by K. A. Linde
Needless to say, we were both late to work.
I beat him to the office because he still had to go home and change after dropping me off at my car. But I made a mad dash as soon as I hit the building. My heels were not cooperating with me either, and for the first time in a while, I wished that I’d chosen flats. Even though the heels made me feel empowered.
I was feeling pretty empowered regardless of my shoe choice today.
Julia was waiting at my desk when I arrived. She was impatiently tapping her black flats as Matt tried to engage her in conversation. Julia had a total don’t-fuck-with-me vibe that Matt had to either be too stupid or too self-absorbed to realize. I was starting to suspect both.
“There you are!” Julia cried, jumping up from my seat.
“Yeah, sorry about that. Car trouble.”
“Landon must have had the same kind of car trouble,” Matt muttered under his breath.
“What?” I asked, hoping I sounded confused. Even though my heart was thwacking away inside my chest like a bird in a cage.
“Landon isn’t in yet,” Julia informed me.
“Really? Weird. Did he really have car trouble?” I asked.
Matt eyed me suspiciously, as if not buying what I was saying. “We don’t know. He’s just not here.”
I shrugged. “Doesn’t he have physical therapy or something?”
“For what?” Matt asked.
“Golf injury.”
“How do you know so much about Landon anyway?”
“Well…we’ve been friends since high school. He dated my best friend.”
“Huh,” Matt said. His eyebrows scrunched together, as if he were contemplating something really hard.
I hoped he was thinking that the line I’d fed him was the truth.
Sure, Landon and I were friends. Yep.
“I didn’t realize that,” Matt said finally.
“Anyway,” Julia said, “we’re not here to talk about Landon. I’m here to schedule your interview.”
“My interview for the lead engineer spot?” I gasped, bouncing on the balls of my feet.
“Yes. That’s right.”
“Congrats, Heidi,” Matt said. “I scheduled mine yesterday.”
I nearly turned and glared at Matt. Way to steal my thunder, dude.
“Oh my God, yes. Let’s do this.”
Julia nodded toward her office, and I followed her inside.
She shut the door and whirled on me. “Please tell me that you and Landon are not both late because you were together.”
“We’re not both late because we were together,” I told her.
“It looks bad, Heidi.”
“I know,” I admitted.
“That creep Matt is picking up on things, and I don’t want him to put the pieces together about you two. I thought you were going to be smart about this. Showing up late, missing work at the same time, hanging out in his office, going to lunch together? Heidi, come on.”
I bit my lip. I knew she was right. I knew that we were being reckless. We definitely needed to be more careful if even dummy Matt was starting to see through things.
“I got it. I got it,” I said.
Julia leaned forward, her hair swishing in front of her face. “You are a serious contender for this promotion, Heidi. I shouldn’t even freaking tell you this, but you are.”
I beamed at her, but I understood the underlying sentiment. I wouldn’t get the job if someone found out about me and Landon. I’d get fired. “I got it, Julia.”
“Good. Now that that’s over, let’s pen you in for Thursday morning at nine o’clock with Dennis.”
“Sounds good.”
“Now, what are you doing on Saturday? Because I could desperately use some shopping for the Wright Charity Benefit.”
I opened my mouth and then closed it.
Julia had only been working for Wright Construction for about a year. We had become friends almost immediately, but she knew very little about my past. She definitely didn’t know that Saturday was the anniversary of the day my dad had been thrown into prison.
“Uh…Saturday isn’t good. How about Sunday?”
She wrinkled her nose. “Trevor is dragging me to church with him and his entire family.”
“Oh, you’re meeting the family?”
“Yeah. Should be interesting. Unfortunately, they go to the same church as the Wrights.”
“That means…Austin will be there?” I guessed.
“Yeah. Dick.”
I laughed. “Okay. Not Sunday. We’ll figure it out. Still plenty of time before the Benefit.”
“True. Just let me know if you change your mind about Saturday. I could use some time with my girls!”
I nodded even though I had no intention of doing so, and I waved bye to Julia.
Landon was entering the premises when I left Julia’s office. He looked hot as fuck in crisp khaki pants and a blue blazer. It was the most him I’d seen him dress since he started working here. His khakis and polo—i.e., typical golf attire—suited him better than a suit.
He grinned at me. “Good morning.”
“You’re late, Mr. Wright.”
“Had a busy morning.”
“Me, too. Found out I have an interview for Jim’s job,” I said, falling into step beside him.
“Congratulations,” he said with an even smile.
“And that Matt suspects something is going on,” I quietly told him.
Landon quickly masked his surprise. “Huh. Is that right?”
“Yep. We should be more careful.”
“Duly noted, Miss Martin. Good luck on your interview.”
He nodded at me and then headed for his desk, as if he didn’t care one way or another if I wanted to talk to him. He acted like my boss. And I could feel Matt’s gaze on mine as I walked away from Landon without a backward glance. I despised what we were doing, but I couldn’t stop now. And, frankly, I didn’t want to.
“So, why was he late?” Matt asked me when I sat down.
“Don’t know. He said he had a busy morning,” I said with a shrug.
“Could you imagine if I used that as my excuse?” he huffed.
