard to choke down the bile that rose in the back of this throat.
Her head lay oddly back against the pillow with the rest of her upper half propped up as if she were sitting. Her eyes were wide open and lifeless. Her legs were spread awkwardly open. It was then Arran noticed the blood slowly dripping off the end of the bed and the coverings drenched in her blood.
He screamed a deep, animalistic groan as the gruesome sight brought him to his knees in the doorway. He knew not how long he sat there, but eventually the castle began to stir. He was pulled to his feet by two servants but quickly jerked away from them as he fled the room and burst outside the castle doors.
With his first deep breath of the cool night air, he vomited as sobs overtook him. He knew it was his fault. The lass hadn’t lied to him about the baby, and his screams and horrible accusations had caused her to lose the child and ultimately her own life as well.
Morna's Legacy: Box Set #1 Page 37