“Well, he’s the boss.”
Matt nodded his head and turned his attention back to his computer. “Fucking Wrights,” he muttered under his breath. “They could get away with murder.”
He wasn’t wrong.
Twenty-Seven
Heidi
Saturday morning started like any other day.
The world turned. The sun rose. Life went on.
Except it didn’t.
Today was the only day of the year that my life didn’t go on. Today was the day that my dad had been charged and sentenced to prison. In my world, that meant, he’d died. And I mourned his death only on this day.
I woke up with the sun—alone and strangely buoyant. Normally, I pushed away the thought of my dad…the death of my mom. I didn’t think about it. I didn’t let it hurt me. I stayed strong and powerful, despite my circumstances, but today, I’d let myself feel it all.
Landon had wanted to stay the night. After staying as far away from each other as possible at the office, we’d be glued together at night—hot, sweaty, and desperate to be close to each other. But I’d needed last night alone, and he’d promised to come over in the morning.
I changed into jean shorts and a pink T-shirt with tennis shoes. Nothing fancy for my old man. I’d been a daddy’s girl my whole life. His little pink princess. With a sigh, I laced up my shoes and headed out into the living room.
Emery was seated at the counter with a stack of papers in front of her to grade for school. She pushed a cup of coffee toward me.
“Thanks,” I said, adding cream and sugar.
“How are you doing?” Her eyes were wide and wary.
She knew what today was. She knew I was normally messed up all week, anticipating it.
“Ready to face the day.”
Emery placed her hand on
mine and squeezed. “You’re an incredible person, you have a brilliant mind, and you are my best friend. You know that, right?”
I smiled. “Thanks.”
“Come here.”
I stepped into my best friend’s arms, and we held each other tight.
“I love you, Heidi.”
“Love you, too, Em.”
“Call me if you need me.”
I nodded and then pulled away. I was used to doing this routine alone, so I’d told Landon that I would pick him up. It helped me to be in control of the situation, to have my hands on the wheel and know exactly where I was going.
I drove across town to his apartment, and he was waiting for me in khaki shorts and a blue polo with tennis shoes, Ray-Bans, and a hat. He looked comfortable and laid-back, which was what I’d suggested. It was nice to see him out of his stuffy suit…and in something other than his birthday suit. Though that one was my favorite.
He popped open the passenger door and sank into the seat. “Morning, gorgeous.”
“Hey,” I said with a sad smile. “You ready?”
“As long as you are.”
I bit my lip and then put the car in drive.
We didn’t speak as we drove. He seemed comfortable with the silence. I needed it. There were too many thoughts—ideas, stories, memories—running through my head and cluttering my mind. Everything I never let myself think about, which overloaded me on this day. I was the queen of compartmentalization, but when I stepped back and looked at the file drawers of memories categorized in my mind, everything just tumbled out. Rows and rows of cards and videos and letters that just took over. I let myself feel it, breathe it in. It ached like nothing else. But I needed to feel it to stay sane.
We pulled into the cemetery a few minutes later, and Landon inhaled sharply. It was the biggest cemetery in Lubbock with enormous headstones and even a crypt or two. And everyone knew someone who lived here.
I maneuvered into a huge parking lot and killed the engine. I’d deposited flowers in the backseat before coming to get Landon and grabbed them as we got out of the car. He wrapped a strong arm around my shoulders as we silently threaded through the tombstones.
My mother was waiting in the center of the stones.
MARY ELIZABETH MARTIN
JUNE 21, 1969—OCTOBER 17, 2000
A GOOD MOTHER, WIFE, AND FRIEND
I placed the flowers in front of her gravestone. Orchids—her favorite.
The worst part was, I never knew what to say. It was why I didn’t visit as often as I probably should have. Because, when I talked to my mom, it was hard not to mention my dad. She’d asked about him. And the answers hurt too much.
He’s not the guy you knew.
He’s not a good dad anymore.
He gave up on you. On me. On himself.
You’d be ashamed of him now.
Landon gently rubbed my back. I was glad he was here. Even if it was hard for him since both of his parents were buried here, too.
“Hey, Mom,” I whispered. “I, uh…just wanted to stop by and introduce you to Landon. He’s, uh…a, uh, Wright. You probably knew his dad.” I glanced over at Landon, and he just smiled. “He’s kind of my boyfriend, and I thought you should meet.”
“Nice to meet you, Mrs. Martin. You have a real great girl here,” Landon said. Then, he turned to face me. “So, I’m kind of your boyfriend, huh?”
“That’s right.”
“I’m looking forward to the day we can get rid of that kind of part.”
“Me, too,” I whispered. “You know, few years I’ll be as old as my mom when she died. It’s scary to think that I’ll live longer than she did.”
“I know how that feels. I was only seven when my mom died. I was older than her almost two years ago. It was disorienting.”
“Do you want to see her while we’re here?”
He kissed my forehead. “How about we do it when I can introduce you to both of them as my girlfriend…not just kind of?”
I grinned, despite myself. “I’d like that.”
“What else do you do on this day?” he asked.
“I usually do all the things that I would have done with my parents before my mom died. It’s like I get to mourn them both on the same day. It’s kind of like…I give myself permission to be a kid again. It’s dumb. I know. I never tell anyone about it.”
He placed a finger on my lips. “The way you grieve is never dumb. It is unique to every person. Allowing yourself the time to do it is what’s important.”
I threw my arms around his middle and held him tight. I didn’t know how I had gotten so lucky to have someone like Landon Wright. But I was thanking all things holy for sending me a person who understood me so completely.
We left the cemetery with an improved mood and headed out to The Orchard, which was an apple orchard about twenty minutes outside of town. They always held the Apple Butter Festival, an apple-picking event, this time of year.
Landon carried the basket while we walked around the orchard and filled it with apples. And, the whole time we meandered through the craft vendors, listened to music from local artists, and even tried to hit an apple with a slingshot, I told him stories.
The stories I always replayed in my head as I did this alone every year.
“Dad used to put me on his shoulders when I was kid so that I could reach the high branches in the trees. It was my favorite part, getting to throw apples down to my mom,” I told him.
He smiled at the fond memory.
“Sometimes, I would swing back and forth between their arms. We came every year, you know. My mom adored fresh apples. Later, when we got home, she would make me a homemade apple pie. She’d always remind me to blow on it to cool it down. As a kid, I always wanted to eat the ice cream, but now, I would kill for a slice of her pie.”
“Let’s make one when we get back,” he suggested.
I shook my head. “No, I don’t have her recipe. It’s different. I tried.”
“All right, love,” he said, kissing me on the cheek.
“Ready for our next stop?” I asked.
He arched an eyebrow. “There’s more?”
I nodded. “Yeah.”
“Lead the way.”
We left the festival, only to stop halfway to our next destination to get ice cream from Dairy Queen. I ordered both a large M&M Blizzard and a Peanut Butter Cup Blizzard and set them both in front of me. Landon got a chocolate-dipped cone.
He curiously eyed the extra Blizzard.
“For my dad,” I whispered.
“You used to come here a lot?”
“Over the summer, he would bring home extra super-large DQ Blizzards that would last me the whole summer. My mom hated it, but she’d sneak some of his ice cream when he wasn’t looking.”
“And, normally, you’d come and eat one of these alone?”
“Yeah, well, it was a reminder of happier times, you know? Before the…drugs and…and everything.” I hiccuped over the last word and glanced away.
“I get it,” he said, covering my hand. “I like knowing this side of you.”
“Thanks for being here with me.”
“I wouldn’t have missed it. If you need me, I’m here.”
I nodded my head and then returned to my Blizzard. Truly, there was no way I was going to finish it, but I couldn’t bring it back to the apartment with all the memories it held. So, when Landon finished his cone, I dumped the rest of the Blizzards, and we headed out.
“I hope you know how to roller skate,” I told him as we pulled into the parking lot.
He laughed. “Uh, I haven’t skated in years.”
“Just don’t break your back.”
“Too late for that.”
We each rented a set of crappy skates and laced them up on a black, neon-green, and neon-pink carpeted bench that glowed in the black lights. A couple of regulars, middle schoolers, who could skate circles around everyone in the place, were already showing off to the shitty tech
no music blaring through the speakers. But the stale smell of burned popcorn, overloads of sugar, and cheap pizza, coupled with the feel of wheels under my feet, brought me to a different place. A different place.
It was as if I had been transported.
“I’m really not good at skating,” Landon admitted as he eased onto his feet.
“Color me surprised. A Wright actually isn’t good at something.”
“We’re bad at a lot of stuff.”
“Well, I’ll hold your hand, pretty boy. Come here.”
He took my hands, and I skated backward like a pro, guiding him and getting him back into a rhythm. After we did a lap or two, he stopped thinking so hard about what his feet were doing and started enjoying himself. That meant I could show off, and it was fun. God, it was so fun.
“Where did you learn to skate like that?” Landon asked in awe.
I grinned as I weaved my feet back and forth. “My dad.”
“Hank Martin roller-skated?” he asked practically uncomprehendingly.
“He was amazing. Grew up in an age where roller-skating was cheap, and all the cool kids did it. Showing off was my dad’s pastime.”
“Don’t know anyone else like that,” he said sarcastically.
I laughed, comfortable with the statement today. Most other days, I wouldn’t appreciate the comparison to my father. “I do have a flair for the dramatic.”
“I like that about you.”
“What don’t you like, Wright?”
He cocked his head to the side. “Nothing.”
“Give me time.”
“I’ve known you for a long time, Heidi. Not going to change how I feel now.”
He took my hand and tugged me back around so that we could skate like a brand-new middle school couple showing off to our friends. It was strangely romantic in a completely unassuming way.
By the time the later afternoon birthday crowds started showing up, Landon and I decided to call it quits. Roller-skating wasn’t the best thing for his back anyway. I could tell he was in some pain but didn’t want to ruin my day with it.
I ordered him to return our shoes as I snagged us some pizza and a Coke. We ate like it was fine dining, laughing over how the cheese seemed to slide off the entire slice and the bottom had the consistency of cardboard. But it was delicious. And being with him like this was equally delicious.